As Days Go By: 2012

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Bravery and Courage~Hobbit Unexpected Journey

“That was the most awkward Wednesday he ever remembered.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

I went and Saw the Hobbit yesterday. It was quite good. Spending time at movies on the holidays is something I had forgotten that I remembered I liked. Though it was a long movie, it was still quite enjoyable. With me, I think in movies and lyrics and song. When I come away from a Movie I do not think of this movie as just "It was a great movie" but what did I get out of that movie? What did I learn? What quotes or images or things impressed upon me?

With this movie the lesson and theme that resonated in me was about

Bravery and Courage.

For some who look at my life I think would tell you I am spoiled and a brat. Though I do not deny any of that to be true, the reason that is because it has also been wrought with much pain, suffering and sorrow. For those who follow me they know the pains and heartaches I have encountered and endured. For the rest in a nutshell I will share with you this....it was not always easy. I will not go into my trials in this post because I do not want to diminish what I am trying to say.

Bravery is not always about standing tall and proud. At times it is about crying and feeling and caring about others too, Like Bilbo did. He reached out his heart to another because he knew what HOME was and they did not have one. He grew up with parents and the Dwarf King did not. He had empathy.

“Bilbo saw that the moment had come when he must do something.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

Empathy to me is a big conduit for Bravery and Courage.

Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay... small acts of kindness and love. Why Bilbo Baggins? That's because I am afraid and it gives me courage. ― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

I like how Gandalf says he relies on Bilbo because he gives him Courage. I hope to be able to give this kind of Courage and Bravery to others with my own. I have had a few friends say to me that I am an inspiration to them and this touches my heart and means more than any items in the world they could give me. For a spoiled brat, that should mean a lot! :)

True courage is about knowing not when to take a life, but when to spare one. ― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

There are many times when people have harmed me or hurt me, offended me or taken advantage of me as I am sure this has also happened to you. But instead of putting a sword in their eye as I would like to do I have learned to turn teh other cheek and leave them to live their life as generally the life they have created for themselves is far worse than any fate I could leave them with anyway. Sparing their life also has given me the strength I needed to go on, whereas I feel had I not I would have diminished there with them.

“You certainly usually find something, if you look, but it is not always quite the something you were after.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

In the end , life is as we make it and as we see it, as we decide to live in it or let it live around us. If you look hard enough you will find what you are looking for. That could be something bad if you are looking for it and that could be something wonderful if you are open to it and looking for it as well. And just as the Hobbit movie says, you DO usually find something if you look, but I have come to find many OTHER happy rewards in life, people and things...when I was the very least expecting them!

Enjoy 2013

by being Brave and Courageous...

and if you don't have any...

I'll share mine with you! :)

Wednesday, November 07, 2012

Emotional Intelligence

When I was a young 27 years old I worked at Lending Tree I was an Executive Secretary and worked for the Senior VP of Escrow and Closing. Though she was a female at the time I didn't really know I didn't work well working for females until after that. Two head strong women do not equal good things sometimes. We clashed often and she barked at me more times than I can remember. I often came home in tears if I made it that long in the day. The more I worked for her the more sensitive I became and would end up in the bathroom or hallway crying my eyes out.

It all came down to blows one day when she wouldn't let up and no matter how many changes I had made or improvements to the Lending Tree Escrow/Closing Department in her mind I was incompetent and couldn't do anything right. This is not meant to bash her but give you a sense of what I went through. I started crying in the bathroom like I had grown accostmued to and when another worker was trying to console me she walked in. She was not there to use the restroom. She was there for me. IT was clear. She opened the door, pointed at me and said "In my office now!"

Everyone in there was concerned for me and tried to assure me everything would be ok. I did NOT however agree with their opinions. I dried my eyes, left the bathroom slowly and made evry step to her office count! I walked in her office and sat down. She was sitting behind her desk fuming.

She began attacking without hesitation.

"You act like a 3 year old child who always is in trouble. You can't walk around crying and balling every time I say something to you or if you and another co-worker disagree. This is unacceptable behavior and needs to stop. You are a grown woman who is in the workforce and will be in the work force more and more the older you get. I want you to stop acting like a child but I doubt that you will. You are incompetent, immature and childish. The reality is this...

You lack the Emotional Intelligence to work in Corporate America

and need to always remember that!

You can't hold it together. You can't do anything right, you are a child and I want this attitude to stop now! Now get back to your desk and grow up!!"

In all reality I heard nothing after the "You don't have the emotional intelligence to work in Corporate America. " That sunk in like a lead weight.

I have struggled for years doing temp jobs that are in a Corporate setting. I last for about 3 months and then all hell breaks loose. Anything longer than 6 months and the world may crumble to me for all the drama that ends up created.

Bosses always say, I come off too strong, I don't send emails correctly, they baby me and insist that everything goes through them first, like I am a child who needs an adult to mentor what I say. I used to take this in stride and agree with them wholeheartedly but things are different now. If a manager feels like I need my hand held that much I feel I don't need to be there.

I am not a child.
I don't need a manager to hold my hand.
If a manager feels they need to hold my hand then I feel I shouldn't be there.
I have grown a lot in my years.
I don't cry at a moments notice.
I don't get upset over every little drama.
I don't need to call my mother or sister or boyfriend for every little thing that happened.
I can handle it now.
I have read countless books on Crucial Conversations, Crucial Confrontations, How to Say it at Work, and The Influencer to name only a few.
I am a smart woman.

There is one thing that has been a Truth I have swallowed whole.

Emotional Intelligence

For years I touted that like it was Truth. But now I look how far I became. Read above.

I have vastly grown and changed.

Recently I have had three altercations at work that yes do get me to a "It isn't fair" mentality but I still do the right thing. I still get over it, through it or around it.

When this last thing came to my knowledge that another manager couldn't just come to me to talk to me yet went to my employment agency instead and whined about me, I allowed this to affect me. I started telling myself the lie that everyone in my jobs since Lending Tree were right and that I did NOT have the Emotional Intelligence to do my job. Then two days went by and I received to reminders from Brave Girls Club.

My mind clicked and said, "Hey you! Yes You! Those things you have been telling yourself are lies. They are lies that you have deemed as Truth and swallowed whole. Only you can decide to belive them or let them go. Beleive your Truthteller inside you. You DO have the Emotional Intelligence to work in Corporate Amaerica. The really question is...

DO YOU WANT TO? WHY WOULD YOU? WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT?

My mind came into awareness and I answered these questions. (It's ok to answer yourself just don't do it in public or people think your whacko!)

I DONT want to work in Coporate America. I don't like how it acts like a small town. I don't like how people have clicks. I don't like being in an office all day. I don't like how petty and mean people are even and especially managers. But mostly...it's NOT what I want to do.

Thank you for reminding me!!
I want to enjoy life.
I want to be happy.
I want to live.

Each time things blow up it pushes me one step closer to things I want in my life. This time is not exception yet instead pushed me even further. Further into my goals of not living like a Robot. Further into my goals of living life the way I want on MY terms.

And I offer this reminder to you.

What are you doing that you really don't want to do?
What lies are telling yoruself keeping you in this situation?
Why are you doing it?
What do YOU want to do?
Why are you NOT doing it?

What do YOU want to DO?

Then in the words of Nike...JUST DO IT!

I beleive in you.

You and I DO have the Emotional Intelligence as well as any other smarts and Intelligence it takes to do what we desire to do. Don't let the ghosts of your past be the voice in your head. Let the Truthteller be that voice and stop listening to lies and start...

Listening to the Truth.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Open your heart and Get ready to love...Any Child Anywhere

So today a friend of mine mentions how concerned she is going to need a medical procedure that could limit her ability to have children. I feel for her, I do really...but this whole idea of worrying about not bearing a child of your own is lot on me. I had two kids very early on. I fought tooth and nail for them and lost more times than I care to remember. I had a great opportunity to impact the lives of many other wonderful young women and teens. I watch as these girls are nearly all grown up or are grown and starting a life of their own. If I had won custody of my kids maybe I would not have been able to be there for these others. Maybe I wouldn't have been the friend that the girls needed when they needed a pal at church. Maybe I wouldn't have been the shoulder for the girls to cry on. Maybe I wouldn't have been the navigation system for my nieces when they get lost about town or be able to know the fun and safe places for them to hang out. Maybe I wouldn't have been there for friends of my boys that needed a mom to just listen to them and hear what they had to say without judgement or ridicule or attitude.

Heavenly father blessed me with empathy. I have been through much. I have endured much. I have lived through much. I have done this since I was young. I know this was so I could be there for others. I knew in my heart that when my children were not with me, it was ok because I had OTHER children who I loved dearly and gave them my love and care and kindness but also who loved me.

Looking back, even before it all I was there for a child who needed me more than anything and she reminded me of it very recently. I may have been a mere teen myself though at 18 I sure didn't think so, but I was there for her. I think that is when I realized I could make a difference in the lives of others. I could make a difference to other children who needed a friend, who needed someone other than their moms or dads once in awhile.

So, maybe you can or can't have a child of your own. There are so many children in this world who need adopted, fostered, cared for, nurtured, mentored, loved and thought of. I am thinking of a friend KV I know who dearly loves her little one and adoption made this possible. No matter where you are open your heart and I know you will find them.

Blessings in a Basket is a great resource to connect others for this cause
Boys and Girls Club of America in your area
Local churches, schools, colleges even have mentoring programs
Just look around, open your heart and get ready to love...

Monday, September 10, 2012

Burning Question: What would you be more of if you let go of the past?

I would be more trusting. I have been burnt so many times before that even though people say I am far TOO TRUSTING I am no longer trusting with men or when it comes to love.

Men have hurt me since I was little. I was molested, rape, beaten and bruised. I don't talk about it much anymore because I have let go of much of it. But I know , deep down inside there is a still a piece...a piece of that hurt that I feel like I can never let go. Men often let me down by their words or deeds and I can trust many people on many levels with many things.

But I won't ever give one man my heart fully again....

My first husband and I had many issues and he hurt me in many ways.

My second husband let me down far too often by being irresponsible and not taking care of things in our life as he promised and said he would.

Then my last boyfriend and I dated for four years and I fully gave him my heart. I let go of my past and got healed through recovery. I moved to where he lived, I made friends with his friends and I waited. Waited for him to desire to marry me. After hour years of back and forth between us and constant issues he broke up with me and then three weeks later proposed to someone who came into his life from his past.

My heart just won't fully trust. It won't fully love. I am scared.

So that is the answer to your What would you be more of if you let go of the past? I would be more trusting

To my Readers: What is YOUR answer? Click link to answer it on your blog on on Danielle's site

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Getting to Know Me-Yellow Brick Road of Life

You say you want to know me, yet you have failed to ask about me
You say you want to find out who I really am, yet you fail to learn
You say you want to learn about me, yet you fail to read about me
You say you want to be my friend, or be with me, or be a part of my life in some fashion, yet you fail to try.~TrishaTrixie

My life is an open book

The pages are there in front of you
Social Media, Google, Tumblr, YouTube, Networking, Phone calls, etc

Meet me for lunch, dinner, coffee, tea, ice cream, dessert,just meet me!

There are many ways to get to know me...I have paved the way...

Mostly of all...THIS BLOG. 2005-now?!?! That's a lot of Trisha to learn about. My other blogs speak of me too and can tell you a lot, but this one, this shows the Inner Workings of Me (taken from Corrina's Blog idea-Inner working of Corrina's Cranium)

It is up to you to decide if you are going to follow the yellow brick road or stand there.

I already have my Red Shoes. I can click them together anytime I want.

Yet I choose to keep paving the path because my Yellow Brick Road of Life is not complete until the day I die.

There are always new twists and turns, good witches and bad witches, flying monkeys and the people who were with us through the journey that were always there all along...we just didn't see it.