When Faced with a Scare: Be Brave

I have had a series of issues that has gotten more sever as of late. I fired my last doctor as I felt like I was being heard and switched to another doctor in the same facility. One of the first things I asked for was a colonoscopy and mentioned my back pain. This has only been a short time, within the last two weeks that I have seen him and I have already seen him three times and had blood work, a pelvic ultrasound and a CT done.

Based on the things I have said mixed with the symptoms they are quite concerned that I might have Colon Cancer. The doctor has called me, talked to me and called me back into his office. I would suffice it to say, they are worried. When he called me he said " Take a breath, don't panic" I said, "Im not" and I think it shocked him.

Why am I not freaking out?

I saw this coming.

I mean, I knew. I kept telling doctors over and over that I felt something was wrong with my colon but kept getting dismissed. I think it is because I look so young and no one thinks that this is something I could have.

I was diagnosed years ago with IBS and to not eat this eat that kind of thing and so I changed my diet but to that avail there is only so much diet change and cleanses one person can do. Yes, I felt better after a cleanse, but then a week or so later, I felt like crud again.

That is why I switched doctors. I truly felt like no one was listening.

I like I think many people do when they hear news like this, started looking things up online.

Life expectancy, what are the symptoms (yep I have them, lo and behold, including severe back pain), then I see there are certain stages of the cancer, well, duh, yeah I guess I knew that, but then I start wondering, well, if I haven't been heard all these years, and the doctor keeps telling me the CT scan is even more concerning and when I looked at it I saw all these black dots on my colon, what does that mean?

It means for now, I have to get a colonoscopy where they shove a camera up my butt and see more of what is going on.  Then they will be better able to get a better picture fo what everything looks like nd see how bad things are. I think that means they might also get a biopsy and see if things are or aren't cancerous.

As far as the life expectancy, so I guess 5 years is the usual norm they tell people but people tend to live past that date. Here is the odd thing. When I was in my 20's I always thought I was never going to live past 25. I don't know why, it was just something I felt. I always felt that in my life, I was going to have some crazy thing, like cancer, or be paralyzed or some whackadoodle thing that was going to be a great adversity. I had always had trials up until that time and on through life I did continue to have trials and adversity. Thus why I am currently writing my book. Wow , does that make me want to get my book written even faster!

I would not be surprised is what I am saying if they said I had it. Cancer I mean.

Do I want it? Hell no. But I wouldn't be surprised.

Last night Hunepants and I were cuddling and I starting crying a bit and said

 "Honey, I'm a bit scared and nervous"

He said "It's ok honey, you're strong. Besides we have each other"

(or something like that)

We talked about how he had me to be there for him during his mother's passing and how because we have each other everything will be ok.

I know it will be.

Just because I knew it could happen doesn't mean this all doesn't scare the beejeebies out of me.

IT does.

But I know I have my Higher Power, and my HunePants on my side.


Until I know more, there is no reason to freak out about anything else. On that note, I hope I don't freak out anyway. Life is what is. When faced with adversity it is how we handle these challenges life throws at us. I hope and pay I handle this with with grace and courage and bravery.

And fabulousenss...of course. :)

Until next time,

Trisha Trixie

Bravery and Courage~Hobbit Unexpected Journey

“That was the most awkward Wednesday he ever remembered.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

I went and Saw the Hobbit yesterday. It was quite good. Spending time at movies on the holidays is something I had forgotten that I remembered I liked. Though it was a long movie, it was still quite enjoyable. With me, I think in movies and lyrics and song. When I come away from a Movie I do not think of this movie as just "It was a great movie" but what did I get out of that movie? What did I learn? What quotes or images or things impressed upon me?

With this movie the lesson and theme that resonated in me was about

Bravery and Courage.  

For some who look at my life I think would tell you I am spoiled and a brat. Though I do not deny any of that to be true, the reason that is because it has also been wrought with much pain, suffering and sorrow. For those who follow me they know the pains and heartaches I have encountered and endured. For the rest in a nutshell I will share with you this....it was not always easy. I will not go into my trials in this post because I do not want to diminish what I am trying to say.

Bravery is not always about standing tall and proud. At times it is about crying and feeling and caring about others too, Like Bilbo did. He reached out his heart to another because he knew what HOME was and they did not have one. He grew up with parents and the Dwarf King did not. He had empathy.

“Bilbo saw that the moment had come when he must do something.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit  

Empathy to me is a big conduit for Bravery and Courage.

Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay... small acts of kindness and love. Why Bilbo Baggins? That's because I am afraid and it gives me courage. ― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

I like how Gandalf says he relies on Bilbo because he gives him Courage. I hope to be able to give this kind of Courage and Bravery to others with my own. I have had a few friends say to me that I am an inspiration to them and this touches my heart and means more than any items in the world they could give me. For a spoiled brat, that should mean a lot! :)

True courage is about knowing not when to take a life, but when to spare one. ― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

There are many times when people have harmed me or hurt me, offended me or taken advantage of me as I am sure this has also happened to you. But instead of putting a sword in their eye as I would like to do I have learned to turn teh other cheek and leave them to live their life as generally the life they have created for themselves is far worse than any fate I could leave them with anyway. Sparing their life also has given me the strength I needed to go on, whereas I feel had I not I would have diminished there with them.

“You certainly usually find something, if you look, but it is not always quite the something you were after.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit 

In the end , life is as we make it and as we see it, as we decide to live in it or let it live around us. If you look hard enough you will find what you are looking for. That could be something bad if you are looking for it and that could be something wonderful if you are open to it and looking for it as well. And just as the Hobbit movie says, you DO usually find something if you look, but I have come to find many OTHER happy rewards in life, people and things...when I was the very least expecting them!

Enjoy 2013 

by being Brave and Courageous...

and if you don't have any...

I'll share mine with you! :)

Inspiration Boards and other Visual Stimuli

One of my favorite Coaches as well as blogger, Stephanie St. Clair from Blissbombed is soon going to have a class on Inspiration Boards. When I saw her post about it, I looked around my room and deeply smiled! Not only do I believe in Inspiration Boards, but I believe in quotes, phrases and anything else that is Visual Stimuli for your soul.

I grew up with post it notes and lipstick writings of inspiration from my mother on my bathroom windows, lunch boxes and notebooks. I took the cue and started jotting things down to remember and keep the older I was.

Last year ago I started learning more about Dream Boards and Art through Healing from Brave Girls Club. This transitioned into learning more about Full Moon Boards from Jaime Ridler at Ridler Studios. The Jen Allen at Right Brain Business Plan had us to visual mappings as entrepreneurs to get us in the right mind frame.As the year progresses I learned more and more about canvases, books, boards, etc for Visual Inspiration. Through the teaching I found Carolyn Rubenstein's A Beautiful Ripple Effect and started gathering quotes and pasting them with mod podge like a mad woman for more inspiration. I joined Goddess Leonie's circles and made Visual Permission Slips to see every day. I followed Danielle La Porte's blog and print and post her words at work, in my car and at home for encouragement. I started following Brene Brown's Ordinary Courage and took her words and put them in my SOAR journal as we as the wonderful writing and learning I gathered from my SOAR class itself.

Then the universe led me to Stephanie St. Claire and Blissbombed. After  hard break up and an uncertainty I couldn't bear, I followed her blog, read her old blog and gladly signed up for the Daily Note Card to hear her words. I took her Bad Ass Broad Workshop and it was the best thing for me to kick me ass into gear and get me back on track with my life. And yes, I even made a Bad Ass Board to keep her words in my head at all times as well as a Hell No and Hell Yes Board from her blog of the same.

I still have written on my Mirror "I am a Bad Ass Broad!" and whenever I clean my mirror, I reqite it to remind me!

The words on boards, on post it notes, on mirrors, in my cube at work, in my car, in my wallet and on my walls...well they inspire me. They are like friends to my soul. I know what blog or person said each canvas or note I am reading. These words make me smile. They lift me up. They help me go about my day. They help me when I am down. They make me smile more when I am happy. They are my life. I would not be able to live without them.

In my fury over my ex dumping me at the begging of the year I tore everything off my wall and threw it to the floor of my studio. I felt despair and loss. The items stayed on my floor for three days. My roommate said "Are you ok? Your walls are as blank as your heart seems."  That was the truth. I went away for solace and understanding and while I was gone little by little did I start to rebuild these quotes and images and boards. When I came back two months later, I promptly put the images back up and little by little have been adding to my walls.

Those who know me, know this is me. These quotes and inspirational words are my life force.

To those who may think that it is unlike you, or you are just not the type of person who care about these things, I say to you, just try.  Having the words in front of you, in your vision, in your life...I truly believe they make a difference. They have made a difference in mine, just like the women who site these blogs have made a difference by sharing their words, learning and understanding with the world and inadvertently me, have done the same. I gain nothing by sharing this with you. I don't have stock or affiliates with any of these. I am a believer and that is all.

Below are my walls and inspiration Boards I wanted to share with you and hope you can enjoy the feeling they have given me and maybe open up your mind to it all if it was closed. Enjoy the show of life.  Focus on what you love and what you desire to help move you forward in life. If you are open in the tinyeswt bit, I believe it will change you...

XOXO,
Trisha Trixie