Showing posts with label Acceptance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Acceptance. Show all posts

Monday, March 14, 2016

Self Diagnosed (for now) Asperger's or (I Prefer) Aspien Woman



Some of you may have noticed that in my social media, I have posted much more about Autism and Asperger's lately. After the loss of my Mother in Law, Nancy, I have a real hard time and felt prompted to go see my parents and my Uncle and Oldest Sister who all live in New Mexico. I kpet calling my newlywed spouse, oft times in tears of frustration of not being able to help or do what needed to be done to help or even function with everything that went on during my stay. Without unloading family life, let's just say my calm, serene Colorado Life I had gotten quite used to, was all the sudden turned upside down, as I was caught in the midst of family adversity, trials, and issues.

During this time, HunEPants had a dream, which he felt was more of a premonition from his mother Nancy to remind him about a boy with Asperger's he knew from college. In thinking about it, he made a connection to that thought and things I was saying on our calls as well as things I have said in my past. Things like:


  • I don't get jokes
  • I don't get sarcasm
  • I like routines
  • I have SPD-Sensory Processing Disorder
  • I have sight, smell and texture sensitivities
  • Sudden loss of friendships
  • Hard time putting myself in others place 
  • Black and White theory
  • The inability to understand others emotions, facial reactions or gestures
  • No filter, say what I think
  • Constant problems in Marriage, workplace (which is why I like to work for myself), Friendships, difficulty parenting, etc
  • Severely bullied in school
  • Strong interest in subject I like
  • Can get so focused on interest can forget to eat, or function in other ways
  • Dont get hints, clues and social codes and clues
  • Told I talk to fast or too much often
  • Hard time with eye contact
  • Unusual or one sided eating habits (could eat cereal all day)
  • Often misunderstood
  • Too honest
  • Brutal in tolerance for others
  • Highly sensitive to any type of criticism
  • Often clumsy or no idea where bruises come from
  • Used to have anorexia in high school
  • Constant sleeping problems
  • Brain never shuts off
and those are just the high level issues. He remembered in the 5 years we dated and now the half year we have been married, these things I have said over time and thought perhaps he shoudl talk to me about it. He found a site from Tania Marshall from Australia about Aspien Women and took a chance and sent it to me. I gotta say, what faith in our relationship to know that, or believe that I would appreciate this and Not get offended. 

Well, he was right. I did NOT get offended. Instead I felt relief. finally an answer. Finally, something I can relate to, something I resonate with, something I knew, but never had a name for. 

Aspien Woman


I feel so relieved. I feel so much better about knowing this. 

I have become a "Self Advocate" for now. Who know what tomorrow will bring. Through this, I have delved into constant research and knowledge about this "hidden disability" called Asperger's. There are many sites out there, but I really do like Tania's site. It is simple, easy to understand and chalk full of information. There are a few other sites I have found and will continue to find. I am sure this isn't the last you will hear of this from me. I was trying to decided if I wanted to start a new site to talk about this or if this was the space for it and as you see, I decided to keep it here. I have been wanting to write more on this blog this year anyway and perhaps this is the boost I needed to do so. 

I know this topic can make other feel uncomfortable so if you decide to stop following me, I understand and promise not to take it personally. However, it would mean the world to me if you commented, shared and listened (read) my words as I am on this quest for knowledge and understanding of this topic and life.

Here are some of the sites I have favorited or followed so far that I like:



Thank you for reading. Thank you for your love. 




Saturday, March 17, 2012

Eat, Pray..Flaws...Love me for Me



“People always fall in love with the most perfect aspects of each others personalities. Who wouldn’t? Anybody can love the most wonderful parts of another person. But that’s not the clever trick. The really clever trick is this: Can you accept the flaws? Can you look at your partner’s faults honestly and say, ‘I can work around that. I can make something out of it.’? Because the good stuff is always going to be there, and it’s always going to pretty and sparkly, but the crap underneath can ruin you.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage


flaw

noun
1.a feature that mars the perfection of something; defect; fault: beauty without flaw; the flaws in our plan.
2.a defect impairing legal soundness or validity.
3.a crack, break, breach, or rent
Break. I am not the Broken Girl anymore. I have learned to accept however that I have flaws. I have Character Flaws, I have Relationship Flaws, I have Family Flaws, I have Personal Flaws. 
Reality Check. We all have flaws.  No one is perfect.


As the above quote suggests, we all want to fall in love with the good parts of people but are unwilling to accept their flaws. Isn't love about accepting those flaws and loving them anyway?  Isn't love about not just that but being introspective  and looking int he mirror and saying to yourself, "Hey I have flaws to and my mate accepts me so I accept them?"
I have a guy friend who called me to ask about a girl he met online. She was great and they connected and he thought she was wonderful. He felt like he wanted to be with forever and they were almost ready to meet her parents after 2 weeks of getting to know each other online. Then he met her. She was a big girl and he was real and open enough to admit that he could NOT get past that, but he liked everything about her but this.

My comment was this" You need to ask yourself,  if this person, right now that you see in front of you, her for her weight and all her flaws never changes and stays the same as she is now, could you deal with that? If not you have to end it now. You owe it to her to end it now and not drag her on for years thus tearing both of your hearts apart at the end." 

Two days later he broke it off. 
This is like the quote above. You have to ask yourself if you can accept them for who they are not and not be a Victim of Your Own Optimism
Sometimes we are purposely looking for the flaws but not for the reasons we think. As this picture depicts, there are times we look for the flaws out of fear. We see something real and true and honest and think, "That's not real. That is a flaw." When in reality the flaw is looking at it AS a flaw.


For me, this is when I used to run. I am not a runner anymore. I am facing my demons, my flaws, my cracks. I am going back to reality to face it head on and deal with it. I am done running. Now I see the truth for what it is in front of me and I accept it for what it is.

“To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow - this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage 


This is something I wrestle with. I have had some very close, endearing, long term, meaningful, personal relationships with men. They have seen me at my weakest, ugliest, sordid, flawing moments...and for those FLAWS they let me go. This reality alone was not easy to take, I won't lie. If you follow my blog you know I did not handle it well. I am not like that now. I see that this is the case and though the sting of the thought of that pains me internally, the logical part of me says, "Then take it in, dust yourself off and move on." If they couldn't' accept me for me, then why would I want to be with them? Why would I accept anything less? I deserve more. I will have more...one day.

 I have shared this MANY  times before but it just speaks to me I guess. It is what I desire more than anything...more and more, recent breakup, failed marriages, failed dating...I jsut what someone

To Love me For Me, this is What Love Really Means.



I guess I never realized until I took this time away what it is I wanted more than anything...what I YEARNED for, What I LONGED for, What I NEED and what I WANT...

Acceptance

I just want to be accepted for whom I am and the me I am, breaks, cracks, differences, mistakes, 
flaws and all...

I want someone to Love me for Me