Shiny Happy People are Like Rocks

I live my life very happy and very shiny. I like to be luminous and sparkle and sprinkle glitter of joy in my path. I desire to leave pennies of love and light and happiness behind me imagining that the joy I exude and leave behind is somehow being picked up by others like they are hunting for Easter Eggs or something. The imagery of this even as I type this thought makes the corners of my mouth turn up. Because I often hear how others say to me "You live life so abundantly" or  "I live vicariously through you" and one day I posted a thought...

"I live vicariously through myself"

profound, but true

Happiness is a state of mind and my mind is never where it should be. To some this is a bad thing, yet to me, it is a wonderful adventure in a  Disney-ese presence of mind. Something we learn from Disney movies however is there is often an evil person, a person has to go through some sort of struggle, but in the end there is a happy ending and it all works out.

I know you are thinking, "honey, life don't work that way"

but...it does...

A shiny rock, a gem, a diamond etc was once a piece of coal. The rock was not always shiny.

Rocks were once just a meager ole normal rock.
Then it underwent some sort of refining.
A lot of sand and grit had to pass over them over and over and over and...over.
It had to endure that rough gravel constantly scraping on it and scratching it and buffing it out.
After a very long time, some decades, the rocks starts to shine.
Unless you keep up this process the rocks only stays partly shiny and depending on how you treat it and take care of it, it could go dull again.
To be the utmost shininess it can be, it has to keep undergoing this process

Some rocks have a false shine. They are super shiny when wet and appear shiny, but then they dry out and lose their sparkle. To be truly shiny a rock MUST undergo this type of treatment.

I am using Rocks as an example to ourselves.

For a person to be shiny they must undergo this treatment or process in life. A person may wake up and be a shiny person as a youth, but life happens and they don't stay that way. just like Wet rocks. They are not True Shiny People.

No, for this effect to really take effect to be the most happiest they have to go through the grit, and grind and abrasiveness of life and overcome that. Each time overcoming they become a bit more shiny. The more they endure the shinier they are.

If you understand this logic then you would understand that there are times when the rocks are dull. They start out dull, simple rocks and then get shiny. People must undergo this same thing which means that there are times, when people are not shiny. they are dulling and may need to go through the process again to keep up their shine. With this logic, it would go to say that then it is by means in life that we must endure adversity if we desire to be like the shiny happy people.

Now perhaps, you don't want to be a shiny person. Maybe you are happy being artificially shiny, like a wet rock. Maybe you have gone through some things and decided "That good enough. I am enough shiny now" and stop. Maybe you did not feel you could endure anymore of the shining process. I understand it happens. That choice is up to you.

I desire to make you aware however, that if you want to be a true SHINY HAPPY PERSON you MUST endure the process. YOU MUST. This is life. This is how it works.

These adversities in our life build our character. They make us who we are. They embody us, the build us up or tear us down. They give us strength if we let it, they help us to grow and they help us to be stronger and yes, SHINY.

So if you desire to be one of those  HAPPY SHINY PEOPLE the reality is you MUST ENDURE the tumbling.

YOU ARE A ROCK

Which type of ROCK do you want to be, is the question?

Until Next time,
XOXO Trisha Trixie


Reference : Shining Rocks  Stream Bed Rocks

Standing in a Battle with No Armour: A Phoenix Realization

Where do you go to share your inner most thoughts about how you think about suicide. Online ya sure that where most people go. I know it seems far out there to most but I DON'T know where to go or who to talk to or who to trust and that is what it most hardest right now.

People want to see the smiling face and pretty smile, the driven girl going after her desires and in all aspects I am that girl but the bearting of this town and the life in a smaller town where everyne knows you and you feel like you cant breathe or get away is exhausting.

I would never ever think of actually hurting myself as that ship has way sailed in my life but with all the drama over this past event I planned and the people who sadly unless I go into hiding I have to deal with it and I honeslt feel like shouting out to these damn people

GEESH WOULD YOU RATHER I KILLEDMYSELF? WOULD THAT MAKE YOU ALL FUCKIN HAPPY? HOW WOULD FEEL IF YOUKNEW THAT ALL YOR BANTER AND SLAMMING ME AND BASHIN ME PUSHED ME SO FAR OVER THE EDGE I KILLED MYSELF, HUH, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL THEN??

Of course, I may FEEL that deep down but as I said, I would never allow that to happen.

Those insecurities of life still creep up and scre the shit outta of me though and no matter how great things are going elswhere in my life, engagements, new menswear line, big Apron client etc, , the sad fact of the matter is I still am a human and words DO stab and hurt and cut and they are hard to handle and deal with.

When you out yourself out there, stand out in fron of the crowd it is like being in a battle with no shield or amrour on and yelling at everyone to start the battle and all the tropps from both sides are against you and coming at you full force.

Then in this moment I remember...

I am a phoenix and I can change into anything I want and I am amazing and wonderful and beautiful and I can soar above them all and poop n their heads and cars and no matter what battles they make up or dream up or create below, I will go farther than any of them could ever dream of.

Not allowing teh haters of the world to bring you down is by far the hardest task I have had to deal with EVER. EV-AR! But though I may not always know who all my supporters are, I knwo they are out there, even if they are silently whispering in the wind...

...go trixie...go

Trisha Trixie Designs NOT your Average Apron (Submission Video)

Fun and Fabulous Designer Couture Aprons by
Trisha Trixie Designs

NOT your "Average" Apron

These aprons are FAB-ulous, Designer,
Couture and can take you from Home to
Happy Hour without ever having to
change what you are wearing

(Music by Rumble Seat Riot/Olivia Newton John)

Dream Big Grow Here 2013 Contest PSA TrishaTrixieDesigns

@TrishaTrixie Getting the word out about @DreamBigIowa Watch for yourselves...

Does Trisha Trixie have YOUR vote?
http://www.dreambiggrowhere.com/entrydetails.aspx?entry=864

Contest: DMACC Business Resources
Dreamer: Hunter

When voting- you have officially finished voting when you get a page that says thank you for voting btw. You essentially have to hit the VOTE button twice. then a red message will alert you have voted. thanks. Sorry for confusion.

10-08-13 Trisha Trixie - Fun and Fabulous Fashion Show Mini Show on Great Day KCWI

Tickets are available thru Tikly https://tikly.co/-/1721 or link to @Tikly tickets at www.trishatrixie.com Come hear Rumble Seat Riot enjoy some snacks, see some fun designs and help give back to Junior League of Des Moines. Thanks again to Amy Marie Giddings Shanna Reinke Killam and Roberto Partida for modeling for the show today! and Special thanks to @LauraLundberg who is my right hand gal as well as the other seamstresses who have helped me along the way and all my many followers, fans and supporters!!

I'm Dreaming Big, Will You Help me Grow Here?

I'm Dreaming Big, Will You Help me Grow Here?

PLEASE HELP BRING APRONS BACK AND HELP TRISHA TRIXIE BE A TOP VOTE GETTER! VOTE DAILY! VOTING IS OPEN! PLEASE HELP TRISHA TRIXIE BE A TOP VOTE GETTER AND BRING APRONS BACK http://www.dreambiggrowhere.com/entrydetails.aspx?entry=864

PLEASE SHARE, VOTE, THEN COME BACK EVERY SINGE DAY AND VOTE AGAIN AND AGAIN.  http://www.dreambiggrowhere.com/entrydetails.aspx?entry=864

 HELP TRISHATRIXIE BRING APRONS BACK!!

Dream Big Grow Here 2013 Submission Vote Fabulous! Vote Trisha Trixie!

Video Games or Me

My man and I dated off and on. Each time I would get back to gether with him I would find out a little bit more about him that he hadn't told me before. Most of it was not a big deal and helped me to get to know him better. But the last time he informed me that we loved Video Games and had not spent enough time doing them as he liked. He would not let this last time take that away from him and I reluctantly conceded.

I actually felt betrayed not knowing this. My past relationships have had had something that go taken from me. My exhusband worked all the time and put work and his career before me. My Ex Boyfriend put work and art before me and I came second. Now here was another situation where something else came first.

I was already invested in this relationship so I just let it slide.

Now I have to deal with two things:

• Work
• Video Games

Neither of which he gets paid anything extra for. He is salary so it actually diminishes his per hour rate the more he works. He wants to do more with Video Games, but playing them to me is not the same as writing them and going after a dream of working for a video game company.

He is younger than me so he is working on his career. This is something I was afraid of, but adding video games as a way of release irks me. Why not spend time with me like we used to? Why not go for walks with me like we used to? I don't know if what bothers me more is that he chooses video games over me, or that he would have chosen that before? Or that the image of a person I had that was my boyfriend isn't really him.

I am feeling like a Video Game Widow.

So I looked up Video Game Widow and was astounded to find out how many other women on a site called GameWidower 

then this blog 5 Confessions of a Video Game Widow

What worries me is not just the addiction but when people get addicted into delving themselves in one area, then I feel like, what are they hiding from? What is my man NOT discussing with me, or dealing with?

The other thing is him constantly asking me when I want him home or if he can work late and things like that. to me that is bunk. Don't ask me how you should act. Act yourself. If work is more important, then I know where your level of priorities are. If you are gone nearly all week and your first night back is layered with work on the weekend, well, I guess you didn't miss me very much.

Perhaps I am seeing it already in the asking.

Either he wants to be with me or he doesn't. Either I am important in his life or not. Either he wants to be with me or not. Either he wants to spend time with me or he doesn't. Sigh. I just want him to be real. I just want men to be real about who they really are and what my role in their life is.

Video Games or Me ?

Wishcasting Wednesday: What Sign do you Wish for?

What sign do I wish for? That is our Wishcasting Wednesday assignment today.

The funny thing is I DO beleive in signs to a certain degree.

I have printed out quotes and mantras all over my bathroom. I just put a new one up yesterday "Never Hide" as a reminder to not hide myself from others, to share my story and share of myself.

But if I were to say what sign(s) I am looking for lately, it would be on the relationship side

• Is there going to be a day when my man comes home and says "I have been asked to move for work, will you come with me?"

• Is there going to be a day when in a loving moment he has planned out the perfect proposal and asks me to marry him?
• 
  
• Is there going to be a sign of someone else coming into my life that turns my head more?

But then there is a business sign I am waiting for:

• Is there going to be someone who offers me tons of moeny for my business?
• 
  
• Is there going to be a win for a contest I enter that answers my questions of what to do next?
• 
  
• My life revolves around those two things right now. My Fashion Business/Modeling and my Relationship.

A sign in either direction is what I wish for.

That would be so nice.

Vision of Future Life

Found another old email about my vision of what it was supposed to be like. Part of it is true at least...

In the morning you wake and I go fix your tea in our quaint little2 story  home that I adore. I am 50s housewife style. I get your work things ready for the day and you go about yoru morning. You leave for work and I go about my day being wifely. I do the laundry and clean various parts of the house that need cleaning, I do little projects around the house, I may garden in the back yard, or paint or art things in my craft room, I might bake muffins or cookies for events etc, it could be a day I have clients or do my volunteer activities outside the house, toward the evening I prepare for you to come home and I may go to a little farmers market close by to get bagueetes and fresh fruits and veggies and then prepare ana amazing meal for you.

When you come home you go kiss me and go change into relaxing clothes and do relaxing things such as autogenic phrases or read and such. We eat dinner at our quaint little dining room table with place settings for two and  chat about our day. We help each other clean up and giggle and chat. We put on comfy shoes and gather hands to go for a walk out to the beach of lake Michigan in Racine and walk slowly enjoying the calm.

Sometimes talking sometimes jsut enjoying the breeze and the elements. Sometimes we may go get your family to walk with us and enjoy the company. At times I skip along and find pebbles ro shells and rocks and giggle and laugh. I turn to see a smile upturned on your mouth. We spend Sundays lazy together and we love each others company.

This is what I see with life with us.

Is the rest going to?

Trixie Tuesday Thoughts: The Way it Was to The Way It Is

I realized I haven't been writing on here as much but in the insurgence of seeing my dearest pal Kat face her blog, as she put it, it made me think how I too am ready to put it back out there. I have been quiet on here not for anyone or because someone asked me to. I have been absent because my life has been like a tornado and I in the eye of a beautiful storm. It may be chaos and whirlwhinds around me, but for the most part I love it.

Going after my dreams this year has been a lovely yet daunting challenge. Though it started on the modeling side of thing, merged into my fashions business and took a wild turn into my Apron and Accessories line, as the year is winding down I am seeing things for how they really are in all aspects of life, business and personal. Depending on which side of the looking glass you are, determines whether you find this good or bad.

I was doing fine financially while exploring my dream and using the back up money to help me survive. Then the money ran out. Blammo! The business has been up and down and my tax guy told me this year I need to determine if I am making enough profit in the business to still call it a Schedule C or is this a "hobby". YUCK. How do I loathe thee, let me count the ways. I hate the word hobby because it does not instil that this is my life force, my world. It says, to me, I don't have the guts to pursue my dream 100%. Maybe that is something I need to overcome, I don't know, but it bothers me to hear that word.

When I met with StartUpCityDSM they told me something I even recently heard on Shark Tank, you are not fully committed unless you are giving it 100% because you are not the only person with this idea and someone else is working 24/7 to pursue their dream and if you are not, then you are second in line. oooo that burns me inside to hear that like I said, perhaps it is just something I need to get over. Maybe I need to go on Shark Tank or Project runway or Fashion Star or etc. I don't know, but I know I need to take a different leap right now and I am jsut not sure what.

The other issue is that I am feeling a personal strain on my relationship with my man. I was reading old emails last night and came across this one where he is berating the past men in my life about how they "took care of me" so to speak or helped or NOT helped actually. The irony of finding this post is that he lately is not happy about all that goes into helping me financially.

"I'm mad, but I'm not mad at you.  I'm mad at HIM for not taking care of you.  You would be so much more stable $ wise, and you would have less stress if he would have done his job the last three years.  It makes me mad to think how he harmed you.  Not intentionally harmed you, but harmed you by not caring.
With [YOUR EX HUSBAND] at least it sounded like he wanted to make you happy and take care of you.  He failed miserably... but he -wanted- to.  Which is more than i can say for HIM.
How many stressful events in the last three years would not have happened if HE took care of you like he should have?  He left you to care for yourself until he had no other choice but to do the  bare minimum, and  "Well i -guess- you can live here," he said.  How many car, job, health, money issues would you not have had to deal with if he had taken responsibility?  Not everyone can do everything, and that is understandable, but i don't think making sacrifices for the person you love is too much to ask.  What was he thinking when he thought it would be ok to keep you on a shelf and ignore the consequences.  I hope to god i am good for you and not harmful.  I would be deeply distressed if i failed in my job as leader of the household.  How can someone not even take note of failing to meet your basic needs.  That is...just childish."

Yet, here we are, two years later and he is grumbling and feeling the strain himself, balking and harping about my finances. I can't help I have IRS issues my ex-husband left me. I also can't help I have past CS debt, also because the Ex refused to allow me to work, which in turn left me with a HUGE debt. And I also can't help it if I have school debts which again, yep you guessed it, are a result of the ex husband. I am not trying to blame anyone and I DO take responsibility in allowing it to happen in the first place and
 I have since tried to do this on my own and failed. He didn't even initially offer he just started taking care of them. I am ever grateful, I am. But isn't he the one who said here it is his responsibility? As well as mine?

Now, in addition to this issue, we don't go out anymore. He never wants to enjoy the places we used to. He isn't the person he used to be. He has retorted back into his little hole of video games and seclusion. I feel very taken for granted in the manner of "I have you now, why do anything else to keep you"

This bothers me on such a level I can't even describe! I am at a loss. I have mentioned the lack of attention. I have discussed in tears and agony how I feel like things have changed. All I get is excuses and things I was fearful of with our age difference. Work is most prevalent to him. I however do not or haven not EVER felt that way. I sincerely doubt if on a death bed anyone ever really said "I wish I would have worked more" or once the gal is gone said "I wish I would have played more video games and never went out with her."

No I think it is more like the Song When I Was Your Man by Bruno Mars



A whole list of "I should of's "...

I want the Way it Was to be The Way it Is. Is that really too much to ask?

The Shelf Apple

In the world I live in, most things in my life make me feel like I am living my dream.

Most things.

I am trying to build a fashion business.
I am sewing non stop and creating hair pieces left and right.
I model from time to time.
This part of life I love.
It is a struggle however financially and that is where I think part of my frustration comes from.
My man is helping me financially and I think it is putting a strain on our relationship.

But that is not the only thing interfering.

I feel depressed when it comes to our relationship. I am not fully happy. I feel like he focuses too much on video games and work and I am reliving a nightmare of a life that I lived with my ex boyfriend and most especially my ex husband. I think he feels like I SHOULD be happy because I have him and he is helping me. But to me there is more to life than money. I thought I was more to him than work and video games, but I am beginning to wonder.

My man did all he could to have me in his life and kept welcoming me back and kept begging me to be in his life. But here I am and have been for two SOLID years now and I feel like the "rut" has settled in and he has taken for granted the amazing and wonderful person I am. I don't mean that to be boastful, but I know who I am and what type of woman I am. He knows it too if he thought back to how hard her fought to have me in his life. It feels like a the same old story, just a different book cover. Everyone thinks I am so great and ooh ahh how they want me in their life. But then once they have me, it is like they caught a great fish and deicded to tack it to a wall like a trophy. Hell I would even be glad if I was a Trophy Girlfriend but you have to be willing to show off your trophy once in awhile and well, since he never wants to do anything or go anywhere or be social, that never happens.

Yet instead he lives in a world of games and work.

Supposedly he "de-stresses" this way. I am sorry but when I am begging for attention and I HAVE told him how I feel over and over again I begin to wonder if I am being taken for granted and he has lacked the ability to see me in front of him anymore. I have cried tears begging him to put me first and to be with me. Why am I not the "de-stresser"? I am getting tired of the tears and tired of his M.O. Tired of having to sound like a broken record so little by little I say nothing. Then I remember when I said "nothing" before and how NOT well that worked out for me in my past life.

I was looking at this piece of art today about how Girls are Like Apples on a Tree.

A quote from Pete Wentz

"Girls are like apples...the best ones are at the top of the trees. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think there is something wrong with them, when, in reality, they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree...”

If the boy climbs the tree sure that is great, but I have realized in my "disney-esque" beliefs as my friends call it, that there is a realization with Disney Princesses too. Life after the "Happy Ending" is what real life is about. At least those ladies got married. Not to liken myself to a cow, but that old addage of "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free" seems to be in my mind, but the only part I feel lately like a cow is more like an OX having to take care and tend to everything without even so much as a shiny shoe.

I got to thinking, a lot of good it does though to go through all the effort, to go through a bunch of broken ladders, go up the ladder, climb to get the best apple and leave it on a shelf. Wouldn't that apple begin to sour and wilt away? It wouldn't be a good apple after awhile. How would it become a great apple again if this happened?


I am still trying to figure that out. But I know for now... I feel like the apple got picked and now, since the boy got the apple, he hasn't really seen how shiny and wonderful it really is since he put it on the shelf.

~Trisha Trixie

Wishcasting Wednesday: What Do You Wish to Savour?

Wishcasting Wednesday: What Do You Wish to Savor? Wishcasting Link HERE

 I wish to Savor:

• My time here on this earth
• To make every moment count
• To live like everyone is watching and I welcome it (because I do)
• My time with others
• Enjoying the moments I have at places, events, and others
• The internet and I can learn from the good or bad that happens on it
• Things we didn't have before and see them for the positive
• The lessons I have had to go through in life
• My friendships with my family, friends and new acquaintances 
• Life and all it has to offer me and all it has to offer others

I leave you with these videos for you to savor to show you that I DO Savor life and hope that you will too

 Rich Life

This Life Was Meant to Shine

When I Leave

Savour Life. Love it. Live it. Savor every cotton pickin minute of it.

Wishcasting Wednesday: Today's Wishcasting: What Dream Do You Wish to Come True

Wishcasting Wednesday is back YAY! I didn't notice it until today so it is a bit late but I am so glad to be able to get these inspirational ideas flowing again! I know Miss Jaime has been out because of the sad passing of her mother and I first off Wish her well and send loving energy to her.

Today's Wishcasting: What Dream Do You Wish to Come True
http://jamieridlerstudios.ca/wishcasting-wednesday-what-dream-do-you-wish-to-come-true 

 I wish these dreams to come true:

• I wish to have a vast amount of followers and fans of my modeling, art and design line
• I wish for people to know me when I go places (Perhaps this is called fame?)
• I wish to have a company help me manufacture and sell my Apron Line and other fashions
• I wish to make at least $5,000 a month ( Miracle wish would be $10,000 a month)
• I wish to pay off all my debts to the IRS
• I wish to pay off all my debts to CSRU
• I wish to pay off all my school debt
• I wish to have a Fabulous Wardrobe
• I wish to be able to travel out of the united states again (Can't until debt to CSRU is paid)
• I wish to have followers and clients of my Be Fabulous E-Course and Campaign for Fabulous
• I wish to sell at least $250 every tradeshow I do ($500 a show would be a Miracle)
• I wish to outsell ticket to my Fashion Show in October (https://tikly.co/TrishaTrixieDesigns/TrishaTrixiesFunandFabulousFashionShow)
• I wish to be able to get into MB NYFW Fashion Shows when I am there in September
• I wish to be able to do interviews and meeting for high profile people and places when I am in NYC
• I wish to write on a regular basis for at least ONE if not MORE than ONE Mag (online or other)
• I wish to move out of the state of Iowa
• I wish to move to a Big City (Metro minded) aka I wouldn't mind going back to California, New York, or other places I hadn't thought of
• I wish to have a fabulous, wonderful relationship with a man who treats me like I desire and pays attention to me in the manner of which I need and want

Another place to make you wishes come true and start believing in Miracles:
The 7 Miracles Course by Stephanie st. Claire from Blissbombed

These are my wishes. May your wishes for your dreams and your miracles come true for you...

Xoxo ~Trisha Trixie

Time to Be Fabulous

I have been told so often lately that I am an inspiration to others that it has really made me think about what I say and do and how those things are reflected.

I have heard Famous people say dumb things when they got famous or big like "I never expected to be a role model"

Does one really EXPECT to be a Role Model?

I think it happens. I think when you are who you are and you are REAL that slowly this starts just HAPPENING.  I think people start liking that you for who you are and one thing leads to another. They like your message. They like your person. They like your examples.

A good friend recently posted in a comment and I re-posted

 "Climb to the top with integrity"

 I found it very powerful because I am working very hard to reach my dreams, strive for my goals and get higher and soar higher... as I journey on this climb it is important to me to do as JJ Heller says to

Leave a fragrance behind

I desire that is such a profound way.

I say quite often to BE FABULOUS and have started a new Campaign to do just that. I even started having Fabulous Fridays on my TrishaTrixie pages. I carry it through to my business. I carry this message through to my life.

I want it to be a voice of encouragement to others. I want others to see how Fabulous and Wonderful they are. I want people to realize and see that life is out there, miracles are out there, their dreams and goals are out there, they just need to see the FABULOUS in themselves, in life, in everything. 

I have been through much. Yet still, I not only endure, I not only survive...I LIVE. And in living, I try to live Fabulously.

If you are interested in joining this group of encouragement check it out here 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/timetobefabulous/ 

Isn't it Time to Be Fabulous for you?

Stay Tuned....For Fabulous

Stay tuned followers...

More coming on this blog starting tmrw.

Set your dials to this blog.

Subscribe via email now.

July 1st will start something...

FABULOUS :)

Wishcasting Wednesday: What do you wish to believe in?

Wishcasting Wednesday: What do you wish to believe in?

 

Funny that this is today's question.

Recently I had to go through a re-branding for my business. Trisha Trixie Designs. www.trishatrixie.com

I spoke with an advisor who made a few suggestions to me. I am not one to just jump at what people tell me. I make my own decisions. But what she said made sense to me. As well I have been feeling very apprehensive to the fact that I was using a name I thought could create a Trademark infringement. I had don't my research at the time I started the business but I knew I had not vetted everything out. So I went back through and found out I can't use the name.

Mind you all of this happened JUST one week ago.

I changed the name and alerted everyone what was going on. 

Then my worst fears happened...

Everyone jumped ship...all at once.

It wasn't just the fact that one person backed out, it was that all of them backed out at once. Then another, then another. And..then another...

IT was more than I could handle. I saw the vision. I could see what I wanted. But then I realized why I was so upset and so hurt...

I believed in these people. I trusted them.  I put my faith in them.

and they ABANDONED ME.

When I realized that is what I was feeling, my thought process changed. 

I remembered why I started my business...because I believed in me and what I saw for my future. 

I think we believe in others we put too much faith in another person and not enough in ourselves. We think we can't do it without them. Whether that be in business or relationships. 

What do I wish to believe in?

I wish to believe in miracles.
I wish to believe in a higher power that watches over us and is there for us.
I wish to believe in myself.

But most of all I dearly wish to believe in humanity of man, that people are inherently good and they DO care about their fellow man.

This past week really has made me wonder.

It is not for me to ask why? It is only for me to accept it and pull up my boot straps and turn the page and move on. I do not understand how people could do that. But as my man helped me see...

The Game Theory.

People (most people) have their own interests at heart first.

So they didn't want to be a part of my business anymore. I need to not take it personal. I am not the victim. Remember everything I have learned in the past two years. It was not a personal attack on me. If it was, oh well. But mostly it was probably a decision. That is all.

So, are people good? I don't know.

But I like to wish, to hope, to believe that there are still good people out there in the world...

This is my wish.

As you wish, I wish for you also.

Xoxo~Trisha Trixie

Wishcasting Wednesday

My Wishcasting Wednesday post took a leap to my NEW Fashion Blog and site... come see

http://sensafashion.blogspot.com/2013/03/wishcasting-wednesday-learn.html

Indifference, Such a Funny Thing....

Indifference is a funny thing. If you show you care and get excited about things then the opportunity to be let down is greater. Recently Ben said he felt I was indifferent to things in general. Which made me raise an eyebrow. I think if anything I am one to squeal and giggle and clap and jump up and down about things.  But then the more I thought about I realized that he might be right in how I am showing it beforehand.

I do show my appreciation for flowers and things he gets me as well as things my friends and people do for me AFTER the fact. But I RARELY say how important something is to me BEFOREHAND. I keep it inside and say "Oh whatever is fine"

Why am I doing this? When thinking it over I came to the conclusion that sadly so many men have let me down in my life. Recent men in my life ex boyfriends, husband etc said I was too hard to please, I had TOO high of expectations and I wanted too much. I didn't lower myself but rather changed to show this indifference. It is safer. If I don't show that something means a lot to me or that I really wish for something then I can't be let down. Ok, I still get let down but I don't really show that either.

I know I am spoiled. I blame everyone. No really. I do. I blame my parents, my sisters, my friends, my boyfriends, my ex husband, strangers who just meet me and give me things, everyone. If you have ever watch 500 Days of Summer in the beginning they talk about The Summer Effect. People just DO things for her. People just FLOCK to her. People are DRAWN to her. I don't mean to Toot my own horn (ok I do) but this is my life. It emulates me to a TEE!

People are just drawn to me and give me things and not always what I want but it just happens. It is true. I don't know why. I am told it is how I radiate Authentiscm. Um ok sure! I am real to a fault.

But , as I am discussing, for things I want I don't always get. I don't mean like I want a pair of Pink Headphones that cost over $100 and I didn't get them. Yes, that would be kewl but I don't mean that. Those are material things and though My Love Language is Gifts and Praise. I get that. Benis good to me, my family is pretty good and doing that, my mom gives and gets me things all the time. When I get free things like SWAG I just go from NYC when I went to a Fashion Conference I was thrilled. Those things are great.

But I am talking about the things of substance. the things with meaning.

I want someone to propose to me. Sadly I have been married twice and wasn't proposed to either time. They both just kinda happened. To add to that I am afraid of being with someone for four more years for them to decide to move on and NOT propose or to propose to someone else. Yes, this comes from recent experience and though I should NOT let it affect me it does and please don't tell me all the easy ways I should get over it. I am doing well and I am happy for HIM the EX but yet still that stings like no MF tmrw...ok.

Ben is younger than me and so his life plans are going in every direction. We are great together. But I was also great with J and S and others too in the first few years. I followed the men in my life around and some, like recently, with no commitment to me but "Why can't be the way we are". I want more. I can see Ben and I growing old together and being a great couple , sure. But I fear following him to the ends of the earth for that NOT to be the main event.

J always thought it was the "Proposal" that mattered. IT wasn't. It was the fact that with it and a ring and a marriage I felt deeper committed and though you may not want to believe that little piece of paper does say a lot more to a woman that "It's just a piece of paper".  At least it means more to me. It is a bond. I was with S for ten years. We struggled. We didn't have it easy but I was there for him and vice versa. We had many trials but I was there. I DO know how to be committed to a person.  I don't think it is wrong to want someone to DESIRE and WANT that with me.

Of course, I want all that goes along with it. Marriage to someone I love. A cute little cottage home something 50's style. Me running my business at home or in a small studio. Him going off to work. Me cooking dinner and being a good wife, good homeaker. I know I am old fashioned but that is just how I feel.

Sharing this and sharing how much this means to me in the past has only scared away the men in my life. I don't want to be "Indifferent" to it but at the same time I don't want another person telling me I just want a ring. I have a ring. Ben gave me a ring. A promise ring. It's not the ring. Got it?

But marriage is not the ONLY thing on my mind I am keeping silent about (until now). I desire great success and happiness with my business SensaFashion and my Blog Fashionista Fun by SensaFashion. I do love fashion but more than that I have bounced around with these ideas and trying things out here and there and to and fro because I want to be self sufficient financially, financially independent, I want to make money at doing something I love. I love many things so thus the bouncing. I want to hear my name when I go place. I want people to know me and my brand or product. I guess that is a type of fame.  Sharing this with others also can get me in trouble. People tend to look down on those who want FAME. I wouldnt' mind being recognized like Rachel Zoe but even if it were in the town I live I would be happy. Of course being wealthy and famous doesn't hurt right? Giggle and squeak. :)

Then there is my health. I have sever migraine issues. I have sever allergies to mushrooms, coconut and sensitivities to chocloate (I know right) and smoke. As well I took dance for years and my feet and back are a mess. My family has a history of health issues and so I worry a bit. MY teeth aren't great, I need root canals I can't afford, I would love to have Insialign and I really want to try do that VelaShape thing. These are all things I talk about a lot and mean things to me. I am a model. Yes looks matter to me.

Wealth, Health and Happiness in love....These are my A-Listers and the ones I really want. These are the things that bring me much joy more than any other thing in life. I do enjoy life and I love it and life it to the fullest I can. I do desire things and things ARE very important to me. I may not always say them or show them. I hope I always tell you, my readers and my friends and family how much you mean to me, if nto well you DO! I love you.

I am not Indifferent...I am just Cautious...Quiet and learning to sit back and wait. I keep hearing "Good things come to those who wait" so I wait.I do care, I do. I just don't shout these things to the roof tops which is funny to me because those who know me will say I shout nearly everything else! :)

I hope I gave you some insight on indifference in general and my indifference or really my silence to desire.

Until next time...

Kiss kiss~TrishaTrixie

Two Weddings and a Funeral

In the past few months I have gone to two weddings and one funeral.

I was sitting at the wedding of my niece not long ago thinking "Wow, how fast she has grown!"

At the funeral recently I thought "I didn't really know this man, but I can hear by the things being said and the songs being played he was a man of honor, cared about others and left a legacy of happiness and fond memories in the trail behind him"

At the second wedding I was there with my BF Ben. I knew ONLY Ben. Well and his mom. But aside from that...no one else. The wedding itself was quick and beautiful. I could tell the couple loved and adored each other. I could tell they had a fondness for each other. I could tell they helped lift each other up and were sources of encouragement for one another. Their family and friends said the same thing about them at the reception.  While at the Reception, I looked over at Ben and thought One, "How lucky I am to have such a kind and wonderful man. He is all those things to me and I hope I am the same to him." Two, "I feel honored to be here with this amazing family at this amazing wedding. These two people as individuals have already left a legacy of love on their friends. Together, they will do so even more. " 

This got me to thinking about my life. I look back and recognize I have luckily lived a full life.  My mother sacrificed for me to be able to do so when I was young. I sacrificed many things in life so I could do other things as well. Yet, I have never deprived myself of life, love or living the life I desired. Whether that be in love, relationships, or work even. I see what I want and I leap. I go for it. I may not have a net or anything or anyone to catch me, and yet I jump.

Life IS short. Even if you believe in reincarnation...THIS life is short. This is what we have, what we live, what we know.  Don't be afraid to live in it. Dare to dream. Shoot for your goals. You never know what will come into your life. You never know what door will close, what window will open, what blind you are putting over eyes could be shutting you out to the most amazing scene ever. Sometimes we have to see the scary stuff first to get to the happy ending.

Just like my little funny quote says..."You're next" ....now what what are you going to do now that you have realized that?

Xoxo~TrishaTrixie

Funerals

Funerals are not the easiest for me. Today I am going to a funeral for my cousins wife's father who I also consider my cousin. I did not really know her dad but I know her. I lived with them for awhile and she is very dear to me. I know it would mean a lot to her to have me there. I also know it would make her sad if I was not there. So I am going.

My father passed when I was ten. My best friends dad died when we were sixteen. My grandparents died around the holidays and death has been such a big part of my life you would think I am used to it. But I am not. Quite the opposite. I am sure no one LIKES death. Ok I take that back. I know my nephew is all goth this and that and some of my younger friends are all into goth and death but in reality I don't think they REALLY like death.

My cousin, her husband, was at my father's funeral. He saw how traumatic of experience it was for me. But many did not see the aftermath of how it affected me. Or should I say how I was unwilling to accept this fact.

Then going to live with a mother who believed in life after death did not help. Then I was quite confused. Was he dead or wasn't he?

I do believe in a higher power and I do believe living life to the fullest is essential because who knows. Though I also believe in accountability because also who knows about what that afterlife is. Maybe we come back as another human, a rabbit, a dolphin or a worm. I have no clue. Perhaps we go on to be missionaries to other worlds or other universes and help them learn. Still, I don't know.

I was Mormon for ten years and to add to my confusion about the afterlife, that also did not help yet add to the confusion.

So when I am going to a funeral anymore many thoughts go racing in my mind.

But in the end because of past things that have happened in my life no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, how far I have have come, I am always "Daddy's Little Girl" and the events and thoughts around my fathers death rise up in my head and come back into my mind.

I have grown much stronger since then and thanks to my dear counselor Sara I have learned to conquer these things and move forward with them on days like these. That doesn't mean it isn't hard.

But there are moments like these, like today that we, as adults, must put aside thoughts of ourselves, be there for others and take that empathy and turn it towards them. We love them, nurture them and show them our friendship and compassion.

My insecurities no longer define me. They do not need to define you. Do not let them.

Oh oddly. Reminders of Kat's Johny all of sudden coming wafting into my mind. How often that girl is in my head and I have never met her. But I know out there someone shares something with me.


A pain, a hurt, a love, and growth for a better day and a new tomorrow.


Dang, why did I put on makeup if I am only going to cry it off.....


Until next time my lovelies...

xoxo~TrishaTrixie

Bravery and Courage~Hobbit Unexpected Journey

“That was the most awkward Wednesday he ever remembered.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

I went and Saw the Hobbit yesterday. It was quite good. Spending time at movies on the holidays is something I had forgotten that I remembered I liked. Though it was a long movie, it was still quite enjoyable. With me, I think in movies and lyrics and song. When I come away from a Movie I do not think of this movie as just "It was a great movie" but what did I get out of that movie? What did I learn? What quotes or images or things impressed upon me?

With this movie the lesson and theme that resonated in me was about

Bravery and Courage.  

For some who look at my life I think would tell you I am spoiled and a brat. Though I do not deny any of that to be true, the reason that is because it has also been wrought with much pain, suffering and sorrow. For those who follow me they know the pains and heartaches I have encountered and endured. For the rest in a nutshell I will share with you this....it was not always easy. I will not go into my trials in this post because I do not want to diminish what I am trying to say.

Bravery is not always about standing tall and proud. At times it is about crying and feeling and caring about others too, Like Bilbo did. He reached out his heart to another because he knew what HOME was and they did not have one. He grew up with parents and the Dwarf King did not. He had empathy.

“Bilbo saw that the moment had come when he must do something.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit  

Empathy to me is a big conduit for Bravery and Courage.

Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay... small acts of kindness and love. Why Bilbo Baggins? That's because I am afraid and it gives me courage. ― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

I like how Gandalf says he relies on Bilbo because he gives him Courage. I hope to be able to give this kind of Courage and Bravery to others with my own. I have had a few friends say to me that I am an inspiration to them and this touches my heart and means more than any items in the world they could give me. For a spoiled brat, that should mean a lot! :)

True courage is about knowing not when to take a life, but when to spare one. ― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

There are many times when people have harmed me or hurt me, offended me or taken advantage of me as I am sure this has also happened to you. But instead of putting a sword in their eye as I would like to do I have learned to turn teh other cheek and leave them to live their life as generally the life they have created for themselves is far worse than any fate I could leave them with anyway. Sparing their life also has given me the strength I needed to go on, whereas I feel had I not I would have diminished there with them.

“You certainly usually find something, if you look, but it is not always quite the something you were after.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit 

In the end , life is as we make it and as we see it, as we decide to live in it or let it live around us. If you look hard enough you will find what you are looking for. That could be something bad if you are looking for it and that could be something wonderful if you are open to it and looking for it as well. And just as the Hobbit movie says, you DO usually find something if you look, but I have come to find many OTHER happy rewards in life, people and things...when I was the very least expecting them!

Enjoy 2013 

by being Brave and Courageous...

and if you don't have any...

I'll share mine with you! :)

Emotional Intelligence

 

When I was a young 27 years old I worked at Lending Tree I was an Executive Secretary and worked for the Senior VP of Escrow and Closing. Though she was a female at the time I didn't really know I didn't work well working for females until after that. Two head strong women do not equal good things sometimes. We clashed often and she barked at me more times than I can remember. I often came home in tears if I made it that long in the day. The more I worked for her the more sensitive I became and would end up in the bathroom or hallway crying my eyes out.

It all came down to blows one day when she wouldn't let up and no matter how many changes I had made or improvements to the Lending Tree Escrow/Closing Department in her mind I was incompetent and couldn't do anything right. This is not meant to bash her but give you a sense of what I went through. I started crying in the bathroom like I had grown accostmued to and when another worker was trying to console me she walked in. She was not there to use the restroom. She was there for me. IT was clear. She opened the door, pointed at me and said "In my office now!"

Everyone in there was concerned for me and tried to assure me everything would be ok. I did NOT however agree with their opinions. I dried my eyes, left the bathroom slowly and made evry step to her office count! I walked in her office and sat down. She was sitting behind her desk fuming.

She began attacking without hesitation.

"You act like a 3 year old child who always is in trouble. You can't walk around crying and balling every time I say something to you or if you and another co-worker disagree. This is unacceptable behavior and needs to stop. You are a grown woman who is in the workforce and will be in the work force more and more the older you get. I want you to stop acting like a child but I doubt that you will. You are incompetent, immature and childish. The reality is this...

You lack the Emotional Intelligence to work in Corporate America 

and need to always remember that!

You can't hold it together. You can't do anything right, you are a child and I want this attitude to stop now! Now get back to your desk and grow up!!"

In all reality I heard nothing after the "You don't have the emotional intelligence to work in Corporate America. " That sunk in like a lead weight.

I have struggled for years doing temp jobs that are in a Corporate setting. I last for about 3 months and then all hell breaks loose. Anything longer than 6 months and the world may crumble to me for all the drama that ends up created.

Bosses always say, I come off too strong, I don't send emails correctly, they baby me and insist that everything goes through them first, like I am a child who needs an adult to mentor what I say. I used to take this in stride and agree with them wholeheartedly but things are different now. If a manager feels like I need my hand held that much I feel I don't need to be there.

I am not a child.
I don't need a manager to hold my hand.
If a manager feels they need to hold my hand then I feel I shouldn't be there.
I have grown a lot in my years.
I don't cry at a moments notice.
I don't get upset over every little drama.
I don't need to call my mother or sister or boyfriend for every little thing that happened.
I can handle it now.
I have read countless books on Crucial Conversations, Crucial Confrontations, How to Say it at Work, and The Influencer to name only a few.
I am a smart woman.

There is one thing that has been a Truth I have swallowed whole.

Emotional Intelligence

For years I touted that like it was Truth. But now I look how far I became. Read above.

I have vastly grown and changed.

Recently I have had three altercations at work that yes do get me to a "It isn't fair" mentality but I still do the right thing. I still get over it, through it or around it.

When this last thing came to my knowledge that another manager couldn't just come to me to talk to me yet went to my employment agency instead and whined about me, I allowed this to affect me. I started telling myself the lie that everyone in my jobs since Lending Tree were right and that I did NOT have the Emotional Intelligence to do my job. Then two days went by and I received to reminders from Brave Girls Club.

My mind clicked and said, "Hey you! Yes You! Those things you have been telling yourself are lies. They are lies that you have deemed as Truth and swallowed whole. Only you can decide to belive them or let them go. Beleive your Truthteller inside you. You DO have the Emotional Intelligence to work in Corporate Amaerica. The really question is...

DO YOU WANT TO? WHY WOULD YOU? WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT?

My mind came into awareness and I answered these questions. (It's ok to answer yourself just don't do it in public or people think your whacko!)

I DONT want to work in Coporate America. I don't like how it acts like a small town. I don't like how people have clicks. I don't like being in an office all day. I don't like how petty and mean people are even and especially managers. But mostly...it's NOT what I want to do.

Thank you for reminding me!!
I want to enjoy life.
I want to be happy.
I want to live.

Each time things blow up it pushes me one step closer to things I want in my life. This time is not exception yet instead pushed me even further. Further into my goals of not living like a Robot. Further into my goals of living life the way I want on MY terms.

And I offer this reminder to you.

What are you doing that you really don't want to do?
What lies are telling yoruself keeping you in this situation?
Why are you doing it?
What do YOU want to do?
Why are you NOT doing it?


What do YOU want to DO?

Then in the words of Nike...JUST DO IT!

I beleive in you.


You and I DO have the Emotional Intelligence as well as any other smarts and Intelligence it takes to do what we desire to do. Don't let the ghosts of your past be the voice in your head. Let the Truthteller be that voice and stop listening to lies and start...

Listening to the Truth.

Open your heart and Get ready to love...Any Child Anywhere

So today a friend of mine mentions how concerned she is going to need a medical procedure that could limit her ability to have children. I feel for her, I do really...but this whole idea of worrying about not bearing a child of your own is lot on me. I had two kids very early on. I fought tooth and nail for them and lost more times than I care to remember. I had a great opportunity to impact the lives of many other wonderful young women and teens. I watch as these girls are nearly all grown up or are grown and starting a life of their own. If I had won custody of my kids maybe I would not have been able to be there for these others. Maybe I wouldn't have been the friend that the girls needed when they needed a pal at church. Maybe I wouldn't have been the shoulder for the girls to cry on. Maybe I wouldn't have been the navigation system for my nieces when they get lost about town or be able to know the fun and safe places for them to hang out.  Maybe I wouldn't have been there for friends of my boys that needed a mom to just listen to them and hear what they had to say without judgement or ridicule or attitude.

Heavenly father blessed me with empathy. I have been through much. I have endured much. I have lived through much. I have done this since I was young. I know this was so I could be there for others. I knew in my heart that when my children were not with me, it was ok because I had OTHER children who I loved dearly and gave them my love and care and kindness but also who loved me.

Looking back, even before it all I was there for a child who needed me more than anything and she reminded me of it very recently. I may have been a mere teen myself though at 18 I sure didn't think so, but I was there for her. I think that is when I realized I could make a difference in the lives of others. I could make a difference to other children who needed a friend, who needed someone other than their moms or dads once in awhile.

So, maybe you can or can't have a child of your own. There are so many children in this world who need adopted, fostered, cared for, nurtured, mentored, loved and thought of. I am thinking of a friend KV I know who dearly loves her little one and adoption made this possible. No matter where you are open your heart and I know you will find them.

Blessings in a Basket is a great resource to connect others for this cause
Boys and Girls Club of America in your area
Local churches, schools, colleges even have mentoring programs
Just look around, open your heart and get ready to love...

Burning Question: What would you be more of if you let go of the past?

I would be more trusting. I have been burnt so many times before that even though people say I am far TOO TRUSTING I am no longer trusting with men or when it comes to love.

Men have hurt me since I was little. I was molested, rape, beaten and bruised. I don't talk about it much anymore because I have let go of much of it. But I know , deep down inside there is a still a piece...a piece of that hurt that I feel like I can never let go. Men often let me down by their words or deeds and I can trust many people on many levels with many things.

But I won't ever give one man my heart fully again....

My first husband and I had many issues and he hurt me in many ways.

My second husband let me down far too often by being irresponsible and not taking care of things in our life as he promised and said he would.

Then my last boyfriend and I dated for four years and I fully gave him my heart. I let go of my past and got healed through recovery. I moved to where he lived, I made friends with his friends and I waited. Waited for him to desire to marry me. After hour years of back and forth between us and constant issues he broke up with me and then three weeks later proposed to someone who came into his life from his past.

My heart just won't fully trust. It won't fully love. I am scared.

So that is the answer to your What would you be more of if you let go of the past? I would be more trusting

To my Readers: What is YOUR answer? Click link to answer it on your blog on on Danielle's site

Getting to Know Me-Yellow Brick Road of Life

You say you want to know me, yet you have failed to ask about me
You say you want to find out who I really am, yet you fail to learn
You say you want to learn about me, yet you fail to read about me
You say you want to be my friend, or be with me, or be a part of my life in some fashion, yet you fail to try.~TrishaTrixie

My life is an open book



The pages are there in front of you
Social Media, Google, Tumblr, YouTube, Networking, Phone calls, etc

Meet me for lunch, dinner, coffee, tea, ice cream, dessert,just meet me!

There are many ways to get to know me...I have paved the way...


Mostly of all...THIS BLOG. 2005-now?!?! That's a lot of Trisha to learn about. My other blogs speak of me too and can tell you a lot, but this one, this shows the Inner Workings of Me (taken from Corrina's Blog idea-Inner working of Corrina's Cranium) 

It is up to you to decide if you are going to follow the yellow brick road or stand there.

I already have my Red Shoes. I can click them together anytime I want.
 
Yet I choose to keep paving the path because my Yellow Brick Road of Life is not complete until the day I die.
 
There are always new twists and turns, good witches and bad witches, flying monkeys and the people who were with us through the journey that were always there all along...we just didn't see it.




The choice is up to you...don't say you don't know me... When the choice is up to you. :)

August Break-August7th

XoXo,
Trisha Trixie

To know more about August Break CLICK HERE

August Break-Aug 6th (Guess I missed the 5th)

Sorry, life musta got away from me and I totally missed the 5th so this is the 5th and 6th (really)

 

whoaaaa