Inspiration Boards and other Visual Stimuli

One of my favorite Coaches as well as blogger, Stephanie St. Clair from Blissbombed is soon going to have a class on Inspiration Boards. When I saw her post about it, I looked around my room and deeply smiled! Not only do I believe in Inspiration Boards, but I believe in quotes, phrases and anything else that is Visual Stimuli for your soul.

I grew up with post it notes and lipstick writings of inspiration from my mother on my bathroom windows, lunch boxes and notebooks. I took the cue and started jotting things down to remember and keep the older I was.

Last year ago I started learning more about Dream Boards and Art through Healing from Brave Girls Club. This transitioned into learning more about Full Moon Boards from Jaime Ridler at Ridler Studios. The Jen Allen at Right Brain Business Plan had us to visual mappings as entrepreneurs to get us in the right mind frame.As the year progresses I learned more and more about canvases, books, boards, etc for Visual Inspiration. Through the teaching I found Carolyn Rubenstein's A Beautiful Ripple Effect and started gathering quotes and pasting them with mod podge like a mad woman for more inspiration. I joined Goddess Leonie's circles and made Visual Permission Slips to see every day. I followed Danielle La Porte's blog and print and post her words at work, in my car and at home for encouragement. I started following Brene Brown's Ordinary Courage and took her words and put them in my SOAR journal as we as the wonderful writing and learning I gathered from my SOAR class itself.

Then the universe led me to Stephanie St. Claire and Blissbombed. After  hard break up and an uncertainty I couldn't bear, I followed her blog, read her old blog and gladly signed up for the Daily Note Card to hear her words. I took her Bad Ass Broad Workshop and it was the best thing for me to kick me ass into gear and get me back on track with my life. And yes, I even made a Bad Ass Board to keep her words in my head at all times as well as a Hell No and Hell Yes Board from her blog of the same.

I still have written on my Mirror "I am a Bad Ass Broad!" and whenever I clean my mirror, I reqite it to remind me!

The words on boards, on post it notes, on mirrors, in my cube at work, in my car, in my wallet and on my walls...well they inspire me. They are like friends to my soul. I know what blog or person said each canvas or note I am reading. These words make me smile. They lift me up. They help me go about my day. They help me when I am down. They make me smile more when I am happy. They are my life. I would not be able to live without them.

In my fury over my ex dumping me at the begging of the year I tore everything off my wall and threw it to the floor of my studio. I felt despair and loss. The items stayed on my floor for three days. My roommate said "Are you ok? Your walls are as blank as your heart seems."  That was the truth. I went away for solace and understanding and while I was gone little by little did I start to rebuild these quotes and images and boards. When I came back two months later, I promptly put the images back up and little by little have been adding to my walls.

Those who know me, know this is me. These quotes and inspirational words are my life force.

To those who may think that it is unlike you, or you are just not the type of person who care about these things, I say to you, just try.  Having the words in front of you, in your vision, in your life...I truly believe they make a difference. They have made a difference in mine, just like the women who site these blogs have made a difference by sharing their words, learning and understanding with the world and inadvertently me, have done the same. I gain nothing by sharing this with you. I don't have stock or affiliates with any of these. I am a believer and that is all.

Below are my walls and inspiration Boards I wanted to share with you and hope you can enjoy the feeling they have given me and maybe open up your mind to it all if it was closed. Enjoy the show of life.  Focus on what you love and what you desire to help move you forward in life. If you are open in the tinyeswt bit, I believe it will change you...

XOXO,
Trisha Trixie

Radio Songs for the Moving On

Doesn't it always seem like whatever is going on with you is what is on the radio? Especially when you are going through something hard. Well, All the songs on the radio are doing that to me so I am going to share them with you. Yes, I have done this before but music speaks to me and I speak to you. Whether there is a YOU out there who is listening or not, IDK. Honeslty, right now, IDC either. I need to write this blog. Cathartic Healing as a friend once said to me.

I just finished watching an Episode of Warehouse 13 and in it the woman said "The reasons why I am so mad at you and hated you was because YOU were the proof that he had moved on."

I guess that is why I have such a hard time with J's new woman. I don't really know her. I am sure she is not evil and probably rather nice. But I despise her yet still. To me she got in the way. Perhaps it is what was said in the show. She is just the proof that it IS truly over. All hope is lost and gone.

I know I should not care. I am dating someone else and seeing how and where that will take me. Continuing to give it my energy is futile and undeserving. I keep reading ad seeing all these things that say to stop giving someone who doesn't deserve it your energy and give it to someone who years for it.



I come from a home where words such as this are spoken like they are bible. Think positive. What you send out comes back to you. Put him in Divine Order. Light a white candle. Don't give him the time of day. Turn the page.

It is hard though when you go from "Bubbly"  being someone's "Delilah" and then telling you you are their miracle and  "All I need is a Miracle" to being just another somebody, another no one, nothingness, just..
"Someone That I used to Know" and "Rumor Has It/Someone Like You". Instead it came out to that he never did "Realize" what we had and what we could have been. Now I am just trying to deal with the fact that he may be "The One That Got Away".

It has been 6 months and I am still hurting. I am "Not over" him yet. I am still fighting tears. It feels so frustrating  because it feels like the is no "Getting over" him. I can't help but think how we could have had it all, "Rolling in the Deep", because more than anyone he really did have my heart inside his hands. I would have stepped on a "Grenade" for him and yet someone how I feel like he threw me on top of one. I think men who plan on breaking your heart should have warning labels or wear signs "Warning!! Will Break Your Heart".

But each day I am getting "A Little Bit Stronger" I have become Strong, through the loss and trials of him. He is engaged to another woman. He proposed to her three weeks after he let me go. He didn't fight for me. To HIM, I was not worth fighting for. I am learning to get along without him. Love Bites, but Love can be wonderful too and in my Disneyesque vision somewhere out there it has to be true.

I am getting stronger without him. I am done spinning my wheels and I am done letting him drag my heart around. I know my heart will never be the same. But I know I will be ok, even on my weakest days...and there still are some of those days...but I do not desire to turn to a pillar of salt so I will face towards the future and see what this new man in my life may bring me. I will Remember him, but I need to move on.

He took many things from me, but he didn't take "The Part of Me" that is strong and tough. The part that will make it no matter what. He is not going to break my soul. I am a sparkling firework, a dancing flame, I shine and help others shine too.

All in all and in the end I learned the lesson we all figure out..

"What doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger" so I just put on my Red High Heels and just keep walking....

to "The Beat of my Own Drum"

He may have broke me, I may have a hard time knowing what love is again, I may have a hard time falling in love again, even now with someone new I am tentative and I know that is because I put all my hope and belief in the ex and now that that is gone, I just don't know what to believe. But even through all that, inside Trisha Trixie still lives. She is Strong. She is powerful. She is bubbly. She is fun. She shines. She lives. and I know and I tell her often. She is loved. I am remembering to still be the ME that I love and others love to...so here is an old Trisha Video I leave in honor of that...

What I forgot...

This blog thought provoked by two blogs:

One by my wonderful blogger friend I follow Carolyn Rubinstein and who led me to number two Jen Lemen's What I Forgot Blog. A few other comments made me want to write down and share with you and may be inspire YOU to share, what YOU forgot about you.

What I forgot...

• How I loved to draw (til this year)
• How much I loved balloons
• How much I love bubbles
• How much I loved skipping to places I was going
• How much I love rising on shopping carts
• I much I love playing peekabo
• How much I love playing Hide and Seek ( why did we have to stop just because we grew up?)
• How much I love CHARMS Blow Pops-Especially Watermelon is my favorite flavor
• How much I love Sweet Tea
• How much I enjoy taking photos- mostly Black and White film
• How I am really good at getting people to give me things (for fundraisers and non profits mostly, but really anything)
• That it is okay to say NO once in awhile
• How easily I GROK with some people and how I really conflict with the rest of the world for being different
• How unique I REALLY am
• How much I love to BAKE (cookies, candies, Christmas goodies)
• How much I enjoy making videos montages
• How sick I am of boxes (putting things into boxes, taking things out of boxes, putting boxes in truck, taking boxes out of trucks, etc)
• How easily I trust
• That as much as I want to I can't trust everyone
• How much I love to write 
• How much is such a part of my life
• That the pain doesn't last forever
• Broken hearts take time to heal and that mine is still processing
• How to love a man (or at least I feel like I forgot that part)
• How tender my heart really is and I shouldn't' wear it on my sleeve so carelessly

• The most important things I often forget is to to remember to love God and love myself

SO what have YOU forgotten lately that you would like to share? I would love to hear your thoughts? Here or on my Facebook?

High Maintenance Woman-Sweet Tender Heart

I am a "High Maintenance" woman-this means HM friend, HM-GF, HM employee, etc...my boss said it, guys I dated said it, friends have said it. I know it, it's true. This is reality-I am a busy person, I don't mean to not text you the SECOND you text me, or email you right back or respond to you FB or LIKE your feed, I am just BUSY. What is so odd, is tha tI used to be the person tapping my fingers waiting for someone to get back to me and impatient and feeling dejected, rejected and left out. Now , "I" am the one saying to others, "It's ok, I love you, I care, I still want your friendship, I am JUST busy."

I have Goals, Dreams, Aspirations, Desires and Designs to do things in life that many others don't dream of, can't think of, wouldn't go for, wouldn't risk and so on.

• I want to retire by the time I am 50(was very close when 40)
• I want to be known for making a difference in the world (one step at a time)
• I want to be know for making a difference in the lives of others (I feel I do by being me)
• I want my art in a gallery (Goal part accomplished was in Art fundraiser)
• I want the world to see my art (June 18th millions of people will see it in NYC-Goal accomplished)
• I want my business to be thriving enough I don't have to do freelance work anymore (working on something now to hopefully accomplish that)
• I want my debts paid off so I can finally have that money for ME, ME not bill collectors!!! ( on a Money plan to be financially free in TWO YEARS!!)
• I want to reach my goals
• I want to live my dreams
• I want to touch those aspirations
• I want to live out those desires 

In process:

• I work daily on a freelance assignment connected to a big government mandate for the next 6 months (this is money for now and helping me get financially free even though it is taking time away from other things I want, the priority of being financially free is more important to me)
• I am working on building a new website to collaborative the minds of others who can help us all be people into one place(this will hopefully be my residual income or it is an idea of this)
• I draw daily either to create a new drawing, work on something digitally, or finish something I started, but something Artistic, daily to help me reach my goals and dreams (this is something I never though or but now my dream has this in mind, to keep up with this dream, I need to remember as J said to "HAVE FUN" but still keep practice and creating and honing my craft or I will lose it and now that I have it, I don't want to lose it, I want to make it better
• I enter two to four contest or challenges a week to push myself harder and make my art craft better. This is how I got in for my art to be shown in NYC on June 18th
• I meet mostly weekly with David, my Accountability Partner from Life Coach Iowa. We help each other out kind of like an exercise busy to stay on track in our lives.
• I still am doing my non profit for Warriors for the Homeless but I am NOT a 501c3. Sadly that whole exercise to get there was exhaustive and I didn't make deadline and money in time. I only do this part time, but I still help the homeless and anyone in need.
• I help my BF study for his classes he is taking and meet up with him when I can to take a break in my week if possible and test him during our dinner before he goes to class so he can be the best at his course
• In addition to all this, I man texts and phone calls and help friends set up websites and answers questions about websites often for free, when this is actually what I get paid to do! But I do that for FREE because I love them and they are my friends. When my friends need me, I am there for them
• Have Fun. Yes, I actually schedule time to have fun, but I instill fun in my every day life. I giggle I squeak I do all kinds of things. I will add something I recently posted on FB

Infusing Play into Mundane Tasks...": "Things I do-http://zenhabits.net/infuse-play

Skip instead of walk Imagine I am in a movie when I walk into a meeting Give myself challenges Play music, dance around Do a victory dance after I do anything good When I send an email, make fax noises When I have to clean something, give a play-by-play of your actions with a Howard Cossell voice Do a Game theme or Jeopardy theme to things in waiting Keep a kazoo in my purse and toot it for regular day to day accomplishments Dance in my car like its a workout Act like I score the winning hoop when I chuck the carts into the return aisle for the supermarket then shout like a crowd is cheering me on Ride the cart to my car even if others are watching Take my own photo shoots like when I was in modeling Walk into every room as if I own it and though I am famous Sign at the top of my lungs in my car even if the people next to me are watching Smile at everyone a super huge Miss-Trisha Hunter smile like I have a secret Enjoy life to the fullest Today is a gift...that's why it's called the PRESENT"

I know, I hear you and others say I tire you just by reading my statuses that I get more done in a week than most do in a month or a year!!

So please, my friends, by patient. If I don't get back to your text right away, it doesn't mean I don't care.

This week I have answered 5 peoples phone calls in distress and was the good friend and listed. Today I am taking clothes to someone in need and just spent the last hour literally taking MY clothes out of MY closet to give to someone else.

I have a sweet tender heart and it hurts when I hear people say they think I don't care. That is the farthest from the truth it is more so that my world is going like a NASCAR race and I am working hard at being the front car for the whole thing without having to pit!! (I do NOT believe I just used a NASCAR reference)

I enjoy life to the fullest, yet I AM trying to reach and stretch out my arms as far as I can to touch these goals and dreams of mine. I won't stop until I do and to this, it means time and that time means I might not be there at a beck and call commend but as you can see, I AM there for my friends. I may be a High Maintenance Woman and you might have to decide if you want to put up with that to be friends with me or not but I am you this more that that question...

IF you know me or know anything about me ask yourself this...

Do you find enough VALUE in our friendship to do the things you have to do, to be friends with me?
Am I the sort of person worthy of your friendship?
Is it worth your effort to be friends with someone like me, if you might have to jump through a few hoops or workarounds every now and then?
Or am I someone not worth fighting for?

For you, I would say yes. Will you say yes for me?

What's your Relationship to SIlence? The Burning Question

What's Your Relationship to Silence ask Danielle La Porte?



For me, I have the hardest time with silence.

The first thing that comes to mind is a song by Depeche Mode called "Enjoy the Silence" and I feel bad thinking I SHOULD enjoy the silence but I don't. I don't enjoy it. My mind wanders and I hate it. I fill it with many thoughts of what others are thinking. What people think about me. What people are thinking about their day. What people are thinking about my Art, my business, etc.

I think about other stuff too. What things I still need to get done. What things I WANT to do still. My mind races at I think like 10,000 miles an hour. I have been told my mind is like a Japanese motorcycle-super fast! VROOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

I find it VERY hard to slow my mind down. When I try to meditate it takes all my might to focus on one single thought. Because I do not enjoy the silence.

If I am speaking with someone and there is silence, it drives me insane. I want to fill it. I find it hard to just be still and let the silence happen between us. IT is very rare that I find that silence "comfortable".

But there are times, rare times and moments when I do enjoy it. But it is generally when I have a migraine and I want to hear NOTHING. No lights, no sound, no nothing.

OR in the shower, but that is a different silence. That is the desire to hear only the sound of the water. So it is not PURE silence.

But it is as silent as I get. The shower is my silent solace. IT is as silent as I like to get....

So what about you? How do you handle SILENCE?hmm???

The Round Peg-Square Holed Mother

Many people, mine own children most namely, I think, forget that I am a mother, and forget that I too have children. I had my children when I was a young adult.  I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant with my first child. IT came as a shock to me as much as it did the rest of my family. I honestly didn’t know how I got pregnant. It was my first time with him and being the baby people sheltered me so much, no one really explained the “birds and the bees” to me.

I didn’t want to rush into marriage just because was with child so we waited. My son was born in March and then in June of that year when I was 20 years of age, we wed. I had a horrible pregnancy, all sorts of issues and then a horrible labor. Seventeen hours, emergency C section, he came out blue, rushed to the hospital in another town and I had to stay where I was. I didn’t get to see him or hold him until he was almost two weeks old. I still say that that is why to this say we are so distant.

In the following year in an effort to try and raise funds on our struggling house, I joined the National Guard. I was assigned the 187^th Med Unit in Boone, Iowa. From September to January of 1991 I went every weekend and learned about Flight Operations and helped out around the facility. 

In January I left for Fort Jackson, South Carolina, I passed MEPS fine but not but a few days after I got there I wasn’t feeling well. I knew right away I was pregnant. They didn’t believe me and I ended up with a drill sergeant in my face instead of help. I was in tears most of the following nights and was rewarded with a blanket party by my bunk mates.

Because of this, they moved me to a special barracks with others also in danger. They made me see a counselor but no one would give me a pregnancy test. They sent me home on a Chapter 11 and said as far as they were concerned I was never there. I said ok.

Five days later I saw my doctor and confirmed, Yep, I was pregnant just over a month. Nine months and many more complications in this one, the doctor had me sign a release that sign I could sign to have my tubes tied in the event of any issues that he didn’t think my body could handle it.

Here I was 21 years old and I was signing away my right pretty much to have any more kids. I did it though because at the time I never thought I would be with anyone but my first husband so why not. I also had such horrible complications, I really didn’t think my body could take it anymore either.

The surgery was treacherous. The batch of anesthesia was bad and they had to shoot locals in my stomach to get me through. Needless to say, they tied my tubes. 

For many reasons, I shall not mention my first husband and I divorced. One of those was issues with my mothering his idea of it and mine. I was young and really did the best I could. On top of that I had in laws who continually told me how awful of a mother I was and how much better of a job they could do than I could. 

Through the years of my children growing up, sadly I missed out on a a lot of their years. I fought for visitation, custody, and many times I had to fight for simple rights like the ability to see them on their birthday or mine and I even had to fight for the right for them to call me on Mother’s Day.

This is why Mother’s Day come often with so much sorrow and heartache for me. Here I was and am, a person who went through hell physically to have her children, yet I didn’t know get to raise them or be a part of their lives. I had to fight for every right a mother normally gets to have. I didn’t have the things most mothers have…

I always felt like a round peg in a square hole...I am a mother, without her children...a bear without her cubs

There were times I lived close by and was able to have some of the things for a a short time but sadly they often got ripped away from me. Or I had the kids for summers and tried to be the best mom I could at summer and spring break and pack in all the things I wanted to be for them that other moms got to do all the time…

Make them lunches, take them to the beach, hang out at the pool, play ball, play board games, play video games with them, take them and their friends to a dance or some cool event, be the “cool mom”, meet their dates, teach them to drive, be in their life.

The list could go on for says and if you have ever read or looked back at my blogs or Poetry blogs you either have or can see my pain in this endeavor. It is hard. They were told all their life that I didn’t care, that I didn’t love them, that I abandoned them, yet the completely opposite was true. But the past is past and I have tried to move forward. They are boys and they are 22 and 20 now.

I let them live their life and I live mine. I am young and youthful and at times this bothers them. I think they would prefer a Grandma-ish Mother rather than a mom who looks and acts young and fun, but I am me and will continue to be me and who I am.

There are many times I have thought about having other children if someone wanted them, but I know in my heart, I get scared. What if the next guys family is mean to me too? What if  it doesn't work out again? I could play the what if game forever. It breaks my heart that someone would leave me for the that that I wouldn't WANT children. It isn't that. It isn't that at all. It is my unceasing fear of having more children and what all that would mean and entail.

I have been there for many other people in my life and have pseudo adopted a few “kids” along the way…funny enough even adopted some “adults” recently I think…lol…I have a good heart and desire to help the world. I want to make a difference in the lives of others and just make another’s life better. 

MY life has been rough, literally from the start so I feel there is anything I can do to make another’s life better, I want to do it. People often say, “Oh you don’t HAVE to do that.” I know, but I want to.

I want to be a foster parent, or Boys and Girls club friend or be there and make a difference to someone who truly needs me and wants me. Someone I can adopt who wants me.

The “adoptees” are generally the ones who say “Thank you and Happy Mother’s Day” to me and for that I say thank you…yet my eyes were still wet today for lack of those words from the ones who I desired to hear it from the most.

With all my love, to all my little adoptees

[and those who wanna be]

Xoxo

Trisha Trixie

Wishcasting Wednesday: What do you wish for your home?

Wishcasting Wednesday: What do you wish for your home?

Ok, don't laugh...I want a silly thing for my upcoming birthday (May 16th-I am a Taurus)...

I want a whistling Teapot.

This is what I wish for my home. IT is sill I am sure. But I want it. 

I have been buying up pieces of furniture here and there to make the house a home...an old table I polished for us to eat in the kitchen, an old hutch I polished and fixed up to use as a TV center for our new Cable box and Blue Ray Player, an old, used and abused white drawing table for me to use for my art...

I have been doing all these things to make the house a home...MY home.

But it just isn't there yet.

I was watching my friend's little girl and I saw she had one of those old school whistling teapots and my brain said THAT"S IT!!!

Water boiling on the stove, the whistle sounding like and old friend, tea steeping in filters with leaves or bags, a nice cup of tea, with a good book in a comfy chair....

I don't know maybe I ma a dork, but I just love the sound of the whistle I guess. It makes me FEEL at home. IT makes me want to BE at home. I KNOW there is someone who wants to share tea with me and who will enjoy it with me, maybe that is it.

But that is it.

A teapot that whistles...A nice shiny red one would be nice...:)

Trisha Trixie Hunter

Trisha Trixie Hunter: Click "Collect Me" to help me win $10,000 and a show in the most immense exhibition of art in New York City : Art Takes Times Square.

Gravity

Gravity (3:54)

Sara Bareilles 

I love this song. It touches my heart. This is how I feel. Pulled down by Gravity by HIM. The idea of HIM. The Idea of US. The idea of what we "could have been"...

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

[CHORUS:]
Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

[CHORUS]

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down
You're on to me, on to me, and all over...
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long. 

(lyrics)

 I am moving forward now against this feeling of Gravity...I feel like I am pulling a tug of war with my heart. I don't want to move on, but I do. I don't want to love him anymore, but I do. I don't want to give him anymore of my heart, but he still is holding it without touching it. I am letting go of the idea of him and taking someone else's hand who has been patient and kind and been waiting for me...I am scared out of my gourd to take this chance, yet I am taking it. 

 I could play the "What If" game forever...What if it doesn't work out...what if he breaks my heart too...what if he finds someone else...what if I find someone else...what if it turns out amazing? All of it scares me. The good and the bad. But I have to conquer this feeling of being rejected, dejected and thrown away.

I do not desire to be paralyzed by fear anymore. Only "I" can take myself out of holding pattern with my heart. Only me can let go. He let go already. He dropped my hand and took hold of her stretched out hand. I am trying to be happy for him. I am trying to let go.

Now, someone is stretching out their hand to me. AS much as this GRAVITY is pulling me, I need to fight it and take a chance on love. I need to stop dipping my toe in the water and take a plunge on this chance.

Here goes...Trisha off the high dive of love...hope I have a good landing ...

 XOXO

Trisha Trixie

.

The Despisition of Marriage

I was walking through the store the other day and ended up in the wedding aisle and promptly walked to another aisle.

I watch TV and the commercials about weddings nauseate me.

I see ads in my magazines about Wedding Rings and the perfect Wedding Vacation and I rip them out and throw them away.

I hear commercials or ads about marriage, rings, anything married related and I immediately change the channel.

I didn't notice I was even doing this until someone else brought it to my attention and I stopped and looked over at them and said

"You know, I remember a time a few years ago when the ex and I were sitting at a work function and I nearly lost it because someone asked when we were getting married. I hated hearing about stuff then and we felt like it was a curse upon us to have to hear those things because I wanted it SO very bad and he kept saying he didn't know or wasn't ready or I had to PROVE myself to him and I just couldn't take it, after FOUR YEARS I couldn't take it anymore!! I thought, wow I really hate Wedding and Marriage stuff and that was then...but now..it's even worse...because of all this...I don't just not like it, I don't just hate it in the smallest regard...

I despise it." 

Then I felt a tear roll down my cheek and it took all my might not to burst into tears in the middle of the store. My friend said "Aww, I know I am sorry" and tried to sideways hug me. 

I don't trust men anymore

I am back to that frame of thinking when I was 20sih. Men only want sex from me. Men cannot be trusted. Men will lie to me to get what they want. Men will keep their feelings from me , so they can keep me  around until they are done with me. Men are not willing to fight for me. Men are scum. The good guys are too meek to step up to the plate to enjoy me. Strong men are too much of an asshole to be kind to me. Men in the middle don't know what the hell they want and are wishy washy. Old men want someone to care for them. Young men want a milf or sex. Those in the middle end up dancing around because they either have kids and want help raiing them or want kids in their future or just don't know and I don't want to stick around for four more years to find out.

I am in a crux. I do want marriage. But now I feel scared, vulnerable and frustrated. The "It's not fair" theory still exists in my head. It's not. I gave four years to someone who showed me every sign two years ago that though I was amazing and great and etc I wasn't the one he wanted. That stings and I can still feel it.

I don't feel the victim or target, I just feel fear. Yep you heard me. Fear. I know for someone who takes risks, who is fearless, who is strong and tough and courageous, how in the hell can I feel Fear? Well, let me tell you...

I am scared to hurt someone else and I am scared to be hurt again

I don't want to keep someone on a string. I don't want to be on a string while someone tried to figure out if it is ME that they want. I don't' want to put someone else there either. It sucks. I hate that feeling. I don't want to be the one to inflict that kind of pain on anyone. I don't like feeling that kind of pain. I want to be dating again and I am working on getting back out there, but I take steps now with tiny feet not big leaps.

I want to be proposed in a  real fashion like I should. My first husband and I ended up pregnant, I had my kid, then we decided "Hey maybe we should get married to shut the parents up, so we did. No proposal. My second husband took me to the Ritz Carlton to give me a promise ring which I thought was more then he wishy washy like said ok it's an engagement ring. Again no proposal. I want a ring to come floating on a string to my hand, or in a balloon, or it presented even simply to me with a man kneeling down on one knee and saying "Trisha Hunter, will you marry me?"

I more than anything than that though want a guy to want me for me, all of me flaws and all and know he has a great catch and is lucky to have me and would never DREAM of letting me go and he would fight for me to the death if he had to!!

Yes I despise marriage for now...but one day I will believe in it again...when I don't know...but if I didn't hate it before...I certainly DO now...sigh..

Wishcasting Wednesday: Where do you wish to GO?

It's Wish casting Wednesday through Jaime Ridler Studios time again. I saw Jaime was going to be away for awhile (I guess she is going where she wishes to go right?)  and since she will be out for awhile I most definitely wanted to do my Wishcasting Casting and get and give love from and to all my fellow Wishcasters.

So the question of the day is

"Where Do you Wish to Go?"

I wish to go where my heart desires.
I wish to go in the air and SOAR and fly like an eagle.
I wish to go fly in the sky like a bird, any bird just fly fly away.
I wish to go Ziplining.
I wish to go Trapeze Jumping.
I wish to go Rock Climbing.

I think my theme here is that I want to be in the air or up high somehow...funny.

I of course have a bucket list of places I wish to go like others do , but I traveled a lot with my ex and so there aren't too many places left I really care about.

As far as places:
I wish to go BACK to New York, Paris, and Switzerland.
I wish to go TO Corpus Christi, Texas, Florida, Alaska and maybe Hawaii (I don't know I feel it is ruined now because the ex is diminishing it for me...blog for another day perhaps)

and who knows...maybe maybe maybe Greece. Now I want to go there more than anything.(for personal reasons)

I wish to go to a Meadow. A huge large monstrous meadow. I wish to run it with my long blonde hair flowing in the breeze and being able to pick flowers and make a bouquet with a ribbon around it.

I DON'T want to go: Back in time, back to the future, back anywhere. I lived my life, I have had my life, it happened, life, pain, hurt, heartbreak, love, happiness, etc. Good or bad, it happened. It is in the past and I wish to leave it there and not GO there. No looking back, no regrets, my past is what made me who I am.

I wish to Go forward, onward, straight ahead...first star to the right and straight on til morning!

Love, Hugs and Kisses,
Trisha Trixie

Amazing Things Happening Here in TrishaTrixie Land

Wow, where do I begin. So many amazing things have been happening that I actually don't know where to start. So let me start by saying, How wonderful it is when one sees their dreams, goes for it and achieves them. I feel so empowered and I feel like I can do anything, take on anything and conquer the world!!

A few weeks ago I started an amazing new course called The Bad Ass Broad by Stephanie St. Claire from Blissbombed.com. Even before I started I began gearing up for it. I made a Bad Ass Collage Board, I made a Playlist called Stronger  that helps me feel strong and pumped up, and I told my mind "Get in gear baby, because a bigger badder stronger you is going to come out of this class!" One of the main focuses Stephanie talks about is things we say YES to and I want to share with you these great things in my life. Yes to being a BAB and Yes to Stephanie and Yes to Blissbombed!

I also was doing SOAR (though I have slacked a bit with other things going on) but this has helped me to remember to Stretch Out and Risk. I learned how to shoot guns, walk dogs and do so many things I wanted to do while in Colorado when I got away for a bit. Yes!

I began getting my brain back on track to live MY life for me and do the things I want to do. I am a risker and a leaper. I am fearless and brave and courageous. I had a melt down a few months ago in my life and I allowed it to effect me. But now, I am back on top, swinging and popping and taking leaps again...even bigger leaps I never would have taken. Yes!

That's how all these amazing things started happening!! Yes yes yes!

I reached out to the Des Moines Art Center as soon as I heard there was a show that they were looking for Original art to sell for their Art Crazy Fundraiser! I have wanted my art in a Gallery for some time and I want it to sell. Since this meets both of those Amazing things I offered and they accepted. This Saturday I turn in my work and the Party will be April 26th. I can't wait to watch others looking and buying my art!!YES!

When in Colorado I started a Body Sculpting course. When I came back I searched over and over for these things so I could stay fit. I tried a JAzzercise but it didn't quite fit. I ended up getting a Zumba workout for my Wii and fell in love! I also converted the basement to a mini gym and art studio mix so I can have my own level of enjoyment. There is a new Treadmill there and I moved the Training bike down there as well. Fun fun work out and creating in one...Lots of Energy! YES!

Two days ago I met with a friend I have a Join Venture with at Life Coach Iowa. He and I set up regular weekly time to have Accountability Sessions!  It is like having a work out buddy for your life and brain! Now we each have an Accountability Partner...each other! Yes!

On top of that he asked me to be his first Guest Author and I just wrote my first post on his site! Life Coach Iowa Blog! YES!

A way I love to love people is to give to them. I love giving. I love giving of my thoughts, my energy and my time if I have it. I know what I send out comes back to me, so I know in one way or the other the universe will repay so they don't have to.

One of the things I try to give away of my time is time for my friend's little girl C. She is almost 3 years old but is smart as a whip like a 5 year old. Girl after my own heart and style! YES! Betsy, her mom is a Licensed and practicing HypKnowTherapist and does these amazing HypKnowTherapy sessions. Recently she has needed someone to watch C so she can finish up w a Weight Loss Group Session and a  few other clients. I love spending time with C and since I came back in town, I didn't mind helping out.In fact I wanted to and cherish the time with this sweet little girl. YES!

One Betsy thanked me the other day by buying a Ghiardelli Chocolate and Caramel Big bar! YES! Now before you crack up laughing at how excited I am about this, understand that I get migraines so I don't ALLOW myself to have much chocolate, as well I love caramel. I hugged it to my chest and said thank you emphatically! Yes! Then to top it off, for helping now and then I was GIVEN a session to relax me and "Release Negative Relationships". No names were used so it was associated with anyone, and my subconscious will do the filtering. The session went great and I was out ina matter of minutes, which means my subconcious did all the work to listen! YES YES!

I also started dating again and enjoying the company of men after not dating for "4 months"! I am on a few online sites and wouldn't normally go that route. But from someone who used to OWN a dating website I know there may be creeps but there actually are some pretty decent guys out there. Just being able to talk to men, even online was a challenge at first, but little by little my courage was up. When out one night I asked a guy to call me and he did though he was taken he said he felt honored. It made me feel good to know that he was respectable enough to call and say thanks for the thought. Last week I went on my first date since the DRAMA and it was a fun group date I really liked and I ended up meeting someone else in the process. His attentions on me lately have been helping and encouraging allowing me the freedom to get to know other men and see them for their good qualities.  YES!

Lastly, I have my own business and I do my own thing most of the time, but sometimes to fill a financial gap or work with people and get some "adult" time, I take on new contracts to go work as a Freelancer for a company. Yep, you guessed it! I got a new contract for the next 6 months. YES YES!

My world is filling up with YESES!! I love it!! Things are flowing and moving and growing here in TrishaTrixieLand and I am loving every bit of it. I an owning my power again! Yes! I am risking and branching out! Yes! I am doing things I love and learning new things to see if I love them or not! Yes!

I feel so empowered and feel like I could pow pow my way through anything! Thanks for reading about all my great, amazing and wonderful things!! More great news to follow I'm sure.

Hugs and Air kisses, Muah!

Trisha Trixie

I Believe in You

This was also a Guest Post for my Dear Friend David Long at Life Coach Iowa. Dvid is my Accountability Partner and we meet weekly to hold each other Accountable for our goals and dreams and things we are doing in our life...He has me to be his first Guest Author and I was quite honored to do so. Go to Life Coach Iowa HERE


Don't those words sound great when someone says that to you?

Have you ever wanted someone to say that to you?

This song by Il Divo has always touched my heart and I want to share it with you. I shared it before and on another Blog Titled Believe-Click HERE to go to related post





I said it before and I will say it again:

I truly feel that all it takes for us to move forward in life is for someone to Believe in Us. I feel that that truly helps us Believe in Ourselves.

One of my Favorite movies is Pretty in Pink for MANY reasons but mostly how true to form it is and in this one part  at about 2:30 minutes Blaine says to Andy,

"You said you couldn't believe in anyone who didn't believe in you...I believed in you...you just didn't believe in me."

For Clip Click Here and scroll to the 2:30 minute mark.

When in High School, I was forlorn and had nothing. Along came my friend E who said to me "I believe in you" and it changed me. I started believing in myself.

When I decided to stop working full time and create my own corporation, another good friend said "I believe you can do it" and I did.

When I decided after a 10 year marriage to divorce and go out on my own, someone else was there to say "You're strong, you can do it, I believe in you" and I did.

When my businesses had to go through a name change because of Trademark Infringement, my peers said " This is nothing, look at all you have done. You will create a new brand and a new name for yourself. I believe you can do it and I believe you will succeed." and I have...

Last year when I decided to launch a new Fashion Community, despite the odds and the trials, despite the reasons why I should not, an amazing Peer said to me, "I have faith in you, I believe you can do it" and I did.

And two months ago when I said to a friend, "I think I want to create a whole new kind of website, something collaborative, and sell E books and do E courses he said very sweetly and simply with a touch of a smile. 

"I Believe in You"

I never realized how much I have heard those words and how much they have helped me succeed and encouraged me to go on and keep leaping and keep trying and keep risking...until now. Have you ever heard those words? Perhaps you have never SAID those words... Maybe it is like a friend...to have a friend you have to be a friend...perhaps to have someone there to Believe in you...you might need to start believing in others.

You really can do anything you set your mind to do. It may not be easy. It may be wrought with trials and difficulties and many roadblocks...but the choice is yours to stop or keep going. It is up to you to also believe in yourself. Believe you can do it. Believe you will achieve your dreams.Believe in your potential.Believe that you can reach the sky, touch the rainbow, whatever it isyou set your heart on. The only one standing in your way is yourself. Believe...You can do it.

I want to leave some words with, that I want you to allow to resonate in your soul, that from this point on you can NEVER say no one else has ever said those words to me Trisha...well, tha'ts not true...

Because I want you to know....

 "I Believe in You"

Wishcasting Wednesday: What do you wish to rise above?

What do you wish to rise above?

I wish to rise above the ashes
left in the aftermath of my life
I wish to rise above the soot
left stuck to me once it is all over
I wish to rise above the theory
that I am a victim or target or broken girl
or that I should have learned what I am learning now
I wish to rise above
my past
and relish in my future
I wish to rise above the pain
of those who have harmed me or hurt me
I wish to rise above my failures
and see them as success that help me live, learn and grow
and be the wonderful, stupendous and amazing woman that I am
I wish to rise above the drama
that others bring to me, that I carry or that is self created
Wish to rise above gossip, back talk and defeating and depleting words about or to others
I wish to rise above any hate I feel
and cherish the things I love more
I wish to rise above the I can'ts or I shoulds of this world
and instead be the I can, I will, I go, I do
I wish to rise above
trying too hard to rise above
and just be
just let life live within me

I wish to rise above it all
and Just enjoy the show...

2 Things I do

In thinking about my 5 Questions I got to remember that there are two things I do on a regular basis.

I did it this morning and I do it every morning....

I fill out these sheets to help me get my brain focused.

The first one is What I Trust.

What I Trust helps me to see the things that are real and the truths behind it. Sometimes it is people I trust and sometimes it is a simple thing like I know the sun will rise.

The second sheet is called What I Know.

This helps me to focus on the things I truly Know not the things I think may be true or are the truths i my head. If I am questioning something I leave it off of here. This sheet is only for Things I know.

These two worksheets are very helpful in starting my day off right. Most especially if you are feeling like you don't have clear thought or not sure about things and don't know who or what to trust, this is a good starter.