Monday, February 28, 2011

Victim of my own Optimism

"I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast & without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, & I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism."— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)


I often tend to do this myself.I fall victim to this. I tend to see the greatness a man can be even if he doesn't see it. I hear them speak about the things they desire to do and the life they desire to live.I hear the anticipation in their voice and all the things they WANT to be. I hear them tell me how they want to do this or that and how they really should do something. I hear the Excitement of the Possibilities of Themselves and I get hooked.

What scares me is this? I realize from reading that quote how similar I am. The last line of that rings true in my ears. A Victim of my Own Optimism...for them. I trust people. I beleive in people. My sister always says "Oh Bless your hear, you really want to see the good in everyone don't you?" Yes. I do. There is an inherit good in others that I know is there. I know not everyone is good in that way, but I do beleive that there is good in MOST of the population and I always "Believe first, ask questions later." I used to say Trust first, but I have learned to be more guarded with my heart and myself. I have about more X-files mentality now in that sense of "Trust No One" but yet I still believe.

I have been with men who really do have all desires to go forward in their life. They really do mean well. They had all inclinations to do the things they set out to do in their minds. Though, they are not driven like me and trudge forward anyway despite the set backs. They made excuses they called reasons and allowed life to stop them. Me, I find a way. I expect others to be the same. Find a way. What is stopping you?

I said to a friend recently "The only thing keeping you from you, is you." I have this view on life others don't get. Now that I have done Soul Restoration it is even stronger. Do it Anyway. Live Life to the fullest. If tomorrow were your last day, what would you do differently? Then why aren't you doing that now? What excuse, what lie have you told yourself to keep you from doing that or being that, you who you desire yourself to be? What are "ACTIVELY" doing to get there?

I don't want to be with another man that is like that. Furthermore, I don't want men to all of a sudden become that for me. I like that perhaps I am a muse to you and inspiration to live your life better, yes but go for those dreams because YOU decided to be better. Because YOU want more for yourself. I once had a guy tell me  "You make me want to be a better man." That's great. But did he become that, a better man, sure. But in the way that only HE could which is all I can ask for, but he failed at even being the better him he could be and fell back into old ways. You know why? He didn't do it for himself. He did it for me. E for Effort but don't stop. Keep going already. Do it for you. If you do then what a great feeling you will have at the end, whether I am there or not. You will feel stronger, better, value and a sense of accomplishment for reaching those dreams and goals. And let me add, when you do it DESPITE everything that gets in your will feel like you are flying in the clouds with that feeling of elation. I know. I speak from experience.

I worry about falling into this Victim of Optimism as she speaks of. I have done it before so I recognize it now. I no longer want to fall into the same patterns as before. Seeking out, or seeing men that fall into this possibility make me feel cautionary.

I still am optimistic that if you really do desire to go and be something then I dearly hope you go do that. But then men who either are doing, are striving towards it at least capture my attentions more than the ones who aren't there yet anymore. It is ok to set boundaries and still love people. I still care about those people as a friend and I can stand by and watch your progression and cheer you on from the sidelines. I have to draw a line in the sand somewhere.

I draw it here.____________________

I am driven, I am motivated, I move in a forward direction despite the reasons that keep others from doing so. I refuse to settle. I am done settling. I am social, I like to go out, I attend a lot of network events. I have my own business and I desire to succeed. I don't want to wait anymore while watching you get there. I want you to BE there. I want you to conquer the world and show me what you got. At least be striving for it.

I am not so much Black and White anymore, true. I do live in the gray now, but only for a little. I still beleive either you are are actively doing something to move forward in your life and go after the things you want and go after happiness, or you are stale and stagnant and starting to smell like old fish or golfers. :)

To sum it all up, I do get my thoughts and feeling from movies and recently I watched Sweet Home Alabama. In it the guy was not the man she desired, so she left. When she came back to take care of things, she was amazed and impressed to find he came after her and saw he had to be a better man if he was ever going to win her back. But the thing is, he still didn't do it FOR her. He did it for him and if she followed so be it.

Lurlynn: You know he went up there?
Melanie Carmichael: Who? Jake? When?
Lurlynn: About a year after you left. He told Clinton he'd never seen anything like it. He knew that it would take more than an apology to get you back. He'd have to conquer the world first. He's been trying ever since.

 Now that's the kind of guy I want. Conquer the world or at least be trying...

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