Wednesday, November 07, 2012

Emotional Intelligence


When I was a young 27 years old I worked at Lending Tree I was an Executive Secretary and worked for the Senior VP of Escrow and Closing. Though she was a female at the time I didn't really know I didn't work well working for females until after that. Two head strong women do not equal good things sometimes. We clashed often and she barked at me more times than I can remember. I often came home in tears if I made it that long in the day. The more I worked for her the more sensitive I became and would end up in the bathroom or hallway crying my eyes out.

It all came down to blows one day when she wouldn't let up and no matter how many changes I had made or improvements to the Lending Tree Escrow/Closing Department in her mind I was incompetent and couldn't do anything right. This is not meant to bash her but give you a sense of what I went through. I started crying in the bathroom like I had grown accostmued to and when another worker was trying to console me she walked in. She was not there to use the restroom. She was there for me. IT was clear. She opened the door, pointed at me and said "In my office now!"

Everyone in there was concerned for me and tried to assure me everything would be ok. I did NOT however agree with their opinions. I dried my eyes, left the bathroom slowly and made evry step to her office count! I walked in her office and sat down. She was sitting behind her desk fuming.

She began attacking without hesitation.

"You act like a 3 year old child who always is in trouble. You can't walk around crying and balling every time I say something to you or if you and another co-worker disagree. This is unacceptable behavior and needs to stop. You are a grown woman who is in the workforce and will be in the work force more and more the older you get. I want you to stop acting like a child but I doubt that you will. You are incompetent, immature and childish. The reality is this...

You lack the Emotional Intelligence to work in Corporate America 
and need to always remember that!

You can't hold it together. You can't do anything right, you are a child and I want this attitude to stop now! Now get back to your desk and grow up!!"

In all reality I heard nothing after the "You don't have the emotional intelligence to work in Corporate America. " That sunk in like a lead weight.

I have struggled for years doing temp jobs that are in a Corporate setting. I last for about 3 months and then all hell breaks loose. Anything longer than 6 months and the world may crumble to me for all the drama that ends up created.

Bosses always say, I come off too strong, I don't send emails correctly, they baby me and insist that everything goes through them first, like I am a child who needs an adult to mentor what I say. I used to take this in stride and agree with them wholeheartedly but things are different now. If a manager feels like I need my hand held that much I feel I don't need to be there.

I am not a child.
I don't need a manager to hold my hand.
If a manager feels they need to hold my hand then I feel I shouldn't be there.
I have grown a lot in my years.
I don't cry at a moments notice.
I don't get upset over every little drama.
I don't need to call my mother or sister or boyfriend for every little thing that happened.
I can handle it now.
I have read countless books on Crucial Conversations, Crucial Confrontations, How to Say it at Work, and The Influencer to name only a few.
I am a smart woman.

There is one thing that has been a Truth I have swallowed whole.

Emotional Intelligence

For years I touted that like it was Truth. But now I look how far I became. Read above.

I have vastly grown and changed.

Recently I have had three altercations at work that yes do get me to a "It isn't fair" mentality but I still do the right thing. I still get over it, through it or around it.

When this last thing came to my knowledge that another manager couldn't just come to me to talk to me yet went to my employment agency instead and whined about me, I allowed this to affect me. I started telling myself the lie that everyone in my jobs since Lending Tree were right and that I did NOT have the Emotional Intelligence to do my job. Then two days went by and I received to reminders from Brave Girls Club.

My mind clicked and said, "Hey you! Yes You! Those things you have been telling yourself are lies. They are lies that you have deemed as Truth and swallowed whole. Only you can decide to belive them or let them go. Beleive your Truthteller inside you. You DO have the Emotional Intelligence to work in Corporate Amaerica. The really question is...


My mind came into awareness and I answered these questions. (It's ok to answer yourself just don't do it in public or people think your whacko!)

I DONT want to work in Coporate America. I don't like how it acts like a small town. I don't like how people have clicks. I don't like being in an office all day. I don't like how petty and mean people are even and especially managers. But's NOT what I want to do.

Thank you for reminding me!!
I want to enjoy life.
I want to be happy.
I want to live.

Each time things blow up it pushes me one step closer to things I want in my life. This time is not exception yet instead pushed me even further. Further into my goals of not living like a Robot. Further into my goals of living life the way I want on MY terms.

And I offer this reminder to you.

What are you doing that you really don't want to do?
What lies are telling yoruself keeping you in this situation?
Why are you doing it?
What do YOU want to do?
Why are you NOT doing it?

What do YOU want to DO?

Then in the words of Nike...JUST DO IT!

I beleive in you.

You and I DO have the Emotional Intelligence as well as any other smarts and Intelligence it takes to do what we desire to do. Don't let the ghosts of your past be the voice in your head. Let the Truthteller be that voice and stop listening to lies and start...

Listening to the Truth.