Yearning for that Core Desired Feeling: KinShip-Connection-Tribe

I saw this post on FB recently and after reading it I went to repost it and realized I had quite a lot to say on this and so I am sharing here in this space.

http://www.lifebuzz.com/start-doing/#!EyJhH

#21 and #30 are highly relevant to me and I resonate well with they are saying.n't spend ay more time with me than if I were far away.

#21. Start being attentive to your stress level and take short breaks. – Slow down. Breathe. Give yourself permission to pause, regroup and move forward with clarity and purpose. When you’re at your busiest, a brief recess can rejuvenate your mind and increase your productivity. These short breaks will help you regain your sanity and reflect on your recent actions so you can be sure they’re in line with your goals.

#30. Start noticing how wealthy you are right now. – Henry David Thoreau once said, “Wealth is the ability to fully experience life.” Even when times are tough, it’s always important to keep things in perspective. You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night. You didn’t go to sleep outside. You had a choice of what clothes to wear this morning. You hardly broke a sweat today. You didn’t spend a minute in fear. You have access to clean drinking water. You have access to medical care. You have access to the Internet. You can read. Some might say you are incredibly wealthy, so remember to be grateful for all the things you do have.

 #1 I feel is difficult because I am avidly YEARNING for those connections and kinship with others but lately I feel as though it is only one sided. I want to be with them and hang out and do things together, but I feel like people locally don't want to do things with me. I HEAR long distance friends say "If you were closer, I would hang out with you or do things with you" but people have said that before and then when locally, they do

#1. Start spending time with the right people. – These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways. They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally.



This is actually one of my Core Desired Feelings "The feeling if Kinship/Connection/Tribe"

I have these misconceptions about those around me thinking they would desire to hang out with me or do stuff with me, that we are close enough that we have the type of friendship that does that. But in every effort to invite others in, make people a part of things ask and desire them to spend time with me, sadly I am still left doing things alone, by myself and such.

Am I approaching this desire the wrong way? Maybe I am coming off as too needy still (i don't think so but who knows) Am I coming off as too abrasive? (maybe my honesty puts others off)

Is there something I could do differently to be the type of person that people WANT to be around? I thought I was, but of course we are human and there is always room for  improvement.

Maybe I am not being grateful enough and appreciating the ones I do have. It perhaps it not about the QUANTITY but QUALITY of those friendships that do.

Or perhaps it is nothing. Perhaps my life just warrants different time freedoms and such that others don't and though their desire to be with me, hang out, do things is there, their life however does not give them that freedom or perhaps they can't or donat make it such.

For those that have spent time with me recently, made me a priority in their lives, and who I know are a aprt of my tribe, I thank you. It means the worlds to me, that you would desire to spend time with me when you could be doing other things. More than you know, it say alot.

Actions speak louder than words and when a person takes the time to spend time or engage in conversation with another, you are telling that person "I value you and value my time with you. You are a priority to me. I desire to be with you or I wouldn't be here."

so thank you.

a lot.

Until next time,

XOXO Trisha Trixie

Funerals

Funerals are not the easiest for me. Today I am going to a funeral for my cousins wife's father who I also consider my cousin. I did not really know her dad but I know her. I lived with them for awhile and she is very dear to me. I know it would mean a lot to her to have me there. I also know it would make her sad if I was not there. So I am going.

My father passed when I was ten. My best friends dad died when we were sixteen. My grandparents died around the holidays and death has been such a big part of my life you would think I am used to it. But I am not. Quite the opposite. I am sure no one LIKES death. Ok I take that back. I know my nephew is all goth this and that and some of my younger friends are all into goth and death but in reality I don't think they REALLY like death.

My cousin, her husband, was at my father's funeral. He saw how traumatic of experience it was for me. But many did not see the aftermath of how it affected me. Or should I say how I was unwilling to accept this fact.

Then going to live with a mother who believed in life after death did not help. Then I was quite confused. Was he dead or wasn't he?

I do believe in a higher power and I do believe living life to the fullest is essential because who knows. Though I also believe in accountability because also who knows about what that afterlife is. Maybe we come back as another human, a rabbit, a dolphin or a worm. I have no clue. Perhaps we go on to be missionaries to other worlds or other universes and help them learn. Still, I don't know.

I was Mormon for ten years and to add to my confusion about the afterlife, that also did not help yet add to the confusion.

So when I am going to a funeral anymore many thoughts go racing in my mind.

But in the end because of past things that have happened in my life no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, how far I have have come, I am always "Daddy's Little Girl" and the events and thoughts around my fathers death rise up in my head and come back into my mind.

I have grown much stronger since then and thanks to my dear counselor Sara I have learned to conquer these things and move forward with them on days like these. That doesn't mean it isn't hard.

But there are moments like these, like today that we, as adults, must put aside thoughts of ourselves, be there for others and take that empathy and turn it towards them. We love them, nurture them and show them our friendship and compassion.

My insecurities no longer define me. They do not need to define you. Do not let them.

Oh oddly. Reminders of Kat's Johny all of sudden coming wafting into my mind. How often that girl is in my head and I have never met her. But I know out there someone shares something with me.


A pain, a hurt, a love, and growth for a better day and a new tomorrow.


Dang, why did I put on makeup if I am only going to cry it off.....


Until next time my lovelies...

xoxo~TrishaTrixie

What it Means to Be a Friend

In the new Musical 13 they describe what it means to be a friend

A friend’s not a cheap little phony creep
Or a jerk trying to make a deal
A friend is a person who, most of all,
Cares about what you feel;
And nothing is harder
Than learning a friend isn’t real

A friend sends notes back and forth all day
And doesn’t care that you can’t spell
A friend knows you’ve got a crush on your teacher,
But a friend would never tell
A friend’s outside waiting
The minute you both hear the bell

And if your heart is always breaking
Cause the world is just not fair
When you’re at your worst
Your friend’s the first one there
Giving you something to lean on
And that’s what it means to be a friend

A friend won’t smoke when she’s in your room
Or laugh at the poems you write
A friend won’t go start kissing your brother
The minute that you’re out of sight
A friend is the person
You call sixteen times every night

And if your heart is always breaking
And you want to run and hide
When your hope is gone
Your friend is on your side

If someone moves in ‘round the corner
And you want to show him you care
So you give him all your last month of vacation
And all of the time you can spare
But then, on the first day of classes
He acts like you’re not even there,
Then he doesn’t know…
He doesn’t know!
He’ll never know what it means
To be a friend

My version:

My friends call me from time to time. I call them from time to time. We see each other when the other is in town. We share our interests and things that don't. Being a friend doesn't mean picking and choosing what you will be there for. It means answering questions you may not want to answer. It means being truthful when you know it may hurt. It means being there for someone when it's ideal and when it's not.It means being there for your friend as well as in a relationship. One should not supersede the other. It is being there when it's inconvenient as well as convenient. It means being there the ups and downs and the emotional roller coaster that may or may not pertain to you. It means sticking it out no matter what even when things don't always jive or you don't agree. It means being allow to disagree. A friend who talks for hours when you're feeling alone, even if it means going over on his cell phone minutes; the evidence of true friends is what they do to show their loyalty, honesty, trustworthiness, or willingness to make a sacrifice when you need help. Sometimes what a good friend needs from you is brutal honesty, not a cheerleader. IT is GIVE and TAKE.  The following words are also how I feel about friendship....please read...

 A good friend is busy (like most of us) but still manages to make time for me. Good friends know that friendships are one of the perks in life designed to improve your world. They do not look at friendships as a waste of time, or something to pay attention to only when they need a favor. To that end, they make time even when they are busy by proactively keeping in touch through email, Facebook Twitter, and phone calls.

A great friend rallies behind you without prompting when you need a few words of encouragement, and stands by you when you make a life-changing decision. While friends might not always agree with the things you are doing, they support you all the same. This means that when you need a shoulder to cry on or somebody to celebrate with, they are right by your side.

Friends know how to have fun and they help you have it. When they can't be there to enjoy it with you, they share your excitement and joy and share it remote if need be.

When it seems like no one in your life will tell you the truth, your friend will have your back. They  might not always tell you what you want to hear, but they will be honest with you, and that is valuable in today's world. More than that, their honestly will always be meant to help you rather than cut you down.

When they disagree with you, it's done in a respectful way that is meant for you both to come to an understanding, not to change your mind or to "win." Your level of trust is high with a good friend because they respect you too much to ruin your relationship.

I am a High Maintenance Friend.But I am a giver. I am loving and kind. I will give you the shirt off my back. I will drive for hours to help you and take my last dollar and give it to you. I will answer a call in the dead of the night to be there for you. Even if I have an excruciating migraine, I will do my darndest to be there for you. I support my friends and I yearn to be them for them. I give them my all. I am empathic to their needs and help to lift them up not tear them down. It means encouraging them to be their best. IT means accepting them when they are not. It means being there when they are weak and helping to make them strong again.

It means phone calls, emails, texts, visits, cards letters, all things to keep in touch, show concern, care and love for your friend. In today's world, I don't understand why someone can't take the time for me, when I take the time for them.

Friendship isn't easy. Friendship is a dynamic of a relationship and ALL relationship take EFFORT. I know me, I know I require much effort.

The true question I ask all my friends is this

Am I worth your effort?


Other Links about Friendship

http://www.deaflion.com/people/what-it-means-to-be-a-good-friend

http://tortiz.wrytestuff.com/swa494541.htm

http://barney.wikia.com/wiki/That_is_What_it_Means_to_Be_A_Friend

Some excerpts taken from About.com http://friendship.about.com/od/Keeping-Friendships-Strong/tp/How-To-Be-A-Great-Friend.htm