Digital Minimalism

 I was reading one of my blogs on Minimalistic Lifestyle and one of the things she is talking about is "Digital Minimalism."

Many of us have heard about Minimalism. Usually when we hear that we think of decluttering, cleaning, giving old items away to charities, and many think of blank walls and small portions of things in the home for instance, not having all the appliances out of the counter. 

That is a hard one for me in my home. For one thing, I am an appliance junkie. I love things that could make my life easier, for another, I use them often and I just hate taking them in and out of cupboards. So, I compromise. I unplug all the appliances I am not using and only plug in the toaster usually because that is what I use the most. 

Digital Minimalism is nearly the same, however, we are talking about decluttering your life online and on your phone. It is about reclaiming your life.

Minimalism helps us reclaim our time online

I do not have the Facebook app on my phone. I use Chrome to go to the Facebook website and use it there. I spend less and less time online. Which, funnily enough, my friends have noticed. Mostly for worry because of my health issues, so I do health updates here and there for them, and going forward, I am really going to give it my all to post intentionally.

Minimalism stems the spending

It helps us to stop buying things we don't need. I know for sure, that when I don't have WISH on my phone and ETSY and I only have the apps I actually need, it makes a HUGE difference. I also turned off notifications on my phone for most of my apps that are not health-related or needed. This gives me back time in my life and allows me to save more for the things I really want, like travel, vacationing, etc.

Minimalism buys you time

Minimalism buys you time because if you need less, you can work less. I find her words to be true about others who live in fancy houses and have fancy items and while I would love to live in a large house, I do not want the upkeep, high-priced bills, and the rent or the mortgage of those places. People who I know who live like this are under more pressure to work more or to have both the wife and the husband put in more hours to pay for all that. 

Less stuff equals fewer hours.

It really is that simple.

If you lead a simple life, less stuff, less clutter, etc, you find you have more time for the things in your life you really want.

Time is not on my side with Stage 4 Cancer.

For me, every little thing I can do to give me more time is important to me. 

It helps me live the life I want o live not the one I have to live.

Because of the email blog I read, I have more ideas I want to push myself forward to be better at Digital Minimalism in 2023 and years into my future...

• Delete unused apps from my phone
• Post intentionally online and less frequently
• Turn off my phone when out to eat with others
• Purchase items online intentionally
• Declutter my laptop by removing unused programs
• Leave my phone at home when I can
• Take long walks to think to myself and be alone with my thoughts
• Either Journal or Write letters to yourself
• Limit texting others
• Hold "Conversation Time" where you actually speak to others in person at over the phone. 
• Zoom or Facebook Video where you can't be there in person

Other Digital Minimalist Practices from the website "Simple and Straightforward"

• Delete social media from your phone.
  
• Turn your devices into single-purpose computers. For example, keep separate devices for work and personal business.
  
• Use social media like a professional. This means only interacting in meaningful ways that contribute to a goal — not mindlessly scrolling or clicking "like".
  
• Embrace slow media. This includes books, newspapers, and podcasts.
  
• Dumb down your smartphone by deleting unnecessary apps. Try to use your phone more for talking than for text-based communication.

Here are a  couple of websites that I love and in part, 

My thoughts today stem from the article that he wrote on Simple and Straightforward

https://simpleandstraightforward.substack.com/

The blog that featured it was No Sidebar

https://nosidebar.com/

Thank you for reading this far. I would love to see a comment from you and thoughts on what you think about "Digital Minimalism"

With all my love,

Trisha Trixie

Aspergers, Aspie, and Me

I am always unique, dynamic, different, audacious and phenomenal...in the beginning.

They want to to be around me.

They nearly want to devour me.

In the beginning.

Until they delve in deeper.

Then, those fateful words I hate to hear..."too much" or "you're a lot to take"

UGH. just stab me right now already.

I don't even remember a time when those words were NOT uttered.

I feel like I have heard them my whole life.

I am sure I havent' heard them 48 years, but let's say for realism, since I was 5 years old.

I remember a time when I was five years old, at my aunties table, arguing with a man about who should be president and why. Meaning no harm, teasing he said "you are too much. you are not a five year old, you must be a midget!" While he meant it as a compliment, I will ever forget it.

As I grew older, I was "too much" for my cousins to play with.

I was "too much" for the boys at school to consider dating.

In my twenties and thirties, I was "too much" for my spouses, friends and co-workers.

It wasn't until my forties that it was brought to my attention that I may have Aspergers.

In 2016 I was tested and not only that, but I am bi-polar too! WOW!

Well, that sure explains alot.

Hmm...I hear that phrase a lot too, come to think of it.

Just now I hear it when the time comes, that I end up having to explain to someone that I have Aspergers and meat no harm by what I said, or didn't understand because I have Aspergers, or I'm "a lot to take"

Now I am 48 years old.

I'm sick of explaining that to people.

A good friend recently told me, perhaps instead of explaining "Aspergers" explain the symptom and why it pertains to me and Aspergers. That is better perhaps, but the whole having to explain it is obnoxious. I am not the only Aspie that feels this way.

AS one article below says, the hard thing is that we, Aspies, always have to explain. But other's don't. It is our fault if we don't' understand, not yours for not explaining it clearly. It is our fault if we don't get the joke. It is our fault if we are rude, or unfiltered, not others for being fake or petty.

People don't realize how very hard it is to be an Aspie.

We have to walk on eggshells.

We always have to apologize.

We have to think twice as hard about what comes out of our mouths because most of the time it is too raw for others to hear, accept or understand.

We are the ones who lose friends because people just can't take us anymore.

And we are the ones we walk around with an invisible sign that sometimes we wish all to see that says "Yes, I am an ASPIE. I have Aspergers. I have High functioning Autism."


I have no filter
I think black and white
I don't get hints.
I often don't understand jokes.
Sarcasm is way over my head.
We take things, life and you as well as what you say for face value.
We struggle with emails and text because there is no facial expression or tone.
We are often like blind people having to try to read those expressions and tones and figure out what they mean.
Most have something else. I have Bi-Polar.
My pace and my way let me succeed.
Your way and your method generally does not.
We are not great with eye contact.
We take things literally.
WE infringe other comfort zones without realizing it
We are generally pretty damn smart
We often excel at things
We express love differently
We are not weird you are.
We are trying to understand.
Give us a little understanding.
Grant us a little compassion

http://autisticnotweird.com/asperger-syndrome-50-facts-about-having-mild-autism/

https://www.medicinenet.com/asperger_syndrome/article.htm#what_is_aspergers_syndrome

http://theweek.com/articles/469278/5-important-facts-misconceptions-about-aspergers-syndrome

https://www.everydayhealth.com/aspergers/7-famous-people-you-didnt-know-aspergers-syndrome/

https://www.kennethrobersonphd.com/aspergers-syndrome/

https://www.aane.org/asperger-fact-sheet/

7 Steps to Caregiver Love

My mother recently reminded me, as a caregiver herself, that we on this side of the fence often forget our wonderful caregivers who are there to help us.

I am so ever grateful to my Hunepants for being my caregiver and honestly don't know what I would do without him. So to pay respects to all caregivers, here is a little post just for you. This is for US patients and those around us to remember the caregivers as well as the needy.

I recently was hospitalized and didn't even think about how much he needed a break from me as well. Times like these help those us who have caregivers hopefully realize that they do a lot for us and we need to not be so dern grouchy, irritable and insensitive. We need to be thoughtful of those who cNOTare for us and do so much. So here is a little post for the patients to remember the caregivers. This is NOt a post for caregivers on how. This is for YOU the one who NEEDS that caregiver to remember them and be thinking of them.

1. They probably won't do it YOUR way.

No, they probably won't put the dishes away where you want them to go, and no they probably won't do the laundry the way YOU like it done. Who cares? At least they are TRYING to help out and do their part.  Be happy and THANKFUL they are helping. they could just leave everything for you to do as well as trying to be the patient. Even if they only do ONE thing. Say thank you. Be thankful. show them thanks the way they like to be thanked. If you don't know how they like tobe thanked....find out. It matters.

2. Consider hiring help

Maybe you can't afford to hire help as in a home health aide or maybe insurance won't cover it. My insurance won't cover an Aide, like my sister is, to help people clean and do shopping, but they will allow me to have a Health Nurse. This week we are considering hiring one to help out so he doesn't have to be the doctor, the nurse and everything else too.

We also have started hiring someone to come in and do Prep Meals for us and clean every other week. I can't do most stuff, but getting down and scrubbing toilets and showers are not in my wheelhouse right now and he is the one working and paying the bills so I don't think he should have to either.

Plus, as a joke, now we always have someone to blame as in "Oh, where did M, put that this time?" or "Must be M's fault we can't find anything." I told her and she laughed so I know it doesn't even bother her and this takes the stress off us.

3. Do little things for them once in awhile

This morning, after being in the hospital 4 days and nights, I was so thankful to be home, that I got up early and made Hunepants tea the way he likes it. I also woke up early and told him to get in bed, because most nights he sleeps on the couch as not to disturb me and sometimes him to so he can get some rest. I would have made him breakfast too but I actually haven't been paying enough attention to know what he eats in the morning anymore.

Note to self: pay attention to the little things as well

By the way, he made an English egg muffin with turmeric and cheese. simple. DUH. Maybe tomorrow If I am feeling well I will make him tea AND breakfast.

4. Use your resources

I have a church family who offers me meals. Many churches offer this or other community members. Think about your friends and other family who may be able to give you rides, clean, do things for you so the caregiver doesn't have to. There is no reason on earth and no one said

"The caregiver has to do it all for you." So stop expecting them to. Use what your momma gave you, yourself and use your resources.

5. This may not be "short term"

You or your caregiver may have thought "Oh I'll just help out for a bit." Next thing you know it's 4 or more years down the road and they are still helping and you are still griping.

"Did you know, most caregivers have been helping out their loved ones for 5 years or more?"

That little bit of helping has maybe turned into a lot of helping. If they, like my spouse, are the breadwinner too (meaning they bring in the $$), that is a lot to take on. Be aware of your needs as things progress as not to over stress your caregiver. think about the other things I have mentioned, like hiring help, using your resources, etc as a way of helping out.

6. Caregivers have mood swings too

You don't get to be the only one who gets to fly off the handle one minute, cry the next and then be happy. Sorry folks, we are both humans here. Unless you found a way to have a robot as a caregiver and are rolling in the dough, most likely your caregiver is human and has emotions JUST LIKE YOU.

GO FIGURE.

Remember that. So give them a break like they give you a break too. Let it pass. Breathe. Let them have their mood swings too. Realizing that you both are gonna have these up and down days, moments and time really will make things a lot easier.

Now, that being said, I don't think it is wrong to point it out on either side of the scale. Sometimes, maybe you don't realize that you are being a raging B* and sometimes maybe they don't realize they are being a royal arse. Not rudely, but kindly maybe ask if things are ok and if they realize they are being that way. they can do the same do you. This is a rule in our house we allow. That doesn't mean either of us are going to stop being that way, because in reality, sometimes you just need to let those emotions out. We just go to our own corners (areas of the apartment) and let the emotions surface and then it tends to dissipate on it's own. That may or may not happen for you, but it works for us.

7. Make sure they have their ME TIME too

They need to take care of themselves. They need time to themselves. They need to do their own thing and release all that they are dealing with...YOU. They need to nourish their own souls too. Let them have that time. Make sure they have that time if they aren't already. Be patient when they want or need that time.

My Hunepants likes to play video games. he likes to code. He likes board games. He likes to read news online. these are none of the things I particularly like to do, except the Board Games part. So I give him his space. I let him have his morning to read Reddit (boring to me) or listen to CPR (Colorado Public Radio) in the car (again boring), but I know it makes him happy so I let him do these things.

Whatever your caregiver likes to do for their time, let them do it. don't make fun of it. Don't hassle them about it. It isn't YOUR TIME it's THEIRS, so ZIP IT and just ALLOW IT.

You both will be  happier.

My mother likes to help others, sew, craft, bead, quilt and write. Sadly, she doesn't always get to do these things and I am on her constantly about her having her own time. She can't just be the errand girl or the doctor girl or the nurse. She needs her time too. (Are you listening mommie dear?)


*********************************************************************************

All in all, obey the Golden Rule. Treat others as you want to be treated. 

Until next time,
Always Be Fabulous
Trisha Trixie

Finding my Dharma

I am currently working through a guide I got from  a course called Dharma in Action. It is through a program I purchased connected to Carrie Hensley.  I joined her Online Sangha Community at the beginning of the Year, and Dharma in Action was offered through that. It it an Intense course to help you go through your goals, intentions, reach your goals through SMART achievable actions and ways and means to get there through various tools she offers. I don't want to give away "too much" because the Sangha IS a paid program and the Dharma in Action is something you get by paying for that program. Being an Entrepreneur myself, I know, this is how we make money and I would never take money away from another. 

This month the theme is SERVICE....

........................

My friend who I have known for some time was passing through town reminded me recently that I serve others quite frequently. She knows I would give you every penny I have, the shirt and shoes off my back and do everything I can for you. She also reminded me quite BOLDLY in what some would say was maybe ABRUPT, but that's what old friends are for. As we are visiting, I am telling her about all these people i have helped and done things for and how enriching and enlightening it has been and how my soul has felt so nourished and she says something to the affect (I am paraphrasing here) "Trisha, that's great, but you need to nourish YOUR soul, and take care of you! Don't forget to serve yourself and take care of YOU TOO!"

God I love friends who aren't afraid to slap you in the face metaphorically.

This reminder that I ALWAYS serve others. though it is good, but not to forget ME. To serve me. To take care of Me. to have me time. Trisha time. 

I am kind and loving and I would give you the shirt off my back the shoes I am wearing and every dime I have. I would serve you until I have nothing and yes that is true. But that we need to be of service to ourselves. God loves us and we are also his children. We need to remember to serve ourselves and not forget that we are need service. to take care our OUR bodies, minds and souls. 

It was such an enlightening visit, good friends do that to us. Plus the sound healing she did on me was amazing. I want more of that! I want to learn that too.

August, DIA, though probably meant to be more of a Service to OTHERS will be a reminder to me this month to look INWARD. I serve others SO much and love other SO MUCH that I forget to look in the mirror. Trisha needs service too. 

Monthly goals for August: to be in more Service to myself. To remember to give myself Me Time. 

Obstacles: Taking the time to do it. Carving out the time. Not getting distracted doing other things.

I didn't read the book for this month and probably wont as I don't buy a lot of books as we are trying to downsize so we can move into something smaller,  but from what I understand of the book we are to read it is about Adult Behavioral Change and Triggers that do that. I did find a great article from Harvard Health Publications I wanted to share with you. Read more by clicking on the link below...

Why it’s hard to change unhealthy behavior — and why you should keep trying

I am going to apply the same questions though from the DIA Book Review to the article-

DIA: What were your three key take-aways:

1. Change is a process not an event: "Each stage is a preparation for the following one, so hurrying through or skipping stages is likely to result in setbacks"
2. Stages of Change: 
1. Precontemplation: The" all my family is fat, so i'm gonna be fat"
2. Contemplation "I'm considering change in six months"
3. Preparation: Making palns to change. Joined a gym, or bought nicotine patch
4. Action: You've changed. Stopped smoking
5. Maintenance: You've practiced this new behavior for six months now. You've "maintained" it.  You killed the old habit and started and kept a new one.

This part really intrigued me" That may require other changes, especially avoiding situations or triggers associated with the old habit. It can be tough, especially if it means steering clear of certain activities or friends while you work to fully assimilate your new, healthier habit." Mostly because I don't think people understand this. 

They think "Oh, I can still hang around all my old friends who are TOXIC for me. Or I can still hang around FAMILY even , that is TOXIC and I will still be fine. NO, you WON'T be fine. It doesn't matter if it family or friends or even co-workers, if those people have the old habits that led you to the toxic things you did or toxic way of thinking, then you CAN'T hang around them anymore. they will lead you back down that destructive way of thinking and lifestyle once again. Those are TRIGGERS.

I get that.

DIA How can you apply the lessons from the [article] to your personal/professional life:

Remember to steer clear of those toxic people in my life. Remove or turn off notification from those people who trigger me. Old friends are great, but if they trigger me into a negative frame of mind and do not help me to achieve my Dharma, then they are no good for me. and will not help me to reach my goals.

DIA: What can you use from the [article] to help you reach your intention:

This really spoke to me too...

"It can take a few rounds"

It was a good reminder that things do not always happen on our time. I was even just reading in Peter, in the bible this Sunday and I read "...to the Lord 1 day is like 1000 years and 1000 years is like a day." 

Think about that. That is profound. So when are like "Come on Heavenly Father, hurry up..." He is like "Be patient my child" because uh, hello...time moves WAAAAAAAAAY different in celestial time. 

If you believe in reincarnation like my mother does (not sure where I stand on that one yet) then my mother says it may take a few lives. Which could be the same as "It can take a few rounds" . Regardless..Be patient. 

DIA: What can you use from the [article] to help you overcome some of the obstacles on your path: 

It is VERY funny that THAT was the next question in the DIA because THIS was the next line in the article...

"The path from one stage to the next is rarely straightforward"

I think that sums it up.

Thanks for reading and listening.

Hugs and kisses and fairytale wishes.

XoXo, Namaste, TrishaTrixie

TrishaTrixie...grabbing life every moment she can!

POE: Pursuit of Excellence: Intentions, Dreams, and Goals

Right click to download free wallpaper gift from Trisha Trixie :)

I don't know how the discussion came to be but HunEPants and I were talking about goals and he asked me if I had specific goals I am working on this year. I said yes and asked if he want to hear them? He replied "Yes" and I looked around to see if I still had the ones nearby taped to the back of my bedroom door. I did so I pulled those off and we sat down on the bed and I began to read them off.

As I barreled down this long list on Spiritual, Intellectual, Service, Character and Physical Challenges he nods his head and at times smiles. When I got to certain parts I remark on what things I have and have not accomplished for the year. I tell him that to my surprise out of ALL of the ones I was MOST surprised about was that I have accomplish ALL of the Physical Challenges and those were the ones, I thought I was going to have the hardest time with.

POE: Physical Challenges:

Develop healthy eating habits and patterns

Learn to cook healthy foods.

Develop a program of regular exercise.

Work toward healthy sleep patterns.

Improve your personal appearance or hygiene.

Improve emotional and mental health.

Create opportunities to be active with family and friends.

Then I continued with the list and said, "I create this list in January generally but then somewhere mid year I go back through them, and take a measurement of what I have and have not accomplished, however, I don't call these goals. I call these  "INTENTIONS". Because when people thin of goals I feel they get let let down. I want to lose ten pounds. Then they don't lose ten pound they lose 2 pounds, they feel they failed, they give up, and it's all over. however, if they say I INTEND to lost ten pounds and they lose 2, they can be excited in the success that they lost 2! Understand?

He nods his head yes.

"Also, I do a mid year check because, my life shifts and changes and perhaps those things that were important to me in January aren't important tome anymore. Like I started The Good of Sisterhood and Intended to have speakers and courses and have it be a Meetup generated idea, however, with the loss of your mom (we lost my mother in law right at the beginning of the year) that changed everything, that shifted things, not only our lives, but also my perception of things. "

Hunepants replied "I see"

"I intended to gain one Newsletter subscriber a month, and do more with the Passive Expertise Princess and focus more on the Passive Income side of things, but as I said, my perception of things changed and instead, since I WAS working on my mindfulness degree, that became into full focus and those things became trivial to me and my idea of SUCCESS, pivoted and changed and became different. I didn't care about have a new list subscriber, I didn't care about pod-casting,  webinars, and you tubing, I slowly didn't take about the entrepreneur world and slowly shifted my gaze to mindfulness, yoga, peace, enlightenment, etc. I finished my MBSR (mindfulness Based Stress Reduction  Certification) to help those with PTSD, suffering, overcoming, anguish, turmoil and the hardships of life. THAT became my focus. As well as dealing with your grief and my grief over the loss of losing your mother." 

Hunepants ask "Hmmmm..." I see him thinking and pondering all this

I comment "Sorry that was a long answer to probably a short question."

He chuckles and says" no, I expected a long answer with you." Of which this makes us both chuckle.

Then I said " To  finish up, (I show up him my book that says CARPE DIEM) I write down my mid year goals then transfer them to my program ASANA which is a project management tool, you know me, that helps me keep it all together and I check things off as I go, like Agile Methodology to keep track and I do that weekly. Until the end of year and then the following year I do it all again. I learned the Intentions from Danielle La Porte back in 2011 when I was doing that soul searching thing and have been doing it since. 

He says "Very good hunney. I am proud of you!"

I grin one of those cheesy almost cat like grins. Sweeter words were never spoken than when someone you love/care about tells you they are proud of you. my heart swells. :)

He goes back to playing video games and I don't remember but I go back to reading my crafting magazine or coloring to relax.

I still have some pretty big lofty goals this year that I am trying to meet and some little ones. I am diligent, determined, driven and those are just the d words. 

Do I bite off more than I can chew? To MOST people, or would MOST people think so? I would say, I think they would think so, but for someone like me, no. 

I have high high high ENERGY. I wake at 5:30 am every morning, take no naps during the day and can't fall asleep until about 11pm at night and I start winding down at 7/8pm mind you. I drink no coffee, only tea and most of that is decaf, Chai only. Generally I drink 120 oz of water with lime and Nosalt (potassium) throughout the day. So no, it isn't caffeine. It's just me. this is me, ask my sisters. Ask my friends. They call me The Energizer Bunny. LOL.

I enjoy life and I want to live it. I want to leave a legacy of love, positivity, and a life well lived behind me. I never want someone to say "what a waste" when I am gone. I am a Chronic Pain Sufferer and have Degenerative Back issues a lot. I am concerned that there will get to be a time when I wont' be able to do certain things in my life and I want to live my life before that happens. 

As well, my bio father passed when I was ten and a friends father passed when we were teens in high school. that taught me very early on: LIFE IS SHORT. Life is meant to be lived, not just survived. When that movie Titanic came out and they showed how she lived her life and did all those things it was like an emulation of my life and such I have carried that on as well. 

Now, though I don't look it, I am 46 years old. (though everyone thinks about 35ish) I have done nearly everything on the bucket list I wanted except Ziplining and I still intend to. I say my bucket list is a Backwards Bucket list now. Now I want peace, a quiet cabin in the woods where I can garden, live off the land, solar panels, read books, sew, quilt, craft, color, create, draw, lead the simple life, live  a treehouse I don't care. 

Until then, I still have 10-20 more years to accomplish my dreams and goals with my hunepants (he is 11 years my younger) so I have time. I take care of him right now and he said when I can't take care of me, he promises to do that part. So I am striving to pursue my excellence.

Are you pursuing your excellence? What are YOUR intentions this year? 

10 Things I Learned from Being Friends With Guys

As my life has gone on these 46 years I have come to understand certain things in life since the majority of my friends are guys. You see, the longer as a girl you are friends with guys, you just learn to accept and understand certain things and well, I just wanted to share these ten things with you:

1. Getting picked on means they like you and that you are part of the group. Consider is a privilege, not a right. I used to hate it when the guys in the group picked on me. Now I feel left out if they don't. 
2. When you are the girl in the guys group you have to be strong. You can't be crying and whiny. It's ok and encouraged to still be the girl. They like that. They like having a pretty girl around, but you still have to be strong and hold your own. Dish it out but take it back. Then you are strong and fun. They like that.
3. If you plan on dating someone, be prepared to have them go through a screening process with your guy friends, EXTENSIVELY! Guys know guys. They know how they think, what they want to do with you, to you, and around you. Don't get fooled and say stupid things to your guy friends like "Oh no , he's not like that." He's EXACTLY like that. Your guys friends KNOW he's like that because they are guys too. Listen to your guys friends. They know. They are trying to protect you and watch out for you. Pay attention.
4. My guys friends and me seem to be the only ones who can openly discuss sex in explicit detail and no one seems to get freaked out about it. Conversations also randomly start in explicit detail about explicit details about explicit body parts and about explicit things I or he did. At one point it used to be about what I was wearing but I think as we got older we got more prudish and thats ok. Or maybe I just got more prudish not that I got married, but still I think this is still pretty cool.
5. You are each other best wing-man most likely. At least I know I am always THEIR best wing-man, I mean what is better than a girl telling another girl how great a guy is? Right? 
6. You both can be completely YOURSELF with each other no matter what and the other accepts each other wholeheartedly, no judgements and that is  freaking awesome-sauce. GIRLS don't do that! 
7. Guys are great at keeping secrets. They don't go running to another girl and gossip. Now they might share with other guys in the group something but that's for understanding. If you have a problem, guys are great to go and if you are in a guy group the guy group is great to go to when you have a problem because guys are great problem solvers most especially when it pertains to work or career issues. Even more so when it has to do with guy problems. I mean go to the source right? 
8. Except insensitivity. These aren't girls. Most likely they might often tell you "You know I'm not a girl right?" You might get a few hugs here or there and some kindness, but they aren't girls. You will most likely get teased and kidded around. They will pick on you and tease and tell you to get over it. They are trying to toughen you up. It's good for you honestly. All the toughening up my guys friends did for me did me a hell of a lot of good in my life. It taught me Courage, Strength, Fierceness, Bravery, Boldness and Determination to succeed at life. I overcame a lot of shit in my life and because an overcomer. If I can do it, you can too!
9. More than likely your guys friends will piss you off or hurt your feelings more times than not, but not long after you'll forgive them because they are also the best guys friends you have and they are just no other guys friends like them and you know it. You will miss their fun companionship so much it is like the Hobbit clan-ship. They break your plates and eat your food but you sure do miss them when they are gone.
10. You are friends for life. Through thick and thin. Good times and bad. Sorrow, heartache, laughter, love, marriage, divorce, birthdays, funerals, new homes, moving, whatever happens, even if you don't talk for awhile , you always pick things right back up, you can all each other at a moments notice and the other one is there...you are each other's best friends. This is how guy and girl friends are.

Ed Doolittle My Best Guy Friend since I was 16 and the one who has teased me and put up with all my shit for years! Thanks ED!

Anthony Harry

Scott Friedmeyer

Dwight Gawhen

John and Chris

Dan Tjarks

Justin Schillerberg

Me, Ben, Sherie, Jon McD

Donovan Klingel

Dean S

Eric Hanson

And of Course...my most Bestest Friend...

my #HunEPants

My Spouse

Benjamin Merrill

I am not a White Frog

In my quest to know more about Asperger's, I have started looking for movies that are about this or autism. I found a movie called White Frog. It is about a family dealing with Asperger's in two sons and after the loss of the older son in a fatal accident, the younger son learns more about his brother through his friends and connections and in the end, learns so much more about himself.

Here are some clips on YouTube about the movie...It is also on Netflix and amazing to watch.

“Grandma said a long time ago that Vietnamese people used to eat coconut frogs. Oh yeah. Coconut AND frogs. They’d take a coconut and make a small cut and insert a tadpole. Then, a few weeks later, they’d open up the coconut to find a blind frog with white skin.

After a couple weeks, you open the coconut and you’ll see a blind frog with, with white skin. And it’ll have the smoothest skin and the softest coconut flavored meat.

For most of my life, I’ve been like one of those tadpoles growing up in this strange world that never seemed right, but trying my best to fit in to grow into a frog. After spending time at the firehouse, it hit me. Our parents wanted us to be perfect. They had an image of what perfect should be. But in the end, I don’t deserve to live in a coconut. No one does…I am not a white frog and I will not be a white frog. Even if I’m weird or different or strange. 

‘Cause you know what? Everyone is different.”

Thank you the makers of this movie. You have helped me see, hear and understand Asperger's in a new light, a new way and a new vision for my own future!

Music Missing Piece from "White Frog"

I love this song and I can understand why so many with Asperger's might resonate with it. 

If you would like the "White Frog" Soundtrack you can find it here:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/white-frog-original-soundtrack/id532481589
http://www.allmusic.com/album/white-frog-original-soundtrack-mw0002530495
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0087YXZC6?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0
http://www.moviemusic.tv/soundtrack/white-frog-2012 (You can listen here)
(I also found it on Spotify)

and of course, on the official web page:
http://www.whitefrogthemovie.com/post/24903179818/the-white-frog-original-soundtrack-is-now

Self Diagnosed (for now) Asperger's or (I Prefer) Aspien Woman

Some of you may have noticed that in my social media, I have posted much more about Autism and Asperger's lately. After the loss of my Mother in Law, Nancy, I have a real hard time and felt prompted to go see my parents and my Uncle and Oldest Sister who all live in New Mexico. I kpet calling my newlywed spouse, oft times in tears of frustration of not being able to help or do what needed to be done to help or even function with everything that went on during my stay. Without unloading family life, let's just say my calm, serene Colorado Life I had gotten quite used to, was all the sudden turned upside down, as I was caught in the midst of family adversity, trials, and issues.

During this time, HunEPants had a dream, which he felt was more of a premonition from his mother Nancy to remind him about a boy with Asperger's he knew from college. In thinking about it, he made a connection to that thought and things I was saying on our calls as well as things I have said in my past. Things like:

• I don't get jokes
• I don't get sarcasm
• I like routines
• I have SPD-Sensory Processing Disorder
• I have sight, smell and texture sensitivities
• Sudden loss of friendships
• Hard time putting myself in others place 
• Black and White theory
• The inability to understand others emotions, facial reactions or gestures
• No filter, say what I think
• Constant problems in Marriage, workplace (which is why I like to work for myself), Friendships, difficulty parenting, etc
• Severely bullied in school
• Strong interest in subject I like
• Can get so focused on interest can forget to eat, or function in other ways
• Dont get hints, clues and social codes and clues
• Told I talk to fast or too much often
• Hard time with eye contact
• Unusual or one sided eating habits (could eat cereal all day)
• Often misunderstood
• Too honest
• Brutal in tolerance for others
• Highly sensitive to any type of criticism
• Often clumsy or no idea where bruises come from
• Used to have anorexia in high school
• Constant sleeping problems
• Brain never shuts off

and those are just the high level issues. He remembered in the 5 years we dated and now the half year we have been married, these things I have said over time and thought perhaps he shoudl talk to me about it. He found a site from Tania Marshall from Australia about Aspien Women and took a chance and sent it to me. I gotta say, what faith in our relationship to know that, or believe that I would appreciate this and Not get offended. 

Well, he was right. I did NOT get offended. Instead I felt relief. finally an answer. Finally, something I can relate to, something I resonate with, something I knew, but never had a name for. 

Aspien Woman

I feel so relieved. I feel so much better about knowing this. 

I have become a "Self Advocate" for now. Who know what tomorrow will bring. Through this, I have delved into constant research and knowledge about this "hidden disability" called Asperger's. There are many sites out there, but I really do like Tania's site. It is simple, easy to understand and chalk full of information. There are a few other sites I have found and will continue to find. I am sure this isn't the last you will hear of this from me. I was trying to decided if I wanted to start a new site to talk about this or if this was the space for it and as you see, I decided to keep it here. I have been wanting to write more on this blog this year anyway and perhaps this is the boost I needed to do so. 

I know this topic can make other feel uncomfortable so if you decide to stop following me, I understand and promise not to take it personally. However, it would mean the world to me if you commented, shared and listened (read) my words as I am on this quest for knowledge and understanding of this topic and life.

Here are some of the sites I have favorited or followed so far that I like:

• https://taniaannmarshall.wordpress.com 
• http://www.asperger-syndrome.me.uk/about.html 
• http://musingsofanaspie.com
• http://www.wrightslaw.com/info/autism.index.htm 
• https://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/diagnosis/dsm-5-diagnostic-criteria 
• http://postcardsfromtheedgeofthespectrum.com/autism-movies
• http://www.aspergerstestsite.com

Take the test here if you are curious Test Site

Thank you for reading. Thank you for your love. 

Apartment Scouting Adventure

Today I am traveling from Des Moines to Denver to embark on a new adventure...Apartment Scouting. It has been awhile since I have had to do apartment searching. Hunney Pants and I have been living in the house in Des Moines for so long we forgot what it was like (Even though I grew up in California and am more used to the Metro way of life).

Because we are moving to a NEW area neither of us have lived, we decided to sell the house here and get an apartment out in Denver South until we know the area better. We are still keeping our eyes open for condos and homes etc, but apartment life is going to be the way for us for a little while.

Everyone looks for different things when home hunting and some are even refined for apartment hunting. I have a general way of looking at things no matter what. Hunney and I actually put together a Google Sheets with the things and started Ranking them based on the following:

1. Look and feel of the apartment/home on its own merits. Does it have the bedrooms we need, the living space we desire and the amenities of the apartment that appeal to us the most being : A good layout, washer and dryer IN the unit itself, and the appliances we desire.
2. The look and feel of the complex: Is it in a good neighborhood, what are the surroundings like, are the exterior buildings kept up in good shape, does the property keep it clean and not falling apartment.
3. The neighbors: Can I hear a child screaming through the walls, are there tons of college age kids partying around or kids running amuck, and do the neighbors scents and smells exude to the place I am looking at?
4. I look at online reviews and take heed to what others rave about or complain about. If it appears that the only reviews came from the community, it is likely they are unreal. If there is a mix of good and bad, does the good outweigh the bad? And what they complain about matters too? Is it BS complaints or are they saying real things about the landlords, community or the leasing company?
5. The neighborhood surrounding the community: Is it in a good area? Is the area run down? Am "I" the minority? Would I feel safe? Is it newer or older? What is within walking distance and what do I have to drive to? How hard is it to get to the things I need, use and will want on a regular basis.
6. WalkScore: There is a site called www.walkscore.com and this told us how close or far things are. The place we are in now has a Walkscore of 14, the places we are looking at are anywhere from 47 to 76. Meaning, a higher walkscore means things are ready available in walking distance.
7. Is the price worthy of all of the above? If I don't feel it is, I won't stay there.
8. Parking: Are there garages, carports, how many to each apt, do we have to pay extra for them or does it come with?
9. Do they allow pets? For us currently we have three. In a way I am glad because that REALLY narrowed down our search. What are their rules on pets, deposit, monthly pet rents etc.
10. Distance to work? This is for Hunney because he has to drive. Close, far, freeway, how long?
11. Meeting places for me: Are there business spaces I can use on site or do I have to go off site all the time?
12. Smoking or non Smoking: With me having migraines all the time, smoking is a huge issue.
13. Psycho Application: Meaning did we have to or do we have to jump through hoops to get in the place?
14. Friendliness: Once I DID start talking to people, how kind were they, were they stuffy, was it a call center or did I talk to an ON SITE mgr?
15. Budget: For the things they offer is the price worth it in our budget?

We take into consideration MANY things I don't think other renters or buyers are looking at. I honestly think a lot of people just show up and lay the money down.

To my credit, my mother used to be a rental manager so I think of a lot of things others don't. To boot, Hunney and I are VERY picky.

I am looking forward to this excursion and finding a place that will be our new home for the next twelve months.

I also recognize that Hunney Pants has a lot of faith in me. He helped with research but ultimately he is leaving the decision to me and he won't even see the home or surroundings until we arrive to unpack and pick up our keys! 

That's another reason why I gave myself enough time. Once I find the place, then I want to REALLY get to know the surroundings so I can help us acclimate.

This is a very exciting time in our lives. For the first time we BOTH will be in an unknown area and get the chance to explore it TOGETHER and once married, as newleyweds!

Huzzah to new adventures!!

Until Next Time,

XoXo Trisha Trixie

Being in a Relationship

Every morning I wake up with my Hunney Pants and do things to help him out the door.

I sometimes make tea (an sometimes he makes it to wake me up)

when he gets in the shower, I get up and Auto Start his Jeep

Then I prepare his lunch for him, sending him off with something for a snack, something for a mini morning meal, something for lunch (sandwich, soup ingredients he just adds water, or something like ramen etc), make his tea mix for him adding Black tea, roobis, matcha, yerba mate, ginger, gotu kola, ginseng, a little stevia leaves to sweeten, and sometimes a touch of cardamon, cinnamon, black pepper chai mix or some dried fruit berries. From time to time I toss in a little love note to wish him well or let him know how much I appreciate him.

Once in awhile I may pick out his clothes for him or help him match things up. From time to time he asks me what sweater goes with what. (He is a sweater, zip up or pullover guy because his office is always cold no matter the temp)...ps. I love sweater or vest guys. :)

Then he generally asks me the weather for the morning and for the day. I look it up on my tablet or smart phone and this decides which coat he wears.

Then I clean up my messes while he gathers his things for the day.

Once he is ready, we always hug, sometimes a peck on the lips or cheek or forehead, and then he is on his merry way. He asks me my plans for the day and we discuss each others day for a moment.

I stand at the door with the kitty cats, watching him leave. I want to make sure he gets out ok, no accidents pulling out of the driveway (our block seems to drive pretty fast) and drives away.

Then I lock the front glass door and carry on my business or tasks.

To some these may seem small or minute to some. However, they are dearly important to the both of us. I help him get ready. He helps me get awake. We take care of each other and we don't leave things one to the other to do alone.

Being in a relationship is more than just a title. To me it is not only a privilege but an honor. I know my ways and views are very "RETRO" but this is how I think, I breathe I live...in a retro state of mind.

We care for each other. We take care of each other. We are interested in what the other is doing. We are engaged in communication. We do things to ensure the other is loved, tended to and cared for.

We know each other's Love Language and we respond to what the other needs. My tops are praise/encouragement and Gifts. His is Physical Touch and Quality Time.

I love my relationship with my Hunney Pants (our nickname for each other) and I know without a shadow of a doubt the he loves me and his relationship with me.

Being in a relationship is not about the wedding, the ring, the kissing, the title or all the external things in life.

Being in a relationship, a good one, is loving each other fully, wholly and 100% on each side.

I feel lucky and honored to be able to call him my fiancee' love him as well as our relationship.

Until Next Time,
Trisha Trixie

Pride

Today someone I dearly admire said how proud she was of me on Facebook. Now maybe, to the rest of you, you hear things like this all the time so it means nothing to you. But to me, it means the world. I have done many things in my life and with those many things I have had many struggles, many failures and MANY lessons.

This was not my mother, though she often tells me too. This was not from a best friend who has known me forever, though they DO often tell me that as well. No, this was fro a Mentor. Someone I only recently met. Someone who has done well in the community I live and someone who other people admire. That is why this carries so much weight for me.

I barely know this person. However, in the little time I have known her, she has encouraged me, inspired me, supported me mentally and spiritually and believed in me.

There was once a time when I remember my man telling me so profoundly, "I believe in you" and how I thought my whole body was going to melt.

Today, when this person said she was proud of me, I felt like it was a good thing I was sitting down or my knees would have buckled.

I debated on which blog to post this. I felt like it could be a great lesson of my Trixie Tabloids. It could inspired others for Trisha Trixie Designs. But in the end, I felt this blog, my blog, my heartfelt thoughts an emotions...this is the blog it should be on, because this is me.

This is me pouring my heart out to you. The interwebs, those who will listen and even if there is no one there, this is where I felt like I needed to share because this blog page is the real me. It is the realest me you will get. Not the you I allow you to see, but the depths of my emotions me. The me I have forgotten about. The me, I am showing you once again.


The me that relishes in things like a simple "I am proud of you". How little we tell others these kinds of things and how VASTLY it can make a difference to someone. How greatly those little words made a difference in me tonight. Even though it was not even verbal, I heard the tone in her text, in the words as they were laid out on the page of Facebook..."I am proud of you!"

Thank you BB for those words. Thank you for making my heart feel full tonight. Thank you for making joy fill my heart so full that is welled up my eyes with happiness to know that someone I admire so much admires me.

To the rest who may be reading this, take the time to tell another how you feel.

It may seem like nothing to you, but mean the world to them.

And for the ones who will hear me, the ones who NEED to hear me, Be Proud. Be proud of yourself, who you are, how far you have come and how much you have accomplished. It's ok. Be Proud. For you are Fabulous.

Xoxo Trisha Trixie