10 Things I Learned from Being Friends With Guys

As my life has gone on these 46 years I have come to understand certain things in life since the majority of my friends are guys. You see, the longer as a girl you are friends with guys, you just learn to accept and understand certain things and well, I just wanted to share these ten things with you:

1. Getting picked on means they like you and that you are part of the group. Consider is a privilege, not a right. I used to hate it when the guys in the group picked on me. Now I feel left out if they don't. 
2. When you are the girl in the guys group you have to be strong. You can't be crying and whiny. It's ok and encouraged to still be the girl. They like that. They like having a pretty girl around, but you still have to be strong and hold your own. Dish it out but take it back. Then you are strong and fun. They like that.
3. If you plan on dating someone, be prepared to have them go through a screening process with your guy friends, EXTENSIVELY! Guys know guys. They know how they think, what they want to do with you, to you, and around you. Don't get fooled and say stupid things to your guy friends like "Oh no , he's not like that." He's EXACTLY like that. Your guys friends KNOW he's like that because they are guys too. Listen to your guys friends. They know. They are trying to protect you and watch out for you. Pay attention.
4. My guys friends and me seem to be the only ones who can openly discuss sex in explicit detail and no one seems to get freaked out about it. Conversations also randomly start in explicit detail about explicit details about explicit body parts and about explicit things I or he did. At one point it used to be about what I was wearing but I think as we got older we got more prudish and thats ok. Or maybe I just got more prudish not that I got married, but still I think this is still pretty cool.
5. You are each other best wing-man most likely. At least I know I am always THEIR best wing-man, I mean what is better than a girl telling another girl how great a guy is? Right? 
6. You both can be completely YOURSELF with each other no matter what and the other accepts each other wholeheartedly, no judgements and that is  freaking awesome-sauce. GIRLS don't do that! 
7. Guys are great at keeping secrets. They don't go running to another girl and gossip. Now they might share with other guys in the group something but that's for understanding. If you have a problem, guys are great to go and if you are in a guy group the guy group is great to go to when you have a problem because guys are great problem solvers most especially when it pertains to work or career issues. Even more so when it has to do with guy problems. I mean go to the source right? 
8. Except insensitivity. These aren't girls. Most likely they might often tell you "You know I'm not a girl right?" You might get a few hugs here or there and some kindness, but they aren't girls. You will most likely get teased and kidded around. They will pick on you and tease and tell you to get over it. They are trying to toughen you up. It's good for you honestly. All the toughening up my guys friends did for me did me a hell of a lot of good in my life. It taught me Courage, Strength, Fierceness, Bravery, Boldness and Determination to succeed at life. I overcame a lot of shit in my life and because an overcomer. If I can do it, you can too!
9. More than likely your guys friends will piss you off or hurt your feelings more times than not, but not long after you'll forgive them because they are also the best guys friends you have and they are just no other guys friends like them and you know it. You will miss their fun companionship so much it is like the Hobbit clan-ship. They break your plates and eat your food but you sure do miss them when they are gone.
10. You are friends for life. Through thick and thin. Good times and bad. Sorrow, heartache, laughter, love, marriage, divorce, birthdays, funerals, new homes, moving, whatever happens, even if you don't talk for awhile , you always pick things right back up, you can all each other at a moments notice and the other one is there...you are each other's best friends. This is how guy and girl friends are.

Ed Doolittle My Best Guy Friend since I was 16 and the one who has teased me and put up with all my shit for years! Thanks ED!

Anthony Harry

Scott Friedmeyer

Dwight Gawhen

John and Chris

Dan Tjarks

Justin Schillerberg

Me, Ben, Sherie, Jon McD

Donovan Klingel

Dean S

Eric Hanson

And of Course...my most Bestest Friend...

my #HunEPants

My Spouse

Benjamin Merrill

Emotional Intelligence

 

When I was a young 27 years old I worked at Lending Tree I was an Executive Secretary and worked for the Senior VP of Escrow and Closing. Though she was a female at the time I didn't really know I didn't work well working for females until after that. Two head strong women do not equal good things sometimes. We clashed often and she barked at me more times than I can remember. I often came home in tears if I made it that long in the day. The more I worked for her the more sensitive I became and would end up in the bathroom or hallway crying my eyes out.

It all came down to blows one day when she wouldn't let up and no matter how many changes I had made or improvements to the Lending Tree Escrow/Closing Department in her mind I was incompetent and couldn't do anything right. This is not meant to bash her but give you a sense of what I went through. I started crying in the bathroom like I had grown accostmued to and when another worker was trying to console me she walked in. She was not there to use the restroom. She was there for me. IT was clear. She opened the door, pointed at me and said "In my office now!"

Everyone in there was concerned for me and tried to assure me everything would be ok. I did NOT however agree with their opinions. I dried my eyes, left the bathroom slowly and made evry step to her office count! I walked in her office and sat down. She was sitting behind her desk fuming.

She began attacking without hesitation.

"You act like a 3 year old child who always is in trouble. You can't walk around crying and balling every time I say something to you or if you and another co-worker disagree. This is unacceptable behavior and needs to stop. You are a grown woman who is in the workforce and will be in the work force more and more the older you get. I want you to stop acting like a child but I doubt that you will. You are incompetent, immature and childish. The reality is this...

You lack the Emotional Intelligence to work in Corporate America 

and need to always remember that!

You can't hold it together. You can't do anything right, you are a child and I want this attitude to stop now! Now get back to your desk and grow up!!"

In all reality I heard nothing after the "You don't have the emotional intelligence to work in Corporate America. " That sunk in like a lead weight.

I have struggled for years doing temp jobs that are in a Corporate setting. I last for about 3 months and then all hell breaks loose. Anything longer than 6 months and the world may crumble to me for all the drama that ends up created.

Bosses always say, I come off too strong, I don't send emails correctly, they baby me and insist that everything goes through them first, like I am a child who needs an adult to mentor what I say. I used to take this in stride and agree with them wholeheartedly but things are different now. If a manager feels like I need my hand held that much I feel I don't need to be there.

I am not a child.
I don't need a manager to hold my hand.
If a manager feels they need to hold my hand then I feel I shouldn't be there.
I have grown a lot in my years.
I don't cry at a moments notice.
I don't get upset over every little drama.
I don't need to call my mother or sister or boyfriend for every little thing that happened.
I can handle it now.
I have read countless books on Crucial Conversations, Crucial Confrontations, How to Say it at Work, and The Influencer to name only a few.
I am a smart woman.

There is one thing that has been a Truth I have swallowed whole.

Emotional Intelligence

For years I touted that like it was Truth. But now I look how far I became. Read above.

I have vastly grown and changed.

Recently I have had three altercations at work that yes do get me to a "It isn't fair" mentality but I still do the right thing. I still get over it, through it or around it.

When this last thing came to my knowledge that another manager couldn't just come to me to talk to me yet went to my employment agency instead and whined about me, I allowed this to affect me. I started telling myself the lie that everyone in my jobs since Lending Tree were right and that I did NOT have the Emotional Intelligence to do my job. Then two days went by and I received to reminders from Brave Girls Club.

My mind clicked and said, "Hey you! Yes You! Those things you have been telling yourself are lies. They are lies that you have deemed as Truth and swallowed whole. Only you can decide to belive them or let them go. Beleive your Truthteller inside you. You DO have the Emotional Intelligence to work in Corporate Amaerica. The really question is...

DO YOU WANT TO? WHY WOULD YOU? WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT?

My mind came into awareness and I answered these questions. (It's ok to answer yourself just don't do it in public or people think your whacko!)

I DONT want to work in Coporate America. I don't like how it acts like a small town. I don't like how people have clicks. I don't like being in an office all day. I don't like how petty and mean people are even and especially managers. But mostly...it's NOT what I want to do.

Thank you for reminding me!!
I want to enjoy life.
I want to be happy.
I want to live.

Each time things blow up it pushes me one step closer to things I want in my life. This time is not exception yet instead pushed me even further. Further into my goals of not living like a Robot. Further into my goals of living life the way I want on MY terms.

And I offer this reminder to you.

What are you doing that you really don't want to do?
What lies are telling yoruself keeping you in this situation?
Why are you doing it?
What do YOU want to do?
Why are you NOT doing it?


What do YOU want to DO?

Then in the words of Nike...JUST DO IT!

I beleive in you.


You and I DO have the Emotional Intelligence as well as any other smarts and Intelligence it takes to do what we desire to do. Don't let the ghosts of your past be the voice in your head. Let the Truthteller be that voice and stop listening to lies and start...

Listening to the Truth.