Monday, April 01, 2019

To the Humans of the World about Cancer Patients

Dear humans of the world,

A cancer patient is a fragile person. They can also be a strong person. They can be afraid. They can be fearless. You never know which type of cancer patient you are dealing with. It could even be the same person on a different day. Please be careful what you say to them in person and especially online. Online, we can't see your face. We don't know your tone. Are you being sarcastic or serious, are you just upfront or are you being rude? Maybe you are just trying to be really, authentic and honest. We have no clue.

Cancer is real. It is not something people would lie about, generally. Sadly some do. They ruined our image online and off. But those are a few select people. Please don't assume we are lying. It hurts us. It is hard to want to fight for your life when the world is jaded. We wonder, what are we fighting for here?!

And, please stop being a Google doctor or telling us all the things we should do or aren't doing. We have more doctors on our team than you can imagine. Pcp, oncologist, internist, rectal doctor, surgeon, PA, nurses, cancer care team from United Health Care, a liaison nurse, therapist, herbalist, acupuncturist, reiki healer not to mention dentist, eye doctor, and others who are all watching out for us and concerned for us because cancer and chemo affects all those above things too.

Lastly, please please please don't tell us that by choosing to do chemotherapy that we are choosing to die or that we are slowly killing ourselves.  Many of us struggled with the decision and honestly every time I do it I don't want to do it but my husband asked me the first time I had cancer to do it because he had just married me a year before and this time he told me my chances are better than if I don't and he loves me so much that he wants me to do everything I can to stay on this Earth a little while longer... how do you say no to a man who says something like that to you?  When your partner asks you to do chemo because he loves you so much and he doesn't want to let you go yet how do you say no!

 You all say to yourselves, just as I did, I would never do chemo if I had cancer but when you have cancer and you're faced with the odds and you're faced with a situation it's a whole different story, my friends!! 

It also is a whole different story about how we eat, what we take and how we take care of ourselves. Many of us are on plant-based diets or keto diets or just doing anything we can with our hair products our home products to make sure it isn't OUR fault, even if by default or lack of knowledge, because once we find out we have Cancer we learn that what we put ON our bodies and what we put IN our bodies matters and believe me, we are doing everything we can. Anything you have to say, just hurts not helps when you are like that.

So, what do we want? What can you tell us? What should you say to us or can you say? How can you help what can you do? These are the things you can do:

Reach out to us from time to time

Send us memes or GIFs

Send us cards or small little gifts or things that might make a smile

Take us out to lunch sometime come over and see us

Offer to take us to chemo or give us rides to places

Don't treat us like we're broken or fragile we are still here we're still humans and when you talk to us like we're a baby or that we might fall apart it degrades us even more gives us a harder reason to fight

At the same time don't be rude or disrespectful to us if at all possible because we are fighting a harder battle than you probably ever could imagine and to deal with anger, frustration, rudeness, toxic people and people who are not sincere is severely harder for us each day because all too often it's so hard to stay strong and many give up and lose their will to live,so, please don't be the one to push us over the edge and give up altogether.

Overall, be a good human.

Most of all...

Ask us what we want. It's that simple.

And when we tell you, please honor that and help us to achieve those wants and goals and respect us by supporting our choices and desires. 

Be there for us unconditionally in our good times and in bad times and our good days and our bad days because believe me, even the most nicest caring person can still get fed up frustrated and lash out without meaning to.

We are fighting for our lives after all.

Humans of the world, what can you do for us cancer patients?

You can love us, support us, give us hope and just give us a reason to smile and fight and keep fighting until we win and until we keep the evil cancer at bay and can feel safe again to roam the Earth.

~xoxo

Hugs and kisses and fairytale wishes

Then Cancer Returned in 2019

I looked back at when and what I wrote in my last posts. Now here is the odd part...

The week after I wrote those posts in January of 2019 this year, I found out my Colon Cancer came back. Since then, just like last time, it has been a whirlwind. They found a tumor the size bigger than a grapefruit in my ovaries. We thought it was ovarian cancer so we were told to go to a Gynelogical oncologist. He removed the tumor and I had a hysterectomy removing everything. The tumor had leaked into my abdomen and inflated my belly. While in surgery they did a biopsy and found it was colon cancer. AGAIN. I healed from surgery and then had a PETSCAN. That revealed I still have cancer in my pelvis and abdomen. No surprise there if the cancer was leaking in those areas but not what I wanted to hear.

Image result for metastatic colon cancer recurrence

I started chemo right away.

This is all so different than last time.

This time I am taking Irinotecan, Avastin, 5Fu, Leucovorin. That's my new cocktail.
That's what the doctors and nurses call it. Either way, it sucks. This time I have a higher chance of losing my hair. This time I have different side effects, yet some are the same.  This time it is different but the same.

I have had two treatments now and I will tell you, this time the chemo is kicking my ass. I have been queasy all week. Even now. I hate that. Chemo really wreaks havoc on your body and sadly your mind as well.

I'm awake now because I am afraid to go to sleep.

Which is odd because when I think if I will die, I feel ok with it. I feel like I am a good human. I feel like I left a good legacy. But yet, still afraid. Maybe that is just being a human as well.

I am supposed to do chemo until August. There is a lot left unsaid, unknown.

Metastatic Colon Cancer is vengeful, aggressive, scary as hell and the chances of surviving are 14%!!

That is because this tumor was called a Krukenburg Tumor in my ovaries and the fact that it was a distant site is not good.

I am still being me.

I am brave.

I am courageous.

Sometimes I am very sad.

Sometimes I am happy.

Sometimes I am just here.

Sometimes I sit and my closet and cry late at night so I don't bother my spouse, who is still trying to work, provide for me, caregiver to me and be there for me.

Sometimes I cry in the shower while listening to inspirational music.

Sometimes I am numb.

Sometimes I am pissed and angry as hell at this cancer coming back.

No matter what, I am always me.

I do not know the future of my world.

I am focusing on my next book "Always Wear Peals: Living Life with Style and Grace"

I even started a FB group for it for me to place my thoughts and encourage others to do the same no matter what they are fighting.

I thought my next book would be directly about cancer, but something in me changed.

Perhaps cancer itself.

It can do that.

It really matters to me to "Inspire the World" and I felt this book could inspire more people. Especially women.

Life will pull the rug out from underneath you when you least expect it. Handling that with style and grace is something I work on doing daily. I aspire to be like Jackie O and Audrey Hepburn. Maybe one day someone will "aspire" to be like me. Maybe I can give them hope in the darkness. Maybe I can teach them how to be a positive influence in the world. Maybe I can be a role model for them. Maybe I already have been.

Maybe, this is just another struggle I need to Fall Into Fabulous for.

Maybe this is why my cancer returned. Maybe you need to live vicariously through me. Maybe you can't handle the trials but I can. maybe by me going through it, you are growing, learning, becoming. Maybe I am here to learn. maybe I am here to teach by example. Maybe I need to be there for you.

As I said on Facebook, if that is the case, I gladly will. Because I love you. Humans of the World. Yes, you. I love you and I would do anything for you.

xoxo ~Trixie

Sunday, January 27, 2019

Emotional Nightmare and Dreams

I had the most intense dream/nightmare last night. I was running, being chased by bullies and they had a German shepherd dog. They let the dog loose and I ran into an old house and yelled at my husband to put on pants because I needed him to protect me. I could see him vividly in the kitchen our retro home, which is rare in my dreams. He quickly got dressed and was coming to my aid.

The dog stood on my porch growling fiercely at me and the bullies were on the sidewalk and I turned and tightly grabbed the screen door and started chanting curses at the dog and the bullies to be removed from my home and off my property and many other curses I don't remember. In the middle of my nightmare, my spouse woke me saying I was crying in real life and whimpering.

I got up, went to the bathroom, turned on lights drank water everything I could do to wake up. I went back to sleep and ended up back in my dream but it was slightly different.


I was still in the house but things were different. It was like someone moved in. I called my mom and she told me this friend of ours may have rented it without her permission. She was upset about this gal doing this, and would talk to her. It was not her right to rent it but I was not sure if that is what really happened.

Then I  could hear something, I went upstairs and there was water leaking all through the house, there were two sets of stairs and both had rotted out in the center and I had to climb on the side to get around the leak. As soon as I started looking for the leak, it stopped. I never found out where the leak was coming from, but it stopped. Behind a closet door I found a squatter hiding in my house with a small child, a boy I think. We spoke briefly and then they ran out. The rest of the house was destroyed like it was being used for a crack house or something.

Later she came back and gave me the keys. She was very nervous and almost ran. I asked her to wait and then told her I already had new locks on the door but thank you for bringing back the keys. I asked her where she was staying since she left the house. She said a hotel with her and her son. He was very young, I remember that. I asked her to come in and told her I was not going to call the cops I was just worried about her and her son and how they were. She got her son and they both came in the house. We talked and I hugged her and I ended up befriending her.

I remember my spouse nearby again but this time his face was not so visible.

Another weird thing is I called a male friend of mine who is usually my photographer in Iowa to come to fix the leak. That was also very odd. This person does represent someone I trust and I know he cares for me.

My spouse said as I relayed all this he thinks maybe I was projecting in my dream that I was in trouble and that is why he woke up to wake me up.

When I looked these all up in dream interpretations it all relates to feeling like people you trust are against you. The leak is emotional leaks in your life. The people are people you know you can trust.
The dog represents fear and the feeling of being attacked. All together it relates to stress and I have been very stressed out lately because of certain thing happening in an area of my life I put lots of stock into.

I am curious to know what my therapist says about all this when I see him this week and welcome any other thoughts you, who may be reading this, may have. Just please be considerate and watch how you say it.

also I have been having sever stomach issues lately and if you know anything about Mind Body connection, you would understand this all relates.

Another thing I think of is Melody ross and Brave Girls. She talks alot about protecting your soul house and so I think I will look into watching some of those videos again and reconnecting with that part of me.

I am off to go spend time with a friend that I know loves me and cares for me and have some girl time.

Thanks for reading



Saturday, January 26, 2019

Remember who you wanted to be



I have wanted to get back to my writing for some time now. Of course, life gets in the way. Toastmasters now takes up more o my time and I find myself trying to fit in my business with Toastmasters, not the other way around. We are nearing the end of January and recent events have helped me to see that I need to alter this point of view.

While Toastmasters is a great leadership organization full of people it is full of people. Not everyone is going to be nice, kind or respectful. Trying to explain why I feel a lack of respect to others has been a moot point.

I got to thinking, why is that?

#1 they are not me.

They have not been through what I have been through. They have not overcome toxic people and dealt with people trying to shame me all my life. They have not had the trials and adversities I have. They have not walked a mile in my shoes.

They have not had to overcome what I have. Death, Loss, Rape, molestation, self-harm, abuse, addiction...cancer. Maybe one or two have had to deal with one or two of these things, but I have yet to meet anyone who had all the same as me.

I am a unicorn.

I know I am.

I am unique and different. Not just because I was made that way, but because I became that way.

I knew in each of these trials in my life I had a choice.

1- crawl under the covers and retreat and do not face the world. Is that you? Is that what you are doing right now while reading this?

2-Overcome. WAke up and realize not everyone is bad. Not everyone is mean. Not everyone is hurtful. Maybe this is you.

Or maybe you are caught in the in-between. Wanting to overcome, wanting to be better, wanting to be happy and wanting to change.

While yes, I have tools, a book, a workbook and so on, this is not where I am going to sell them to you. You have to find them and maybe you will find mine.


This is a place for me to vent, to get out those evil thoughts I just can't keep in my head anymore.

This is a place where I want you to know that you are not alone.

I have been where you are.

We as humans have the ability to adapt and overcome.

Let's make 2019 the year where we both make that happen.

XOXO Trisha Trixie



Friday, November 09, 2018

Easy

Nothing comes easily to me. Though I am sure people think otherwise.

Speaking does not come easily to me as I generally put my foot in my mouth, offend someone or hurt their feelings with my direct, honest to a fault, no filter Aspergers mouth.

While I am versed in many topics, even those are not easy for me because I can overwhelm others trying to share what I know and most think it sounds like verbal vomit.

Leadership does not come easily to me because of the Aspergers as well. As an Aspie, I don't get subtle clues. I don't understand underlining comments or suggestions. I need clear, direct boundaries and expectations told to me or I don't see it or know it which usually lands me in trouble, get scolded or chastised about.

Here are just a few ways in which you may see it in me...

Whatever you see, no matter who you talk to, remember, it may look easy, but that doesn't mean it is!

Related image

Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Aspergers, Aspie, and Me

I am always unique, dynamic, different, audacious and phenomenal...in the beginning.

They want to to be around me.

They nearly want to devour me.

In the beginning.

Until they delve in deeper.

Then, those fateful words I hate to hear..."too much" or "you're a lot to take"

UGH. just stab me right now already.

I don't even remember a time when those words were NOT uttered.

I feel like I have heard them my whole life.

I am sure I havent' heard them 48 years, but let's say for realism, since I was 5 years old.

I remember a time when I was five years old, at my aunties table, arguing with a man about who should be president and why. Meaning no harm, teasing he said "you are too much. you are not a five year old, you must be a midget!" While he meant it as a compliment, I will ever forget it.

As I grew older, I was "too much" for my cousins to play with.

I was "too much" for the boys at school to consider dating.

In my twenties and thirties, I was "too much" for my spouses, friends and co-workers.

It wasn't until my forties that it was brought to my attention that I may have Aspergers.

In 2016 I was tested and not only that, but I am bi-polar too! WOW!

Well, that sure explains alot.

Hmm...I hear that phrase a lot too, come to think of it.

Just now I hear it when the time comes, that I end up having to explain to someone that I have Aspergers and meat no harm by what I said, or didn't understand because I have Aspergers, or I'm "a lot to take"

Now I am 48 years old.

I'm sick of explaining that to people.

A good friend recently told me, perhaps instead of explaining "Aspergers" explain the symptom and why it pertains to me and Aspergers. That is better perhaps, but the whole having to explain it is obnoxious. I am not the only Aspie that feels this way.

AS one article below says, the hard thing is that we, Aspies, always have to explain. But other's don't. It is our fault if we don't' understand, not yours for not explaining it clearly. It is our fault if we don't get the joke. It is our fault if we are rude, or unfiltered, not others for being fake or petty.

People don't realize how very hard it is to be an Aspie.

We have to walk on eggshells.

We always have to apologize.

We have to think twice as hard about what comes out of our mouths because most of the time it is too raw for others to hear, accept or understand.

We are the ones who lose friends because people just can't take us anymore.

And we are the ones we walk around with an invisible sign that sometimes we wish all to see that says "Yes, I am an ASPIE. I have Aspergers. I have High functioning Autism."


I have no filter
I think black and white
I don't get hints.
I often don't understand jokes.
Sarcasm is way over my head.
We take things, life and you as well as what you say for face value.
We struggle with emails and text because there is no facial expression or tone.
We are often like blind people having to try to read those expressions and tones and figure out what they mean.
Most have something else. I have Bi-Polar.
My pace and my way let me succeed.
Your way and your method generally does not.
We are not great with eye contact.
We take things literally.
WE infringe other comfort zones without realizing it
We are generally pretty damn smart
We often excel at things
We express love differently
We are not weird you are.
We are trying to understand.
Give us a little understanding.
Grant us a little compassion




http://autisticnotweird.com/asperger-syndrome-50-facts-about-having-mild-autism/

https://www.medicinenet.com/asperger_syndrome/article.htm#what_is_aspergers_syndrome

http://theweek.com/articles/469278/5-important-facts-misconceptions-about-aspergers-syndrome

https://www.everydayhealth.com/aspergers/7-famous-people-you-didnt-know-aspergers-syndrome/

https://www.kennethrobersonphd.com/aspergers-syndrome/

https://www.aane.org/asperger-fact-sheet/

Friday, August 03, 2018

Fly Fly Away



In just a few days I will be on a plane to France. Not just Paris, but all of France. Before I left I wanted to get my book blog written. Oddly enough, as I was intending to write on the thing, something else totally popped up and I ended up writing about being called to a higher purpose

Read the blog here https://fallingintofabulous.wordpress.com/2018/08/03/called-to-higher

I felt so moved while I was writing it I started crying.

Life has been a new world for me since in remission.

Many things have changed.

Many things have stayed the same

Mostly I have grown, matured and accepted a lot.

I know I was saved from death for a purpose and I am excited to share it with the world.

For now, off to France for my Cancer Remission Celebration.

If there is one last thought I can leave with you before I go it would be this...

Always remember you are already fabulous.

But could you be MORE fabulous?

We all could.

Don't resist the life that is placed in front of you.

Instead, embrace it.

Learn from it.

Grow from it.

Become a Phoenix.

Rise up.

Choose Fabulous.

Today, tomorrow and always.

I love you. Always.

Yes, I mean you.

Au Revoir mon amis!


Trisha Trixie
Sprinkler of Fabulousness
Thriver of Life

Saturday, July 21, 2018

Overcoming Challenges to Become the Best You- Keynote





Having overcome Rape, Molestation, Death, Loss, Change, Self Harm, Anorexia, Addiction, Running Away, Homelessness, Suicide, CDIFF and Cancer (to name a few) I have developed my own mantra and the Four Pillars of Fabulousness that now I share with the world to offer you hope and a light at the end of your tunnel!



A keynote for Toastmasters TLI (Training Leadership Institutes) on Overcoming Challenges to Become the Best You by Trisha Trixie Hunter-Merrill "Author of Falling Into Fabulous: A Phoenix Rising.



Look me up Trisha Trixie or Falling Into Fabulous



When given the option of being fabulous, why would you choose anything else?



Thank you to  Rheid Schloss for capturing this moment for me!

Published on Jul 21, 2018





Thank you Laria Lovec and Sarah Wolcott Beasley for giving me the opportunity to share my message.

Wednesday, July 18, 2018

1st Year Remission-Teeth Extraction-I Can Do Hard Things



Today in Trixieland,

My mouth hurts like no tomorrow. Partially my face feels bruised from them grabbing at me I think to pull the teeth. I had 18 and 31 removed because they had a bad infection in the back teeth and we considered a root canal but because of my past history with illness and infection, we opted to just have them pulled. My teeth were all mashed in my head anyway and this allows my teeth to move a bit and maybe rid me of some of my headaches too! The two teeth were both in the back on both sides. I am wearing a wrap just like the guy in the pic because both sides of my mouth hurt.

I am only on soft foods so HunePants went to the store and bought, cooked and mashed with a blender, mashed potatoes with milk and cheese. He also bought jello, pudding, and a twice baked potato in case I run out. He has checked on me every day in addition to taking a half day on Monday so I could get my teeth pulled.

He told me today "Honey, I am so proud of you for all the hard things you do. You are so brave and so strong and so willing to go through things that no one would ever want to, but you do them anyway and I know you are better for them."


We only have three weeks left before we got to France. I really wanted to enjoy my food and drink and goodies while in France. I did not want to miss out on yumminess because of a tooth infection. while I hate having to go through this pain and suffering, I knew, in the long run, this would be better for me. I mean, I have heard my teeth were pretty bad and the infection could have been there for some time affecting my body in other ways as well. Now, there is no more infection or issues with my teeth to get in the way.

You see chemo deteriorates the calcium, enamel and made those teeth worse. What I am learning, however, is that there was most likely an infection already there, but the chemo made it worse. This has been my year of this knowledge. 

I am still waiting on biopsy tests but since I have heard, I feel no news must be good news. they already tested my kidneys, found I had a UTI, tested my cervix and did a biopsy there, nothing happened, now the endometrial biopsy. The first year of Cancer remission has been a lot of tests but a lot of ruling things out as well and so far everything is coming up roses, minus this tooth thing.

As far as the teeth, they are concerned about the two teeth near these two and think there could be cause for other issues, but I, like always, look to the positive.

We will deal with all that other crap when we get to it.

for now, heal the teeth and gums and mouth.

Get ready for France.

Momma is gonna be here soon to watch my furbabies.

Life is what it is.

Sometimes, we just need to to do hard things.

Here is a free coloring page for you with the saying "I can do hard things"

I love to color and thought maybe you do too.

Since I can't do much else today, maybe we'll all color.

And remember....you can do hard things too!

~XoXo Trisha Trixie

Rt click, save, enlarge, print, color

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

In the Storm





Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on




(Sometimes it feels like everyone is expecting me to always be strong. Though I really want this at times it seems so hard to always be that person. Yes, I am strong. Yes, I am an overcomer. Yes, I am brave and courageous and I have overcome and endured much in my life. But I am still human and I still am not perfect and never claimed to be. )

And when you're tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There's freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go




(Sometimes we need to let go. Let go of the pain. Let go of the issue. Let go of the battle. Let go of the heartache. Let go of the pain. Let go and give it up to God, the universe or whatever, jsut let it go.)

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held




(Remember though these times are when you fall into place, your world only FEELS like it is falling apart. For me, right now, I don't feel like my life is falling apart, however, I do feel overwhelmed. I feel like I can't do anything right and those around me are unhappy because of me. I remember this feeling. I don't like it. It generally stems from when I am doing things in an effort to follow the rules, do what is right, support my leaders, sustains them means following them and that doesn't mean we always agree. That also means that others may not like it when I am following my leaders because when you follow your leader, you generally are doing things right and that can mean success, advancement, achievement and recognition. Guess what, others don't like it when you succeed or get to where they can't or won't because fear or life or something keeps them from getting there. )

If your eyes are on the storm
You'll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
You'll know I always have and I always will




(Hold to the rod. Endure. Tolerate. Persevere. Overcome. These are reminders to me that I need to serve more, look outside of myself and look to see how I can help others. This is usually when I start thinking about how I am feeling and thinking about others and how they feel. Have others felt this way? Do others feel frustrated at times? Do others feel defeated even when they are doing everything right? Yes, I am sure there do. Do others feel like they have no one to talk to that would understand? Yes, again I am sure they have and do. )

And not a tear is wasted
In time, you'll understand
I'm painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands

Lift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where you'll find Me
And where you are, I'll hold your heart
I'll hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who won't let go




(Remember IN the STORM is where you will find him. And wherever you are he will hold your heart. The storm is not an easy place to be, but if you stand in the eye of the storm you will see the most amazing beauty and peace. You have to keep going through. This is not the time or place to stop. Keep going. Do not let Satan or people or the universe or whatever it is you believe in. Keep moving forward. Be held by love. Be held by empathy. I have been where you are or have been. I was sent here to have empathy for you and for you. I endure for you. I was given the gift of empathy. To have empathy means you have to go through the storm to overcome it so you can tell others how you did it and maybe help them get through the storm too. Empathy means I have to have lived what you lived. I have to have gone through what you go through, so I can be there for you. This is my destiny. I honestly and truly believe it.)



Be strong my friends. You can do it. I beleive in you. I love you.



Hugs and kisses and fairytale wishes,



Trixie

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Insecure after Cancer Remission

Image result for Insecure after Cancer Remission

Ever since I have been "announced" Cancer free, I have been feeling less and less like me. Which as I am saying it makes me feel pretty silly. I knew things would be different. They, the doctors, the nurses, others who have had cancer, they all told me, "You're life ill never (emphasize NEVER) be the same. I thought, "Yeah but you don't know me" and then here I am.

Sad
Depressed
Feeling neglected
Feeling insecure
Feeling out of sorts

Just...feeling...not me.

Damn.

I don't want to just be another statistic.
I don't want to be like everyone else.
I want to be the overcomer
I want to be the one who rises above it all

THAT'S ME!! THATS WHO "I" AM!!

Damn it.

So frustrated right now I wanna scream!

I haven't shared on here for awhile and I came home tonight, from being with a group of girls all watching the Bachelor at one of the ladies home and the whole time I am sitting there, I am feeling completely insecure. I got in my car and cried all the way home.

 The rational me says to myself "What the heck are you feeling insecure about? You are here with friends. You love them, they love you. You are safe"

You see, I did not feel safe. I did not feel validated for my words. I felt like I was in the wrong tribe.

I learned something tonight. In that group of women are a CORE group of fabulous ladies that I get along with and I adore them and love them. The other ladies, not my cup of tea. The external people just kept getting weirder and weirder and the more the other ladies spoke, the less I wanted to. and I had an epiphany.

You don't have to like your friend's FRIENDS. Simple as that.

Being kind and respectful is still desired.

I realized after tonight, some groups of people just are not healthy. As much as I love my friends, I just can't be with those other women.

I also realized, Cancer remission sucks.

I am struggling to overcome the lack of support.
It really is a struggle after you have been dealing with this battle, fighting and fighting and you have fought for so long you forgot to stop fighting. Then there is the fact that all through the battle, everyone is in your corner, people constantly telling you how much they love you and care for you and you can pick up the phone at any time and then when you hit cancer remission...

crickets...

I feel lonely.
I feel anxious.
I feel insecure.

I found some articles that explain and I am linking them here in case you, whoever might be reading this, might want to go check them out like I did.

This one was the first one I read and it hit home so hard, I cried again.

"Everything you're feeling right now is normal for cancer survivors. Recovering from cancer treatment isn't just about your body — it's also about healing your mind." https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/cancer/in-depth/cancer-survivor/art-20047129 

Here are the other links if you want to check them out. They all say the same thing in different ways it seems to me, but all still worthy of reading.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2003214/Cancer-survivors-Depression-exhaustion-anger-downside-beating-disease.html

https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/07/12/anxiety-lingers-long-after-cancer/

https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/09/29/after-cancer-treatment-waiting-for-the-sadness-to-lift/

https://bmcpublichealth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/1471-2458-12-538

Know this...

you are not alone.

Others feel this way too.

You don't have to have cancer to feel this way. Illness, trials, adversity, life, can all make you feel this way. What you do with it is up to you.

Take care of yourself.

Get help if needed.

Love yourself.

We will all get through this one way or the other.

The silver linings are in the clouds.

You can choose to look at them as storms or fluffy unicorns.

I vote unicorns. :)


Image result for unicorns in clouds

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Rituals For Transformation: Dragontree

There are only 5 days left to preorder Rituals For Transformation. Join The Dragontree on this journey, and forever remember THIS summer as the summer as the summer you began your journey of real change. 108 days of ritual, meditation, introspection, opening, growing and learning. Embody your highest self, and create unshakeable happiness in your life.

To thank you for helping The Dragontree bring this book into the world, they are including the Dragontree Guided Meditation Collection and their Well Life: Foundation course with every preorder. And if they reach 2,500 pre-orders, Peter and Briana will host a live, online opening ceremony to help you help you plant the roots of your 108-day transformation. It'll be a time to connect and meditate with each other and to gather the tools you'll need to continue if you feel stuck or ready to stop this journey to which you’ve committed.

The Dragontree can't wait to begin this movement with you.

Thursday, July 20, 2017

In case you need to hear it today

In case you need to hear it today:
You are fabulous
You always have been fabulous
You always will be fabulous
because you are the wonderful you that you are.
You are light
You are love
You are happiness
You have so much to offer your family, friends, and the world
You are unique
There is no one like you (even if you are a twin you still are unique)
You are everything that you desire to be
and you are everything that you are
You are you
Fabulous, wonderful, marvelous, astounding, audacious, serene, quiet, loud, picky, pliable, whatever you are ...YOU!
No matter what comes your way you always have the choice to choose Fabulous because you ARE FABULOUS!!
Now, go forth and Be Fabulous!
Today, Tomorrow and Always: #choosefabulous
"When given the option of being fabulous, why would you choose anything else" ~Trisha Trixie


It’s Time to Dance It Out

It’s Time to Dance It Out

Image may contain: 2 people, people smiling, people dancing, people standing, sky, ocean, cloud and outdoor
no matter what you're going through
no matter what trials you have in your life
no matter what adversities
no matter what is happening with you
no matter what is happening with your children or with your family or with your friends
no matter what trials are coming your way
no matter what you're dealing with right now
no matter what you might have to deal with in the coming weeks no matter what is going on it's time to dance it out
Life is ok
life is better than okay
life is awesome
life is fabulous if you aren't feeling the fabulous today I want you to do this
if you're sitting in your chair or lying on your bed not standing I want you to stand
from standing I want you to start moving your body just moving it you can turn on music if you want or you can just sway for me music is easier because I love to dance so if that's 4 U Pick a song Get Up and Dance it out
Why am I having you dance it out?
Because at times in our life we are sedentary we get stuck in our ruts and sometimes those ruts are feeling of helplessness loneliness despair sorrow grief loss frustration irritation a disdain
By dancing it out we are telling our bodies it's all going to be ok
And if your body hurts and you can't move and you don't want to dance it out I say to you tough
yep you heard me get up off your hiney and dance it out
get up
quit lying there and being upset about what's going on in your life and make it better do something about it
if you can't do anything about what's going on in your life you can do something about how your FEELING about what's going on in your life and that means dancing it out
they do it on Grey's Anatomy
they do it on other sitcoms
I've seen my friends doing it and you know what, it works
so today we're going to dance it out
get up
turn on your favorite song and dance it out and if you're really Brave take a video of yourself post it online and at the very end make sure you laugh
because life is all about living and if you're not living life, then you're not living and enjoying all it has to offer
so start today right now this very moment
when you're done reading this get up and let's dance it out
See you on the Dance Floor hugs and kisses and ferrytale wishes Trisha Trixie

Perspective

Life is full of ups and downs. Sometimes just when think we have a handle on things, life pulls the rug out from under our feet just to see if we know how to stand. Often we fall and end up on the ground. Sometimes we wobble a little and say to life "Ha ha nice try but I've got this." Then other times we are lying flat on our back looking up at the sky and we as always, we have a choice. do you choose to look at life from the ground and say "WTF, life, I was doing great til now" then wallow in self-pity and despair about our lives? Or do you choose to look up and say, "What a beautiful sky. What a nice color of blue.
When I was younger my mother and I used to roller skate everywhere. Of course, in the 70's and early 80s that was the thing anywhere. Skates. the problem with skates I have learned after the age of 40 is that we are not balanced in the same way a kid or teen is.
One day, we were skating together under an underpass in Lawndale, Ca. My mother hit a rock and next thing I knew, WHAM, she literally was flat on her back. My mother has SEVER back injuries and issues when I wan very little and I knew that this could be detrimental to her if she landed on her back the wrong way.
As I rushed over to my mom worried and panicked I said "Are you alright? Is everything ok?"
She said "What do you think of that color blue? Could I replicate in my paintings? I really like that color."
I was in awe. My mother could have screamed, whined, made a fit and would have every right. Instead, she saw the beauty in the sky and wanted to make other beauty like it.
I laughed and said, "Is your back ok?"
She slowly got up and said to me "My back is fine. Sore, but fine. Thank you. I guess maybe God doesn't think I should wear skates anymore. " Then she laughed a big belly laugh. then I laughed. It was one of those great learning lesson moments.
Funny thing is. That is the last time she wore roller skates, that I can remember. Even funnier is that I remember the scene.
That day and so many other days my mother never fails to impress me. She is one of the most loving, caring, honest, real and raw people I know. When all that mumbo jumbo about BEING AUTHENTIC came out, my mother was already honoring that, teaching that, being that. AUTHENTIC. REAL. WYSIWYG.
Do you see the beauty when you are down or do you see the problem? How do YOU look at life? Just like the image I shared, it is all about perspective. What is your view? Does it need to change? Are you ready for change? Are you ready to take charge of your life once again and RISE to the occasion?
Is it Time for Fabulous in your life? Then hop on the Fabulous Bus and Let's Ride!

An Opinion is just an Opinion...


An Opinion is just an Opinion...

This really spoke to me today. A reminder that another person doesn't have the right to inflict their opinion on me either. They are allowed to have one. I am allowed to make the choice to believe it or not. Just because they think it and may believe it, does not mean I do. I know myself better than most and am more in tune with my body than most people I know.

Not to mention I know I am Brave and Fearless. Bravery for when I'm afraid I do it anyway. Fearless for the leaps I need to take in life.

Remember, other people have a right to their opinion. You have the right to believe it or not. Ask yourself "Is it true?" Really dive into your heart and you will find the answer.

This is from my friend Isabel Abbot

"To judge another who is in a situation you have never been in and lives an experience you do not know is to enact violence.
We don't get to tell someone they are broken. 


We don't get to tell someone they are healed.

(I would interject...We don't get to tell someone they are afraid)



We don't get to hold our own values as universal truths and demand another share our condemnation of them for not meeting a standard or set of assumptions they never agreed to.

You may not condemn me for being queer because I hold no shame for it and know no wrongness in it so your statements speak only of your beliefs and not my personhood. 


You may not condemn me for being a slut because I hold no judgment for my sexuality or ways of living in this body and I love myself fiercely for every bed entered and left. 



You may not condemn me for being having been homeless or for how I parent or for the ways I find to live with the violence done against me because it implies your own perception are trustworthy and reliable and a thing we share. We likely do not.

I refuse to my own word against myself. 

And so there is no need to pick up another's hurled insults and hold on as if they have meaning. 
Perhaps the salve to the violence that is this kind of judgment is not acceptance or agreement or sameness, but compassion. To suffer with. To care. 
Life is so fucking hard. And so fucking beautiful. And we are here. 
May we walk and stay in love."

Wednesday, July 05, 2017

No Comparing



No Comparing:

Do not compare yourself, your life, your love, your business, your world with others. You are nothing like anyone else. You are a unicorn. Make a horn for yourself if you have to because you are.

You are you.

There is no one like you.

Stop comparing.

The only one you need to be in competition with is yourself.

Be better today than you were yesterday.

Love you.

xo Trisha Trixie

Tuesday, July 04, 2017

The stories we tell

The stories we tell

What stories do you tell yourself
What stories do you tell others
What stories will you leave behind

These are things I think of every single day.

There are the truths we tell ourselves
There are the truths we tell others
There are the truths we leave behind

Then there are lies.
Perhaps you don't mean for them to be lies,
Yet they are lies still

Perhaps you DO mean to share your lies
Perhaps you are seeking sympathy
Perhaps you are seeking empathy
Perhaps you don't even know why you tell those lies.

Some say they have an inner Mean Girl/Mean Guy inside
Some say they have back talk they do to them self
Some say they have no reason why they just do

Stop telling yourself lies
Stop letting the MeanGirl/Mean Guy win
Stop allowing yourself to back talk to yourself

You have so much to offer this world
You have great, insurmountable truths inside you
You do not need to tell yourself or anyone else those lies anymore

Let others love you
Let others see the REAL you
Let others see your Fabulousness!

You are amazing!
You are wonderful!
You are Fabulous!
YES, YOU ARE!

STOP THAT!
I CAN HEAR YOU!

I hear you saying under your breath more words of untruth.

No more lies.

Today, we speak the truth.
Today, we stop telling lies.
Today, we own our fabulousness!

Now go forth and Be Fabulous!
Today, Tomorrow, and Always.

I love you! <3

https://www.facebook.com/FallingIntoFabulous/

You are only human.

You're Only Human..

You have permission to make mistakes
You have permission to fail
You have permission to stumble
You have permission to feel broken
You have permission to feel grief-stricken
You have permission to be sad
You have permission to hide sometimes
You have permission to feel

You are only human.

Give yourself a break.
Stop being so hard on yourself.
Take time for you.
Take time to breathe.
Take time to just be.

You are only human.

Guess what?

You can't do it all
You can't be there for others
until you are there for yourself




You are only human.

I cannot stress this enough.

We are supposed to make mistakes
We are supposed to struggle
We are supposed to have adversity
We are supposed to have trials
We are supposed to fall.

How else will we know when to reach out a hand?
How else will we know to look up?
How else will we grow?

How else are you supposed to RISE UP to become the fabulous people you are supposed to be?

All we need is a little faith
Time to catch your breath
Time to get a second wind
Time for the momentum kick in

Time for Fabulous!

It's ok to fall...I'm here for you until you can stand tall again.

That's what I do.
That is what my Heavenly Father called me to do.
Struggle in life so I could have empathy for you.
So I could understand.
So I could be here for you.

So I could Fall Into Fabulous, for you.

I love you. <3

~Trisha Trixie

www.fallingintofabulous.com

Are you Ready to RISE?



I will never know what it is to be of another race
I will never know what is to face that life.
I will never know what it means to struggle in the face of THOSE adversities.
I will never be Black, or Asian, or Hispanic, or Latino, or anything other than white.
I will never be able to put myself in YOUR shoes in those cases.
I will never know what it means to be judged by those standards.
I will never say I understand because I don't.

I have however been molested, raped, beaten, abused, homeless, lost custody of my children when they were young, lost a father when I was young, faced suicide, suffered anorexia, and now had cancer.

I may not always understand or empathize with your struggle, your trial, your strain of adversity, but I have had quite my own.

I can empathize with that.

I have overcome all that life has thrown at me.
You can overcome that too.
You can overcome ANYTHING you face.
Life is a set of hurdles and obstacles.
We are in the race of life to win.
Face your fears.
Face your adversities.
Face life, love
You do not have to be in the constant pursuit of happiness.
It is already there, waiting for you to see it.

Life is beautiful.
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
YOU ARE AMAZING
YOU ARE FABULOUS.

It is up to YOU to own that fabulous inside of you.

"I have suffered much in life. In fact, that is the biggest understatement of every century in every existence I have ever known and I am not kidding. I found myself by finding what I didn't want and what I did through dating, business, entrepreneurship, and more. I overcame; I was not just burnt, I was singed. I truly believe I went through the refiner's fire and I was left with nothing but ashes. I rose from the ashes and I came out a Phoenix." ~Trisha Trixie Hunter-Merrill

It's time to RISE UP.

Are you ready to rise?

Saturday, July 01, 2017

Matthew West - My Own Little World (Official Music Video)





I've been caught up
in my own little world
I have only been
population me
I do my best at church
I give as much as I can
But I always remember
there is a bigger picture
I am living my bigger purpose
outside my own little world
with my thoughts
my messages
my quotes
my life
I see that homeless widow
They are a face of a human
What are YOU doing?
Do you look them in the eye
or just pass them by
There is a greater purpose
Are you living it?
Outside your own little world?
Or is it all about you?
My heart breaks
when yours breaks
My own little world
is not about me
There is a bigger picture
Are you missing out?
Stop living in your own little world...

It means more....
It should mean more...
Homeless lives matter
Black lives matter
All lives matter

YOU MATTER!

#alllivesmatter