Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Today is the day: The Colonoscopy

Oh joy of joys. NOT.

I have been drinking "the Glug" as I call it and I have come to the conclusion that one does not need scary clowns roaming the streets at night (this is happening this year for some reason) or horror movies because whatever the hell crawled out of my bottom and died was scary enough. Lordy! They should warn you more about the foulness! Liek give you 1920 gas masks when they give you the Suprep kit or something!

Also, as a such a pain, going around to find all the things you need, broth, Gatorade, hard candies, jello that you can eat, I think at the doctor they need to have that ready for purchase to buy as well that they have worked out with some company that has already packaged all that together for you and you get to pick "So do you want Lime or Lemon?" Because really, those are nearly the only choices you have since you can't have anything red or purple! you know like a Colonoscopy Pre-Prep Kit! I think my Entrepreneur brain is always on. :)

I barely slept last night.

The reality of all this is finally hitting me.

I am nervous now.

Why did they ever tell me they "thought" it could be Cancer? Why would a doctor even say that until they have conclusive evidence? I guess to scare me enough to make sure I do this test to rule things out. But what is funny about all that is "I" was the proponent of this test being desired!

I have been talking to doctors about this for ten years, at least!! Everyone discredited me...

"Oh, it's just IBS"

"Oh, you can't have anything serious, you are too young"

"Oh I am sure you are fine"

Do you know how frustrating it is as a woman to have a doctor keep telling you that year after year and then, to finally have a doctor listen to you and they start freaking out about it MAY be CANCER???

The more I think about this, the more it makes me want to know where the mishap started? When did I first bring this up? My records ARE being pulled so maybe my current doctor and I can shed some light onto that. Even with my current doctor, I am sure I brought this up to the clinic before and the previous doctor did nothing about it.

I think I need to look into this. That is one thing on my mind that kept me awake.

The other thing is the procedure itself. I have a watched a few YouTube videos and looked things up online, but how do we really prepare. Suffice it to say, I am nervous. Plain and simple.

HunePants can't drop me off but a new friend is going to drop me off early and then HunePants is going to be there when I am done and be there when the doctor tells me the results and take me home. To me that is the most important. Selfishly I would like him to be there for everything, but what if it is all nothing? His work pays the bills so he needs to be at work.

My friend asked me for a manifestation for myself. I really had to think about that one. I mean how can I say "Let it be nothing" If it is something already, it is not going to be nothing. It is going to be what it is going to be. Hopefully they can get whatever it is when they are in there, but maybe they can't. Maybe this is just another one of those challenges and adversities inlife I am supopsed to face, to deal with to be an example to others for.

I mean, isn't that my lot in life?

I have come to accept this is so.

I don't really see a way out of that.

If that be so, then what manifestation do I give to her to say for me?

For now, I just said" That they can get what they need when they are in there" That could be a biopsy, the polyps,  who knows.

Until later and we know more, I don't know what else to do.

I believe I have led a life well lived. I believe I have made a difference in the lives of many. I believe this is my lot in life. I know that I have touched lives and changed many. I know I will be remembered if anything WERE to happen to me. Aside from is just a procedure and there is no sense worrying over nothing.

Today is a day life has given me the chance to be brave and so I shall.

Life up to my motto...

Be brave
Be bold
Be fearless and above all...

Be Fabulous.

xoxo Trisha Trixie

Friday, October 21, 2016

When Faced with a Scare: Be Brave

I have had a series of issues that has gotten more sever as of late. I fired my last doctor as I felt like I was being heard and switched to another doctor in the same facility. One of the first things I asked for was a colonoscopy and mentioned my back pain. This has only been a short time, within the last two weeks that I have seen him and I have already seen him three times and had blood work, a pelvic ultrasound and a CT done.

Based on the things I have said mixed with the symptoms they are quite concerned that I might have Colon Cancer. The doctor has called me, talked to me and called me back into his office. I would suffice it to say, they are worried. When he called me he said " Take a breath, don't panic" I said, "Im not" and I think it shocked him.

Why am I not freaking out?

I saw this coming.

I mean, I knew. I kept telling doctors over and over that I felt something was wrong with my colon but kept getting dismissed. I think it is because I look so young and no one thinks that this is something I could have.

I was diagnosed years ago with IBS and to not eat this eat that kind of thing and so I changed my diet but to that avail there is only so much diet change and cleanses one person can do. Yes, I felt better after a cleanse, but then a week or so later, I felt like crud again.

That is why I switched doctors. I truly felt like no one was listening.

I like I think many people do when they hear news like this, started looking things up online.

Life expectancy, what are the symptoms (yep I have them, lo and behold, including severe back pain), then I see there are certain stages of the cancer, well, duh, yeah I guess I knew that, but then I start wondering, well, if I haven't been heard all these years, and the doctor keeps telling me the CT scan is even more concerning and when I looked at it I saw all these black dots on my colon, what does that mean?

It means for now, I have to get a colonoscopy where they shove a camera up my butt and see more of what is going on.  Then they will be better able to get a better picture fo what everything looks like nd see how bad things are. I think that means they might also get a biopsy and see if things are or aren't cancerous.

As far as the life expectancy, so I guess 5 years is the usual norm they tell people but people tend to live past that date. Here is the odd thing. When I was in my 20's I always thought I was never going to live past 25. I don't know why, it was just something I felt. I always felt that in my life, I was going to have some crazy thing, like cancer, or be paralyzed or some whackadoodle thing that was going to be a great adversity. I had always had trials up until that time and on through life I did continue to have trials and adversity. Thus why I am currently writing my book. Wow , does that make me want to get my book written even faster!

I would not be surprised is what I am saying if they said I had it. Cancer I mean.

Do I want it? Hell no. But I wouldn't be surprised.

Last night Hunepants and I were cuddling and I starting crying a bit and said

 "Honey, I'm a bit scared and nervous"

He said "It's ok honey, you're strong. Besides we have each other"

(or something like that)

We talked about how he had me to be there for him during his mother's passing and how because we have each other everything will be ok.

I know it will be.

Just because I knew it could happen doesn't mean this all doesn't scare the beejeebies out of me.

IT does.

But I know I have my Higher Power, and my HunePants on my side.

Until I know more, there is no reason to freak out about anything else. On that note, I hope I don't freak out anyway. Life is what is. When faced with adversity it is how we handle these challenges life throws at us. I hope and pay I handle this with with grace and courage and bravery.

And fabulousenss...of course. :)

Until next time,

Trisha Trixie

Thursday, October 06, 2016

Whose There for You?

I was thinking about this last night, late in the night when I couldn't sleep. Whose there for you? Mostly, whose there for me? Not in a mean way, or in a pity way, but in a "taking stock" kind of way.

I make friends easily but then I lose friends easy too.

Some come and stay and they become my best of friends. Friends I could never imagine being without. Friends that have been my friends for 5, 8, 10 years even!

Then there are friends I met and they whipped through my life for a mere year and I thought they were going to be my friends forever.

Of course, then there are those friends, I thought I was never going to get along with and then they ended up becoming my bestie, or my personal assistant and I don't even know what I would have done without them.

But in the end, out of all those"friends" who is really "there for for me"

This is what I was thinking about last night, in the "wee hours" and that is what made me sad.

Why? You ask? Because, in one.

My spouse. He is there for me. I am glad that is true, thank god, because there was a time, in past marriages, that wasn't even the case. If my exes ever read this, I am not trying to be mean, but it is true. My first ex and I had so many trials we never got along and were always arguing he was never there, he was always standing up for his parents. My second ex was always traveling trying to make ends meet.

Hunepants, however, is always there for me. He even got a VOIP phone so he could work from home on Tuesdays just because I said I missed him so much because I have been in so much pain and needed him around more. He takes care of me when needed. He truly IS there for me.

I am there for my friends. I run errands for them. I take them places. I go do things for them when needed. I offer to help without being asked. I take them to appointment when they can't drive themselves. I watch their children when no one else will offer to help, not even their own family. I listen to them when they are going through trials. I go do their dishes and clean their house at no request, just because I know it is needed. I send cards and notes and I always try to make sure they know they are loved.

I am saying these things for any pats on the back here. I am saying this so you understand that I would do anything for my friends. I would walk through fire for them, I go the distance....yet...

When I have been laid up for the past two weeks, did anyone offer to come take care of me? Did anyone come over to my house and offer to help do my dishes? Clean my floors? Help cook my meals? Did anyone even order me pizza? Did anyone even send flowers or cards even? Did I even get calls? One or two? Was anyone concerned?

It's not like NO ONE cares. I do have two friends coming out to see me and that makes me feel good. I did have two friends call and that is good and I am grateful, I am.  I really am.

I just feel so "disheartened" I guess that I do SO MUCH for my friends and at times I feel like they do so little for me.

I am a Chronic Pain Sufferer.

I have been down for nearly two weeks now. It sucks. My spouse has done dishes, fed cats and fed me. The other day he came home and I was in so much pain I nearly begged him to take me to the hospital. I don't say much but I have not been quiet about this recent occurrence on social media.

Have I specifically reached out to anyone? No. But neither did those other people to me and I came tot he call. Maybe people are blind. Maybe they need a smack on the head. I don't know. Maybe people don't care about me as much as I care about them. I don't know.

I just feel sad that sometimes that people are not there for me as much I am there for them. That locally I don't have the support that I desire.  This is my life. I have never felt that and I feel like I have been "jipped"! I feel like other people have those besties and friends that do those things for them and I don't. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I just "feel bad" because I am "feeling bad", I don't know, I just know that I don't feel  like I have that "person". I don't feel like I ever had that person or persons and I don't feel like I ever will and I wonder if I ever will.

Do you? Whose there for you?

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Sanctuary Sunday: Control & Influence In Husbands

Today's Sanctuary Sunday is taken from the Sanctuary: Devotional bible for Women. Page 1455, Thursday Daily Sanctuary. I don't always read them in the right order anymore, since I have had this bible for years and years. Now I read it, more as a helpmate, opening it here or there for answers, as needed. Funny, in a, "divine intervention sort of way" that THIS is where I opened it to today because recently HunEPants and I had a hard time after just celebrating our first year of marriage, also learning about compromise, learning what ownership and responsibilities in the home were and learning about what each other's expectations of the other were. In some ways, it WAS about control.

Control of expectations, more than anything else and how we CAN'T control expectations anymore than we can control the other spouse. Enjoy this article and at the end read on for my comments to the article.

"Control is something every wife at times wishes she could have in reality-especially when circumstances swerve dizzying out of reach, breaking through our emotional defenses...

When it comes to our husband, of course, we do everything in our power to protect him from hurt and harm. That number of our husband's life events and experiences that we may influence but can't ultimately  control, however, is much larger than we may admit. When I'm tempted to forget this fact, I find it helpful to reflect on the following noteworthy list:

Events, Experience, and Personal Traits 
That I May Influence-But Can't Control-In My Husband's Life

  • his personality and temperament
  • his aptitudes, skills, and abilities
  • his emotional, social, and spiritual growth...
  • his conversion, and devotion to Christ
  • his level of career achievement
  • his financial and social status
  • the use of his gifts and talents
  • his size, appearance, and fitness level
  • his decisions to engage in healthy or unhealthy habits: diet, exercise, smoking, alcohol use, overworking, overspending, and so on
  • his passions, preferences, and personal tastes
  • his state of happiness and emotional well being
Instead of seeking control, we can recognize God's handiwork in every moment, at each stage of life, whether it's painful or pleasurable, easy or difficult, frustrating, or satisfying...Though we can't view the entire picture yet, we can rest in the assurance that the Lord faithfully loves our husband and is tenderly working for his good, even in the tiniest details. the sovereign Painter is creating a priceless masterpiece. WE can trust Him to complete his job-perfectly. "

After reading this, I thought, "This is good advice for WIVES, but even more so for those in the DATING world. ESPECIALLY for those who want those men they are dating to BE their husbands. Men don't want to be shaped or formed or molded anymore than women do! I am sure we all don't mind a little nudge here or there in the right direction. I have been with men who helped me want to be a better women and I have had men tell me I make them want to be a better man. That is GOOD! it SHOULD be that way! we SHOULD inspire, encourage and uplift each other to be better people in this world. Just not CONTROL each other or try to control each other.

I like the "Noteworthy  List". I have never seen or heard of that before. I am definitely gonna print that off and post that where I can see it and maybe even make a small copy and put on in my wallet to remind me that those are things I can INFLUENCE, not CONTROL. 

I think they will be great reminders for me, and you ladies, as well, that you CAN make a difference in your man's life! You ARE something to him. Just look at this list!! You matter to him! Men are not like us. They don't going around giving people kudos all the time. Now if you told him you dind't mind a few whack on the ass, a few thumbs ups and a few literal HIGH FIVES, you would probably get more appreciation! If you are good with that, let him know! If not, then you are going to have to settle for knowing inside and taking the thanks he gives you and knowing that you DO make a difference and you matter to him!


I'm a dork.

I ask hunepants questions all the time for affirmations...

"do I matter to you?"

"Yes hunzpants"

"do you love me?"

"Of course I do hunzpants!"

"Did you like the food I made you for lunch?

"Yes, I thought it was great!"

"Do you love me?"

"I love you 7"

"Is that good?

"Yes because nobody can love 10, it's just impossible"

"Ok then, good to know"

(Yes, we are silly like that)

My point is, what I can't control , I ask. Other than that, I influence what I can. That is all us wives can do. Other than that, we have to know in our hearts that we are loved and when we don't know, use the mouths you were given and ask. And remember, this is for married and unmarried women too. We all can influence the men in our lives and the men in our lives DO care about us.

they just don't always have a way of showing it.

As more than ONE man has said to me in a lifetime....


Until Next Time,

Trisha Trixie

Sanctuary Bible for Women can be bought on Amazon

Saturday, September 10, 2016

Trixie Thoughts: Be the Best Brand of You

I have come to notice, or so it appears, that people who go to events, networking, panels, etc who tend to say things like

"Those people are being snobs and so on, or who say they didn't get anything out of it, or just whine and complain, most likely tend to be the ones who..

~need to listen the most
~need to expand their minds
~need to maybe take a step back and realize, hey maybe THEY are the problem not the other people
~need to realize THEY are their brand and how they talk about others or the event, does get back around and that will end up hurting your business, not helping it
~also need to realize they perhaps need more GIVE and less TAKE
~perhaps this isn't the right place for you, maybe this isn't your tribe
~perhaps YOU are the snob by judging and looking down on them for being who they are (didn't think of that one did ya)

If you are unhappy with the event, try to find something positive about it.

If you are unhappy with the people, try to be the type of person you want others to be.

If you are unhappy, do something about it more than bitch, whine and complain about it.

Turn it into a positive. Go befriend someone else. find someone you connect with. Speak up. Be nice....

From doing vendor shows and speaking engagements I see and hear this so often, it starts setting in... that realization that there is so much to offer and learn and grow at these kinds of things, but if you don't open yourself up to others, you will always be the one who thinks everyone else is wrong, your way is right, they are mean, they are snobs, they are..BLANK. THEY...never "YOU" meaning the "I" in you.

Character building is never easy, but if you really want to grow in your life, in business, as anything, there comes a time that to fully grow and succeed, one must do this for themselves. How do you expect to sell anything, get people to buy your product, or even desire to do business with you in any form or fashion, fi you always have a negative attitude about the people you are around when one goes to things like this.

I go to every event, no matter what it is with an open mind. I don't even have "expectations" as much as possible based on a quote by Tony Robbins...

"Trade Expectation for Appreciation"

It is not even about lowering your standards or expectations, it is mostly about not having them at all and not going with any pre-conceived notion of how the people will be, the speaker will be, or how the class will be. Just go with a positive intent. Like, an intent to learn new things, or an intent to meet new people, or an intent just get our of the house and do something more than sit on the internet all damn day or in most often, a hidey hole hidden away from the world because you didn't like this or that.

Products don't sell themselves.

People sell products.

Brands are the identity.

YOU are the brand.

Be the best brand of YOU.

Right Click and Save if you would like to post this or remember it for yourself !!


I truly think if people could just "get that" in their minds, there would be a lot less complaining and a lot more happiness in their life.

Until Next Time,

Xo, Trisha Trixie

Monday, August 15, 2016

One Year Anniversary: A Rememberance

We met on a bench in 2007 in the East Village of Des Moines, Iowa at 5th and Locust. We talked for hours, when I was told he didn't talk to anyone.

Though the timing was not right, we were destined to be together and the universe put us back in each others path. A contract in Jan 2010 led me back to Ben at Wells Fargo, in the same building, on the same floor, in the same wing.

We always spent time together going to the Social Club, 80/35, DSM Art Festival, Iowa State Fair and nearly every event there was downtown since I lived so close. We became best friends.

Though not always an easy relationship, Ben was not afraid to fight for me and chase me down. his encouragement paid off in 2012 when he said "Why are you dating all those schmucks when I would love you until the end of the world?" how could a girl pass that up? I committed to dating him exclusively and on February 14, 2014, Ben took me to the DSM Botanical Center, found a bench, knelt down on one knee and proposed in front of everyone.

15 August 2015 we were wed in Racine, Wisconsin by his lovely Father, Stephen Merrill, our officiator, his Mother Nancy Edwards (bless her soul) made our lovely arch for us to stand under and everyone contributed in one way or the other truly welcoming into the family for our 1940's War and Swing Era Themed Wedding at Windpointe Lighthouse.

It was a family reunion and wedding all in one , wrapped up in a bow!

It will forever have significant meaning to Ben and myself, not just because it was our wedding day, but because it was an event where Nancy was with us, she was SO happy, so delighted and The whole family was there for a joyous occasion!

I will never forget that day for many reasons, as I think many in the family feel the same. :)

This will be a day I will ALWAYS remember and cherish in my heart, forever! <3

so in love, are we two....

Monday, August 01, 2016

Finding my Dharma

I am currently working through a guide I got from  a course called Dharma in Action. It is through a program I purchased connected to Carrie Hensley.  I joined her Online Sangha Community at the beginning of the Year, and Dharma in Action was offered through that. It it an Intense course to help you go through your goals, intentions, reach your goals through SMART achievable actions and ways and means to get there through various tools she offers. I don't want to give away "too much" because the Sangha IS a paid program and the Dharma in Action is something you get by paying for that program. Being an Entrepreneur myself, I know, this is how we make money and I would never take money away from another. 
This month the theme is SERVICE....
My friend who I have known for some time was passing through town reminded me recently that I serve others quite frequently. She knows I would give you every penny I have, the shirt and shoes off my back and do everything I can for you. She also reminded me quite BOLDLY in what some would say was maybe ABRUPT, but that's what old friends are for. As we are visiting, I am telling her about all these people i have helped and done things for and how enriching and enlightening it has been and how my soul has felt so nourished and she says something to the affect (I am paraphrasing here) "Trisha, that's great, but you need to nourish YOUR soul, and take care of you! Don't forget to serve yourself and take care of YOU TOO!"
God I love friends who aren't afraid to slap you in the face metaphorically.
This reminder that I ALWAYS serve others. though it is good, but not to forget ME. To serve me. To take care of Me. to have me time. Trisha time. 
I am kind and loving and I would give you the shirt off my back the shoes I am wearing and every dime I have. I would serve you until I have nothing and yes that is true. But that we need to be of service to ourselves. God loves us and we are also his children. We need to remember to serve ourselves and not forget that we are need service. to take care our OUR bodies, minds and souls. 
It was such an enlightening visit, good friends do that to us. Plus the sound healing she did on me was amazing. I want more of that! I want to learn that too.
August, DIA, though probably meant to be more of a Service to OTHERS will be a reminder to me this month to look INWARD. I serve others SO much and love other SO MUCH that I forget to look in the mirror. Trisha needs service too. 
Monthly goals for August: to be in more Service to myself. To remember to give myself Me Time. 
Obstacles: Taking the time to do it. Carving out the time. Not getting distracted doing other things.
I didn't read the book for this month and probably wont as I don't buy a lot of books as we are trying to downsize so we can move into something smaller,  but from what I understand of the book we are to read it is about Adult Behavioral Change and Triggers that do that. I did find a great article from Harvard Health Publications I wanted to share with you. Read more by clicking on the link below...

Why it’s hard to change unhealthy behavior — and why you should keep trying

I am going to apply the same questions though from the DIA Book Review to the article-

DIA: What were your three key take-aways:

  1. Change is a process not an event: "Each stage is a preparation for the following one, so hurrying through or skipping stages is likely to result in setbacks"
  2. Stages of Change: 
    1. Precontemplation: The" all my family is fat, so i'm gonna be fat"
    2. Contemplation "I'm considering change in six months"
    3. Preparation: Making palns to change. Joined a gym, or bought nicotine patch
    4. Action: You've changed. Stopped smoking
    5. Maintenance: You've practiced this new behavior for six months now. You've "maintained" it.  You killed the old habit and started and kept a new one.
This part really intrigued me" That may require other changes, especially avoiding situations or triggers associated with the old habit. It can be tough, especially if it means steering clear of certain activities or friends while you work to fully assimilate your new, healthier habit." Mostly because I don't think people understand this. 

They think "Oh, I can still hang around all my old friends who are TOXIC for me. Or I can still hang around FAMILY even , that is TOXIC and I will still be fine. NO, you WON'T be fine. It doesn't matter if it family or friends or even co-workers, if those people have the old habits that led you to the toxic things you did or toxic way of thinking, then you CAN'T hang around them anymore. they will lead you back down that destructive way of thinking and lifestyle once again. Those are TRIGGERS.

I get that.

DIA How can you apply the lessons from the [article] to your personal/professional life:
Remember to steer clear of those toxic people in my life. Remove or turn off notification from those people who trigger me. Old friends are great, but if they trigger me into a negative frame of mind and do not help me to achieve my Dharma, then they are no good for me. and will not help me to reach my goals.
DIA: What can you use from the [article] to help you reach your intention:
This really spoke to me too...

"It can take a few rounds"

It was a good reminder that things do not always happen on our time. I was even just reading in Peter, in the bible this Sunday and I read " the Lord 1 day is like 1000 years and 1000 years is like a day." 
Think about that. That is profound. So when are like "Come on Heavenly Father, hurry up..." He is like "Be patient my child" because uh, hello...time moves WAAAAAAAAAY different in celestial time. 
If you believe in reincarnation like my mother does (not sure where I stand on that one yet) then my mother says it may take a few lives. Which could be the same as "It can take a few rounds" . Regardless..Be patient. 
DIA: What can you use from the [article] to help you overcome some of the obstacles on your path: 
It is VERY funny that THAT was the next question in the DIA because THIS was the next line in the article...

"The path from one stage to the next is rarely straightforward"

I think that sums it up.
Thanks for reading and listening.
Hugs and kisses and fairytale wishes.
XoXo, Namaste, TrishaTrixie

TrishaTrixie...grabbing life every moment she can!

Thursday, July 28, 2016

POE: Pursuit of Excellence: Intentions, Dreams, and Goals

Right click to download free wallpaper gift from Trisha Trixie :)

I don't know how the discussion came to be but HunEPants and I were talking about goals and he asked me if I had specific goals I am working on this year. I said yes and asked if he want to hear them? He replied "Yes" and I looked around to see if I still had the ones nearby taped to the back of my bedroom door. I did so I pulled those off and we sat down on the bed and I began to read them off.

As I barreled down this long list on Spiritual, Intellectual, Service, Character and Physical Challenges he nods his head and at times smiles. When I got to certain parts I remark on what things I have and have not accomplished for the year. I tell him that to my surprise out of ALL of the ones I was MOST surprised about was that I have accomplish ALL of the Physical Challenges and those were the ones, I thought I was going to have the hardest time with.

POE: Physical Challenges:

Develop healthy eating habits and patterns
Learn to cook healthy foods.
Develop a program of regular exercise.
Work toward healthy sleep patterns.
Improve your personal appearance or hygiene.
Improve emotional and mental health.
Create opportunities to be active with family and friends.

Then I continued with the list and said, "I create this list in January generally but then somewhere mid year I go back through them, and take a measurement of what I have and have not accomplished, however, I don't call these goals. I call these  "INTENTIONS". Because when people thin of goals I feel they get let let down. I want to lose ten pounds. Then they don't lose ten pound they lose 2 pounds, they feel they failed, they give up, and it's all over. however, if they say I INTEND to lost ten pounds and they lose 2, they can be excited in the success that they lost 2! Understand?

He nods his head yes.

"Also, I do a mid year check because, my life shifts and changes and perhaps those things that were important to me in January aren't important tome anymore. Like I started The Good of Sisterhood and Intended to have speakers and courses and have it be a Meetup generated idea, however, with the loss of your mom (we lost my mother in law right at the beginning of the year) that changed everything, that shifted things, not only our lives, but also my perception of things. "

Hunepants replied "I see"

"I intended to gain one Newsletter subscriber a month, and do more with the Passive Expertise Princess and focus more on the Passive Income side of things, but as I said, my perception of things changed and instead, since I WAS working on my mindfulness degree, that became into full focus and those things became trivial to me and my idea of SUCCESS, pivoted and changed and became different. I didn't care about have a new list subscriber, I didn't care about pod-casting,  webinars, and you tubing, I slowly didn't take about the entrepreneur world and slowly shifted my gaze to mindfulness, yoga, peace, enlightenment, etc. I finished my MBSR (mindfulness Based Stress Reduction  Certification) to help those with PTSD, suffering, overcoming, anguish, turmoil and the hardships of life. THAT became my focus. As well as dealing with your grief and my grief over the loss of losing your mother." 

Hunepants ask "Hmmmm..." I see him thinking and pondering all this

I comment "Sorry that was a long answer to probably a short question."

He chuckles and says" no, I expected a long answer with you." Of which this makes us both chuckle.

Then I said " To  finish up, (I show up him my book that says CARPE DIEM) I write down my mid year goals then transfer them to my program ASANA which is a project management tool, you know me, that helps me keep it all together and I check things off as I go, like Agile Methodology to keep track and I do that weekly. Until the end of year and then the following year I do it all again. I learned the Intentions from Danielle La Porte back in 2011 when I was doing that soul searching thing and have been doing it since. 

He says "Very good hunney. I am proud of you!"

I grin one of those cheesy almost cat like grins. Sweeter words were never spoken than when someone you love/care about tells you they are proud of you. my heart swells. :)

He goes back to playing video games and I don't remember but I go back to reading my crafting magazine or coloring to relax.

I still have some pretty big lofty goals this year that I am trying to meet and some little ones. I am diligent, determined, driven and those are just the d words. 

Do I bite off more than I can chew? To MOST people, or would MOST people think so? I would say, I think they would think so, but for someone like me, no. 

I have high high high ENERGY. I wake at 5:30 am every morning, take no naps during the day and can't fall asleep until about 11pm at night and I start winding down at 7/8pm mind you. I drink no coffee, only tea and most of that is decaf, Chai only. Generally I drink 120 oz of water with lime and Nosalt (potassium) throughout the day. So no, it isn't caffeine. It's just me. this is me, ask my sisters. Ask my friends. They call me The Energizer Bunny. LOL.

I enjoy life and I want to live it. I want to leave a legacy of love, positivity, and a life well lived behind me. I never want someone to say "what a waste" when I am gone. I am a Chronic Pain Sufferer and have Degenerative Back issues a lot. I am concerned that there will get to be a time when I wont' be able to do certain things in my life and I want to live my life before that happens. 

As well, my bio father passed when I was ten and a friends father passed when we were teens in high school. that taught me very early on: LIFE IS SHORT. Life is meant to be lived, not just survived. When that movie Titanic came out and they showed how she lived her life and did all those things it was like an emulation of my life and such I have carried that on as well. 

Now, though I don't look it, I am 46 years old. (though everyone thinks about 35ish) I have done nearly everything on the bucket list I wanted except Ziplining and I still intend to. I say my bucket list is a Backwards Bucket list now. Now I want peace, a quiet cabin in the woods where I can garden, live off the land, solar panels, read books, sew, quilt, craft, color, create, draw, lead the simple life, live  a treehouse I don't care. 

Until then, I still have 10-20 more years to accomplish my dreams and goals with my hunepants (he is 11 years my younger) so I have time. I take care of him right now and he said when I can't take care of me, he promises to do that part. So I am striving to pursue my excellence.

Are you pursuing your excellence? What are YOUR intentions this year? 

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Hello Old Friend

Before the days of Facebook, blogging was my outlet. I came here, I poured, I wrote. I didn't care if anyone read or not, and the people started commenting. It was nice I had an audience, but that still wasn't why I came here. I came here because I needed an outlet and I have arthritis and had juvenile arthritis so typing was always easier for me. I love journaling, but I just couldn't write the old fashioned way.

I just needed someone to pour it out to let it go, to just dump the thoughts. I needed someone to share those feelings that I was feeling inside and the things that I felt like I couldn't share with those around me. The boyfriend I was dating or the husband I was married to. The tears i was crying over my children and such.

My mother had me read Artist Way by Julia Cameron when I was young and Morning Pages was like, a ritual in our house. "Get that junk out of your head before you go to school or work" etc she would say. And so I would. It helped. At nights when I couldn't sleep as I got older this is what I would do, I would type. In 2005 I started this blog. Looking back I see some years I wrote more than others. Perhaps I was busier or I had more to do, or I had a man to keep me busy or a job or what not. I don't know.

All I know is, I have come to realize that I miss it.

I really want to get back into the habit of journaling again.

Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Tumblr even all that Social Media does not replace the pouring out of my heart. So here i am. Susannah Conway's Love Letter reminded me of that. Adding our blogs to a blog roll made me think about it. "Hey, I have a blog, why am I not writing on that damn thing!"

So thank you SC. Here I am. To me this feels both odd and second nature at the same time. Not sure how that can be but it is. It's like going home but they turned your bedroom into a gym. It's home, but's it's not. I guess you have to make home your home again.

My life has changed so much in the past few years and this now, this blog is not a place for "dumping my sorrows" I think, I hope it to be a place for sharing my joys. I am sure it is a place for sharing my feelings and pains as well but since my mother in law passed and my mother has been consumed with her life in helping others, which is great, don't get me wrong, I feel a tad, well slighted.... I guess that she hasn't had time for me, the baby.

We did talk for 45 minutes today and I feel blessed I captured her for that long. As we get old in our lives and our parents get older those moments with them are so precious and rare. I feel like I am losing time and every moment counts. I don't want them to pass away and I missed them.

I just want to make sure it wasn't My fault that I didn't get to talk to my mom like i didn't' call her enough or something. With my mom it isn't that. It is more like, you can't hold her down long enough! lol

New spouse is busy at work, friends are busy, mom is busy.

So here is my blog.

My space to chat to the space in between again.

Hello old friend.

I have missed you.

Thursday, June 30, 2016

10 Things I Learned from Being Friends With Guys

As my life has gone on these 46 years I have come to understand certain things in life since the majority of my friends are guys. You see, the longer as a girl you are friends with guys, you just learn to accept and understand certain things and well, I just wanted to share these ten things with you:

  1. Getting picked on means they like you and that you are part of the group. Consider is a privilege, not a right. I used to hate it when the guys in the group picked on me. Now I feel left out if they don't. 
  2. When you are the girl in the guys group you have to be strong. You can't be crying and whiny. It's ok and encouraged to still be the girl. They like that. They like having a pretty girl around, but you still have to be strong and hold your own. Dish it out but take it back. Then you are strong and fun. They like that.
  3. If you plan on dating someone, be prepared to have them go through a screening process with your guy friends, EXTENSIVELY! Guys know guys. They know how they think, what they want to do with you, to you, and around you. Don't get fooled and say stupid things to your guy friends like "Oh no , he's not like that." He's EXACTLY like that. Your guys friends KNOW he's like that because they are guys too. Listen to your guys friends. They know. They are trying to protect you and watch out for you. Pay attention.
  4. My guys friends and me seem to be the only ones who can openly discuss sex in explicit detail and no one seems to get freaked out about it. Conversations also randomly start in explicit detail about explicit details about explicit body parts and about explicit things I or he did. At one point it used to be about what I was wearing but I think as we got older we got more prudish and thats ok. Or maybe I just got more prudish not that I got married, but still I think this is still pretty cool.
  5. You are each other best wing-man most likely. At least I know I am always THEIR best wing-man, I mean what is better than a girl telling another girl how great a guy is? Right? 
  6. You both can be completely YOURSELF with each other no matter what and the other accepts each other wholeheartedly, no judgements and that is  freaking awesome-sauce. GIRLS don't do that! 
  7. Guys are great at keeping secrets. They don't go running to another girl and gossip. Now they might share with other guys in the group something but that's for understanding. If you have a problem, guys are great to go and if you are in a guy group the guy group is great to go to when you have a problem because guys are great problem solvers most especially when it pertains to work or career issues. Even more so when it has to do with guy problems. I mean go to the source right? 
  8. Except insensitivity. These aren't girls. Most likely they might often tell you "You know I'm not a girl right?" You might get a few hugs here or there and some kindness, but they aren't girls. You will most likely get teased and kidded around. They will pick on you and tease and tell you to get over it. They are trying to toughen you up. It's good for you honestly. All the toughening up my guys friends did for me did me a hell of a lot of good in my life. It taught me Courage, Strength, Fierceness, Bravery, Boldness and Determination to succeed at life. I overcame a lot of shit in my life and because an overcomer. If I can do it, you can too!
  9. More than likely your guys friends will piss you off or hurt your feelings more times than not, but not long after you'll forgive them because they are also the best guys friends you have and they are just no other guys friends like them and you know it. You will miss their fun companionship so much it is like the Hobbit clan-ship. They break your plates and eat your food but you sure do miss them when they are gone.
  10. You are friends for life. Through thick and thin. Good times and bad. Sorrow, heartache, laughter, love, marriage, divorce, birthdays, funerals, new homes, moving, whatever happens, even if you don't talk for awhile , you always pick things right back up, you can all each other at a moments notice and the other one is are each other's best friends. This is how guy and girl friends are.
Ed Doolittle My Best Guy Friend since I was 16 and the one who has teased me and put up with all my shit for years! Thanks ED!

Anthony Harry

Scott Friedmeyer

Dwight Gawhen

John and Chris

Dan Tjarks

Justin Schillerberg

Me, Ben, Sherie, Jon McD

Donovan Klingel

Dean S

Eric Hanson

And of most Bestest Friend...
my #HunEPants

My Spouse

Benjamin Merrill