Tuesday, March 20, 2018

In the Storm





Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on




(Sometimes it feels like everyone is expecting me to always be strong. Though I really want this at times it seems so hard to always be that person. Yes, I am strong. Yes, I am an overcomer. Yes, I am brave and courageous and I have overcome and endured much in my life. But I am still human and I still am not perfect and never claimed to be. )

And when you're tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There's freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go




(Sometimes we need to let go. Let go of the pain. Let go of the issue. Let go of the battle. Let go of the heartache. Let go of the pain. Let go and give it up to God, the universe or whatever, jsut let it go.)

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held




(Remember though these times are when you fall into place, your world only FEELS like it is falling apart. For me, right now, I don't feel like my life is falling apart, however, I do feel overwhelmed. I feel like I can't do anything right and those around me are unhappy because of me. I remember this feeling. I don't like it. It generally stems from when I am doing things in an effort to follow the rules, do what is right, support my leaders, sustains them means following them and that doesn't mean we always agree. That also means that others may not like it when I am following my leaders because when you follow your leader, you generally are doing things right and that can mean success, advancement, achievement and recognition. Guess what, others don't like it when you succeed or get to where they can't or won't because fear or life or something keeps them from getting there. )

If your eyes are on the storm
You'll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
You'll know I always have and I always will




(Hold to the rod. Endure. Tolerate. Persevere. Overcome. These are reminders to me that I need to serve more, look outside of myself and look to see how I can help others. This is usually when I start thinking about how I am feeling and thinking about others and how they feel. Have others felt this way? Do others feel frustrated at times? Do others feel defeated even when they are doing everything right? Yes, I am sure there do. Do others feel like they have no one to talk to that would understand? Yes, again I am sure they have and do. )

And not a tear is wasted
In time, you'll understand
I'm painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands

Lift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where you'll find Me
And where you are, I'll hold your heart
I'll hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who won't let go




(Remember IN the STORM is where you will find him. And wherever you are he will hold your heart. The storm is not an easy place to be, but if you stand in the eye of the storm you will see the most amazing beauty and peace. You have to keep going through. This is not the time or place to stop. Keep going. Do not let Satan or people or the universe or whatever it is you believe in. Keep moving forward. Be held by love. Be held by empathy. I have been where you are or have been. I was sent here to have empathy for you and for you. I endure for you. I was given the gift of empathy. To have empathy means you have to go through the storm to overcome it so you can tell others how you did it and maybe help them get through the storm too. Empathy means I have to have lived what you lived. I have to have gone through what you go through, so I can be there for you. This is my destiny. I honestly and truly believe it.)



Be strong my friends. You can do it. I beleive in you. I love you.



Hugs and kisses and fairytale wishes,



Trixie

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Insecure after Cancer Remission

Image result for Insecure after Cancer Remission

Ever since I have been "announced" Cancer free, I have been feeling less and less like me. Which as I am saying it makes me feel pretty silly. I knew things would be different. They, the doctors, the nurses, others who have had cancer, they all told me, "You're life ill never (emphasize NEVER) be the same. I thought, "Yeah but you don't know me" and then here I am.

Sad
Depressed
Feeling neglected
Feeling insecure
Feeling out of sorts

Just...feeling...not me.

Damn.

I don't want to just be another statistic.
I don't want to be like everyone else.
I want to be the overcomer
I want to be the one who rises above it all

THAT'S ME!! THATS WHO "I" AM!!

Damn it.

So frustrated right now I wanna scream!

I haven't shared on here for awhile and I came home tonight, from being with a group of girls all watching the Bachelor at one of the ladies home and the whole time I am sitting there, I am feeling completely insecure. I got in my car and cried all the way home.

 The rational me says to myself "What the heck are you feeling insecure about? You are here with friends. You love them, they love you. You are safe"

You see, I did not feel safe. I did not feel validated for my words. I felt like I was in the wrong tribe.

I learned something tonight. In that group of women are a CORE group of fabulous ladies that I get along with and I adore them and love them. The other ladies, not my cup of tea. The external people just kept getting weirder and weirder and the more the other ladies spoke, the less I wanted to. and I had an epiphany.

You don't have to like your friend's FRIENDS. Simple as that.

Being kind and respectful is still desired.

I realized after tonight, some groups of people just are not healthy. As much as I love my friends, I just can't be with those other women.

I also realized, Cancer remission sucks.

I am struggling to overcome the lack of support.
It really is a struggle after you have been dealing with this battle, fighting and fighting and you have fought for so long you forgot to stop fighting. Then there is the fact that all through the battle, everyone is in your corner, people constantly telling you how much they love you and care for you and you can pick up the phone at any time and then when you hit cancer remission...

crickets...

I feel lonely.
I feel anxious.
I feel insecure.

I found some articles that explain and I am linking them here in case you, whoever might be reading this, might want to go check them out like I did.

This one was the first one I read and it hit home so hard, I cried again.

"Everything you're feeling right now is normal for cancer survivors. Recovering from cancer treatment isn't just about your body — it's also about healing your mind." https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/cancer/in-depth/cancer-survivor/art-20047129 

Here are the other links if you want to check them out. They all say the same thing in different ways it seems to me, but all still worthy of reading.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2003214/Cancer-survivors-Depression-exhaustion-anger-downside-beating-disease.html

https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/07/12/anxiety-lingers-long-after-cancer/

https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/09/29/after-cancer-treatment-waiting-for-the-sadness-to-lift/

https://bmcpublichealth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/1471-2458-12-538

Know this...

you are not alone.

Others feel this way too.

You don't have to have cancer to feel this way. Illness, trials, adversity, life, can all make you feel this way. What you do with it is up to you.

Take care of yourself.

Get help if needed.

Love yourself.

We will all get through this one way or the other.

The silver linings are in the clouds.

You can choose to look at them as storms or fluffy unicorns.

I vote unicorns. :)


Image result for unicorns in clouds

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Rituals For Transformation: Dragontree

There are only 5 days left to preorder Rituals For Transformation. Join The Dragontree on this journey, and forever remember THIS summer as the summer as the summer you began your journey of real change. 108 days of ritual, meditation, introspection, opening, growing and learning. Embody your highest self, and create unshakeable happiness in your life.

To thank you for helping The Dragontree bring this book into the world, they are including the Dragontree Guided Meditation Collection and their Well Life: Foundation course with every preorder. And if they reach 2,500 pre-orders, Peter and Briana will host a live, online opening ceremony to help you help you plant the roots of your 108-day transformation. It'll be a time to connect and meditate with each other and to gather the tools you'll need to continue if you feel stuck or ready to stop this journey to which you’ve committed.

The Dragontree can't wait to begin this movement with you.

Thursday, July 20, 2017

In case you need to hear it today

In case you need to hear it today:
You are fabulous
You always have been fabulous
You always will be fabulous
because you are the wonderful you that you are.
You are light
You are love
You are happiness
You have so much to offer your family, friends, and the world
You are unique
There is no one like you (even if you are a twin you still are unique)
You are everything that you desire to be
and you are everything that you are
You are you
Fabulous, wonderful, marvelous, astounding, audacious, serene, quiet, loud, picky, pliable, whatever you are ...YOU!
No matter what comes your way you always have the choice to choose Fabulous because you ARE FABULOUS!!
Now, go forth and Be Fabulous!
Today, Tomorrow and Always: #choosefabulous
"When given the option of being fabulous, why would you choose anything else" ~Trisha Trixie


It’s Time to Dance It Out

It’s Time to Dance It Out

Image may contain: 2 people, people smiling, people dancing, people standing, sky, ocean, cloud and outdoor
no matter what you're going through
no matter what trials you have in your life
no matter what adversities
no matter what is happening with you
no matter what is happening with your children or with your family or with your friends
no matter what trials are coming your way
no matter what you're dealing with right now
no matter what you might have to deal with in the coming weeks no matter what is going on it's time to dance it out
Life is ok
life is better than okay
life is awesome
life is fabulous if you aren't feeling the fabulous today I want you to do this
if you're sitting in your chair or lying on your bed not standing I want you to stand
from standing I want you to start moving your body just moving it you can turn on music if you want or you can just sway for me music is easier because I love to dance so if that's 4 U Pick a song Get Up and Dance it out
Why am I having you dance it out?
Because at times in our life we are sedentary we get stuck in our ruts and sometimes those ruts are feeling of helplessness loneliness despair sorrow grief loss frustration irritation a disdain
By dancing it out we are telling our bodies it's all going to be ok
And if your body hurts and you can't move and you don't want to dance it out I say to you tough
yep you heard me get up off your hiney and dance it out
get up
quit lying there and being upset about what's going on in your life and make it better do something about it
if you can't do anything about what's going on in your life you can do something about how your FEELING about what's going on in your life and that means dancing it out
they do it on Grey's Anatomy
they do it on other sitcoms
I've seen my friends doing it and you know what, it works
so today we're going to dance it out
get up
turn on your favorite song and dance it out and if you're really Brave take a video of yourself post it online and at the very end make sure you laugh
because life is all about living and if you're not living life, then you're not living and enjoying all it has to offer
so start today right now this very moment
when you're done reading this get up and let's dance it out
See you on the Dance Floor hugs and kisses and ferrytale wishes Trisha Trixie

Perspective

Life is full of ups and downs. Sometimes just when think we have a handle on things, life pulls the rug out from under our feet just to see if we know how to stand. Often we fall and end up on the ground. Sometimes we wobble a little and say to life "Ha ha nice try but I've got this." Then other times we are lying flat on our back looking up at the sky and we as always, we have a choice. do you choose to look at life from the ground and say "WTF, life, I was doing great til now" then wallow in self-pity and despair about our lives? Or do you choose to look up and say, "What a beautiful sky. What a nice color of blue.
When I was younger my mother and I used to roller skate everywhere. Of course, in the 70's and early 80s that was the thing anywhere. Skates. the problem with skates I have learned after the age of 40 is that we are not balanced in the same way a kid or teen is.
One day, we were skating together under an underpass in Lawndale, Ca. My mother hit a rock and next thing I knew, WHAM, she literally was flat on her back. My mother has SEVER back injuries and issues when I wan very little and I knew that this could be detrimental to her if she landed on her back the wrong way.
As I rushed over to my mom worried and panicked I said "Are you alright? Is everything ok?"
She said "What do you think of that color blue? Could I replicate in my paintings? I really like that color."
I was in awe. My mother could have screamed, whined, made a fit and would have every right. Instead, she saw the beauty in the sky and wanted to make other beauty like it.
I laughed and said, "Is your back ok?"
She slowly got up and said to me "My back is fine. Sore, but fine. Thank you. I guess maybe God doesn't think I should wear skates anymore. " Then she laughed a big belly laugh. then I laughed. It was one of those great learning lesson moments.
Funny thing is. That is the last time she wore roller skates, that I can remember. Even funnier is that I remember the scene.
That day and so many other days my mother never fails to impress me. She is one of the most loving, caring, honest, real and raw people I know. When all that mumbo jumbo about BEING AUTHENTIC came out, my mother was already honoring that, teaching that, being that. AUTHENTIC. REAL. WYSIWYG.
Do you see the beauty when you are down or do you see the problem? How do YOU look at life? Just like the image I shared, it is all about perspective. What is your view? Does it need to change? Are you ready for change? Are you ready to take charge of your life once again and RISE to the occasion?
Is it Time for Fabulous in your life? Then hop on the Fabulous Bus and Let's Ride!

An Opinion is just an Opinion...


An Opinion is just an Opinion...

This really spoke to me today. A reminder that another person doesn't have the right to inflict their opinion on me either. They are allowed to have one. I am allowed to make the choice to believe it or not. Just because they think it and may believe it, does not mean I do. I know myself better than most and am more in tune with my body than most people I know.

Not to mention I know I am Brave and Fearless. Bravery for when I'm afraid I do it anyway. Fearless for the leaps I need to take in life.

Remember, other people have a right to their opinion. You have the right to believe it or not. Ask yourself "Is it true?" Really dive into your heart and you will find the answer.

This is from my friend Isabel Abbot

"To judge another who is in a situation you have never been in and lives an experience you do not know is to enact violence.
We don't get to tell someone they are broken. 


We don't get to tell someone they are healed.

(I would interject...We don't get to tell someone they are afraid)



We don't get to hold our own values as universal truths and demand another share our condemnation of them for not meeting a standard or set of assumptions they never agreed to.

You may not condemn me for being queer because I hold no shame for it and know no wrongness in it so your statements speak only of your beliefs and not my personhood. 


You may not condemn me for being a slut because I hold no judgment for my sexuality or ways of living in this body and I love myself fiercely for every bed entered and left. 



You may not condemn me for being having been homeless or for how I parent or for the ways I find to live with the violence done against me because it implies your own perception are trustworthy and reliable and a thing we share. We likely do not.

I refuse to my own word against myself. 

And so there is no need to pick up another's hurled insults and hold on as if they have meaning. 
Perhaps the salve to the violence that is this kind of judgment is not acceptance or agreement or sameness, but compassion. To suffer with. To care. 
Life is so fucking hard. And so fucking beautiful. And we are here. 
May we walk and stay in love."

Wednesday, July 05, 2017

No Comparing



No Comparing:

Do not compare yourself, your life, your love, your business, your world with others. You are nothing like anyone else. You are a unicorn. Make a horn for yourself if you have to because you are.

You are you.

There is no one like you.

Stop comparing.

The only one you need to be in competition with is yourself.

Be better today than you were yesterday.

Love you.

xo Trisha Trixie

Tuesday, July 04, 2017

The stories we tell

The stories we tell

What stories do you tell yourself
What stories do you tell others
What stories will you leave behind

These are things I think of every single day.

There are the truths we tell ourselves
There are the truths we tell others
There are the truths we leave behind

Then there are lies.
Perhaps you don't mean for them to be lies,
Yet they are lies still

Perhaps you DO mean to share your lies
Perhaps you are seeking sympathy
Perhaps you are seeking empathy
Perhaps you don't even know why you tell those lies.

Some say they have an inner Mean Girl/Mean Guy inside
Some say they have back talk they do to them self
Some say they have no reason why they just do

Stop telling yourself lies
Stop letting the MeanGirl/Mean Guy win
Stop allowing yourself to back talk to yourself

You have so much to offer this world
You have great, insurmountable truths inside you
You do not need to tell yourself or anyone else those lies anymore

Let others love you
Let others see the REAL you
Let others see your Fabulousness!

You are amazing!
You are wonderful!
You are Fabulous!
YES, YOU ARE!

STOP THAT!
I CAN HEAR YOU!

I hear you saying under your breath more words of untruth.

No more lies.

Today, we speak the truth.
Today, we stop telling lies.
Today, we own our fabulousness!

Now go forth and Be Fabulous!
Today, Tomorrow, and Always.

I love you! <3

https://www.facebook.com/FallingIntoFabulous/

You are only human.

You're Only Human..

You have permission to make mistakes
You have permission to fail
You have permission to stumble
You have permission to feel broken
You have permission to feel grief-stricken
You have permission to be sad
You have permission to hide sometimes
You have permission to feel

You are only human.

Give yourself a break.
Stop being so hard on yourself.
Take time for you.
Take time to breathe.
Take time to just be.

You are only human.

Guess what?

You can't do it all
You can't be there for others
until you are there for yourself




You are only human.

I cannot stress this enough.

We are supposed to make mistakes
We are supposed to struggle
We are supposed to have adversity
We are supposed to have trials
We are supposed to fall.

How else will we know when to reach out a hand?
How else will we know to look up?
How else will we grow?

How else are you supposed to RISE UP to become the fabulous people you are supposed to be?

All we need is a little faith
Time to catch your breath
Time to get a second wind
Time for the momentum kick in

Time for Fabulous!

It's ok to fall...I'm here for you until you can stand tall again.

That's what I do.
That is what my Heavenly Father called me to do.
Struggle in life so I could have empathy for you.
So I could understand.
So I could be here for you.

So I could Fall Into Fabulous, for you.

I love you. <3

~Trisha Trixie

www.fallingintofabulous.com

Are you Ready to RISE?



I will never know what it is to be of another race
I will never know what is to face that life.
I will never know what it means to struggle in the face of THOSE adversities.
I will never be Black, or Asian, or Hispanic, or Latino, or anything other than white.
I will never be able to put myself in YOUR shoes in those cases.
I will never know what it means to be judged by those standards.
I will never say I understand because I don't.

I have however been molested, raped, beaten, abused, homeless, lost custody of my children when they were young, lost a father when I was young, faced suicide, suffered anorexia, and now had cancer.

I may not always understand or empathize with your struggle, your trial, your strain of adversity, but I have had quite my own.

I can empathize with that.

I have overcome all that life has thrown at me.
You can overcome that too.
You can overcome ANYTHING you face.
Life is a set of hurdles and obstacles.
We are in the race of life to win.
Face your fears.
Face your adversities.
Face life, love
You do not have to be in the constant pursuit of happiness.
It is already there, waiting for you to see it.

Life is beautiful.
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
YOU ARE AMAZING
YOU ARE FABULOUS.

It is up to YOU to own that fabulous inside of you.

"I have suffered much in life. In fact, that is the biggest understatement of every century in every existence I have ever known and I am not kidding. I found myself by finding what I didn't want and what I did through dating, business, entrepreneurship, and more. I overcame; I was not just burnt, I was singed. I truly believe I went through the refiner's fire and I was left with nothing but ashes. I rose from the ashes and I came out a Phoenix." ~Trisha Trixie Hunter-Merrill

It's time to RISE UP.

Are you ready to rise?

Saturday, July 01, 2017

Matthew West - My Own Little World (Official Music Video)





I've been caught up
in my own little world
I have only been
population me
I do my best at church
I give as much as I can
But I always remember
there is a bigger picture
I am living my bigger purpose
outside my own little world
with my thoughts
my messages
my quotes
my life
I see that homeless widow
They are a face of a human
What are YOU doing?
Do you look them in the eye
or just pass them by
There is a greater purpose
Are you living it?
Outside your own little world?
Or is it all about you?
My heart breaks
when yours breaks
My own little world
is not about me
There is a bigger picture
Are you missing out?
Stop living in your own little world...

It means more....
It should mean more...
Homeless lives matter
Black lives matter
All lives matter

YOU MATTER!

#alllivesmatter

Monday, June 05, 2017

Hall of Fame


Standing in the hall of fame (yeah)

And the world's gonna know your name (yeah)
'Causeyou burn with the brightest flame (yeah)
And the world's gonna know your name (yeah)
And you'll be on the walls of the hall of fame






I hope to one day be a Hall of Famer in my own right. I have conquered rape, molestation, homelessness,  loss of parent at a young age, moved around my whole life, was anorexic, overcame worthless, overcame inadequate, overcame multiple divorces, heartbreak, and then...to top it all off with a nice cherry on top of adversities...I beat cancer.

I want to write my book so that I may help others.
I want to show the world that you can be a warrior.
I want to show the world how to overcome.
I want to show the world how to use fabulous in their life.
I want to be the reason for your smile.
I want to make a difference.
I want to matter.
I want to be in the Starfish Savers Hall of Fame.
Making a difference, one starfish at a time.

Yes, I want the world to know my name, but because I burn with the brightest flame, because I know, because I have hurt, because I have felt, because i have yearned, because I have cried, because I have empathy, because I understand.

Why would you want to be in the Hall of Fame?

Thursday, June 01, 2017

Behind the Mask

Many people see me lately with a mask. Because I am doing chemotherapy and need the best cell counts possible, I wear a mask. It keeps me safe from YOU, who is carrying the germs and could get me sick. "I" am not the one YOU need protected from, it is the other way around.

"I need protection from YOU"

You see you don't know if you are carrying germs and I can't take that chance.

Wearing a mask has been, well...interesting. I made some realizations I wanted to share with you.



wearing a mask can be fun 

Wearing a mask can be liberating 

Wearing a mask can make you feel safe

Wearing a mask can be scary at times

Wearing a mask can be stylish

Wearing a mask (and Colon Cancer Awareness Beads) can make you an advocate

Wearing a mask is bad ass (especially with a unicorn swirl in your hair and jacket with pins on it

Wearing mask does NOT always make me Happy...BUT I DO always SMILE behind my masks
because life can give you lemons and rocks and tornadoes and all sorts of storms in life....but if you keep smiling, you can make it through it all...

 and noticed that even though you can't SEE my smile, you can see my EYES and the eyes ARE
the window to the soul. So if you see me (or someone in a mask) look at their eyes

Wearing a mask has been, well...interesting. . .


On my toughest days, I was STILL able to smile and make others laugh

I smiled even when I thought I MIGHT lose my hair (I didn't but boy was I scared)

I love to smile ( as you can see here)

Me in a very candid moment of giggling and smiling a TRUE smile

( odd that looking back I realize this is almost right before my Cancer Diagnosis
and though I was in  alot of pain during this time, no one knew because I just kept smiling)

You never know what others are going through, so be kind.
#itsthatsimple #bekind

My word of the Year. It could be SMILE, because to me...
it means the same.
Behind the mask...

She smiles
She laughs
She giggles

Behind the mask...

She cries
She mourns
She struggles

Behind the mask...

She is real
She is authentic
She is raw

Behind the mask...

She lives
She loves
She friends

Behind the mask...

She hurts
She heals
She hopes

Behind the mask...

Is a woman
Is a being
Is real

Behind the mask...

You wanna know?
You wonder why?
You cant' HELP but stare?
Your child can't help but stare?

Honestly, just ask..because...

the stares hurt
the whispers are at times unbearable
the laughter cuts through me like a knife

Honestly, just ask..because...

Behind the mask...

Is a person
just trying to survive
just trying to live another day
just trying to live those mottos
breathe in the mantras
say the manifestations
believe in the intentions
love beyond measure
laugh whenever possible
let my eyes be wet with life


One day I will have colored beautiful long hair again

Until then I will rock my shirt haircut with smiles and style

Until then, I will keep being me. 

I will write memes and quotes and share them. I will make E-Books and sell them, I will design fabulous Fashion Illustrations and Designs by Trisha Trixie Designs and sell them. 

I will help others with their mindfulnes goals and lives they desire and I will help them, if I can, 
to Design the Life they Desire, and Just Be with Juste Etre in their own space. 

I will love and encourage other women through The Good of Sisterhood and Ms. Courage. 

I will continue to Model and have fun getting paid or not through The Vintage Fashionista. 

I will continue to be a fabulous entrepreneur with amazing wisdom that I can share with others and Sprinkle Fabulous everywhere I go with Trisha Trixie Sprinkler of Fabulousness. 

I incite change with my Colon Cancer Advocate Awareness.  

I change lives EVERY DAY with Starfish Savers: Making a difference One Starfish at a Time.

 I will change lives with my book. I will move souls with my speeches.

I am not like any other woman you are going to ever meet.

I am a Renaissance Woman.

Hear me quietly roar in my happiness.

XoXo~Trisha Trixie <3