Friday, August 13, 2010

MercyMe Love Well

Good Girl - Trust

I know I don;t always say the right thing and my mouth runs away from me, but I am trustworthy ya know. I go to church maybe not all the time but I do all the right things, listen to the right music, stay faithful and do the best things a girlfriend can do.

It seems so unfair that girls like B and R are stupid and do things a bad girlfriend shouldn't do and they get rings and offers of marriage and love and admiration and what do I get? I get pushed off in the distance and told things like " I don't know what I want" and " I'm not 100%" and " I may want a baby and you don't want one so I don't know" and then there's these looks i get when I say something like I said last night.

No, there is no one else I just don't say things that make sense. Just because something appears that way doesn't mean it always IS that way. To me is APPEARS you may have a girl on the side, but I don't believe that to be true. why does it appear that way? Well, you don't want to commit, you like your bachelor life, you keep talking about having a baby, all these things I can't give there someone who can???

I can read into things to you know?

I am a good girl. I can be trusted. I don't think you do. You give me the impression you don't and you have told me far too many times you don't. I don't know if I can take another time of you telling me you don't. why stay with someone who you don't trust. What kind of relationship is that?

Why am I with someone who doesn't trust me? Maybe that is the question I should be asking?

I am good and faithful and honest and true. and I love you.

Maybe you want a B or an R.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010


I just watched this amazing video watching sons and daughters run into the arms of moms and dads they haven't seen in awhile. Though they were from parents from the military it made me so sad because I felt a connection from this because I longed so much to run into the arms of my father and hold him once again. I longed for the day when he would one day return to me. It would have been ideal that he was just away on a long trip or on an assignment.

It hurts my heart so bad sometimes to see things like this because I feel so much pain and anguish feeling left out, feeling sadness like there was a loss in my life, something that was missing that I did not receive in my childhood that other kids had.

I did not have a father to lean on, I did have a father's guidance, or scolding, a father's love or a father' s shoulder to cry on. I did not have a father's arms to cry into, or a father's arms to cry in to.

I know this may sound sad tonight but that video made me sad tonight. Sadness is not a bad thing.

Sunshine and happiness is great but we have to have bitter to know the sweet sweet and we must know sadness to shine the happiness sometimes...