Monday, May 30, 2011

What's it like to Stand Out?

If you have read my blogs before you know how much I love Jaime Ridler Studio's for inspiration. One of the things she asked this weekend really has compelled me tow rite about it. She asks this time " What's it like to stand out?"

It's scary.

But more and more I am learning that being Unique is Good. Being Different is Good. Being Different is Good.

Being Remarkable is better. Bland is boring. Conforming is boring. It does NOT get noticed.

 Average is average.

Take some time if you have it and watch this video from Seth Godin about Standing Out

He mentions the word:

Otaku (おたく / オタク?) is a Japanese term used to refer to people with obsessive interest which  ends up resulting in those people then talking to others like their friends who also have those types of interest. I call these people "like-minded people".

I want to explore with you what it means to "Stand Out"

The Dictionary Definitions are:

1. to be distinctive or conspicuous
2. to refuse to agree, consent, or comply
3. to protrude or project
4. (Transport / Nautical Terms) to navigate a vessel away from a port, harbour, anchorage, etc.

a.  a person or thing that is distinctive or outstanding

What speaks to me the most is to be Distinctive, to Project and to be a person that is Outstanding! First it is about BEING that person. Though to be that person does not come easy. To be that person you need to do the need to refuse to agree, consent or comply and you need to navigate away from the port or away from what others are doing. That is not easy for others to do. It is safer for most to stay in the harbor with the other ships. Moor your anchor in the harbor and stay close to dry land, right?

Well for most I could see how that is appealing. Yet, for me it is enlightening to explore what is out there. Standing out is exhilarating and frightening at the same time!

I hate heights. I remember in High School when we had to do the High Dive for PE. I love the water but hate the high dive. We didn't have to do anything fancy, just jump in from the highest diving board. I remember standing on the edge of that board feeling scared out of my wits. I stepped off and through the air I could barely breathe, I landed in the water and felt surrounded by the waves crashing around me. I went down to the bottom and pushed off and came to the top of the water for air, as I reach the surface of the water I was smiling ecstatically and was giggling. My instructor said "I thought you were scared?" I said "I was, but the whole experience combined felt so exhilarating that I have to do it again!"

To me that is what it is like to stand out. In High School I was quite shy. Yes. It is true. I know hard to believe. But a dear friend believed in me and encouraged me to let others see me. He encouraged me to STAND OUT and show the world who I was and what I had to offer. You know what? I was scared as heck. You know what else? I am so glad I did. I didn't know then much about what I wanted to offer the world. I was 16 years old! I knew I loved life. I knew I wanted to make a difference. I knew I wanted to change the world any way I could. I knew I wanted to live life with every breath I could. I knew I didn't want to conform. I knew I wanted to be allowed to be me and I wanted that to be ok.

The even better thing about that time in my life was that I had a few friends who were there with me as I started standing out. This one girl was fearless and just told you like it was. She was by my side all through Junior High and High School. We went to Proms together when no one else would ask us and she would stand up for me when others were mean to me for standing out. Not everyone is lucky enough to have friends like these I know. The funny thing is for years I always thought I didn't have any close friends until I started looking back on my life realizing how much a part of my life these people played in it.

To stand out means being ready for ridicule. It means being Brave. It means being Courageous. It means being strong enough to take the blows because I tell you, they will come. It may mean being lonely. I say MAY because I feel these are two types of Standing Out...the Cool Kind and the Other Kind.

I was not the Cool Kind. I didn't have the popular clothes or the fancy cars. I didn't have the jock boyfriend or the popular friends. I didn't have all the cool classes and hang out with the all the cool groups. I didn't do all the cool things.

Nope. I read Psychology Today and House Beautiful Magazine through High School. I was in Pointe Ballet, Ice Skating, Gymnastics, Modeling and Etiquette Classes right after school and when I wasn't dong that I was in ROP (Regional Occupation Program) for Cosmetology or Banking (Senior Year). I was the only girl in my Basic Computer Class. I took Horticulture, Choir, HandBells and other Geeky classes.

My mother was into Metaphysics and Hypnotherapy and so bringing friends home was NOT the norm. I once brought a friend home and when we walked in my mother was doing a session for a woman with the curtains drawn and candles lit with funky music on and the girl quickly turned around and bolted backwards and said LATER and I never saw her after that.  I took Spiritual Training and read books like How to Win Friends and Influence People or The Artist's Way very young while my friends were hanging out at Shakey's Pizza or the Mad Greek across the Street from where I lived on Beach Boulevard.

I STOOD OUT alright, but then I wasn't sure I wanted to....It was great training for later in life...

Now, I STAND OUT because I am willing to. I desire to make a difference. I do not want to be a Cow or a SHEEP and be like the herd. I want to be Unique and Different and be my OWN Authentic Self.

What's it like to Stand Out?


Thursday, May 26, 2011

More on the Promises Book

I posted some images on the Promises book on my Art a Day Blog but this blog I feel is my More in Depth blog so I wanted to say more about it over here.

Many of the Brave Girls from Soul Restoration were left with a final task to do a Promises Book for themselves. I think it was left very much to each person's discretion and thus left many people feeling uneasy because there was no guidance or direction.The way I understood it was that it was an ongoing thing and it did NOT have to be done by any certain time. It did NOT have to be done before SR2 it was something for us to do at our own free will and time. So that is what I have done. I use this book to help recenter me. To ground me. To bring be back to my lessons that I learned in SR1. To reclaim the Truths and Promises to myself to be True to Myself and not listen to those lies. To think positive thoughts about myself.

I have decided to take a leap and share these Promises with you. To the 33 followers who show themselves. To the other readers who don't openly say they are following, but I know you are there, to the anonymous followers and friends and the new ones who maybe, just maybe this will touch and reach out to and make a difference in the life of another. I share this for well as for me to reaffirm these Promises in my own mind and to help me remember them. :)

 Sometimes we slip and we forget to remember
that we don't have to be perfect
that it is ok if we slip
We often forget to remember
that this is really what life is...
a big journey
where we must
just keep trying
every single day
just keep trying
we must remember to remember
that we are here to learn
that we don't have to prove our worth
to anyone
that it is ok
that we are clumsy
and it is ok
that we mess up
that we must be kind
to our clumsiness
and we must
get back up
when we mess up
and that little things matter
and that every person matters
that we EACH matter
...and that
what we each DO matters we each LIVE our LIFE matters
...the words we say MATTER
Let's make the most of this beautiful life

I will choose the Good News
I will do what it takes to feel joy each day
I will choose the people who see the very best in me
I will accept the kindness love and acceptance of others
I will stop to think about what I really really really want
(I will live my Truths)
(I will ignore the lies and listen for the truth)
I will stop to think about what I really really really love
I will remember the truth and ignore the lies
I will choose people who bring out the very best in me
I will turn to good things when difficult things happen
I will see myself the way I see others I deeply love
I will create boundries to protect and respect myself
I will spend time taking care of myself and honor that time
I will never settle for things that make me miserable
I will go where the peace my heart and in my life

I will work toward having more
Saying No
Free Time
Friendships Newness Beginnings Trust Quiet
Love Forgiveness
Rest Peace Happiness
Cooperation Kindness
Unconditional Love Hope
Study Patience Loyalty
Affection Hugs Kisses Communication
Service Seeking Seeing Awareness
Vacations Travel Adventure
Baths my life

To Focus on-
Romance (notice this is NUMBER NUMERO UNO#1)
Lifework Soulwork Soulplay
Prayer God Relaxation
Good Meals
Asking Listening
Building Learning
Pretty Things
Pretty Clothes
Meditation Writing
Giving Loving
Good Days Smiles Laughter Dancing

(I will say I am happy I only have ONE of these pages not TWO)

I will work toward having Less in my life...

Feeling Stuck
Bad News

I had the most fun on this page. I really let loose and got creative
I Promise
Dwell in Possibility
Be a Free Spirt


  • It is time to take a leap
  • Your Possibilities are endless, It's true
  • Unique is good, strange is good, peculiar is good, crazy ideas are good, YOU ARE GOOD!
  • Your heart longings are messages to you. Listen to for the truth wrapped up inside of them.
  • Open the doors that feel right...even if you are afraid to open them.
  • Wonderful things almost always take a lot of the work.

I Promise

To remember I am Fabulous!

I Promise to Remember "Who" I am!

A Beautiful Soul!

I leave you with a You Tube video that came to mind this morning when I was thinking of gathering up my pictures...Remember this to yourself...

You give yourself...Promises Promises....

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Wishcasting Wednesday: What do you wish for your health?

Wishcasting Wednesday: What do you wish for your health? is the question for this Wednesday. I love these days by the way. I have them marked on my Google Calendar with a Weekly Repeat and a Never end date.  I hope they never do end. They are so insightful and so helpful. I would love to add new friends to my wishcasting days so if you are new here, check out the link to Ridler Studios up above and take time out of your busy week each Wednesday to become a Wishcaster like the rest of us. Then share your wish on Jaimie's site and check out what other Wishcasters wishes are as well.

So now that I bore my soul on Wishcasting :).....

I am 41 this year. I don't look it and I rarely act it. But sadly I am starting to feel it. But for most of my life I have always had one health issue or another. When I was a teen I was always sick. The doctors said it was because I didn't eat right, but what they didn't know was that I was anorexic. It affected my body in negative ways like being sick often, not having strong bones, and not being able to have a child properly when the time came at 19 years old.

In addition to that I was a Pointe Ballerina and my back and my feet have been a mess ever since. The old I am getting the more and more my back ache and last year I had some serious issues and went on Tramadol and bought a Tens Unit. There are days that I feel as though I can barely move but a few minutes on the Tens unit makes it better along with heat and maybe a pill (though I hate pills and would rather do without them)

I wish my back didn't hurt so badly.

Then there is the Migraine issue. Since my children were little I have had migraines. When they were young I was so incapacitated I couldn't even move. I knew I would get these days so I would prepare ahead of time little bowls of cereal with saran wrap on them and little cups of milk with lids on them. When I would have my bad days I would tell them, lying from the couch "You have to make your own cereal today" and they would bring their little cups and bowls into the living room where I had a cartoon or dvd on for them and take care of themselves this way when they were only 4 and 3 years old.

Last year I progressively started having more and more migraines again. I was having 4-6 migraines a week. Yes I said a week. I saw a neurologist and he prescribed some things to try and we settles on Topriamate for the nighttime and Meloxicam for the day and Sumatriptan when I had a sever attack as well as a Sumstriptan shot pack to give myself an injection if it got sever so I didn't have to go to the hospital. They get better and I decrease my meds and then they get worse and I take the meds again. Partially I have no insurance so I can't afford them and do what I can without them.

After I left an old apartment I was living in they got a bit better but they are starting up again and now I am thinking the weather is not helping as well of course with stress of starting a new business and a Non-Profit, not knowing where to live and bouncing around from place to place could be a factor, ya think? :)

I worry what will happen to me if something sever went wrong. What if I have an aneurism? Who will take care of me? What if my back severely goes out and I can't move anymore and am laid up like my mother was? How will I function? Will I lose my vitality if these things were to happen to me?

I wish I didn't have any migraines.

I hop and bounce and dance around when I am feeling well and for the most part no one knows anything about these ailments. I don't walk around telling everyone my health woes so not many people know. My mother always lived through the pain and I have learned to do the same. Until I absolutely have to I don't want to be still. I want to move. I will never understand those that allow the minor ailments of life to bring them down. I refuse to allow that to happen. Life is too short. I will find a way to live life and live through the pains I have.

I have slowed down. I am not getting any younger. I still have fun and move and shake and enjoy pleasure.

I think to a funny clip from Monty Python and leave that with you. 

What do I wish for my health?

To not be Dead yet and gettin betta!

Monday, May 23, 2011

Brave Girls, Soul Restoration and the other Tools I now have in my life...

For some of you, you are already aware that I took Soul Restoration 1 with the Brave Girls Club. It started in January and my life has been set in motion ever since. I feel it was the greatest, best thing I could have ever, EVER done for myself. It got my mind straight. It made me think about what I really wanted. It opened my eyes to letting go of the past. It helped me see to my future. It gave me hope. It helped me see the Truth.

Now we are so VERY lucky to have SR2-Living the Truths

I just registered for the class and am super excited! I have been feeling that yearning for a week or so. I have not been connecting with my BG Tribe as much as I used to. I have been trying to do everything on my own again. I have not been connecting with the Truth or even wanting to see it. I have been standing at the gate of the roller coaster and sometimes I get on the ride and sometimes I stand there looking at it.

I catch myself every now and then doing this and reach for my tools. The tools I now have. The tools I received from Brave Girls, my Goddess Guidebook, Jaime Ridler Studios on how to Sparkle, Shine, be accountable for my Morning Pages in May, Wishcasting and so much more with her, The Art of Non-Conformity with Chris, Michelle Ward-When I Grow Up Coach, The Right Brain Business Plan with Jen Lee, I have learned so much in my current reading of Peace from Broken Pieces from Iyala Vanzant,
I read uplifting blogs like Create Every Day and look at art sites that make me smile like Jessica Swift or Balzer Designs and check into my RSS feed of Benign Objects as often as I can remember.

Although I enjoy all of those, I know I will get so much out of Soul Restoration 2. There is such a different connection there with my Brave Girl friends that I don't have with anyone else. I am really looking forward to it. Also, Melody and Kathy said you don't have to take SR1 first. I would encourage anyone who is searching, struggling, yearning to take SR 1 and SR2.

Your life will never be the will be better!

Brave Girls Club

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Wishcasting Wednesday: What Dreams are you wishing for?

Guess what day it is? Yep! Wishcasting Wednesday with Jaime Ridler at Ridler Studios

I usually have my regular pictures posted above but today I went searching for other images that embody what I feel.

Today's wish casting is What Dreams are you wishing for? Hmmm. Well, I am a dreamer so that one is a hard one to answer.I have many dreams but I am also one to go after my dreams. I do wish for things but I am a doer as well so I don't sit around wishing for things. I had a friend who used to say

"If wishes were fishes we'd all have a fry." Meaning most people do make so many wishes that you could have a wish fry like a fish fry with them. I always thought that saying humorous.

I recently spoke to a few people about Dreams, Goals and Aspirations. My dreams are crucially important to me. I feel that others ought to have dreams as well. If one is not dreaming then you are not shooting for anything. You are not Casting. Casting those dreams into the universe is the first step I realized today.

If you think of Dreaming such as Casting like you would go fishing like my picture shows, then you are actually moving in a forward action. By doing this you are telling the universe, "I want that. I desire that.Help me get that. " 

The tools are the line you use to send out those Dreams. What is your line? What type of materials are you using? Is it a strong sturdy line? Or is a weak cheap string. Do you use a pole or a net? Do you have a stick or a fancy reel and pole to work with? What about bait? What kind of bait are you using to catch those dreams? What about a bag or a net to gather those dreams up once they are caught or arrive?

My father, Art, used to take me fishing when I was very young. We had a small creek on the back of the farm and our home was right up against Ledges Park as well and the creek or crick would lead you into Ledges and then out to the Des Moines River.  I remember one time in particular (odd because I was so young when he passed I have very few memories as it is, but this I recalled today). We walked through the farm woods, down to Ledges and out to the river. We walked through mud and my hair got stuck in some trees, but we had a good time laughing about it. Once we got there he walked around for a bit and then he picked up this branch. He took out his knife and widdled it a bit. Then he tied this string or line to it at the very end. He pulled out a handful of those old aluminum your soda pop can top. You remember, the kind that you used to put your finger into and pull the tab off the can to open it? Yeah those. He took one of them and wrapped the string around it through the loop so the tab part looked like a hook with it dangling there. Then he handed it to me and proudly said "THERE!" and to me it looked like the most amazing thing EVER! He instructed me how to dip it down into the water and just let it dangle. He said the fish were drawn to the Shinyness of the tab and they would come to it. He was right, not long after (I don't know when because as a youth I had no concept of time) a fish took my hook. He hollered "Lift it up! Lift it up out of the water!" I did and low and behold I had a fish on the end. He took the fish off the hook for me and I was so proud. LAter we cooked the fish and enjoyed every bite.That was a great day. Looking back it was an even greater lesson that I must have just embeded in my brain without even realizing it and have carried this lesson through my life.


  • First you must enjoy the journey to get to where you need to cast your Dreams. 
  • Sometimes you have to do some searching to find or at time create the right tools for you. 
  • Make the tools fit for you if they don't fit on their own.
  • The Shiny get the attention by doing nothing jsut by being Shiny. 
  • Things are drawn to the Shiny and will automatically come to you if you are Shiny.
  • Casting can be as simple as putting it out there. You don't have to throw your back out tossing it or throwing things far, you simply need to let it be what it is and wait for things to happen.
  • When you get a bite, don't wait forever, don't hesitate, snatch it up. Lift it up! 
  • Enjoy your results!

I don't know what each of you is wishing for. I don't know what you are dreaming. I don't know how you dream. This is how I Dream. I cast my Dreams by wishing. That is action one for me. Then I follow through. My dreams sometimes intertwine with my Goals, for for today I am solely going to share my Dreams with you..

My current Dreams are: 

  • To go to Hawaii
  • To be able to buy a NEW car (Hopefully a Yaris)
  • To be able to find a man who wants to share his life with me that is all I am looking for (This does not mean married or engaged. Someone told me recently, you can give a ring to anyone, you choose who to share your life with)
  • To go to Europe again but this time explore other areas like Holland, Ireland, and more
  • To have a thriving Non-Profit for the Homeless to give back to others
  • To Go to Greece with someone I love
  • To have a Gallery showing of my Art/Photography work for me
  • To continue to not just live, but savor and devour life every day
Wish on...As you all wish for yourself I wish for you also...

Friday, May 13, 2011

Vision, Dreams, Goals, Dreams,Aspirations...but wait..there's more...

Is there a point where you have compromised your vision? When you compromise your vision, you end up compromising your standards.

Do you have a clear definition of what your vision is? Your vision is what burns deeply in your heart. This burning in your heart is what drives you.

We were meant to see in us something vital. We were meant to see ourselves be incredible, amazing, and something incredible!

Has your vision of yourself, your company or your business adjusted to the darkness inside your pit? When this happens we can't see our vision, have lost sight of our vision and we end up accepting the pit. The lack of light and fresh air can lull us to sleep. Our vision dims and we lose sight of of the youth, the exuberance, the childlike innocence that allows us to think the impossible, to fear nothing, to move mountains, to think, believe in fairies and feel like we truly are a Prince or Princess!

But if you are in a pit, you can't see. Vision is lost. In the pit, there is no such thing as Dreams, Goals, Aspirations and Visions. These things are important. They matter. They help move you. They help drive you.

I have met 3 men in my life recently that finding someone to share their life with is of utmost importance. Doesn't sound wrong or bad right? No, not really but there are very few people that you will find have that same goal as a woman. It is not enough to just have the desire to find a mate.Women aren't looking for a husband or just someone to share their life with. Women are looking for A Connector. Someone they can connect to. Someone who has the same Values. Same Mottos. Same Dreams, Goals or Aspirations. At the very least someone who has ANY Dreams, Goals or Aspirations.

For me, having them is great. That is truly important to me.For me though, I would like more. I want them to want more for themself. I want them to be in active motion of reaching those Visions. I was in a conversation recently with someone about that, with two people actually and I was so aghast that they didn't have ANY of those visions for their life. Go to work, come home, maybe get a wife or someone to share their life with. I shake my head. What irony that is. How do they ever think they will find that person if they never go out of the house? How are they going to find that connector? So I learned having a single minded goal of partner is absurd to me. I was aghast, as I said.

But what I gleaned out of that were these things:

We all have a script about what others are supposed to be like, if they follow the script in our head. When others act in accordance to that script, we give them our trust. We look for traits, behaviors and ideals that match this script. We reward that by being in their life, trusting them and connecting to them.

We all have ways that motivate us. Some are motivated by an internal drive. Some are motivated by the desire to help others. Some are motivated by the desire to find a partner. Some are motivated by the desire for recognition. And then... some are simply not motivated at all.

There are many things that matter to me yes. But it clicked this week what the driving force is in my life and what motivates me.


I do not mean that to be religious or not. Faith is believing in things hope for and not seen.


Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.


Best is That which is the most excellent, outstanding, or desirable.

Faith, Hope, having or being the Best. This is life to me. This matters to me. Faith that things will get better. Faith in another human being. Faith in myself. Faith in life. Faith that when things are down they will get better. Hope is important because it coincides with Faith. I have not always had an easy life and the desire to believe in Hope that things will get better help me to have Faith. Being the Best, having the Best, giving the Best of me. I was trained by my mother, put in classes in youth, and every conference I have ever gone to says "Give it your all", "Be your Best" "We have the Best product."  A former partner in my life used to say from something he learned from his mother they got from old JC Penny catalogs "Good, Better, Best , may you never rest, til your god is Better and your Better is Best." Nothing ever says, "Be less than." "Sit around and do nothing" "Stay inside and never go out"

Take into each of the meanings of Faith, Hope and Best that matter to you.That is what is means to me. But I found out...that is not enough.

To me there is one more word to add...


The fact or process of doing something, typically to achieve an aim.

Having those Traits that I find desirable are good in a partner. Having Goals, Dreams and Aspirations are essential. But if you ONLY have them, it is doing you no good. You need to take action on those things. Be moving forward in life. You must seek out to PURSUE those things.

You can't move forward if you are in a pit.

What are the Dreams, Goals or Aspirations do you need to pursue? What do you need to once again pursue?What actions are you doing to move forward toward them? Because if you are not moving forward you are standing still. Life will eat you up when you stand still. Life in the pit gets you nowhere.

You should have crawled out of the pit already. If not, get out. If so, what step, in what direction, in what way are you moving forward?

It is time to take that next step away from the pit. It is time to take action.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Wishcasting Wednesday: What Do You Wish To Take A Stand For?

Wishcasting Wednesday: What Do You Wish To Take A Stand For? by Jaime Ridler Studios

The very first thing that popped into my head led me back to my youth and the songs that my momma and her family listened to. The song by Aaron TIppin came right to mind.

 You Have to Stand for Something Aaron Tippin "You have to stand for something or you'll fall for anything"

...then other songs I have heard started popping in my head. Music is very powerful to me. I am aLyric Listener. Meaning I really listen to them and the lyrics REALLY jump out to me. So today I want to share the music that empoweres me when I think about Standing For Something... I hope they touch your heart as they touch mine

Stand by Rascal Flatts " Cause when push comes to shove,You taste what you're made of,You might bend, till you break,Cause its all you can take,On your knees you look up,Decide you've had enough,You get mad you get strong,Wipe your hands shake it off,Then you Stand, Then you stand"

Stand by REM "Stand in the place where you live..

Hillsong United Stand "I'll Stand with arms high and heart abandoned..."

Lead me by Sanctus Real "Father give me the strength to be everything I am supposed to stand up when they can't, I'll show them I am willing to fight, then give them the best of my life...Lead me cuz I can't do this alone"

I Refuse by Josh Wilson "It is easier to Stand and watch, but I Refuse because I don't wanna live like everyone else..Oh, I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else,To do what God has called me to do myself,I could choose not to move,But I refuse"

Stand for You by Jonny Diaz "Take the chains off my lips it's time to set my tongue free,Some might just turn their heads but some will raise a fist,And You told me to stand so I won't back down from this, I'll stand for truth, I'll stand for you"

I Stand by Idina Menzel (Elphaba in Wicked on Braodway) This one really moves me and empowers me and means a lot to me. I leave you with the lyrics to this one. May it touch your soul as many of you have touched mine. ..

When you ask me, who I am:
What is my vision? And do I have a plan?
Where is my strength? Have I nothing to say?
I hear the words in my head, but I push them away.

'Cause I stand for the power to change,
I live for the perfect day.
I love till it hurts like crazy,
I hope for a hero to save me.
I stand for the strange and lonely,
I believe there's a better place.
I don't know if the sky is heaven,
But I pray anyway.

And I don't know
What tomorrow brings
The road less traveled
Will it set us free?
Cause we are taking it slow,
These tiny legacies.
I don't try and change the world;
But what will you make of me?

'Cause I stand for the power to change,
I live for the perfect day.
I love till it hurts like crazy,
I hope for a hero to save me.
I stand for the strange and lonely,
I believe there's a better place.
I don't know if the sky is heaven,
But I pray anyway.

With the slightest of breezes
We fall just like leaves
As the rain washes us from the ground
We forget who we are
We can't see in the dark
And we quickly get lost in the crowd

'Cause I stand for the power to change,
I live for the perfect day.
I love till it hurts like crazy,
I hope for a hero to save me.
'Cause I stand for the power to change,
I live for the perfect day.
I love till it hurts like crazy,
I hope for a hero to save me.
I stand for the strange and lonely,
I believe there's a better place.
I don't know if the sky is heaven,
But I pray anyway. 

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Spending Time in The Pit

How do you know you are in the Pit?

You feel stuck
You can't get yourself out
You can't stand up against your enemy

David's Pit was "slimy, muddy and mirry" (Psalm 40:2)
Jeremiah "sank down" in his (Jeremiah 38:6)

A pit is what Satan digs for you in hopes he can bury you alive.

You know you are in a pit when:

You have lost your vision. Why is this? Because the pit has no windows. Think about it. When I read that in my devotional I drew a pit and wrote "Where are the windows?"

In darkness we can't see things that were once obvious to us. We can't see the things that might be right in front of our faces.

When we are enclosed in this pit the close confinement can exhaust us with "an endless echo of self-absorption." Since we can't see out, we look inside. "Nearsightedness breeds Hopelessness"

You need to know something. Are you listening? This is important so listen up. But most of all BELIEVE. Believe what I am about to tell you because if you don't believe, then this is going to be on deaf ears and eyes. Please, open your heart and believe that...

You don't have to stay in your Pit.
You're pit has become too comfortable or familiar.
Learn what it is you like about your pit.
Accept that you deserve better.
Give yourself something better.

For me, reading about the Pit and I  have really opened my eyes. I cant believe that I have grown this accustomed to it. I can't believe that I felt safe in my pit. That I accept it just because it is what I know now.

The painful CAN get comfortable. It can get familiar. It can be acceptable.

Well, accept that pit no more. You were not meant to live in a pit.

Start looking around you. Make a window in your pit if you have to so you can see out. Make a new home that is far away from that pit as possible. One you are standing outside the pit and looking down in it I think you will say as I am starting to say "Wow, I can't believe I was in there for so long. Wow I can't believe I thought that disgusting thing was OK. "

Currently I am like you. I am just now realizing I have been in the Pit. But now I am standing on the edge of the Pit. I am looking down into that muddiness and dirt and filth and am amazed at myself.I am better than that. You are better than that.

I refuse to spend time in the Pit anymore.

Let's seek out this world and see what it has to offer...It's ok. I know you are scared. I am too. But I am here friend. God is here. There is a hand outstretched to you. It is up to you to take it.

Friday, May 06, 2011

The Pit

I have always been taught to look up in life. I was trained that in life you take the good with the bad.
I was told continually that everything happens for a reason.
So when in life I have been down, felt I was going in circles, felt like I was stuck in a rut or down in a pit, well I do my best to just chaulk it up to life and accept it.

Until now.

Today in my brand new devotional journal, Looking Up by Beth Moore, I found at the Hope Lutheran Bookstore I was reading and today's lesson pretty much told me to knock it off.

"Maybe your noble trying to make the most of your pit. You keep wondering why you aren't satisfied there, why you aren't mature enough to be content? Has it occurred to you that you are not supposed to be content?"

"Maybe you should be thankful you're not content. Some things weren't meant to be accepted. A pit is one of them. Quit trying to make the best of it. It's time to get out."

"...think outside the pit, accept the truth that God doesn't want you in there any longer"

I know accept that truth. A new truth for me from my Truthteller that came through a different messenger. A book, but not just any book. Those who might remember, I have been looking for Just the Right Devotional Journal book.

Last week I went to church when I haven't gone in awhile. I have been feeling lately that things haven't changed much for me in the past few years. I have been feeling like I was in a pit that I couldn't or shouldn't get out. I thought maybe I just needed to accept my plight.

Not anymore. I accept that I don't need to be in the pit anymore. I accept that I don't need to figure out why I am here or deal with it or be mature about beig in it.

I have had the answer the whole time. I am a think outside the box type person. So all I need to do is Think outside the Pit?!?! Ok I'll get right on it right now.

I will not be content in my pit any longer! I believe God and I can and will get out this pit together. God is my strength and he will help lead me to a place of contentment.

Psalm 31:3

Goodbye Pit. I release you of surrounding me. I no longer need you or want you. I break free of you. I choose not to be in a pit anymore.

Hello Life, I would like a wonderful, happy, successful life, financially stable, relationship happy, and only good and positive allowed in my life from now on.

Oh and by the way, no pits!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iTouch

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Wishcasting Wednesday: What do you wish to know?

 Riddle Me This....

Wishcasting Wednesday: What do you wish to know?


It is really funny this questions is asked.

I hate the unknowing.

I want to know it all. When are we going? Where are we going? When are you getting here? What do you mean you don't know? Why don't you know? And so on...

But life has turned the tables on me lately and I have been faced with many challenges. On top of that I have been given new insight to knowing and not knowing. I have been given new insight on hwo other people feel because God has put me in their shoes and now I get it.

I have become more comfortable with the Unknowing. I would like a better answer than  "I don't know" but i am now ok with that response. I mean if you don't know you don't know, right? You can't answer what you don't know. So, stop asking me. :)

I also learned recently about Altered Responses from The Meyvn Group An Altered Response is telling someone what they want to hear, not what is true.

How many of us do that to others so they think they are gaining knowledge but really we are withholding knowledge from them because we either don't want to share the truth, are concerned with the consequences or for other factors? When you think about this, then Knowing can raise questions. I wonder now, is the person telling me that because that is what they THINK I want to hear or is that really the truth? is it worth it to prod if I am only going to receive an Altered Response? I think not.

A former roommate told me "Don't ask unless you want to know the answer." I thought, well, that is silly of course I want to know or I wouldn't have asked. Think again. It's the Be Careful what you wish for mentality. I learned, sometimes I really didn't want to know. Especially if I get the REAL response not the Altered one. That can bite, hurt, sting or suck big rocks.

So this week when thinking about Jaime's question "What do you wish to know?" Make sure you really want to know it, are ready for the answer, and be prepared for a possible altered response.

As for others like me who want to know EVERYTHING, I wish that you will come to an acceptance of the Unknowing as well as the Knowing. :)

My Week

The last few weeks have been slightly rough for me. I know where I want to go in life. I know the direction I desires but I feel like it is just out of my grasp and I can't reach it. On top of that things have been a bit turbulent.

My kids called to harass me at Easter and call me names. Tell me how I have never been there for them and how I am abandoning them. My younger son is not happy because I am making him responsible for his life and I took back a computer I bought him. He has already trashed me on FB, called m 27 times in a row in 2 minutes and told me to F off. then he lied and said I threatened him which I didn't. In my motherly worry I called to make sure he was ok because someone threatened him only for him to yell and scream at me and not answer me about who threatened him so I assume it was a manipulative ploy. My other son got in the middle, believed him not me and I had to disown both of them for the time being. Gee, and people wonder why I don't want anymore kids. Hmm, seriously??? they say it would be different because this time I would get to raise them, blah blah, but honestly, I just want to live my life. I would consider Boys and Girls Club of America or being a Foster Parent perhaps but no thanks. I don't want anymore of my own. I have been walked on enough thanks.

My roommate decided that all of sudden now is when I need to start paying him back for help I have received in the past. I knew eventually the tension of me being here would wear thin and he stated for him it has. I am on unemployment, have no funding yet for my Non-Profit, and really have no where else to go. I went and stayed with a friend for a night and her and her spouse ended up arguing about the neighbors and I got in the middle and then he was mad at me. Lesson learned, stay out of other people's fights. :)

We had to close the Homeless Outreach for the All Day location because we had Fire Threats, Theft and issues that we were not legally ready for. Then on our last day a homeless gal fell over in faint and we couldn't wake her to talk to us so we had to call the Ambulance. Come to find out later she had high blood pressure and needs medicine. One more thing we were unaware of and need to get things in order. That day as well someone shaved themselves in the bathroom and clogged the sink without even thinking or using common sense to know not to do such a thing. I shook my head at it all, walked into my office and burst into tears. My office mate fully understood and was sympathetic because the Outreach has been quite an overwhelming task for us both and we had enough. The Director has to make the decision to have that part open or not, and that decision will base on how I move forward with my Homeless NP.

Then on Friday I was supposed to go out to a fancy dinner. The guy talked it up, made it sound so nice and because I knew him and he was a friend of my friend, I thought why not. Well, I should have thought, why would I. I knew he was arrogant and thinks high of himself but Mr.Douchebagtoolbox really took the cake. I always arrive a bit early so I was at the place a bit before 7 pm. While I am standing there I see two people I do business with in town. the hostess said the name was on the list so I waited. At 7:15 I tried to text the guy. Nothing. At 7:30pm I tried to call. No answer. I went back to the front and they said they told me the wrong name but there was no one by that name on reservation. I went outside and called his friend and his friend Mr.BumbleBeeMan  was livid. he couldn't beleive his buddy did that, but even more so to me. I called Mr. Douchebagtoolbox and told him I hope he had fun standing me up and he won't even get another chance because I am fabulous and he is the one who missed out. I also said, I am not like any girl and you didn't break me so I hope it was good for you. I ended with "You're a tool"

Well, you add up my week, then that I was at my wit's end. I drove over to BB and DSW and was going to shop but saw Archiver's out of the corner of my eye. Mod Podging sounded much more appealing than just buying a pair of shoes. I called a friend who kind owed me money and was hoping to go have dinner there but he already had plans too. Poo. I left Archiver's went home, walked by my roommate without saying a word and slammed my door.

I ended up in tears in my closet with Soul Restoration music on. I wrote to my Brave Girls on FB and reached out like Melody taught me too. It helped a bit hearing good words from my Tribe of BG but the issues are still there. My life is not where I want at 41. I have to rely on others for financial support and my unemployment is almost out. then this week I found out the 3 contracts I was up for all went by by so I am back to square one.

Sigh. I reached out to Dionne the Tea Priestess for help with my Sigh, but I can't afford her either. i keep reading my Goddess Guidebook and my fellow wishcasters form Ridler Studios and doing all I can.

Saturday I knew the date wouldn't stand me up because it was more on the level of two friends getting together than a date, but I wasn't really sure. We talked in the day and me over in Ames since I was going to the Barn Dance anyway. I also was giving one of the homeless people a ride there so they could see their new baby. At least I had someone to talk to.

I had a nice time Saturday night and it was confirmed it was a friendly date. I told him about my blog and how I name everyone. He gave himself this name of Mr. Potatohead because he has prosthetic ears. We cracked up about that. He told me I had a big heart and that made me smile. We aren't compatible because  we both have two many deal breakers of each other.  I am not Catholic, I don't want kids and he isn't Protestant and wants kids. :)

I wasn't really looking for that anyway since I knew it was more of a friendly date, but it was good to reconfirm. We do have a lot in common since he has a NP and so do I. I tire of the dating scene already because it isn't what I really want but what I really want is not attainable. I guess that is life huh?

So that is my week. Crazy, huh?

Hope you all have  a less crazy week than me.