Wednesday, March 16, 2016

I am not a White Frog

In my quest to know more about Asperger's, I have started looking for movies that are about this or autism. I found a movie called White Frog. It is about a family dealing with Asperger's in two sons and after the loss of the older son in a fatal accident, the younger son learns more about his brother through his friends and connections and in the end, learns so much more about himself.

Here are some clips on YouTube about the movie...It is also on Netflix and amazing to watch.

Grandma said a long time ago that Vietnamese people used to eat coconut frogs. Oh yeah. Coconut AND frogs. They’d take a coconut and make a small cut and insert a tadpole. Then, a few weeks later, they’d open up the coconut to find a blind frog with white skin.

After a couple weeks, you open the coconut and you’ll see a blind frog with, with white skin. And it’ll have the smoothest skin and the softest coconut flavored meat.

For most of my life, I’ve been like one of those tadpoles growing up in this strange world that never seemed right, but trying my best to fit in to grow into a frog. After spending time at the firehouse, it hit me. Our parents wanted us to be perfect. They had an image of what perfect should be. But in the end, I don’t deserve to live in a coconut. No one does…I am not a white frog and I will not be a white frog. Even if I’m weird or different or strange. 
‘Cause you know what? Everyone is different.
Thank you the makers of this movie. You have helped me see, hear and understand Asperger's in a new light, a new way and a new vision for my own future!

Music Missing Piece from "White Frog"

I love this song and I can understand why so many with Asperger's might resonate with it. 

If you would like the "White Frog" Soundtrack you can find it here:*Version*=1&*entries*=0 (You can listen here)
(I also found it on Spotify)

and of course, on the official web page:

Monday, March 14, 2016

Self Diagnosed (for now) Asperger's or (I Prefer) Aspien Woman

Some of you may have noticed that in my social media, I have posted much more about Autism and Asperger's lately. After the loss of my Mother in Law, Nancy, I have a real hard time and felt prompted to go see my parents and my Uncle and Oldest Sister who all live in New Mexico. I kpet calling my newlywed spouse, oft times in tears of frustration of not being able to help or do what needed to be done to help or even function with everything that went on during my stay. Without unloading family life, let's just say my calm, serene Colorado Life I had gotten quite used to, was all the sudden turned upside down, as I was caught in the midst of family adversity, trials, and issues.

During this time, HunEPants had a dream, which he felt was more of a premonition from his mother Nancy to remind him about a boy with Asperger's he knew from college. In thinking about it, he made a connection to that thought and things I was saying on our calls as well as things I have said in my past. Things like:

  • I don't get jokes
  • I don't get sarcasm
  • I like routines
  • I have SPD-Sensory Processing Disorder
  • I have sight, smell and texture sensitivities
  • Sudden loss of friendships
  • Hard time putting myself in others place 
  • Black and White theory
  • The inability to understand others emotions, facial reactions or gestures
  • No filter, say what I think
  • Constant problems in Marriage, workplace (which is why I like to work for myself), Friendships, difficulty parenting, etc
  • Severely bullied in school
  • Strong interest in subject I like
  • Can get so focused on interest can forget to eat, or function in other ways
  • Dont get hints, clues and social codes and clues
  • Told I talk to fast or too much often
  • Hard time with eye contact
  • Unusual or one sided eating habits (could eat cereal all day)
  • Often misunderstood
  • Too honest
  • Brutal in tolerance for others
  • Highly sensitive to any type of criticism
  • Often clumsy or no idea where bruises come from
  • Used to have anorexia in high school
  • Constant sleeping problems
  • Brain never shuts off
and those are just the high level issues. He remembered in the 5 years we dated and now the half year we have been married, these things I have said over time and thought perhaps he shoudl talk to me about it. He found a site from Tania Marshall from Australia about Aspien Women and took a chance and sent it to me. I gotta say, what faith in our relationship to know that, or believe that I would appreciate this and Not get offended. 

Well, he was right. I did NOT get offended. Instead I felt relief. finally an answer. Finally, something I can relate to, something I resonate with, something I knew, but never had a name for. 

Aspien Woman

I feel so relieved. I feel so much better about knowing this. 

I have become a "Self Advocate" for now. Who know what tomorrow will bring. Through this, I have delved into constant research and knowledge about this "hidden disability" called Asperger's. There are many sites out there, but I really do like Tania's site. It is simple, easy to understand and chalk full of information. There are a few other sites I have found and will continue to find. I am sure this isn't the last you will hear of this from me. I was trying to decided if I wanted to start a new site to talk about this or if this was the space for it and as you see, I decided to keep it here. I have been wanting to write more on this blog this year anyway and perhaps this is the boost I needed to do so. 

I know this topic can make other feel uncomfortable so if you decide to stop following me, I understand and promise not to take it personally. However, it would mean the world to me if you commented, shared and listened (read) my words as I am on this quest for knowledge and understanding of this topic and life.

Here are some of the sites I have favorited or followed so far that I like:

Thank you for reading. Thank you for your love.