Radio Songs for the Moving On

Doesn't it always seem like whatever is going on with you is what is on the radio? Especially when you are going through something hard. Well, All the songs on the radio are doing that to me so I am going to share them with you. Yes, I have done this before but music speaks to me and I speak to you. Whether there is a YOU out there who is listening or not, IDK. Honeslty, right now, IDC either. I need to write this blog. Cathartic Healing as a friend once said to me.

I just finished watching an Episode of Warehouse 13 and in it the woman said "The reasons why I am so mad at you and hated you was because YOU were the proof that he had moved on."

I guess that is why I have such a hard time with J's new woman. I don't really know her. I am sure she is not evil and probably rather nice. But I despise her yet still. To me she got in the way. Perhaps it is what was said in the show. She is just the proof that it IS truly over. All hope is lost and gone.

I know I should not care. I am dating someone else and seeing how and where that will take me. Continuing to give it my energy is futile and undeserving. I keep reading ad seeing all these things that say to stop giving someone who doesn't deserve it your energy and give it to someone who years for it.



I come from a home where words such as this are spoken like they are bible. Think positive. What you send out comes back to you. Put him in Divine Order. Light a white candle. Don't give him the time of day. Turn the page.

It is hard though when you go from "Bubbly"  being someone's "Delilah" and then telling you you are their miracle and  "All I need is a Miracle" to being just another somebody, another no one, nothingness, just..
"Someone That I used to Know" and "Rumor Has It/Someone Like You". Instead it came out to that he never did "Realize" what we had and what we could have been. Now I am just trying to deal with the fact that he may be "The One That Got Away".

It has been 6 months and I am still hurting. I am "Not over" him yet. I am still fighting tears. It feels so frustrating  because it feels like the is no "Getting over" him. I can't help but think how we could have had it all, "Rolling in the Deep", because more than anyone he really did have my heart inside his hands. I would have stepped on a "Grenade" for him and yet someone how I feel like he threw me on top of one. I think men who plan on breaking your heart should have warning labels or wear signs "Warning!! Will Break Your Heart".

But each day I am getting "A Little Bit Stronger" I have become Strong, through the loss and trials of him. He is engaged to another woman. He proposed to her three weeks after he let me go. He didn't fight for me. To HIM, I was not worth fighting for. I am learning to get along without him. Love Bites, but Love can be wonderful too and in my Disneyesque vision somewhere out there it has to be true.

I am getting stronger without him. I am done spinning my wheels and I am done letting him drag my heart around. I know my heart will never be the same. But I know I will be ok, even on my weakest days...and there still are some of those days...but I do not desire to turn to a pillar of salt so I will face towards the future and see what this new man in my life may bring me. I will Remember him, but I need to move on.

He took many things from me, but he didn't take "The Part of Me" that is strong and tough. The part that will make it no matter what. He is not going to break my soul. I am a sparkling firework, a dancing flame, I shine and help others shine too.

All in all and in the end I learned the lesson we all figure out..

"What doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger" so I just put on my Red High Heels and just keep walking....

to "The Beat of my Own Drum"

He may have broke me, I may have a hard time knowing what love is again, I may have a hard time falling in love again, even now with someone new I am tentative and I know that is because I put all my hope and belief in the ex and now that that is gone, I just don't know what to believe. But even through all that, inside Trisha Trixie still lives. She is Strong. She is powerful. She is bubbly. She is fun. She shines. She lives. and I know and I tell her often. She is loved. I am remembering to still be the ME that I love and others love to...so here is an old Trisha Video I leave in honor of that...

Wishcasting Wednesday: Where do you wish to GO?

It's Wish casting Wednesday through Jaime Ridler Studios time again. I saw Jaime was going to be away for awhile (I guess she is going where she wishes to go right?)  and since she will be out for awhile I most definitely wanted to do my Wishcasting Casting and get and give love from and to all my fellow Wishcasters.

So the question of the day is

"Where Do you Wish to Go?"

I wish to go where my heart desires.
I wish to go in the air and SOAR and fly like an eagle.
I wish to go fly in the sky like a bird, any bird just fly fly away.
I wish to go Ziplining.
I wish to go Trapeze Jumping.
I wish to go Rock Climbing.

I think my theme here is that I want to be in the air or up high somehow...funny.

I of course have a bucket list of places I wish to go like others do , but I traveled a lot with my ex and so there aren't too many places left I really care about.

As far as places:
I wish to go BACK to New York, Paris, and Switzerland.
I wish to go TO Corpus Christi, Texas, Florida, Alaska and maybe Hawaii (I don't know I feel it is ruined now because the ex is diminishing it for me...blog for another day perhaps)

and who knows...maybe maybe maybe Greece. Now I want to go there more than anything.(for personal reasons)

I wish to go to a Meadow. A huge large monstrous meadow. I wish to run it with my long blonde hair flowing in the breeze and being able to pick flowers and make a bouquet with a ribbon around it.

I DON'T want to go: Back in time, back to the future, back anywhere. I lived my life, I have had my life, it happened, life, pain, hurt, heartbreak, love, happiness, etc. Good or bad, it happened. It is in the past and I wish to leave it there and not GO there. No looking back, no regrets, my past is what made me who I am.

I wish to Go forward, onward, straight ahead...first star to the right and straight on til morning!

Love, Hugs and Kisses,
Trisha Trixie

My Heart

I stumbled, literally stumbled upon this song and felt like it was so close to Father's Eyes (Amy Grant)  and When I Leave (JJ Heller). I wept uncontrollably when I heard it. Your Heart by Chris Tomlin.

This is really all I want. At the end of the day I want people to say My Heart Looks like Your Heart Lord. I really AM good inside. I don't mean to tear others down. I don't mean to Jekkyl and Hyde. I don't want to hurt another. I don't mean to be a mean girl. I know me. Most of the time I know I am good, honest, true, benevolent and kind. Most of the time I am sweet, caring and would give you the world if I could.I am a good, loving soul. I am. I am...I know I am. I AM a good person.

I just want to be an instrument in his hands. I guess, right now, I must be. I must be the instrument so another can see my pain. I must have to go through this trial so another can know the goodness of life and know it will be ok. I know this trial is for me too. And Dear Lord, I have learned so much, at such a HIGH , REALLY HIGH COST! I will keep learning, I will keep growing and no, in two years I WON'T be the same...I will be BETTER. I am worthy of love. I am worthy of a good family. I deserve happiness. And so does he. So does J.

At the end of the day, I want to hear people say
That my heart looks like Your heart, my heart looks like Your heart
When the world looks at me, I pray all they see
Is my heart looks like Your heart, my heart looks like Your heart

This breakup has torn me apart and made me someone else. I have become bitter and angry and scorn and scarred, hurt and pained, broken and shattered. I have felt the utmost of hatred for a woman I hardly know. I have felt tossed aside. I have felt that she got in the way. But you know what...she just wants the love of a good man...how can I fault her for that? She is a child of God too. God reached down to me today and touched my heart. He gave me the words of someone else to teach me and help me heal and help me see what I needed to see. That I needed to stop hating her...and start loving her....

I read something today in Peace from Broken Pieces and I thought, "Oh, wow...there it is." I figured out why I feel the way I do right now and why I hurt so deeply...my ego is bruised. I felt the Lord say to me this morning..."You need to love her." and I thought" How Lord, how could I ever love this woman who is keeping me from this man?" and I swear I felt the Lord say to me "She isn't keeping you from him, my child. She just wants the love of a good man. She is a child of God.  Please love her. Love her for me. Love her for you and lover her for him..."

Then at lunch I fell upon these words while I was reading...

The excerpt reads like this " You love her because she makes him happy. You love him and will always love him, but you could not make him happy. She does, so you love her for that. You love her because she was there for him in a way that you could not be, did not want to be. (I am tearing up reading this and I am in a diner trying to have lunch) You love her because she can hear him and listen to him in a way that you did not hear him, and it has restored him to his sense of self. You have always wanted him to be happy. (This is very true. I have desired his happiness above all else. All I ever wanted was to give J his dream of never having to work again and be an artist) You have always wanted him to know love. She has given him what you could not. She is your sister [in Christ] and you love her for what she has given your beloved."

Then Iyanla's voice "I did want him to be happy because I really did love him. I didn't want him to hurt or be alone or be miserable. My pride and my ego were totally, utterly and completely deflated that I could not be who he needed and wanted, but there was a part of me that was happy for him and happy for me."

Yes. I do want all those things. Yes. I do love him. Yes, I will stop hating her and love her. I will send her my love daily in my prayers as often as I send him love. Love her.

Then, my new phone sent me a message that was the comment form my Art blog. My friend Rita posted this and combined with the feelings I was feeling and this message, my eyes were opened today.

"Your self worth will not end up the winner if you can force him--guilt him--into coming back to you out of pity. Love shouldn't be about need and pain and sorrow and loss...and being proven over and over. Love isn't about desperately needing something from someone. Love is about giving. If you love him, let him go. He's in love with someone else. You are stalking him and hounding him...which has just got to be convincing him he made the right decision."

Today has not been an easy day. My heart is aching, and hard realizations are just that, HARD. I really do want to be a good person and show the world and him the good person that I am. I want the world to see God's Heart. Just like the lyrics say....

It never was about the oil dripping from my head
I never did dream beyond the pastures I could tend
It never was about the praise, not about the street parade
I didn’t really need a crowd when Goliath fell down

I never meant to woo a king with simple shepherd songs
Or hide away inside a cave, safe from danger’s arms
I never meant to wear a crown, or try to bring armies down
It never was about me and who I hoped to be

At the end of the day, I wanna hear people say
My heart looks like Your heart, my heart looks like Your heart
When the world looks at me, let them agree
That my heart looks like Your heart, my heart looks like Your heart

I never thought I would be much more than Jesse’s kin
Who would ever dream a king would come from Bethlehem?
I know that I’ve crashed and burned, lives have been overturned
But You redeem everything, yeah, even me

At the end of the day, I want to hear people say
That my heart looks like Your heart, my heart looks like Your heart
When the world looks at me, I pray all they see
Is my heart looks like Your heart, my heart looks like Your heart

Five little stones, or a royal robe
Shepherd or king doesn’t mean a thing
Cause at the end of the day...

At the end of the day, I wanna hear people say
That my heart looks like Your heart, my heart looks like Your heart
Unashamed I will dance, in Your name, lift my hands
‘Til my heart looks like Your heart, my heart looks like Your heart

Like Your heart, like Your heart
‘Til this heart looks like Your heart

More SomeECards to get me by

Some E Cards to try and get me through

The real truth is probably more like this

And those are today's E-Cards that seem to speak about my life right now...