Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Not Picked on Picked Out

Life is hard. Some of us had had some pretty hard things happen to us in life and I know I am one of them. My life alone has not been an easy one. I have had many bad things happen to me. I have had many bad things happen around me. I have one of those lives that things keep happening. I have had people tell me Drama follows me. I have been beaten, raped, molested, abused, torn, broken-hearted. Push down, shoved out, accused, lied to, spit on, broke down, and most of my life teased or picked on.

Yesterday I have a very rough day. Car broke down, my bank account went over draft for something not my fault, ended up doing a job at work I hate, I had no AC in the middle of a heat wave in my car and melted home after getting car partly fixed, and for most people, they said on my Facebook they would have called it a day and hid under the covers. Not me. God gave me all of that to happen for a reason.

In my devotional today it talked just about this very thing. I have had a life that psychologists and counselors and doctor's have asked me "How did you survive?" "How did you make it through?", "How have you gone mad?"

Because...I have Faith.

God allows things to happen. Many times because he not only knows we can do it, but yet he CHOOSES us to be the one to go through it. Sometimes we endure so that another will not have to, perhaps so others will learn and grow from our experiences. God entrusted that suffering to me because he also has FAITH in me.

SO you see, this I have learned...I was not Picked On, but Picked Out. God entrusted this suffering to me. Now what am I going to do with it.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

The Pocket

I recently had some life changes again and so my blogs, artwork and some other things have been a bit neglected. That alone made me think of what becomes important to us in life sometimes.

When I am NOT working my world revolves Art, my friends, going to Conferences, writing on my Blogs and Facebook. When I am working on a contract my world revolves around my contract job and in the beginning nothing else. I have lost contract jobs in as little as one day, one week and even a month. Since I have been struggling financially lately, this job is very important to me and so everything else got shoved over and until I completed my first week I didn't really care about anything else.

Isn't it funny how our priorities can change like that? I think that goes along with what I learned in SR2, which funny enough also was was of the things I really didn't care about last week. I enjoy the insight it gave me, but my priorities were focused on a different goal and that was all that mattered.

Now, I think I have gotten a bit more used to my early schedule, I know what "the pocket" is that I have to leave West Omaha by to get to Midtown Omaha and the walking distance from my car to my desk in the proper amount of time to get there by 7:45am. Funny that it would matter but it is true. If I left at 7:10am I got there at 7:30am. But if I left at 7:17am I got there at 7:50am. So see there is a "pocket" of time that is just the right time. If you don't hit that "pocket" you are either too early or too late.

I think in life this also applies. We each have a "pocket" that things are the "right time" or we are just not ready yet or then it is too late. Trying to find that time in our lives is not easy. When is the right time to have a baby? When is the right time to retire? When is the right time to ask someone to marry you? When is the right time to leave a relationship? When is the right time to move forward in a relationship? When is the right time to start a new job? When is the right time to take a leap in life for your dream job or dream goal? When is the right time to let someone go? When is the right time to let someone let you go? When is it the right time...when is your "pocket"?

We have to asses the "pocket" and see if it fits. Is now that time? Are we ready? Have we prepared enough? Have we thought about everything it entails? Or is it too late? Also will there be another pocket or another time that will work better?

I don't think it is an easy answer. It has taken me all week to figure out which Interstate to go to work, which streets to go down, which zig zag way to go to get there, which zig zag way to go home and which pocket of time is going to get me there when I need to be. Even now, I have the best guess but there still is some "tweaking" that I have to do.

Even if you think you have found your pocket in life for what you are doing take another look because maybe it could use some tweaking too. I truly believe that if you haven't found the right pocket, that you will. I know someone who can tell you exactly how long it is going to take him to get home by the minute. How does he know that? Because he knows his pocket. He is assured of it. Wouldn't it be nice to be this assured about other "pockets" in our life? You can. It jsut might take some work to get there. You might have to try and try again.

Every single day I left at a different time, came home at a different time and took a different way each day. This is life. We have to try different things. Go different ways. Try out new people. Try out new adventures. Try out different times in our lives. Keep trying our different things and different ways until we hit the pocket just right.

Keep trying, keep working on it, you will find your "pocket" eventually.

I found mine for work. Now to find my "pocket" for other things in life....

Monday, July 11, 2011

Roadmap to Success

One of the projects we were to work on for SR2 was a Landmine of Excuses. I decided to turn mine into a Roadmap and think about it more like If I follow this Roadmap all the way through then I will reach the end successfully and that will be the better plan than even giving credit to these excuses.

The start of the Roadmap theme

MY life is never just One road so I built many
My life has always had many roads and many choices. I have never felt like I was on just one road and sometimes I feel as if I am traveling down more than one road at a time if that is possible. I feel this Roadmap emulates my life very well.
My table at Tina's MY STUDIO business
The Roadmap coming along
I got the rest of the pictures off the internet, printed them as a 3x5 or wallet size and then glued them down with Extra bond Elmers Glue. I don't like to use Mod Podge for everything. I use all kinds of different adhesive.
The orange cones Tina and Kathy helped me design out of a Cheer horn stamp, Versamark Stamp Pad and white strips

Page One
Some of the excuses I chose for page one were "Let myself Believe the lie that I am not enough:, "Paralyze myself thinking about my fears", "Overwork on other things to avoid making progress on my goal", "Get too tired to keep going"
Page Two
Some of the excuses I chose for page two were, "Let other people tell me what I should be doing with my life", "Procrastinate by doing other good things that I really don't want to do", "Get hurt or distracted by other people's opinions of me and what I am doing", "Let myself believe the lie that if I have a bad day or week, I have failed entirely"

The last one there is a biggee with me. I used to think that all the time. I used to think that if I was having a good day and someone upset me or hurt my feelings or I hit a bump in the road of life, that my day was shot, ruined, kaput! I would even get angry and mad and upset if there was a person involved who created that bump in the road. I would actually say outloud or to myself "GREAT! Now my WHOLE day is ruined! "

I look back on that me and I can't believe I was her. I mean, come on, because of one or two things I allowed my WHOLE day to be ruined. What about all the good times we had that day? What about the rest of the hours in the day? What about about the rest of my life? The NOW me thinks about all of these things now, I asses and I move on. In that thought now, thinking about how far I come how much I have grown, I happily pat myself on the back and say to myself "Wow! You've come a long way! I am proud of you!"

Page Three
Excuses for page three were "Never stop to recharge", "Get distracted ny other people's goals
, "Get partway to my goal and then tell myself it is good enough and quit making progress", "Get bored working on my goal",
and what usually happens to me..."Get lost on the computer or television" 

I am still working on the last one here. Once I started to see everything as it is and was, it all became more apparent to me that I was burying myself into the computer and getting so lost that I was doing the other things I wanted to do. I would even say "I really want to do art things but I am stuck here on the computer." Hmph! Funny I don't remember a gun being held to my head. I don't remember being handcuffed to it. Yet, I have allowed myself to allow that to happen. I have taken some time off Facebook and have paid attention to when my last post was. So far the shortest time was 3 hours and the longest time was 10 hours since I last posted or got on FB. From someone who used to post every 5 minutes and be one every day, I think that is pretty good. Another pat on the back for me. :)

Now I am working on my blogs that I follow. I see that as the next big step. Ridler Studios, Twinkle and many others have a widget called Mr. Linky. This is where everyone shares their blog and then we all go around visiting other people's blogs. Sounds supportive and friendly right? Well, it is but I have found myself sitting at the computer 5 hours later trying to read, comment and share with other bloggers.This is a good thing, it helps others, it helps each blogger to see other bloggers styles and what they do and there is even learning from it. In SR2 one of the things we learn is that you may spend your time in a good effort or good task, but is it the task or effort you WANT to be doing? Would you rather be doing something else? Is it taking time away from your other goals? We need to look at the whole picture and decided this. On top of the widget I always notice everyone's badges they have on their site. I think they are cute or unique, or perhaps there is a good cause or class involved. Next thing I know I have hopped around so much I don't know where I started. I copy the code and go into my blog and add the badge to my site and do this over and over. It can become crazy time consuming and again, hours have flown by and I realize I haven't worked on my goals or other things I want, but this is not that unproductive as it could help me learn and grow.

I am still deciphering out the blogs and how I am going to handle that goal of not spending so much time on other blogs. I have limited myself so far to signing up for emailed blogs where I can for the ones that really inspire me. Then they come into my email, I read and I am done. I already have a hour time limit for emails in the morning so if it exceeds that, then I will have to change. I already am cleaning out my emails because there are things I subscribed to I don't want. For the blog badges, I am staying away for now. I am not adding anymore and if I do see one that sparks my interest I may add it, but I am keeping track of how many badges I add each week so I don't get overloaded. If it makes me money, is an affiliate or gets me credit then it is more worth it. Otherwise, I need to perhaps make a time constraint for Blogs like 30 minutes or something. It is still a thought in progress about how to work it, but I know I will get better at it.
The back cover I put sayings all over mixed with 3D stickers

Tomake it unique I added a smaller page to give it character

I had so many quotes I wanted to add that I added another page

Quotes I really liked that jumped out at me:
  • I want to remember that I am not my mistakes and that my mistakes do not get to define me
  • I want to remember to shut out all of the outside voices, and to stay true to everything I believe about myself and my mission, no matter how weird it may seem to the outside world
  • I want to remember that change in my attitude can get me through just about anything
  • I want to remember that I am not perfect and never will be. I am good at a lot of things and I struggle at lots of things, this is the joy of life
  • I want to remember that GOOD things can be enormous distractions from the things that are best and that its a constant battle to sacrifice what is good
  • I want to remember that discipline takes practice, daily, hourly practice, its a learned , acquired behavior and not something I was born with
  • I want to remember it is SO important WHO I choose to spend my time with
  • I want to remember that sometimes I just have to get through the boring stuff to get to the good parts and that there is always always a new fun way to make things more fun during this time
  • I want to remember I have done difficult things and I can do difficult things
  • I want to remember the people I love are the most important in the world
  • I want to remember love is worth fighting for
  • I want to really really really keep in my mind and heart my end goal and if its still what I truly want each day, I want to remember that I will have to work hard every day and in the end...it WILL be worth it!

See how it unfolds into three parts

Last Page of the Roadmap
I had fun doing this and putting it together. I really thought about this project alot and think it would be a great teaching tool for homeschooled kids or even other like me. I can see how much my art has changed too and how much I have grown creatively. This Roadmap for Success will be a great guide for me along the way and I will remember it when I start making excuses. I also plan to use it for a great inspiration for the quotes I used on the back. I can pick this up and look at it anytime and get the boost I need to move forward.

Keep Moving On! :)

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Messed Up Family Tree

My family is in from out of town. My sister here from Calif and my mother here from New Mexico.  One Wednesday my other sister up from Lamoni, Iowa will be here and we are all to take pictures together with my other sister who lives in Boone. One big happy family, right?

I am not trying to say we don't love each other because we do. We just desire to kill each other, scrape the others eyes out, get infused with jealousy over who gets more time with my mother, who gets to speak most often at the kitchen table and if we have made everybody happy with the food choices or places choices we decided to go when we got out. Needless to say, there is drama. If you escape time with my family without some drama you have experienced a miracle. If it is nto one of us in the immediate family, one of our kids will help us out by mouthing off to an Aunt or Grandmother that they then pissed off.

I want to segway  for a moment to say as I write this I am thinking of my dear friend KSM who writes another blog I follow...(ok I blogstalk her, but she likes it :)). I know she doesn't get along well with her family and as of late things have not gone well, most especially for speaking her mind. This of course comes to mind as writing this blog about my family, make me queasy and I hope I have learned how to duck so I don't get hit.

I want to see my family I do, but with every breath of hesitation I go. I realize I am not the same person I was. I am not the Baby Girl they need to walk on eggshells on, though they often make comments to the such. I have been through SR1 and now SR2. I am stronger and softer and I have a thicker skin. Yes, yes it is all about how you let things and people affect you blah blah. The sad truth is someone usually ends up crying and it usually is me.

I take the words of KSM not long ago with me today as a reminder. I am not the little Princess anymore. I have evolved. I am Trisha Trixie and of recent have decided to own my inner Goddess and go by that on Facebook. I smile and think "KSM would be so proud!"

I will remember that I do not have to follow the family tree of bitterness and hate, meanness or jealousy. I do not have to take the picking on or the teasing. I do not have to put up with subjects or questions I don't want to talk about. I can leave at anytime and I don't have to stay "just because it's family" motto. That motto is gone. New motto is "I wouldn't let friends treat me like that, I won't let family walk on me, I will protect my Soul House fiercely, FIERCELY I tell you!!"

No, this will be your legacy
This will be your destiny
Yesterday did not define you
No, this will be your legacy
This will be your meant to be

Music is very moving to me and so I went searching for a song to listen to while I got ready this morning. Suiting my thoughts perfectly was the song my Matthew West "Family Tree". Watch the video and enjoy your day. The words I have Bolded and Italicized are the ones that really jump out to me.I will do my best to enjoy mine. Now I am off to go take more migraine pills and sadly a Xanax just in case. Better to pill me than kill them! :)

You didn't ask for this
Nobody ever would
Caught in the middle of this dysfunction
It's your sad reality
It's your messed up family tree
And all your left with all these questions

Are you gonna be like your father was and his father was?
Do you have to carry what they've handed down?

No, this is not your legacy
This is not your destiny
Yesterday does not define you
No, this is not your legacy

This is not your meant to be
I can break the chains that bind you

I have a dream for you
It's better than where you've been
It's bigger than your imagination
You're gonna find real love
And you're gonna hold your kids
You'll change the course of generations

No, this is not your legacy
This is not your destiny
Yesterday does not define you
No, this is not your legacy

This is not your meant to be
I can break the chains that bind you

Cause you're my child
You're my chosen
You are loved
You are loved

And I will restore
All that was broken
You are loved
You are loved

And just like the seasons change
Winter into spring
You're bringing new life to your family tree now
Yes you are
You are

No, this will be your legacy
This will be your destiny
Yesterday did not define you
No, this will be your legacy
This will be your meant to be

I can break the chains that bind you

And just like the seasons change
Winter into spring
You're bringing new life to your family tree now

Saturday, July 09, 2011

What I have been doing in Soul Restoration 2

I have been keeping busy in all my endeavors as well as the other Summer Class I am doing and realized I haven't said much about SR2. That is because I have been so busy leading the "Life I Want" that I haven't been on the computer as much, which is good.

Shown below are some of the projects we have been doing and I have been working on

Things I want to Learn or Skills I want to acquire
 I want to take Piano Lessons, I want to Learn to Sew clothes, I want to take Equestrian Training,
 I want to take French Lessons, I want to go Zip Lining somewhere and I want to learn how to Shoot a Gun and also learn Fencing plus there are more things I want to learn on the way...just wait for the surprise!

2nd half of Promise from Goddess Leonie

1st half of Goddess Leonie Promise

Goddess Leonie Promise
Dearest Goddesss,
Today, and everyday, you have permission.
You have permission
Today, and everyday, you have permission.
You have permission to let go of friendships that make you feel like shit.
You have permission to change. You have permission to not be the person you once were.
You have permission to be exactly how you are.
(For the rest of the PERMISSION list from Goddess Leonie CLICK HERE 

I made this to add to my wall as a Reminder....more info later

Vision Words I found in a mag-Now on my wall

Vision Board 1

Vision Board 2

Vision Boards
 WE were to make "a" Vision Board and well as usual I had too much to say so I made TWO Vision Boards. These words really speak to me and inspire me as well as the images below I found when looking for things for my boards and stuff to put inside my book.

Marilyn Monroe being carefree on the Beach

My inspiration stickers with a younger Marilyn Monroe on the Beach

The things I see before I walk out my door

ENOUGH by Melody Ross reprinted and I wrote ENOUGH across it
These items are important to me. They are important for me to see as I walk out my door. I also put two new tacks there so I could have my keys and my Camera close by. My Summer Wishlist  I did from Pink and Green Mama  blog is not covering the clock that doesn't work, my Goddess Leonie words are there to inspire me- 10 Key Habits, Gypsy Goddess, and What I want my home to be (From my Goddess Guidebook), my Des Moines Art Noir magnet is hanging off the clock as a reminder to always be Artistic, and a picture of Marilyn Monroe praying as a reminder to prayer before I walk out the door and to be thankful for the life I have.

I have been creating so much I was thinking today I need a camera that loads right to my blog once I take it and then I thought, duh that's what an Iphone is. Maybe one day I will get something fancy like that or another electronic device that does that, but for now, you just have to wait until I take them off my camera and post them to my blog. Enjoy the art I have done so far with SR2 and stayed tuned for more artistic creations. If you want to see what else I have been doing go to my Art Blog over here at Art a Day Keeps the Crazies Away

Friday, July 08, 2011

Wishcasting Wednesday: What do you wish to make progress on?

I was helping my cousin who had surgery on her elbow and the same day fell and broke her ankle on the opposite side (ouch) recently so I missed Wednesday's question. I know it is Friday, I am Blonde not stupid, but even if I miss it there are times I really want to answer the question and others times I feel I can take a break. This week was was of the times I jsut HAD to answer.

Wishcasting Wednesday: What do you wish to make progress on?

 I wish to make progress on my art.

 I wish to make progress on my challegenes to not get so wrapped up in the computer (FB, Twitter and even Blogs)

 I wish to make progress on my relationships with others.

 I wish to make progress on my In the Sun course, my Summer of Color Course and my Brave Girl Soul Restoration-Living the Life you want Course.

 I wish to make progress on my Goals which entails but is not limited to-Eating better-healthier, Getting my Passport back-which means getting back Child Support paid off, getting my other bills paid off so I can enjoy life, Learning new things I have always wanted to do, being strong in my Rules with others, and getting to the point of having a business life that supports the life I want for myself and those I care about.

 I wish to make progress on my life.