Before the days of Facebook, blogging was my outlet. I came here, I poured, I wrote. I didn't care if anyone read or not, and the people started commenting. It was nice I had an audience, but that still wasn't why I came here. I came here because I needed an outlet and I have arthritis and had juvenile arthritis so typing was always easier for me. I love journaling, but I just couldn't write the old fashioned way.
I just needed someone to pour it out to let it go, to just dump the thoughts. I needed someone to share those feelings that I was feeling inside and the things that I felt like I couldn't share with those around me. The boyfriend I was dating or the husband I was married to. The tears i was crying over my children and such.
My mother had me read Artist Way by Julia Cameron when I was young and Morning Pages was like, a ritual in our house. "Get that junk out of your head before you go to school or work" etc she would say. And so I would. It helped. At nights when I couldn't sleep as I got older this is what I would do, I would type. In 2005 I started this blog. Looking back I see some years I wrote more than others. Perhaps I was busier or I had more to do, or I had a man to keep me busy or a job or what not. I don't know.
All I know is, I have come to realize that I miss it.
I really want to get back into the habit of journaling again.
Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Tumblr even all that Social Media does not replace the pouring out of my heart. So here i am. Susannah Conway's Love Letter reminded me of that. Adding our blogs to a blog roll made me think about it. "Hey, I have a blog, why am I not writing on that damn thing!"
So thank you SC. Here I am. To me this feels both odd and second nature at the same time. Not sure how that can be but it is. It's like going home but they turned your bedroom into a gym. It's home, but's it's not. I guess you have to make home your home again.
My life has changed so much in the past few years and this now, this blog is not a place for "dumping my sorrows" I think, I hope it to be a place for sharing my joys. I am sure it is a place for sharing my feelings and pains as well but since my mother in law passed and my mother has been consumed with her life in helping others, which is great, don't get me wrong, I feel a tad, well slighted.... I guess that she hasn't had time for me, the baby.
We did talk for 45 minutes today and I feel blessed I captured her for that long. As we get old in our lives and our parents get older those moments with them are so precious and rare. I feel like I am losing time and every moment counts. I don't want them to pass away and I missed them.
I just want to make sure it wasn't My fault that I didn't get to talk to my mom like i didn't' call her enough or something. With my mom it isn't that. It is more like, you can't hold her down long enough! lol
New spouse is busy at work, friends are busy, mom is busy.
So here is my blog.
My space to chat to the space in between again.
Hello old friend.
I have missed you.