Sunday, July 01, 2012

Radio Songs for the Moving On

Doesn't it always seem like whatever is going on with you is what is on the radio? Especially when you are going through something hard. Well, All the songs on the radio are doing that to me so I am going to share them with you. Yes, I have done this before but music speaks to me and I speak to you. Whether there is a YOU out there who is listening or not, IDK. Honeslty, right now, IDC either. I need to write this blog. Cathartic Healing as a friend once said to me.

I just finished watching an Episode of Warehouse 13 and in it the woman said "The reasons why I am so mad at you and hated you was because YOU were the proof that he had moved on."

I guess that is why I have such a hard time with J's new woman. I don't really know her. I am sure she is not evil and probably rather nice. But I despise her yet still. To me she got in the way. Perhaps it is what was said in the show. She is just the proof that it IS truly over. All hope is lost and gone.

I know I should not care. I am dating someone else and seeing how and where that will take me. Continuing to give it my energy is futile and undeserving. I keep reading ad seeing all these things that say to stop giving someone who doesn't deserve it your energy and give it to someone who years for it.

If Love Hurts

I come from a home where words such as this are spoken like they are bible. Think positive. What you send out comes back to you. Put him in Divine Order. Light a white candle. Don't give him the time of day. Turn the page.

It is hard though when you go from "Bubbly"  being someone's "Delilah" and then telling you you are their miracle and  "All I need is a Miracle" to being just another somebody, another no one, nothingness, just..
"Someone That I used to Know" and "Rumor Has It/Someone Like You". Instead it came out to that he never did "Realize" what we had and what we could have been. Now I am just trying to deal with the fact that he may be "The One That Got Away".

It has been 6 months and I am still hurting. I am "Not over" him yet. I am still fighting tears. It feels so frustrating  because it feels like the is no "Getting over" him. I can't help but think how we could have had it all, "Rolling in the Deep", because more than anyone he really did have my heart inside his hands. I would have stepped on a "Grenade" for him and yet someone how I feel like he threw me on top of one. I think men who plan on breaking your heart should have warning labels or wear signs "Warning!! Will Break Your Heart".

But each day I am getting "A Little Bit Stronger" I have become Strong, through the loss and trials of him. He is engaged to another woman. He proposed to her three weeks after he let me go. He didn't fight for me. To HIM, I was not worth fighting for. I am learning to get along without him. Love Bites, but Love can be wonderful too and in my Disneyesque vision somewhere out there it has to be true.

I am getting stronger without him. I am done spinning my wheels and I am done letting him drag my heart around. I know my heart will never be the same. But I know I will be ok, even on my weakest days...and there still are some of those days...but I do not desire to turn to a pillar of salt so I will face towards the future and see what this new man in my life may bring me. I will Remember him, but I need to move on.

He took many things from me, but he didn't take "The Part of Me" that is strong and tough. The part that will make it no matter what. He is not going to break my soul. I am a sparkling firework, a dancing flame, I shine and help others shine too.


All in all and in the end I learned the lesson we all figure out..

"What doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger" so I just put on my Red High Heels and just keep walking....


He may have broke me, I may have a hard time knowing what love is again, I may have a hard time falling in love again, even now with someone new I am tentative and I know that is because I put all my hope and belief in the ex and now that that is gone, I just don't know what to believe. But even through all that, inside Trisha Trixie still lives. She is Strong. She is powerful. She is bubbly. She is fun. She shines. She lives. and I know and I tell her often. She is loved. I am remembering to still be the ME that I love and others love to...so here is an old Trisha Video I leave in honor of that...