Monday, October 02, 2006

What I want

I jsut want what every mother wants. I want my children in my life. I want to be a part of theirs. I want them to want me to be a of thier life. But because of all the brainwashing of my spouse, as the years have gone on, that time has passed. Alex informed me Saturday that he was getting confirmed in the Catholic church Sunday. Well, gee, thanks for letting me know. I guess that lets me know where I am in his life....Im not evidentally. By that time I couldn't even send a card int ime, much less be there, or send a gift. All teh shilw Nate is nearly screaming and jumping down ina fit for want to be with me and he can't and people are tellinghim her cant. Nice huh?

Then life throws me fast balls and curve balls by me and sCott not having work, not being able to pay bills, hiding our life away from collectors, owing people in the church, Owing our ex's, and the list goes on.

I think sometimes the worls spins way too fast for us and our only recources is to hang on and throw up for dizziness or jump off at a hundred miles an hour killing ourselves. Either way it seems so futile at times.

I know many of you have been there. I know there are others. I am not saying my life is any different thant anyone elses. I know that. I jsut needed to vent and vent I DID!