Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Waiting

I hate waiting more than anything in the world.

i mostly hate waiting for men.

mostly because I am spoiled.

I know I am.

I think they shoudl have to wait for me not the other way around.

But waiting for a guy to decide if he loves me enough to propose to me and sweep me off my feet and take me off the market is more waiting than I ever want to do.

ive been with J for 3 years now. An old friends stopped by tonight and he said wow I remember the days you wouldnt wait 3 days much less 3 years wow.

I thought hmm yeah why am I waiting?

j and I have had the BIG TALKS receently. He even asked if I wanted to do double session with both our counselors. He sees how unhappy this waiting game has made me.

On top of it all I don't think he trusts me. That bugs me.

I love J I do but this whole I think I might a baby thing is irritating the heck out of me

Plus he makes all these excuses for finances and they are just excuses.

Love is love and if you love you work through them.

I feel like he has it perfect.

He lives there I live here he get to f*** when he wants either when he visits or I do and there is no commitment for either. he lives a bachelor life and doesnt have to give up anything.

what he is goingto end up giving up is me

if we end, and my job ends, I will borrow the money if I have to but I will go to MD and stay with my other friends for awhile. Whats holding me here?

My kids are older now, my family can survive without me...

Im tired...jsut so tired

tired of waiting for j