Tuesday, July 28, 2015

So Much Overhelm

So much overwhelm.

I dont even know what to say anymore.

I really want to get back to that feeling of pece I had when I was in Brave Girls but I feel like it is so very far away.

I don't have that person. In Grey's Anatomy Meredith and Shtina talk often about how they are each others "Person"

Who is my person?
I don't have one.
I never have.
Just when I think I do, I don't.
I have new friends.
I have old friends
I have those who know me
I have those who tell me to call anytime, but they are not my person.
Will I ever have a "person"

I take solace right now in listening to KLOVE Radio and allowing my heart ot feel.
Allowing my heart to cry
Allowing my heart to feel.

I am marrying a fabulous man in less than 20 days away and as it stands I have no family who is planning on attending my wedding. I, like many brides, am planning so much of this on my own, but even my MOH is MIA and who am I to fault her for being so far away?

I am trying to do things on a shoe string budget, which is fine, but damn it would be nice to have help once in awhile. Even the new gal who was gonna help me, of course bailed on me.

I don't share this often but at time I still feel slightly broken from the life that came before me. I feel I will never shake it. I have overcome it, yes and I am fabulous yes, but there is still that high school girl insecurity deep down and I think we all have our demons. Learning to overcome them does not remove us from them, it merely helps us to survive, succeed and move on.

I am the promoter of my business, doing it alone, netowkring alone, and so much alone.

I have become comfortable being alone and at time relish in it. However, there are times, I really wish I had a "person"

Tonight is a rare night, when I think WAY too much is going on and I am holding my own, but I really just want to go off somewhere and have a good cry....