Monday, January 18, 2016

Life and Loss

Today started out great. Woke up late. Had breakfast with HunEPants. Made tea. Took a shower. Got dressed. Etc..

I got on my computer and all of a sudden a message came on for my spouse to call his older brother right away.

Oh no. Pit of my stomach dropped. Immediately I mother in law had passed. I just knew it. No one makes a big deal like that unless its death.

I was right. I didn't want to be, but I was. Ben's brother sadly found her when he went to go check on her. She had fallen and they thought it perhaps had been a few days. She lived alone with rabbits, dogs and a cat but none of them could call 911, so who knows how long she was really there. The underlying reason is still unknown. All we know is she is gone. She has passed away. She wasn't even 65.

Sadly, I have had one too many deaths I have had to deal with...

My uncle Harvey when I was 8. My father when I was 10. Grandparents on both sides years later. Best friends father when I was 16 and the list goes on...

This taught me very early on to live in the moment. To say what needs to be said. To talk, share and converse with others regularly. To let someone know you appreciate them and love them. To spend time with them. To show them you care.

Life is meant to be lived.

It really IS that simple.

Nancy had Behcet's and was constantly in pain. No matter what, she hurt. Meds or not.

But that never kept her from loving life, smiling, taking care of her kids and working hard.

Now, she is no longer in pain.

I keep saying to myself today "I am so glad she got to see Ben get married!" To some, that may sound trite, but I do meant it from my heart. It meant a lot to her and I almost feel like that is what she was waiting for. We got married in August and it it barely January now.

We never got to have a Christmas with her and as going to this year. We never got to spend a New Years Eve with her and was going to this year. We didn't get to see her as much because she lived so far. We didn't get to talk to her as much, because life was bust for us all. I could go on with the list of "we never got to's..." but that is pointless.

What it all means is exactly what I say year after year.

Life is meant to be lived. This life is meant to shine.

Stop living vicariously through others. 

Live vicariously through yourself.

Go do that thing you have been wanting to do. Start that business. Ask that person out. Tell someone how you feel. Take risks. Be adventurous. Savour every moment you get. tomorrow, might be the day you don't get it anymore. Cherish the moments and times you have. Put your damn phone down and look up and experience life! Life is in the moments. Capturing them is fine, but don't make your computer, your job, your cellphone, or anything more important that you truly living life and experiencing it.

To add to that, live your life FOR YOU.

Stop living to please everyone.

Stop living to "just get thru this moment" kinda thing. I hear so many people of divorce, live with others just to get thru it. But if you died today, would you wanted to die being unhappy and miserable? No? I didn't think so.

I hear others say, "Ill just work at this job I hate until I can _______. (fill in the blanks)  I'll just be miserable until I can___.

Until you can afford to do something else, until you get on your feet, until whatever. Stop waiting for whatever and live life in the now.

I have no regrets. I never have to worry about someone saying about me "Oh, how sad she never got to live life. She never got to...____" I know. KNOW I have lived a full and well lived life. I know I have done the things I wanted to do. I know I have been who I wanted to be. I know I have lived vicariously through myself and then some.

I am sad that we never got to have a Christmas or New Years Eve or many other holidays with Nancy, however, every moment we had with her was a fabulous blessing.

Like I said, there is one thing I am DEARLY happy that is that she had the chance to be a part of mine and Ben's wedding. She made our arch. She decorated it. She put flowers and lights all over it. She bought champagne glasses so we could toast and she gave us a fabulous and sweet toast as well.

I may have only inherited a mother-in-law for a short amount of time....

but the moments I DID get to spend with her will always live on in my memory!

We love you Nancy Lynn will truly be missed!

Cheers to my mother in law

I  am so so glad she got to see us married

She loved to laugh

She had the sweetest spirit

The best smile

She always made everyone feel loved

She loved to play
She loved to dance
Nancy and Ben

Nancy and Ben

Nancy and Ben
You go girl! Now you can shake it all day long in heaven with no pain, a skip in your step and a smile for always...we love you...we miss will be in our hearts forever!


Trisha Trixie

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