Saturday, November 12, 2011

The Imperfect Friend

I have been busy writing for NaNoWriMo and realized I haven't paid much attention to this blog. I like to write what inspires me and so sometimes that also is why I might lack a few days here or there.

I was reading in my "Looking Up" devotional and found something that spoke out to me I wanted to share with you.

"I wouldn't for a minute minimize the pain of a relationship broken by unreasonable, or at the very least, unsustainable expectations. When such a close and dependable relationship is injuriously severed, the knife penetrates to the exact depth we've invited them into our private lives. One of the primary reasons we're so wounded is because the person knew what we were going through and STILL abandoned us. What I am about to say can be painful to hear, but it comes with healing. 


Sometimes a person abandons us not in spite of what we're going through, but directly because if it.


They either ran out of ANSWERS, or they ran out of ENERGY and no longer had the wherewithal to go through it with us. If our helping friends ACTUALLY did something that overtly wronged us, they bear the responsibility before God for that. But if they wronged us by RUNNING OUT OF FUEL and DROPPING OUT OF THE STRUGGLE, we need to realize they have done all they felt they could to humanly do and let them go without bitterness or anger."

Have you ever felt abandoned by a friend when you were especially in need? 

I have. I also have been the one who walked away from a friend or two and even family members and relationships. The people this happened to felt perhaps abandoned by me and hearing they felt that way hurt my heart, but I had to do what I needed to survive myself. I also felt completely torn about the decision and for a long time felt sad about it. As much as I missed them in my life, I need my life back and I did not feel like I had that while they were pulling me down into their world.

I know when my friends and my mother left me on my own and gave me a dose of "TOUGH LOVE" I resented them for some time but eventually thanked them. I was stronger for it and learning to stand on my own was the best thing for building my character.

Looking back, were your expectations unrealistic and therefore unfair?

I used to expect my friends to answer every text, return every voice mail, respond to every letter I wrote them. I was often told I was "too much" and that I smothered them and they felt like they couldn't breathe. Some said they felt like I was a "leech" and only called them when I needed cash, support or help. They told me it wore on them and they loved me and cared for me, but they wanted me to be strong, stand on my own two feet, stand up for myself, have confidence and self worth in myself and be a better woman.

What I recognize in this and in another friend currently going through struggles is that while in the midst of these things it is hard to see this in your life. You feel as though you friends don't care and/or that they hate you. This in turn make things worse because you then tell yourself lies about the friendship and situation and it can be a downward spiral.

Brave Girls has taught me about listening to the Truth. Soul Restoration has taught me about Protecting my Soul House and loving myself. Goddess Leonie helped me see the brightness I offer to others and to continue to love the inner me. Art Journaling helped me open my Right Brain to creative thinking again and helped me release a lot of the things I was feeling and retaining. Declaration of You and When I Grow Up Coach helped me release the things that was keeping me from moving on and moving up.

I would not have come to these conclusions if friends did not walk away. If I didn't walk away from some friends as well. The resounding truth from Brave Girls is that we can make and keep boundaries and still love others. They may not see it because they are hurt, but it is true and we see it and know it to be.

Remember that people are people. They are only human. Our expectations from another in our life-Lover, spouse, friend, mate, or even someone new in our life---ESPECIALLY WHEN WE ARE HURTING--can require superhuman insight and stregth. No one they let us down. They are human.

People run out of gas. Jesus never will. Jesus laid down his life for his friends. He was not human. He was a spiritual being having a human experience. He was able to endure. Some friends, some spouses, some family can endure a lot. Others can endure very little. Do not compare them to each other for they are not the same.  When someone abandons you, love them and pray for them. They gave you all the could...

But remember they are only human...they are Imperfect.

But they are still your Friend.