Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Being Boundary Thick AFTER Soul Restoration/Brave Girls
I have been in the Brave Girls Club for just over a year now.
I have taken Soul Restoration 1 and 2
I was a part of the original Soul Restoration 1 group in fact. It was like something I have never ever head before. IT was surreal. It was profound. It was something I needed to hear...
Protect your soul house.
Protect your soul house FIERCELY!
It is ok Brave Girl to set, make and keep boundaries and still love others.
Send destructive people to the Moon.
These may sound "foreign" to some, but other BG SR sisters they are reading this and nodding and understanding and empathizing.
But what do you do AFTER Soul Restoration? What do you do AFTER months have gone by? How easy is it to abide by those standards? How well do you continue to Protect your Soul House? Are you still watching your boundaries?
I have taken other online courses this year intermittently to keep in tune with the values and beliefs. But it IS still hard.
I currently have a friend, some I care about, who is Not protecting his soul house. Now granted, he did not take SR 1 and 2. He does not quite understand this. But I have continuously stated to him that he needs to stop allowing people to tromp all over him, telling lies about him and treating him badly. I have shared he needs to set, make a nd keep boundaries for this protection and so on. I have done all I can all year.
I did for awhile remove myself from his life. This was not long after SR1. It is not that these courses make us or tell us per say to remove people, yet to protect ourselves. Others who will nto do so can potentially harm us.
Their lives, their drama, their needs becomes most prevalent. They are as my counselor says "succubus" who will keep coming to you and running to you and wanting and yearing your help and more.
But even more what comes to my mind is KSM. (I know you think so but I am Not infatuated it just seems that way...snicker).
To be clear...a message KSM sent me and told me something I have NEVER EVER FOGOTTEN...
She said, "I need very boundary thick people and so should u. It's important to ur soul house. U have to earn a way in a door of friendship with time and ease. Trust can't be granted with a friend request."
Boundary Thick People...I like this phrase. It resonates with me. It HAS resonated with me for months. And now, it has come back to my mind tenfold.
I found this link about Psychological Boundaries
"Back to my friend who has thin boundary issues. He is loved by both students and faculty ...but he has constant "drama" in his life due to his thin interpersonal boundaries. By letting so many people "in," he has created an inner space where someone close to him is always in crisis and needs his attention. This constant drama has cut into his ability to be productive in his creative career."
"People with thin boundaries are open, overly-trusting, and easily intimate with others. They experience the border between themselves and others as porous and transparent. People with thick boundaries, on the other hand, are rigid, well-defended, and almost seem to be wearing a suit of armor."
I want to help my friend but he is not Boundary Thick. He is like the example above. He is so thin, there is constant drama and his own career and life is at a loss because of it. I have been there. I understand. But someone setting boundaries with me has helped me to move on in my life and grow and get my life moving forward again.
For me to remain this way I need to have others with thick boundaries around me just as KSM needs those around her. I get it now....I finally get it.
IT is not easy keeping up with the things we learn in SR1 and SR2 sometimes but that is why we have those Truth Cards, and our Life Book and BG Truths and all the tools they gave us.
Hold fast to your beliefs. But remember to believe the things that are real. And above all...
Protect your Soul House FIERCELY!!