For all my life I have done what others asked of me. I played the role others asked of me. I played the role of the doting daughter. I played the role of the good niece. I played the role of a great friend, there for everyone. I did the dishes when told. I cleaned my room when I was asked. I was there for my friends when they needed me. I did what I was told and what was expected of me. I was a good girl. I didn't break outta the house or sneak away to go see boys. Hell, I didn't even have my first kiss until I was nearly 18 and didn't date until well after that. I was a slow bloomer so it was ok to do all the things I was told to do. Then I turned 18 and I bloomed...
From that moment on I had a new role to play.
I had the role of the head turning woman. I had the role of the stunning, breath catcher. I had the role of the confidant female. I had the role of the sensual woman. I had the role of the someone that mattered to others.
I was no longer the ugly duckling. I was no longer the girl no one ever saw. Now, I was the woman that people took notice to.
With this new role came on other responsibilities, of course.With this role I was to act calm, cool, collected. With this role I was supposed to be the woman that held it together. With this role, I am expected to be ok with guys hooting and hollering at me. With this role I am expected to be ok with guys making passes at me, married or not. With this role, I am expected to be not just ok with my beauty, but exude it.
I know I am beautiful.
I am not haughty about it or egotistical. It is a fact.
I once was the girl no one looked at....and now I am the woman everyone sees.
Sometimes being beautiful is like fame. I hear people tell me things like "Oh to be as beautiful as you!" or "You are stunning!" and then when they find out I am actually ten years older than they thought I was, they are really stunned.
I am graceful and say thank you because that is what is expected.
If you think a beautiful girl has no worries you are wrong.
It is like a standard that you live up to. It is like being a celebrity.
and it is not easy.
Sometimes I have wished to be the girl back in the corner of the party no one ever saw. Until about a dozen former high school boys tell you that they DID see you but were too shy to say anything to you. Oh well, there goes that idea.
Once you have beauty, life changes.
Friends, Guys I used to be able to hang out with now are constantly making passes at me. A business meeting can slowly turn into shared thoughts of dreams a man had about me. There are times I avoid my male friends because I don't want to have to deal with these kinds of issues. I just want to talk to my friend. I just want to hang out, play games, or watch them play ball, or something. Sometimes I just want to have a drink and it mean nothing. It means I am having a drink. Not hey, I wanna sleep with you.
Then there is the flip side of the male coin....their wives or girlfriends or mothers. I really do want to be the female they feel comfortable with, but I am just, well..NOT. I am not because I have something they don't. I have "je ne se quoi" I have that thing, that thing you can't quite put your finger on. I believe it is my savor for life, honestly.
It is no secret my father passed when I was young. I learned hard and fast, life is short, you gotta live it while you can. No one will ever be able to say that I didn't live a full and fabulous life, because I did in every way I could and I still am.
Most people live this bleak existence of life, doing what everyone tells them to do. But I don't. I live life on MY terms. and that's exciting, I don't care who you are!
How often do I hear "You are unique. You are so different than other woman I have met. You are so real, so raw so authentic" Yes. Yes, I am.
So, that is the role I play. The role of the woman every man wants to be around and the woman everyone wants to be. If that isn't like fame, then I don't know what fame is.
Just remember, with that sort of fame comes responsibilities.
Responsibilities like being ok when a man tells you his wife thinks he is having an affair with you and all you did was have lunch with him.
Suddenly I am a threat. I am a threat to their life, their son, their husband, their marriage.
Well, maybe this is too real for the world, but you wanna know what I think?
Take care of the grass on your lawn and your man won't keep looking on the other side of the fence. Grass grows where it is watered.
I can't help it if someone thinks that. I was just being me. I was playing the role of me.