Thursday, March 05, 2015
On Being a Friend: Facebook Friends vs Real Friends
How about I'll be me and you be you...
Ok, so I am on a day early on Facebook then what I wanted (was going to only be on FB on Fridays and today is Thursday) and how this happened is because so damn much is connected to FB that it feels as though we can't escape it. I deactivated my account this week to start having harder disciplines and yet, just so I could get to my Wedding Wire account and Spotify account I HAD to log in through FB because I couldn't get in through any other way. Thus, removing the "deactivation" for the week and logging me in.
And because I forgot to turn off the Spotfy "sharing to FB" when I was sharing other music with Twitter and Tumblr, it sent one to my profile. But I am music, music is in me and moves me, so why wouldn't I share music. Because someone told me I over share, I share too much music. Well, I decided, I will share music if I want to. If you don't want to see all those posts and nay others I share, following my life, my Facebook etc is not "mandatory" for you.
Slowly I am coming back to this. I am me. You are you. We do not have to like the same things or feel the same way about politics, religion, opinions or ideas or even music or how much I should or shouldn't post on social media.
In the epitome of realism that I like to think I am, I am getting back to this way of thinking that I can be and you can be you and we can still be friends. If we can't, then perhaps we were never meant to be friends in the first place.
Being someone's "friend" on Facebook is not really being their friend. Being a friend is sending people notes. Letting others know you care. Being there for them even if you don't want to, because there will be days they will be there for YOU, even when they don't want to, because that is just want friends do. Friends send cards, notes, emails caring about one another and loving another person for the simple fact of friendship. When they call, you answer. Not always because you WANT to hear their voice, but because out of all the many people they could have chosen to call they called you.
I found this to be true when sending note cards and emails these past few weeks. I want people to think about it and feel my love for them and know that same thing. Out of all the many people you "could have" gotten a note from, you got one from me. Because I care. Because I have your address. Because when I asked for your address, you gave it to me. Why? Because you told me, by giving me that address that YOU wanted to hear from ME. So then I feel special and like a friend because the same applies. Out of all the many people you could have given your address to, you gave it to me, because you wanted to hear from ME.
This warms my heart.
As much as , when I desire to visit someone, or stop by their home, or have coffee wit them, out of all the many people they could take time to be with, they are taking time to be with me. And how I hope they feel the same.
In our Social Media driven world we think now that sending a request, with no warning, or background with the other person, and then accepting it, qualifies as being a friend. It does not. We also use this tool incorrectly in that we meet someone in business and then suddenly decide, "Hey I need to be friends with that person" but that also is not true. Business pages are there for a reason. Use them. If you want to connect with another you met via Business, go follow their page.
I remember back in 2004 asking others, "Do you Facebook?" and wanting their info to connect with them because I felt that their person (meaning them as a REAL person) was so unique that I wanted to connect more.
This has changed. Now, in 2015, we oft times do not even know them as a person we just find out that Sally is a friend of Dave's so we then want to be friends with Sally. Why? We don't even know Sally. What if she is a crazy bitch? Or vice versa. We see Dave is a friend of Joe so we relate this to thinking "Well, if Dave has Joe as a FB friend he MUST be a cool guy" when in reality, Dave happened upon Joe's profile much in the same and in reality, know NOTHING about Joe. What if Joe is a stalker? What if he is a perv? (this happens more than most) What if Joe starts sending you inappropriate pictures and request? (talking from truth here) Or what if even is Joe were a nice guy, but if you knew him in "real life" you would find that you really don't have anything to connect with and you most likely wouldn't be friends? (this is what I am finding out)
It is not to say, that Facebook can't be good. It can. It has reconnected me with some High School pals I am happy to talk with again. However, I just realized that some of those High School people, treated me like shit and I really could care less if they are on FB or not. Why was I connected to them? Do we interact now. Not really. Do I care about what they have to say? Not really? So then I go back to the question I said before and ask myself
"Would I be friends with this person IRL?"
If the answer is a resounding "No" then buh-bye FB Friend, because I don't think we really care about each other. That answer comes to me from, looking at things on FB that answer that question. Do they comment on anything I say. No. Do they post things on my wall that they know I will like. No. Do they answer a Fb message or comment I have sent them? No. Do we really interact at all? Not really. ah, k, um, yeah, Buh-bye.
I also have made NEW friends I would never had connected with had it not been for FB. But that happening is far and few between. But I have started looking at whether or not there is a REAL connection.
But wait you say, what if I am a "watcher". I don't say much, but I watch what goes on in other peoples lives. That doesn't mean I don't care. I do care. I care what happens to my FB friends I just never comment, respond or say anything.
Hmm, well, my question to you then is this "Why not?"
If you saw that person IRL and they shared all these things about their life with you, would you stand there like a lump on a log silent? No, you would respond, interact, engage. But yet on FB, you don't. Do you think that person doesnt notice? Cuz they do. Do you think that person doesn't care about your response or what you have to say? They do. They really do.
We need to use these tools for interaction in the same manner as we would IRL.
IRL, would you go on and on sharing horrible pictures of things about death, depression, divorce and the bad news going on in the world? Is that what we would say? Is that REALLY what we would share? Or would we interject positivity into some of those things we share? I think we would.
My mother told me something about doing things in life "If you say or do something and it could be in the papers, would you still do it? I liken this to FB and other things online like Snapchat or Google Plus or Tumblr to mention a few but all Social Media in inclusive of this...
If you thought what you send on your phones, or do or say secretively was going to go around to ALL the internet to see, would you still act the same? If not, then you might want to reconsider doing it, because those things, are there forever. You think because you deleted something that it is gone? HA! it is not gone. Just gone "to you" the people behind the scenes still have access to all of that.
How you treat people, what you say and do with them or to them online, is the same.
I hope to make a difference. I hope to show others, that their friendship matters to me. That what I share, do and say with them and to them, is what I would say and do and act in front of them.
and if there are people I don't see in this way, that I WOULD interact or engage with them if they were my friends in real life...then perhaps they shouldn't be connected to me on FB.
Until Next time,
XoXo Trisha Trixie