Oh joy of joys. NOT.
I have been drinking "the Glug" as I call it and I have come to the conclusion that one does not need scary clowns roaming the streets at night (this is happening this year for some reason) or horror movies because whatever the hell crawled out of my bottom and died was scary enough. Lordy! They should warn you more about the foulness! Liek give you 1920 gas masks when they give you the Suprep kit or something!
Also, as a such a pain, going around to find all the things you need, broth, Gatorade, hard candies, jello that you can eat, I think at the doctor they need to have that ready for purchase to buy as well that they have worked out with some company that has already packaged all that together for you and you get to pick "So do you want Lime or Lemon?" Because really, those are nearly the only choices you have since you can't have anything red or purple! you know like a Colonoscopy Pre-Prep Kit! I think my Entrepreneur brain is always on. :)
I barely slept last night.
The reality of all this is finally hitting me.
I am nervous now.
Why did they ever tell me they "thought" it could be Cancer? Why would a doctor even say that until they have conclusive evidence? I guess to scare me enough to make sure I do this test to rule things out. But what is funny about all that is "I" was the proponent of this test being desired!
I have been talking to doctors about this for ten years, at least!! Everyone discredited me...
"Oh, it's just IBS"
"Oh, you can't have anything serious, you are too young"
"Oh I am sure you are fine"
Do you know how frustrating it is as a woman to have a doctor keep telling you that year after year and then, to finally have a doctor listen to you and they start freaking out about it MAY be CANCER???
The more I think about this, the more it makes me want to know where the mishap started? When did I first bring this up? My records ARE being pulled so maybe my current doctor and I can shed some light onto that. Even with my current doctor, I am sure I brought this up to the clinic before and the previous doctor did nothing about it.
I think I need to look into this. That is one thing on my mind that kept me awake.
The other thing is the procedure itself. I have a watched a few YouTube videos and looked things up online, but how do we really prepare. Suffice it to say, I am nervous. Plain and simple.
HunePants can't drop me off but a new friend is going to drop me off early and then HunePants is going to be there when I am done and be there when the doctor tells me the results and take me home. To me that is the most important. Selfishly I would like him to be there for everything, but what if it is all nothing? His work pays the bills so he needs to be at work.
My friend asked me for a manifestation for myself. I really had to think about that one. I mean how can I say "Let it be nothing" If it is something already, it is not going to be nothing. It is going to be what it is going to be. Hopefully they can get whatever it is when they are in there, but maybe they can't. Maybe this is just another one of those challenges and adversities inlife I am supopsed to face, to deal with to be an example to others for.
I mean, isn't that my lot in life?
I have come to accept this is so.
I don't really see a way out of that.
If that be so, then what manifestation do I give to her to say for me?
For now, I just said" That they can get what they need when they are in there" That could be a biopsy, the polyps, who knows.
Until later and we know more, I don't know what else to do.
I believe I have led a life well lived. I believe I have made a difference in the lives of many. I believe this is my lot in life. I know that I have touched lives and changed many. I know I will be remembered if anything WERE to happen to me. Aside from that....today is just a procedure and there is no sense worrying over nothing.
Today is a day life has given me the chance to be brave and so I shall.
Life up to my motto...
Be fearless and above all...
xoxo Trisha Trixie