Tuesday, July 19, 2005

melancholy feelings

I'm feeling melancholy. I want to listen to slow music and stare at the wall. I don't think this is usual behavior. I am sure other feel or have felt this way. I use this time to dream or think. Do some inward reflectionof the soul. Sometimes I dream about far off places or sometimes of the past. I remember times of joy and laughter or times of sadness where I learned from it. These times where the wall looks more interestingthan life are nto easy for many.

People look at me and think because of my cheery attitde everything is ok. But deep inside perhaps my heart hurts too. I have been through so much even inthe past year. Those who know me see this, but do not think this has fazed me. But it has.

I question everything now. I questions my morales, my values, my religions my views. I keep asking myself if those are things I truly believe or are they things I beleive as a leftover from someone else. I feel like the runaway bride who never knew what eggs she really liked. I like mine poached medium by the way.

I am in a refindingmode I guess. Re finding myself. Overlooking the past-did I do those things I said I was going to? Well, some but not all. Is it enough to have done some or is it pertinent to cross them all off my list?

life has a funyn way of working things out you know, but sometimes, some nights, some moments...are just melancholy.