Monday, September 19, 2005

Mothering 1700 miles away

You know its' going to be a bad day when your son is depressed the night before.

How can I mother and care for my child so far away??

Manic Monday:

P calls at 6 am. So you think he is calling to discuss son who is depressed? He wasn't. He called about CS, of course. I should have know better. I thought fo one moment, for one time, maybe he truly cared about A and was worried about him, so I answered. Stupid me. Well, lesson here: I am never doing that again.

Walk into work. one of the gorls on the team cannot log in, phone is not working, computer is not working, nothing works. Email Tech support all the while someone who is another co-worker is drving them crazy emailing them at the same time. How do you casually tell someone to kindly "let me do my job" without offending them? you dont.

One manager still out, broke foot. My manager gone. D's phone is rerouting to B whose phone is rerouting to me. whoa. Busy day at work and all I can think about is this

How can I be a mother so far away? My son needs me. It is his 10th grade year. He said he wants to see me for Spring Break but he was going to wait to ask until after christmas. He is not happy and he hates his life. It is SO hard sometimes and other times I don't even think about it. I have lived this life for so long I have grown accustomed to it.

But when it is like this, my thoughts are turned deeply to my children. Do I focus on A more, he is the one speaking up. He is the one who is saying he is hurting. Now I am hurting too. I lvoe them so much.

But the counselor at school is trying to help me help him. I know it will be ok. I am jsut being a mother so far away.