Wednesday, August 10, 2011

I'm Not Who I Was..

As I lie in bed tonight my head is pounding and I can't seem to shake this migraine I have. As I lie there with a heated corn bag on my head these thoughts start rolling through my head about the conversation I just had with my older sister and recent events that have happened in my life.

To start-recently all three of my sisters have become and active part in my life via Facebook. As thrilling as this sounds to some, it is also quite interesting. I am the baby and they all have a connection to me in a different way yet are all very VERY protective of me. Funny even from each other too!

Someone I met through Brave Girls recently unfriended me because of something one of my sister's said. Now we all know we can't control other people's comments and actions so the fact that she unfriended me because of that shocked me. Especially given that we went through BG together. But little by little I am realizing the people in Brave Girls are still people and have faults too. But in the end the lessons I have learned through BG have helped me quite a bit in life.

My sister called to see how I was because in her words "I am sensitive" and she knows "how easily I can get hurt." Well, yes and no. 

That's when I started thinking about this song from Brandon Heath "I'm not Who I Was"


You see...I feel this way. Exactly. I'm NOT Who I Was.

It has taken me some time to grow and improve and change...but I have. Soul Restoration 1 and 2 through Brave Girls was the best thing I could have done. It inspired me to Jamie Ridler Studios, Goddess Leonie, and many other courses and books that have helped reshape me, restore me, and inspire me to be stronger, self sufficient and brave.

Two-this week I got taken at a car dealership. After buying at $1200 car I found out it needs a completely new transmission and the cost was more than the car. I was not happy. But these little instances where things in my life in the past would have rendered me in tears, throwing myself on my bed and feeling like the world was caving in...does NOT affect me that way anymore.

When they happen and I see introspectively inside myself that "Hey Trisha...you handled that pretty well!" I am amazed at how much I have changed and grown and grown stronger.

I did NOT fall apart about either event.

As far as the person who unfriended me...so be it. I have learned , not everyone needs to like me. I don't need to like everyone. I am a unique and special person and I am still going to be me. Friends who are real support me, are there for me and would not allow something someone else says to shape their opinion of  OUR friendship. We tried being friends, it didn't work out, so "turn the page" as my mother says "NEXT!"

Regarding the car. I was not happy. Yesterday instead of going home after finding out about the transmission I went and had sushi and did something for me. Then today after finding out what I could about how to handle it through other people who have connections to people In the Know, so to speak, I took the information and did the best I could. I have been wanting to be more self sufficient and so I was. I went down and talked with the guy by myself and presented my case. I stood firm and strong. I took deep breaths when getting upset, and just was firm in my conviction to get my old car back and the money I spent on the crapper car. He gave in, was nice about it, even put my old plates back on my old car and still asked for help on his website.

Yay, Trisha...way to go! You go girl! :)

So, you see, I am not who I was. For those of you who think you still have to coddle me and baby me and walk on eggshells and call me and be so ever gentle...stop it. I am ok. I am better than ok, I am Fabulous!

You do not need to worry anymore. You do not need to be so concerned. It may have taken me until I was 41, but I got it from here. Thank you for being there for me. Now, support me when I am strong. Be happy that I am stronger now. Be supportive of my strength and when I tell you I am ok, please believe me. I will tell you when I am not. I will share my thoughts. I will say if something is bothering me.

I am not the "Baby" anymore. I may be your "younger sister" but stop calling me your baby sister. I am also not "Sensitive Patricia" anymore. Those friends who knew that Patricia can now stop worrying and acting like  will crack if you say or do the wrong thing.

I realize this may come as a shock to you...the new me. But really. I am good now. I can stand on my own two feet. I am self reliant, self sufficient, and stronger...

Stronger and Softer...goal attained and better than ever! Embrace the new me. I have! :)