Monday, September 07, 2020

Being Here. Being Human: Day 1. Year 2020.

Being Here. Being Human.

Today is the first day of a new online project I am doing by Being Here. Being Human.


A writing workshop for those living with disability and/or chronic illness

Two weeks where we will write through the intersections of disability, accessibility, the sick/well binary of the disordered and diagnoses, the mundane and naming what is real, hybridity and living in spaces between, celebrating the small things, care, and creation, mourning and making a world where we leave none of us behind.

A writing space by us
About us
For us

(If you want to join I am not sure if they are still taking people)

Day 1- For today, what do you need to write, about you and for you?

What realities pass through your head without any other consideration?

We have these next days to write for ourselves. This time is for you, about you. And you know you best. You, the subject of your own words and writing and life. You know what you need for something to be accessible. For something to be for you and about you. You know all of what comes from the hours spent alone, and from the learning and the unlearning, that happen in these unruly bodies and disordered brains. You. And in this you, us. Together, we are allowed to bring it back to this, each in our own way.

“I paint myself because I am so often alone and because I am the subject I know best.”
― Frida Kahlo

The realities that pass through my mind that I have accepted are...

  • The reality that I have more brain fog from all my chemo than I realized.
  • The reality that this brain fog is limiting to my daily life and tasks.
  • The reality that I will always be misunderstood by someone and I accept that
  • The reality that I am a direct communicator
  • The reality that I am real, raw, and hones to a fault
  • The reality that I am authentic and that scares some people
  • The reality that I am"too much" for some people and...
  • The reality that if I am " too much" then those are not my people
  • The reality that I am a lightworker, a star seed, a healer, a shaman, an indigo child
  • The reality that I am good at what I do, though saying that out loud is often taken as Egotistical
  • The reality that I can handle "more" in most situations than most people
  • The reality that I am a hard worker and a smart worker
  • The reality that because of all my pains, cancer, ailments, disorders, etc I tend to have a much higher tolerance for pain than I used to. 
  • The reality that because I have a high tolerance, I am often misjudged or diagnosed because others have shaped their disbelief, thus they think the same applies to me
  • The reality that my body is flawed. Degenerative disc in neck and back, Hashimoto's, GI issues because of my colon cancer, as well as two cancers have severely altered my body.
  • The reality that we all are perfectly imperfect in our own way.
  • The reality that others have not ever walked a journey like I have so they will never understand and I need to quit expecting them to.
  • The reality that my tribe may be small but powerful, loving, and accepting.
  • The reality that I give more than I receive
  • The reality that I am unique
  • The reality that I have body dysmorphia and have a hard time loving my body because of this, but also the reality that I struggle to love my body because I often feel like my body is attacking me or out to get me after having cancer twice and so many side effects and issues from the chemo than I care to mention
  • The reality that life is precious to me because I truly know there are no guarantees in life
  • The reality that if I desire to change I need to be the change
  • The reality that I am a good human
  • The reality that I look at  things, life, etc with a kaleidoscope vision
  • Lastly, the reality that I am a spiritual being having a human experience and not the other way around
I am sure if I stood here, at my standing desk longer, I could come up with more, but my intuition has stopped me here at this point in my writing.

I am grateful for this challenge and appreciate the writing prompts to help us along.
I am thankful to Isabel Abbot for sharing her gifts with us so that we may share our gifts with others.

Peace Love and Happiness
Trixie <3

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