Sunday, July 10, 2011

Messed Up Family Tree



My family is in from out of town. My sister here from Calif and my mother here from New Mexico.  One Wednesday my other sister up from Lamoni, Iowa will be here and we are all to take pictures together with my other sister who lives in Boone. One big happy family, right?

I am not trying to say we don't love each other because we do. We just desire to kill each other, scrape the others eyes out, get infused with jealousy over who gets more time with my mother, who gets to speak most often at the kitchen table and if we have made everybody happy with the food choices or places choices we decided to go when we got out. Needless to say, there is drama. If you escape time with my family without some drama you have experienced a miracle. If it is nto one of us in the immediate family, one of our kids will help us out by mouthing off to an Aunt or Grandmother that they then pissed off.

I want to segway  for a moment to say as I write this I am thinking of my dear friend KSM who writes another blog I follow...(ok I blogstalk her, but she likes it :)). I know she doesn't get along well with her family and as of late things have not gone well, most especially for speaking her mind. This of course comes to mind as writing this blog about my family, make me queasy and I hope I have learned how to duck so I don't get hit.

I want to see my family I do, but with every breath of hesitation I go. I realize I am not the same person I was. I am not the Baby Girl they need to walk on eggshells on, though they often make comments to the such. I have been through SR1 and now SR2. I am stronger and softer and I have a thicker skin. Yes, yes it is all about how you let things and people affect you blah blah. The sad truth is someone usually ends up crying and it usually is me.

I take the words of KSM not long ago with me today as a reminder. I am not the little Princess anymore. I have evolved. I am Trisha Trixie and of recent have decided to own my inner Goddess and go by that on Facebook. I smile and think "KSM would be so proud!"

I will remember that I do not have to follow the family tree of bitterness and hate, meanness or jealousy. I do not have to take the picking on or the teasing. I do not have to put up with subjects or questions I don't want to talk about. I can leave at anytime and I don't have to stay "just because it's family" motto. That motto is gone. New motto is "I wouldn't let friends treat me like that, I won't let family walk on me, I will protect my Soul House fiercely, FIERCELY I tell you!!"

No, this will be your legacy
This will be your destiny
Yesterday did not define you
No, this will be your legacy
This will be your meant to be


Music is very moving to me and so I went searching for a song to listen to while I got ready this morning. Suiting my thoughts perfectly was the song my Matthew West "Family Tree". Watch the video and enjoy your day. The words I have Bolded and Italicized are the ones that really jump out to me.I will do my best to enjoy mine. Now I am off to go take more migraine pills and sadly a Xanax just in case. Better to pill me than kill them! :)


You didn't ask for this
Nobody ever would
Caught in the middle of this dysfunction
It's your sad reality
It's your messed up family tree
And all your left with all these questions

Are you gonna be like your father was and his father was?
Do you have to carry what they've handed down?

No, this is not your legacy
This is not your destiny
Yesterday does not define you
No, this is not your legacy

This is not your meant to be
I can break the chains that bind you

I have a dream for you
It's better than where you've been
It's bigger than your imagination
You're gonna find real love
And you're gonna hold your kids
You'll change the course of generations

No, this is not your legacy
This is not your destiny
Yesterday does not define you
No, this is not your legacy

This is not your meant to be
I can break the chains that bind you

Cause you're my child
You're my chosen
You are loved
You are loved

And I will restore
All that was broken
You are loved
You are loved

And just like the seasons change
Winter into spring
You're bringing new life to your family tree now
Yes you are
You are


No, this will be your legacy
This will be your destiny
Yesterday did not define you
No, this will be your legacy
This will be your meant to be

I can break the chains that bind you

And just like the seasons change
Winter into spring
You're bringing new life to your family tree now