Saturday, November 20, 2010

Jakes Ex's

First of all let me start by saying the funny thing about this find today is that I never read Glamour magazine. I only got it because In Style new issues wasn't on the stands yet. I needed a magazine for the trip. I liked some of the other things it had to offer. I didn't even see this until today.

I was reading in my Glamour Magazine today and hit this article today.
Jake's Exes Tell all

I am going to copy it in in case it goes away as some articles do:

Jake’s Exes Tell All!
Brave guy—he called them all up to get their very honest feedback.
by Jake

Can your exes—those people who were by definition wrong for you—help you find the person who’s right? I think so. To know who you are and where you’re going, it helps to reflect on where you’ve been. So if I’m truly being intrepid in my search for Ms. Right—and if I’m going to be a kinder, more enlightened Jake for you readers—I figured I should man up, call my exes and get some honest feedback. I remain on friendly terms with many of the women I’ve dated, but it was still with some trepidation that I decided to reach out and ask them two simple questions: What did I do well, and where did I fall short?

EX #1: Elise, a student. We were long-distance and spent our precious nights curled up together on the sofa, reading.

Where I fell short: “You forgot dates that were meaningful to me—like on my last night visiting you in New York, when you played soccer instead of taking me out for a quiet dinner as you’d promised. And you didn’t call when I graduated.”

I felt like a Hockey Widow

What I nailed: “After I fell asleep one night, you wrote me a sweet letter on the back of a page torn from a very old book of William Wordsworth poems your grandmother had left to you. I found it in the morning after you’d headed back to New York. I was enthralled with the gesture.”

Sometimes it is just the little things that matter. always buying me a candy bar when you went to the store. Buying me an audrey photo. Getting me comic book I asked you about. Those really meant a lot to me. Though depleting your savings to get my car out of impound was a huge deal and it did NOT go unnoticed and I thank you for that too. Yes I knew and thank you for what you COULD do for me financially when you could. I just always felt bad because you didn't have a lot of money and were not really in the position to fully take care of me yet. But all the little things really meant so much

EX #2: Jessica, a no-nonsense art dealer with an amazing smile, body and scent, and impeccable style. (When we were together, my favorite part of the day was watching her get dressed for work—seriously.)I liked that you liked this too about me. but then again who hasn't :)

Where I fell short: “After I told you that an art critic had given a show at my gallery an unfair review, you said you had ‘hit it’ with his daughter. Ugh! I was worried that someday I might hear you dropping my name just as casually.”

I would have loved for you to drop my name or anyone's for that matter. I would cringe that I felt you didn't use your opportunities, schmoosh, and work it. This is how life works. use it to your advantage or quit griping about it. I just wished you would do something more to go after your dreams.

What I nailed: “You made being in bed about so much more than sleep and great sex. We would download music together and goof around for hours, sometimes all day. I was so happy, I don’t know how I ever let myself go to sleep.” [Note: I didn’t really hear anything after “great sex”—but I think the upshot here was positive.]

I liked this about you too. You made being in bed, napping (wink) fun. There is a Keith Urban song about Raining on a Sunday and they lied in bed all day and hung out and made love and I think of you. We could watch TV, have fun, break futons (another wink), and even sit near each other like in the new house and just have fun being in bed or near bed. I really liked that about you. But like he said. GREAT SEX didn't hurt either (WINK to infinity)

EX #3: Erin, who broke up with me. She left a big hole in my heart, which I’m not sure has been filled since.

Where I fell short: Erin declined to go down memory lane with me, saying she wouldn’t like her current boyfriend waxing poetic about an ex. Fair enough. Then she delivered the kicker: “Besides, I don’t remember what you did right or wrong. It was way too long ago.” Ouch. But I remember….

What I nailed: I would pick her up (at the subway, at her apartment) instead of just meeting her at places; I made friends with her family; I said “I love you.”


And that’s when it dawned on me: Sometimes it just doesn’t matter what you do. If things aren’t right, there’s no gesture, no joke, no gift, no perfectly written note that can change it. That said, my ex experiment taught me that I could stand to listen more and talk less; to worry about how a girlfriend and I were spending our time together rather than about the myriad other options I had on any given night. I just wish some of those exes had been as forthright during our relationships as they were all this time later. Here’s hoping that next time, if I pay attention, I will never have another ex to ask for feedback again.

Jake is a real, live single guy dating in New York City.

All I know is...I never get this magazine...and I believe someone was trying to tell me something...and was all good :)

I hope you think so too. We live and learn and you never never know what the future holds and hopefully we live and learn

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