Sunday, November 28, 2010

My Father's Birthday

I tried not to think about my father, my real father but it was inevitable that I was going to. My real father is Art Hunter and he passed away when I was only 10. His birthday always is right around Thanksgiving and sometimes I can pass over it but mostly I end up thinking about it, about him.

I feel like no matter how hard I try I will never get over him. I am on vacation, I am around my mom and friends and other people I could talk to about it, but I don't want to. I want to just talk to one person who knows me and understands because he knows me.

I always feel like I am lacking something. I have always felt that. Everyone else got to have a dad in their life there for them and I should be grateful because I had Lew but as much as he loved me, he was not my father.

I also remember my father telling me that if something happened to him to go live with my mother and I can't get that out of my head. Logically I know he is gone even to this day, but the little girl inside me still wants my father back and I miss him so much.

I remember the times with my dad that the older girls do not remember. I also am the baby and daddy's little girl. Even if my father is dead I will always be daddy's little girl. That person never left me. That person is still in my core. Daddy's little girl.

I don't think of my father so much anymore, but come November 27th, it happens and as much I was trying not to think about it I did anyway and it made me just want to talk to someone who understood me.

This sounds so lame, but I miss my daddy.