Thursday, February 24, 2011

Boundaries

I wish I carried my Truth Book with me everywhere I went. The last few days have made me thought that I should. I have had a bad last couple of days. Mostly because I overstepped my boundaries, didn't know where they were, or had people set them on me. In addition to that, I need to set them on others in my life right now and that is not always easy, but it is necessary. In the Truth's there is one that speaks something of this, that it is ok to set boundaries and still love people. So given my current situation I thought about this. Not only Still love people, but also that when others set boundaries on me, they still love me as well.

The first one, I overstepped my place. I thought I was invited to share my thoughts with a friend only to find that the message I got back was to "Butt out, mind my own business" and then the attack texts came. Thins like "I am only a friend for convenience." These words cut me like a knife searing through my body. The person who sent this to me I have done a lot for. I have helped when I didn't have it to help. I have done much for this person and been there for him when times were very rough for him. He blocked my Facebook and I feel if the person is blocking me like I can see you but not your wall, then you don't want me in your world, so I deleted him. But it's ok, It was a life lesson. I overstepped a boundary. There was a line I didn't know I couldn't' cross. Now, that friend has a life issue, has apologized, begged to get back on my Facebook (that is a big deal to them), and now "I" feel like the person of convenience oddly enough. So now that he has an issue I am a friend? Well, here's the thing though...

Yes, I answered my phone and I answered my text and then because of Brave Girls, I knew it was up to me to set the boundary. So I didn't drop everything like I normally do. I missed his call and I told him I would call him back when I could. so we played a bit of phone tag but I did talk to him and I was there to listen. I care about people. I am there for my friends. Remember, I am still going to be me and I don't abandon a friend. But I do set boundaries and I do pay attention to the ones I cross.

Then there is the one where people set boundaries on me. It is good to know your place in this world. Boundaries are good for that. They are needed. Knowing where others stand, their views on dating, how they are dating and what they have chosen and where their boundaries are where I am concerned is good to know, but not easy to swallow either.

Part of this week happened two fold. One I didn't know where my boundaries were with someone, I didn't even know I COULD cross a boundary, but I did and then we needed to have the discussion of where it was because I truly care about this person and I empathize and understand them. I have been in their shoes. So, SO, SOOOOO many times. If I am special to someone and my time is precious, they don't want to share me with others because I am the most special to them, If their other friends are sharing that time, then it is perceived my time is lost with that person. My mother has friends that she adores, and I adore them but not on MY time with my mom. It is selfish, I know. But the person tonight who was feeling this way is so like me she is a mini me and she has a right to feel this way. Well, I beleive everyone has a RIGHT to feel how they do, but what I mean is I understand. More than anything, I want her happiness as well as mine and if she is feeling left out or threatened then draw a boundary line and I will do my best to not cross it.

Then there are the boundaries I need to start setting. Friends, family and others. the Brave Girl Truth resounds in my head "It is ok to set boundaries and still love someone" But it is harder to set those and help others still FEEL loved. I am concerned about that challenge the most. They didn't go through Brave Girls. They don't understand. How am I to do that? How am I to draw a line in the sand and say, "You can't cross here, but I love you or but I care"?

I know that through this week it has been very hard for me to come out of the end of the week feeling loved and feeling cared for with the boundaries that have been placed on me, but instead of believing the lies I chose to beleive the Truths which are that "Those who set the boundaries did so because I am special to them and they love me and care about me" which is why I would set them.

Remember the Truths about boundaries this week. I will be.