Sunday, March 25, 2012

Dating with Interest

Two more months and I go back to dating again. I mean REAL dating. Dating with "Interest" I guess. I have decided to follow the path of a Coach of mine and not date during this time. As she said, it bring new enlightenment to one's mind. I went on a date the other day but it was with someone I am comfortable with and it feels more like "hanging out" than a date sometimes. I don't know, as I said...it is not the same...it is not "Dating with Interest"

I know lately I have touted about being Risky and being strong...Being Courageous and Fearless. Being a Bad Ass Broad...well I am getting there...just not there yet.

I went back and looked at my old blogs about dating and there are some I wanted to share with you that really pop out to me.

My top hitter is the Circus Act of Dating

 Live and Learn

Boundaries

It's Ok to Be Alone

Save Me

I am NOT too much

Should Have Been Me

In the end it boils down to what I want, what I am willing to take and what is important to me.

I want Acceptance like I said here

But even a year ago I boldly stated my Romance Wants/Needs

Maybe it Should have been me...but it wasn't. Yes, That is the reality of it all. It wasn't.

I am learning to accept that the truth is what the truth is...

For four years he said he didn't want to get married...That is a lie. He did want to get married...just not to me...I was what everyone said I was...the Rebound girl.

It's ok.

I accept my fate.

I don't have to like it, but I always don't have to swallow it whole or swim in it...and I don't anymore.

IT hurts. Yes. He is making wedding plans with her. Yes ouch that stings. But I accept that my world will not cave in. I can breathe without him. I can function without him. I can't get over that I still want him, but how often in life do we get what we want? Not often. We get what we need. He doesn't need me anymore. I have served my purpose for him...I was the Placeholder for her. I hope she appreciates it.

By the time the Bad Ass Broad class is over it will be time to truly date again...the questions that lays upon the table now is...will I?

I fear putting myself out there again. My friend said the oddest thing to me but it was so truthful is was surreal.

The comment was "I have never been through a breakup so bad that I was left with a Fear of Commitment, along with the Fear of hurting someone else's heart in the process" then they went on to say "Don't see right there, that is what makes you so desirable and unique. You care about you, but you care about others intertwined into your emotions. Not many people are like that. Most are hurt and they set out to hurt others or most are fearful and don't try. But you, you try, you reach, you are Brave and yet there is a Tenderness a softness a gentleness inside you thinking of someone else....you really ARE a RARE individual"

Yes, but I really am DEARLY afraid that they will see me for everything I am...and still choose someone else...this happens in business, this happens in relationship...but I do know why...

THEY are afraid. They are afraid I will leave. They are afraid I will choose someone or something else.

Or at least I am hoping that's what it is.

Regardless I don't have to fret about it for now...but the thoughts are still rooted deep inside me.

For now, I am just trying to not think about the fact that he is moving on. He is not coming back. He does not want me back. He always loved her. He never loved me. I was the rebound.  I need to move on. Iwill move on. I will survive. I will be stronger.

I am stronger.

I am Bad Ass.

Once I start Dating again...watch out! Right?! RIGHT ON! POW POW