Sunday, January 30, 2011

Come Home

Found Image by ~Valentina~

So the other interesting thing my friend said to me that I chose to make a separate blog about was Coming home. He said to me, "you need to come home."

Well, D, that is just what I am working on doing. Come Home to my Soul House.

When he first said it I thought, well Boone, Iowa is not really my home. Yes, I was born there, but I didn't grow up there. I grew up in Garden Grove California, but we moved around there, and Anaheim and then as an adult S and I moved around all Orange County. I did come back to Iowa for my son and ended up in Des Moines, Iowa and then I followed a man to Omaha, Nebraska.

He used to say "Home is wherever we are." I used to feel so at home there. With him By him. By his side. Now I just feel lost.

I have heard others say "Home is where the heart is." Well, again lost. I don't know where my heart is. I don't know where my head it either though!

I am currently in Week 3 of Soul Restoration. I am one step closer to "HOME" every single day. I closed my Soul House for Restoration. I went back in time and learned that I did the best I could, The past did not nor has or will I let it anymore define me. I am not a Broken Girl anymore. There is a love they will never steal away. I am not the worthless they made me feel. They will never steal my heart away.My tears do touch the ground. I have laid my shattered pieces down. I am being put back together again!

Broken Girl by Matthew West

I learned that in Week 2, all those things that happen to me, they happened. They are in my past. I will not be shamed for them anymore. They were not my fault. What was my fault, I will not blame myself for anymore. No Blame No Shame! In looking over them, I realized that they did NOT consume. going forward I will not LET it consume it. I will not let anything again consume me, if I can dearly help it.

And as you know in this week I have learned to embrace my Weak Self and I have done a VERY good damn good job of that. let me tell you. This process. not easy. You think it is? You think, because you see me making crafts and writing things down it is? Well, it is not. I have never been more "In Tune" with myself in my whole life. It is hard. One has to DIG DEEP into their Soul and Reach Out and Pull Out parts that you didn't want to see and parts that you needed to see.

"Coming Home" is not as easy as everyone makes it sound. You don't just Pack up your bags and walk out the door.

how do I Come Home? Where do I go? Where is Home for me anymore? I don't know where my "Real Home" is from one week to the next. I am working on coming home D. That is why I am here.

I know I have found One home...Brave Girls. When soul restoration goes way I will still have Brave Girls. There will still be those women. To cheer me on. To be there for me. I am no longer alone. I will Never be Alone again. i have found a home in them at least.

As for the rest. I am working on getting back to the only Home that I need to be right now.


This is Home Switchfoot Piano Solo...

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