Saturday, January 08, 2011
Rearing and Ready to Restore
I am Rearing and Ready... I am on the edge on my seat...do you see me? Look...You're not looking hard enough. Look again. Can you see me now? Can you feel it? Can you feel the excitement? Yep, There it is! EEEK! Squeal! I feel like I am going to jump outta my skin with excitement!
I watched Melody's video's and have read my emails and have read the blogs. I went through my craft supplies, and then went to the store yesterday and went shopping for Mod Podge and other items I knew I needed. Then today I went down into the basement and went through my old bins of stuff to gather items for the projects such as ribbons and misc cloths and paper and things like old pictures and stuff of the like.
But the real feat of all this preparation had nothing to do with the actual getting ready of the little odds and ends of these little items it has to do with the feelings I have within myself.
I have felt in these past few months that my life has been a plate of pasta that someone came along and tipped and the makings of the plate went everywhere. Since then I have felt like my life has been scrambling and clawing and trying to figure myself out. I have felt like I don't know who I am anymore and that feeling is not good. My life as you know comes from a metaphysical home so this type of retreat to myself is not new or uncommon to my brain.
I come from a world where my mother made me doing treasure maps as I have said before. Name it and claim it yes. But this, this is different to me. This I feel will help me to ground myself again. This will help me to see me again. what does Trisha want? Who am I? what is important to me?
I think back to the movie the Runaway Bride where where says to her " You don't even know what kind of eggs you like" and I think to myself...well I know I like poached so I have that going for me...but other than that...I am like her. I take on what men want me to be. I fall into their world because I am a people pleaser and I want others to be happy. All that is well and fine, but somewhere along the way I forgot about MY happiness and I need to get back to that.
What is it that I WANT? What is important TO ME? Where do I WANT TO LIVE? And what other questions matter to me? I don't know yet. Maybe I will come out of this with no answers, with all the answers or with more questions, but I feel that I will come out of this with things that matter to me at least. I feel that I will come of this conquering my dears, challenging myself again, and delving back down into myself.
Soul searching is not an easy thing to do. sometimes you find out things about your character you may not want to know. Sometimes you come away finding out things about yourself that others have been trying to tell you but you didn't want to listen. But the great thing I know about this that is different than any other, is that I have a whole online community of wonderful Brave women who are doing this with me, and others who are there to be there for me other Brave Girls who are my friends who support me.
As well, I have my followers here, and my FB friends and followers who are watching me, praying for me, and there to support me in this quest. I say to you all.
I can't wait for Tuesday! 1-11-11 at 1 am :)