This week we are working on our time lines of our lives. Everyone approaches this differently. Some color and shade them. Some use strips of paper, some use paint. I will take a picture later when done, but I will tell you if you can try and get a visual for now. I already have color card stock so mostly my Time line is Dark Turquoise.
Then for the negative events that happened in my life I found this skull black pattern card stock I had and laid that down. Then for happy events I used buttons. Then posted some pictures down and laid the time line down on front and back. I just printed some stuff off today to finish and will work on it tonight some more.
Even though I am not finished yet, I noticed something right off. Something other women said they noticed in the video.That there are many times that when we think, just THINK about these things in our life we feel like they took over our life and that they were forever. But once down on the time line, we can see that visual and see that those events did NOT CONSUME us.
That they may have felt like 5 years or 10 years but maybe they were one year. Oddly looking back at my time with my second ex, though I felt things were hard with him, there wasn't anything I felt warranted putting a black strip on it. now, I may color it with a bit of gray, but it wasn't traumatic like other events in my life. Seeing that really made a difference to me in how I viewed things in my life already.
I of course, still need to do the journaling and this week is harder than most. I didn't even want to touch it last night. I read the prompts, cried. Cut out the truths, cried. Did the time line, cried.
One of the Truths actually said "It's ok to rest" and I thought, No it's NOT. I have to be the one to work, I have to take care of my kids, I have to hold up my friends, I have to make a difference, I have to help others, I have to do my website, I have to work on the projects, I have to do all these things, I have to be the best, I have to be there, I have to do it, if I don't do it, who will do it, no one is going to be there to take care of me, I can't rest, I just can't!!"
And then I re-read it, "It's ok to rest." And I remember Melody telling us to Trust our Truth Teller and my Truth Teller was telling me to rest, that it would be ok. And, in true fashion of this journey, I lost it and started crying. But, it's ok. Melody said crying is part of the journey and I know that is true. It is healing. We are letting the pain and the lies go this way. We are replacing them with truths.
My lie was that I had to do and could NOT rest. The truth was that it was ok to rest. So, I decided to take that truth to heart. I took a break and rested. I made some calls. I had a snack. I watched a little Hulu and I rested.
Tonight, I decided to go through my little Brighton bag of truths again because I thought about the fact that though some of the truths didn't speak to me at the beginning of the journey, as time goes on they may and I should get them out once in awhile and re-look at them. I am glad I did because a few NEW truths did jump out at me.
"You are not too damaged to become whole and new again. You will be whole"
"Try not to blame, accuse or shame others, and especially do not do this to yourself. Be kind and gentle."
Both are meaningful to me because I have thought I was too damaged for anyone to love. That is a lie in my journal, a fear. Replacing it with a truth is a good thing.
The second is good because I have for so long blamed myself for my kids, blamed myself for putting myself in bad situations, felt ashamed for things that have happened in my life or those around me. I often and am kind and gentle to others,but am I kind and gentle to me? It made me think about that. Really think...ya know?
Week Two is going to be tough, I can tell. Melody begged us not to Quit, so I KNOW that means it's going to be hard! :) But through this process the thing that keeps, continually jumping out to me is the story of the Refiner's Fire.
One of the women offered to find out about the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible study. That week this woman called up a silver smith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest in silver beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver. As she watched the silver smith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot--then she thought again about the verse, that he sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.
She asked the silver smith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left even a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silver smith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?"
He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy--when I see my image in it."
If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has His eye on you.