I pulled away to take a break. My eyes are tired from crying mainly. Tonight has been very Soul Hitting.
Tonight we got this stack of pages or list of Truths. We basically tell our self Lies in our Soul Houses to allow it to be the way that it is now. We lie to our self about the things people do or say. We lie to our self about the way others treat us and about our expectation and about our wants and desires. So how do we counter that? We do so with TRUTHS. This comes in little steps, so one assignment is to make either choose their totem as a Bird or another Totem we feel safe with that will bring our Truths to us and put that in our book. I of course chose a Butterfly. The second part of our assignment is to make Truth Sheets or Truth Cards. I will show those later.
I started actually cutting the truths out, and I had two piles going. One to the Right was the truths that really spoke to me. Pile to the left was the ones I was putting in a little Brighton Bag. (I have a reason why I am cutting them all up now which I will explain another time)
But as I was going along, a few would hit me really hard and I was cutting and I came across one that said “You already know what the answer is, just trust it, it’s right” and I burst into tears. I put down the scissors and buried my head in my hands and just covered my face and cried. (crying now as I write this)
I know. I know what the truth is. I have always known. ACCEPTANCE. Now THAT is where I have a hard time TRUST. Trusting those answers. I am so scared to accept those answers. What if i am wrong? Then what? I’m also afraid to let go.
There were other truths that would elicit me to tears once I was done crying to that truth. Mostly about settling because that is what I am the most SCARED of right now. I was in two failed marriages. One abusive, one 10 year then failed where it still crumbled. And Now what of my Relationship status? Broke up, together, Broke, together...and so on...
These were three Truths that jumped out at me-
TRUTH :” You don’t have to settle for things that make you feel small and powerless-you always have a choice”
TRUTH: “It’s time to stop settling for less”
TRUTH:”There are wonderful, kind, supportive, selfless people in the world, lots of them! These are the people that you deserve to spend your time with. Don’t settle for anything less, punkin,”
My friends keeps trying to tell me that I deserve happiness, it’s my time, I shouldn’t have to settle, and to Shine and that I make a difference.
Despite that I am FEARLESS, STRONG, BRAVE, COURAGEOUS and KEEP ON KEEPING ON. WHY? Because I don’t know any other way. This is me. This is who I am.
Truth? I am scared outtta my gourd to accept some of those truths.