Sunday, January 30, 2011

Fitting in the Mold

I was talking to a friend tonight that shared with me how people try to fit us in a mold that sadly we try and put ourselves into.

I am my own person. Be who I am.

That really hit me because my father used to say before he passed "They broke the mold when they made you!"

It took all my might to not burst out in tears when he said that. So it got me to thinking about that concept even more.

If I could envision my mold I would say it was pink, had sparkles on it,fairy dust, pink bubbles and was filled with love, compassion, understanding, and empathy for others so I would be able to be there for what others have gone through in life. my mold would produce a child so wonderful and different and unique that as my father said, the mold broke when I was born! But did someone else break it as he said or did I break it coming out of my shell?

He said, "Most people can't even fit into their old mold." They see success and strength in me. I can't allow them to bring me down.

I am not going to be who others want me to be. They need to accept me. I am not maid to order! (My friend said that too) I am made the way I am.

I am not going to beat myself up.

I am one in a million.I am special. I am beautiful. I deserve happiness. I am worth it. I am unique. I have amazing talents.

I am a Beautiful Soul!

I am who I am.

It is odd that he called me when he did because he is an old dear friend of our family. He went to school with my sisters. We talk on FB and have tried to call from time to time but never connected. Tonight I was very upset about something that happened in my life. I was going through the pain and enduring it.

My other friend called me earlier and told me told that Pain is a way of showing us when we are unhappy and that unhappiness is the catalyst for change. I thought about that tonight when I was dealing with pain and crying my tears tonight through my pain.

D called me right in the midst of tears. It was ironic and that song "Isn't it ironic" comes to mind. I think God yelled at D and said CALL TRISHA NOW SHE NEEDS A FRIEND AT 3 AM in the MORNING TO TALK TO! and just my luck D listened to the still small voice and called me.

It was good to be reminded of those things. I know them. My Truth Teller keeps reminding me too. I need to listen. I am working on that. (btw this year i do not desire to say Try anymore but "working on" since it has more action to it than try which often leads to failure and allows for success) I am working on listening to my TT. I am working on Believing the Truths. The lies are much easier to beleive.

I need to stay strong and stay focused and remember I am a Beautiful Soul. Getting me right is the most important. Road to Recovery from church talks about not filling up my life with men but that being Co Dependent and that I need to turn my life to God. During this time I am reminded of that. If I can't have you, I don't want nobody baby.But even more so, I don't NEED anyone else right now. I need me.

I need me. I need me to be ok. I need me to be right. I need to let go and move on. I refused to settle. I asked for what I wanted. I stood up for me. He didn't follow. He didn't choose me. The healthy thing was for me to move on. The Healthy thing was for me to let go. As much as it pains me. As much as it hurts. As much as I did fall into my weakness and crawl under the covers for many hours, eventually I got back up because remember those pictures from before???

Well, My Strong Self sat on the edge of my bed, moved my hair away from my face, gave me a tissue, wiped my tears from eyes, got my breathing together, got a drink of water, did some yoga to relax and some breathing exercises, then turned to my Weak Self and said

"Weak Self... I know you are hurting. I know you are sad. I know this hurt you very much. I know this was hard and I know you don't WANT to get out of the covers, but it's ok I will be there with you. Remember we will do this together. Together forever from now on. I will love you weak self the best I can. Your Best is Perfect to me. You Matter to me. It will all be ok in time.We will heal together."

"Will you take my hand tonight Weak Self and get out of bed?"

and my Weak Self said "Ok, I will surrender to you... and Together Strong Self we will be ok" :)

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