Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Back to Boundaries-Lines in the Sand (Reclaiming WW#2)

I was listening to my morning mediation by Goddess Leonie (crying btw way while she is sharing words of the You Have Permission list) and she mentioned Boundaries.

 You have permission to get angry and self-righteous, and to also glean the wisdom from those emotions. They are leading you to where your boundaries are, and where they have been crossed, and what you need to do from now on.

Whiles she is talking I am envisioning a line in the sand

When looking up the images I noticed something about these...though the line in the sand is drawn, there is muck on the outside of the line. So to me this says "Even when drawing a line in the sand, there are still pieces left out.

Drawing boundaries is the same to me. I can draw a boundary but the pieces that are leftover are the hardest for me. If I go back and try to brush them away them am I not keeping to my boundary? Am I jsut to leave those remnants? The answer I think would be..

YES

Once the line is drawn, it is drawn. The only thing that can wash that line away is if a tide comes up over it and washes it away. That to me would mean a new beginning. That takes time. Sometimes the tide never washes it and the line in the sand stays there forever. Now the opposing person on teh other side may try to step over that line, but you need to but up and invisible barrier that smacks them if need be that say "No, no, you cannot step over this line."

The past year I think my lines in the sand have been more like the Yosemite Sam cartoon, "I dare you to go over this line, this line, this one..."

The part I am talking about is in the beginning up to part :48. You don have to watch further than that (unless you really want to but the rest of it has nothing to do with my point)




I remember before when KSM told me I needed to be Boundary Thick. Yeah, well, that isn't always as easy as it seems. But I am working on it.

I think I finally got to that PISSED off, ANGER part of Loss and healing after a breakup a day or so ago. I made the mistake of NOT being boundary thick myself and doing something stupid. It smacked me square between the eyes. Hurt like hell, pissed me off, and I drank a bottle of wine and a bottle of Tequila all by myself last night and cried to my hearts content. (I finally had the place to myself so I think I finally felt like I could let go of the pain) 

I was working on my SOAR journal when this came to be and I jotted the thoughts down:

  • He will survive without me
  • He doesn't need me as his muse
  • He will be just fine if he doesn't talk to me
  • He doesn't need me to text him
  • He doesn't need me in general
  • He can live without me
  • He doesn't need to know how I feel
  • He doesn't want to know how I feel
  • He doesn want to know how I am doing at all
  • If he is meant to be successful, he will be
  • If he is meant to have a table at a show, he can handle getting it
  • If he is meant to have books published, he can contact publishers
  • If he is meant to get to his goals and dreams he can get there without me
  • If he is meant to do more, he can do it on his own
  • He doesn't want me in his life
  • He wants to move on
  • He wants me to move on
  • He said he wanted me to let go, that if I really loved him let him go...so this is me...letting go
How I am doing this:
  • I put away all pictures he drew me
  • I put away all pictures of us
  • I put away every note he wrote me
  • I put away anything and everything that reminded me of him
  • To be able to no long see him in my life, I have to no longer see him in my life
Affirmations I tell myself
  • Chant this mantra above every day
  • Tell myself to resist the urge to share, talk, converse, text, email, FB, G+ or anything else that can, may or will involve him
  • I was the rebound girl and I overstayed my welcome
  • I have always heard the story of "if you love something set it free, if it was meant to be it will come back to you." Well, that may be, but if that ever is to be true...he will have to ask me.
  • I am through begging for forgiveness
  • I am through running back to him asking him to take me back
  • I am done being a needy, hopeless, insecure, co dependant woman
  • I am strong, beautiful, confident, intelligent, powerful, amazing, authentic, unique and different 
  • Any man would be lucky to have me
  • Any person would be happy to know me
  • Time to get back to Reclaiming...ME!