Friday, January 06, 2012

So Here We Are: Thoughts from 500 Days of Summer

I have been reading and watching various things lately, but there is one show I tend to watch when relationally in turmoil, needing a pick me up or just feeling life....500 Days of Summer

You see this this movie has all the moving parts and it runs fairly quickly. IT has it's ups and it's downs, there are some hilariously funny moments I love to laugh at and then there are some sad moments I tend to cry at. MY ex used to say "Oh, no you're watching 500 days of summer, great." But what he didn't realize is how this movie always helps me heal. It is my new "Pretty in Pink." (I used to watch that all the time instead.

If you're not careful the whole show is over while you are creating something or working and you look up to see the credits. That thought alone made me think about life and relationships especially. Often we are so busy leading our lives that we think we are a part of what is going on around us and yet we are not. Then blammo the relationship is over and we are standing there looking dumbfounded or standing in the street saying, "What Happened?"

 Yes, I am currently stuck in Looking Back land of wanting. Wanting so much for it to have worked. Wanting so much for him to choose me. Wanting so much for him to understand me. When I look back I remember the times we had. They were good. They were powerful. I remember moments. I remember happiness.

My counselor said something quite profound to me the other day while I was heaving in sobs and chuck of misery into her lunch time. Yep, you guessed it...

"You're just remembering the good times. Remember ALL of it so you can heal"

I know.

Rachel from 500 Days of Summer tells her brother that so he can move on...

"I know you think she was the one, but I don't. You are just remembering the good stuff. Next time you look back I think you should look again."  For me, "I" am the one thinking he was THE ONE, not the other way around. I don't think he ever felt that way about me. Not sure, that would require talking and he was not fond of sharing.

But why do we as society need to "remember the bad times"? Why can't we just let that person live on in our memory with good thoughts? Why can't I just allow myself to think all the wonderful things about us that happened? Why can't I see those pictures of me with him and I have THAT smile. THAT smile that others see, the smile of CONTENT. If you were to look at many of our pictures that contented smile is there. And it's good. And it's REAL. Why, why can't I just remember that?

I know what you all are gonna say. So I can heal. But I don't agree. I think that this one sided view is just that-one sided. Why do we have to taint the visions of happiness? Can't we just end amiably? Is this a pipe dream in my mind? I don't think so. He wants to be friends. I want to be friends. I do really.

The problem with my feelings is that whenever I keep talking to him I want to be with him so bad. I want to keep trying. I want to wait for him...forever. So for now I keep thinking that. I keep thinking it COULD happen. Maybe we could TRY...

But he said he is done trying.
He said there is no more tries.
He said the trying is over.
For me, the crying has just begun.
The days we had are past
There's no more US there's ONE.
I tried so hard
I  tried so Hard

I tried SO hard with us...


I am trying to Let Go..I just CAN"T yet...I can't let go...

So Here We Are...Silent Alarm by Block Party for Video CLICK HERE
(the site would not allow me to embed so click link to see final video)


  1. If you tell yourself you can't let go, you won't.
    I agree with your counselor. Remember all of it.
    If it was truly meant to be, it would still be. If it was truly meant to be, you wouldn't have had to try so hard.
    It's your choice. You can live in the past or decide to open yourself up to something even better. You might just be wanting to hang on to the familiar.
    But, you're can totally do what you want. ;)
    I wish you the very, very best.

  2. Truer words have never been spoken :)