Tuesday, January 03, 2012

Chicken Strips

I lost it over Chicken Strips.

I buy the Target kind of Chicken Strips, the same kind he buys. I eat them with honey. The same way he does.
I just bought the bag not that long ago a week or two tops maybe. So I hadn't had enough to get to the bottom of the bag yet. Until today...

There I was staring at the bag and there were only two left and some pieces. The pieces are huge right now and I was thinking how he said he doesn't like the NEW way they are so large cause they are gone so fast. It started then, but it got worse.

I placed the strips on the pan and turned on the oven to preheat them. Then I went to throw the remaining part of the bag away and I broke down in tears. Dumb, foolish, silly girl tears. Why do I say that?  Well, ya wanna know what I cried over???? ( I feel so dumb)

I cried because "Who is going to eat the little crumb pieces now???" I used to heat them up  and give him a  spoon and give them to him because he liked it. It was a thing. You know one of those things, those little things that one never thinks about until you think about it.

OF course then this spawns me into a tirade of  I have stuff to make tacos and he LOVES my tacos and now I have no one to make tacos for anymore. Just me. Tacos for one please. How sad and pathetic. :(

Then I do throw the trash away and stop crying long enough to do so and when I walk to the trash my dumbass roommate has the trash so high I can barely take it out and it smells and then I start crying again..."He hates the way trash smells" Ok I know you are thinking, um doesn't everybody, but he is very sensitive to smells. Just as I am. A small scent in the trash can can make him clean the wholehouse. Now I am the same way.

In an effort to NOT be sad lately I have tried do what my Life Coach says and NOT listen to sappy music and NOT watch sad shows. So I have been listening to my Soul Strength Playlist  as well as going through and watching old FRIENDS videos. I was WAtching How I Met Your Mother, but everyone keeps breaking up with each other so I can only watch so much of that before I burst into tears.

Friends today was no better and sent me back to TrishaCryingLand... I was watching the second Season Ep 1 and Ross is telling Rachel how awesome she is and how she deserves someone who gets her and thinks how lucky he is to wake up to her...GO TO 4:21 on the YT to find it. (Sorry I tried to tape it and this has Hebrew lettingering but it is the best I could do to share with you)

and in looking for that clip I found the clip below which sent me into more tears...
The Ross and Rachel Story...They got a point where they were done being stupid...will it EVER happen for me?

So, I guess this is all bittersweet right now. Trying to laugh to keep from crying but occasionally I guess I am just going cry and you know...to go along with my Theme of BE OK...I guess it is just going to have to BE OK for me to be a basket case laughing and crying right now.

Love and Light Always,


  1. I think you should bawl your guts out till you have no tears left if it takes you a week and then it might be easier to get on with your life. If you are always struggling against crying...well, just embrace it. Be sad as sad can be for a while and get it out of your system. Sounds weird, but that helped me. :)

  2. I did cry and cry. I cried for the first few weeks. I drew and cried and cried and felt like I couldn't breathe without him or without talking to him. At some point though a person has to TRY to live life and move on and function.

    It is just like my migraines. Just because I am functioning with it, doesn't mean I am healed.

  3. Were you married? Did he die? Did you guys split up? Whose Idea was it to split up? When did this happen? Recently?

    Sorry I just met you in November and am just curious. Sounds pretty recent.

  4. No he didn't die.

    No we were not married

    We have gotten back together and broke up three times.

    The most recent one was recent. December.

    I left the first time because after 3 years of life with him he was no closer to marriage, put his family first and I felt like he had me on a string. I left him for someone else like an idiot who even told me he was trying to "steal me away" I had the "grass was greener syndrome" but it wasn't.

    The second time I left I left to date other people and see if it was me him or the other guy or what?

    In between all this we have talked, shared, sent pictures, held onto each other by a string. A string with the belief and hope that we would come back to each other.

    Last July I had a job in Omaha where he was and we ended up back together. But the issues and things did not change. I still want to be with him, but I can't live in his house becuase his dad and father live there.

    He told me right before the end of the year there would NEVER be a chance for us again since I left again. I left this time however not to be away from him per say but to come back to DSM where there are jobs, life, friends and my own set of people to support me.

    It's my fault.
    I left.
    I am the idiot.
    But I am drawn to this man like no other.
    When I divorced my exs I did not love them.
    Mr wonderful in the BB story was not. You didn't get to read the rest of that but after 10 years we split and I met J. I have been drawn to him since the first day I met.
    Too him I have always been "too much"
    Sigh. Sometimes we make decisions ourselves we later look on and think we were dumb for. This is one of them.

    I live in Disneyland he always would say and I believe it is true. I don't care about the white knight anymore.

    All I wanted was marriage from him.
    Now I want nothing from no man.
    I just want to breathe.