Monday, January 16, 2012


I but lived on a moment...

Isn't there a poem like that? Perhaps. I am so worn, I don't even feel like leaving this page to Google it long enough to find out.

Not so long ago I was in church in Omaha and the pastor show up this long rope and at the end was a small taped up piece. He said "See this part right here" and he pointed to a spot on the red tape area "This is right now. the red tape is your life, and the rest is eternity with God."

I try so hard in life to remember that lesson. I have hear it many times before, but that one sunk in.

We talked today. Verbally. Really talked and I felt, "Finally"a chance at healing. To some extenet yes, but his words that he doesn't love me anymore I can't bear to hear and that little part inside in me does not want to beleive it is true.

I think he won't see me because he fears what his emotions will do when he does. I fear he did not tell me he was dating, because he knew I might talk him out of it. I fear this is why he was not talking to me.

I honeslt don't know what to believe.

Outta site outta mind I guess.  He says he still wants to be friends and he doesn't want to se me hurting.

Well, my sister says "That is not his choice. He is going to have to deal with it. All of it. If I am hurting or if I am not. If I have a rockin body now or not. If I am ok or not ok."

It is but a moment

I will not just survive

I will conquer

1 comment:

  1. Sweetie! You are like a person already burned who keeps sticking their hand in the fire again...and again.

    You've left him before, right? Are you sure this isn't just wanting what you can't have? Another grass is always greener thing? A you just can't believe he doesn't want you back this time thing?

    I'm just trying to figure out where you're coming from. You say you wanted to talk to him for healing--but then you don't really want to hear what he has to say and don't believe him anyways. It sounds like you are trying to convince yourself that he really does want you back. I'm confused.

    And if you got back together and he was just the same as before and things were just the same as before...wouldn't you just want to leave again later on? Are you thinking he will become a different person or feel a different way? Or that you will become a different person or feel a different way?

    I am honestly in your corner, but I don't understand where you are coming from. I'm beginning to see why you are in this constant state of mourning, though. It sounds like you just plain do not believe he doesn't want you back. (BTW--loving someone and being able to live with them are two different things.) Would you really want him to come back out of guilt because you are in such misery without him? I know you are very honest about your feelings. I'm just confused as to the source, I guess. Please fill me in, okay? *big hugs* :):)