Monday, January 23, 2012

What Was It?

People ask me all the time. What WAS it about him? Why him? Why are you SO drawn to THIS man?

He loved me for me 

He showed me what Love really means

He took me as I I am.
He saw my insecurities and accepted me anyway.
He showed me what Love really means.
He is kind.
He is gentle.
He is caring.
He has a good heart.
He loves his family.
He loved my family.
He put up with me.
He not only allowed me to not work, he encouraged my other ideas.
He made me want to be a better artist.
He made me want to be a better mother.
He made me want to be a better person.
He loved animals.
He has an amazing body.
He is so amazingly attractive, I felt honored to be with him.
He has a magnetic personality.
He draws people to him...I was drawn to him.
He loves his friends.
He would do anything for any of his friends.
He called me a friend...I felt lucky to have such a title.
He stood up for me.
He took care of me.
He made me happy.
He had the innate ability to make me laugh from the inside out.
He helped me to be a beautiful person.
He loves God.
He is fun to be around.
He is sweet.
He was just the nearest thing to perfect in a man I had ever found.

I know we are not perfect and only Christ was the only perfect human who walked the earth. But to me, he was the closest thing to  a perfect man I had ever been with. I ruined it. I let life, other views, other opions, other everything in general get in the way and taint and cloud my mind. We were happy. I never wanted anything or anyone else. But I was afraid, I felt undeserving, I felt unworthy. Whatever I see now...whatever I know..whatever I doesnt matter now. He is gone. I have lost him. Without him I feel like I have no me.

Why him? Because he loved me...he loved me for me....


  1. Ahh my dear. The pleasure in the pain. It is all part of the yin and yang. I hadn't gotten my sleeve worked on in months. now i have a bi-weekly appointment with my tattoo artist and friend. Well as well as my counselling appointments. My mondays are quite busy. I have looked forward still to your posts. I have been selfish with mine. I have been writing just not posting. I think i needed to for myself for a moment, easier to burn that way lol. Just know i have and continue to send you good energy! Thank you for you!!!!