Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Videos to get me through my breakup


I know it's not Christmas but this song keeps rolling through my head today. I know I will be "Fine and Dandy" eventually, but right now it hurts.I know slowly and surely I will be fine. It doesn't feel like it today, but I will be someday.




I am trying to smile while it's aching...




I just want to go home. He knows what I mean. He is my home. He always said "Home is wherever we are" But of course that isn't true now. I want to be at home with him in my heart. This is not his dream, but he  always believed in me.

I believe in you. I will always believe in you. I miss you, you know. I miss you.




A broken road took me to him, I guess my broken road is leading the path away from him too. God Bless the Broken Road was our song. One of our many but truly Our Song. Now it is Our Song on the way out too I guess. The broken road led me straight to you, and the broken roads winds away from your heart as well.



But it What Hurts the Most is what we will never have. I tried so hard. I tried to love you. Never knowing what could have been. Loving you, is what I was trying to do.



But because he is SO amazing. and So great. And so much of him. He is not like any other man. He is not perfect. He tells me all the time, he is not perfect. I know. But what kind of man, will help you get through it all.

The hardest part of losing love, is that the one who is making you cry, the one who is killing your heart, the one who is breaking it and shattering it, that...that is the same man you want to help you, heal you and hurt you.

He is letting go, and this last song is so true. It hurts his heart to see me cry. He is standing by me. He is helping me through. When I have done all I can do, he is drying my tears in his own way, he is helping me stand, he won't let me fall. He keeps telling me everything in this song

"You're gonna make it! I know you can make it. When you feel like you can't cope. You are not lost. You are strong, I will still be here. I will still be your friend. I can't let go of that either. But we have to let go."

I think I played this song so many times that if it was a record today it would have broke. I cried and cried and burst into tears. My chest hurt, I couldn't breathe. Some would say "Why keep playing it if it makes me feel like that. Well, because I am try to heal. I need to cry and this song was helping. Sometimes we just need to cry. And the reaffirmation lately that J DOES care about me and J DOES still love me and he IS trying to help me heal IS helping me heal.

That may not work for everyone, but that is what is working for us. The knowledge that he does not think I am pathetic or crazy or insecure, that means something to me. I don't know how to act or what to do and he is ok with that.

Also odd today was he said SHE is understanding and accepting of whatever we need to heal. GRR. PArt of me was like, "Oh how nice and that's good" But the other part was like "Damit why does she have to be so nice. Why can't she be a bitch about it so he could see how un-perfect she is. All he sees right now are her PERFECT qualities and that just makes her MORE perfect. But ya know, if she wasn't nice...he wouldn't be with her. That sucked most of all.But in the end, they both are helping me heal.

And as I said this song, really speaks volumes to me.

It hurts my heart
To see you cry
I know it’s dark
This part of life

I know J feels that way now. Knowing that...can help heal a heart faster than anything in the world




It’s like a storm
That cuts a path
It’s breaks your will
It feels like that

You think your lost
But your not lost on your own
Your not alone
I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
If you can’t cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I wont let go


It hurts my heart
To see you cry
I know it’s dark
This part of life
Oh it finds us all
And we’re too small
To stop the rain
Oh but when it rains

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight

And I wont let you fall
Don’t be afraid to fall
I’m right here to catch you
I wont let you down
It wont get you down
Your gonna make it
Yea I know you can make it

Cause I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope
And I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I wont let go
Oh I’m gonna hold you
And I wont let go
Wont let you go
No I wont